Ariana

by Emma Nichols

‘Do you need to go and work now?’ Soph asked, her eyes lowered, hoping the answer would be no.

  Gianna’s eyes lowered to the dirt track, and she kicked aimlessly at the loose stones.

  ‘G!’ Soph nudged her in the arm.

  ‘He knows I like you,’ Gianna mumbled, her eyes never leaving her feet.

  Soph looked up at Gianna, clocking her unease, and then a smile started to form and grow, building into a sneaky grin. ‘Good!’ she replied.

  Gianna raised her head slowly revealing her sparkling eyes and a coy smile. ‘You’re cool,’ she said.

  Soph laughed. She’d never thought of herself as cool before. ‘I like you too,’ she said, trying to hold back a blush, and failing.

  Gianna’s grin continued to widen. She grabbed Soph’s hand and led her down the track.

  ‘Remind me, how does snorkelling work?’ Soph asked, nudging her shoulder into Gianna, playfully.

  9.

  Ariana collected up the urn from the table and carried it to the side garden. Nikki followed her. The rose garden stopped just short of the cliff edge and sat directly below the master bedroom; Sophia’s room. She stood on the large lawn, assessed the rose beds that surrounded it on three sides of the square, and sighed. Sophia had insisted that her ashes be scattered around each rose.

  ‘They are beautiful,’ Nikki remarked, her eyes feasting on the display of colour, her nose inhaling the heady sweet scent that hung in the air. If the rose were a drug, they would both be high by the time they finished!

  Ariana placed the urn on the ground, next to the first rose bush on the left-hand side of the square. She gazed at the yellow petals, perfectly formed, leaned in and pressed her nose to the flower. From Nikki’s angle, it looked as if Ariana was kissing the rose. Ariana pulled back and caressed the petals. ‘We need a trowel or something to dig with,’ she said.

  ‘There’s a shed,’ Nikki said. ‘I’ll go,’ she offered.

  Ariana rested on her knees, gazing at the beautiful flower, entranced by the strong scent, her emotions wavering until Nikki returned.

  ‘You okay?’ Nikki asked, holding out a hand fork and trowel.

  ‘Not really, but I have to do this,’ Ariana said.

  Nikki dropped to her knees and started gently turning the fine soil at the base of the rose bush.

  Ariana opened the lid on the box and gasped. Nikki’s concerned gaze was on her. ‘I’ve never seen…’

  ‘It’s okay,’ Nikki said, softly. She reached out and placed a hand on Ariana’s arm and squeezed.

  Ariana’s heart slowed as she studied the silver-white dust in the box. She had expected something akin to the colour of dirt, but this was nothing like that. And there was a lot of it, too! She reached into the box, allowing the coarse granular substance to filter through her fingers, entranced by the silver sheen that glistened in the sunlight.

  Nikki watched.

  Ariana frowned. ‘Seems strange to think this is her.’

  ‘It is surreal.’

  Ariana nodded. Taking a deep breath and blowing out hard, she turned her attention to the prepared rose bush. She took a small handful of the dust and scattered it around the base, sat back and stared at the silver-white particles.

  Nikki was already preparing the next bush in the row. Ariana sighed, grabbed another fistful of ashes and scattered them, more liberally this time. Noting the difference between the first and the second, she added another small smattering of ashes to the base of the first bush. Satisfied that they looked similar, she moved on, following Nikki’s lead, until they reached the end of the row.

  ‘Drink?’ Nikki asked, standing and stretching out her back. Her forehead glistened with the beads of sweat that had formed, a slow trickle making its way down the side of her temples. Her cheeks had taken on a healthy glow too. ‘Looking good,’ she said, assessing their work. Silver circles bounded each stem along the row, giving the appearance of a constellation of stars. She set off for the kitchen, observed by Ariana, and wandered back again with two glasses of water.

  ‘Did you know her well?’ Ariana asked as Nikki approached.

  Nikki stalled, images sprung to mind of the evenings Sophia had spent at the taverna laughing and chatting with her and Manos until the early hours, and the years they had helped with harvesting the olives. She smiled through a wave of sadness. ‘Yes,’ she responded, softly. ‘She was like family to me,’ she added, handing over the water. She sipped at her glass, thankful for the cold drink to ease the pressure at the back of her throat.

  Ariana stared at her as if she had a thousand questions to ask and didn’t know where to start. ‘Do you miss your parents?’ she asked, curiosity getting the better of her. Ariana had asked the question about Nikki’s parents one time when they were younger, when she had escaped to meet Nikki on the rocks below the house and they had talked and made plans together. Nikki had simply shrugged saying, ‘They died when I was four.’ Other than knowing they were both killed in a boating accident, the conversation had stopped there and had never come up again.

  Nikki picked up the hand-fork and continued to turn over the soil. ‘I don’t remember them,’ she said, matter-of-factly. Pops has been kind of like a father to me, so I don’t feel I’ve missed out on anything. I guess you can’t miss what you’ve never had,’ she said, stopping and looking up at Ariana.

  Ariana nodded. She didn’t know why she missed her mother, it didn’t make sense, but she did miss her. Or maybe she just felt so alone, and even the thought of her mother provided some bizarre sense of comfort. She flinched.

  ‘You okay?’ Nikki asked with concern.

  ‘I’m glad Sophia had you,’ Ariana said, her tone carrying the solemnness she felt in her heart, her eyes holding Nikki’s gaze with tenderness.

  ‘I’m glad I had her too,’ Nikki replied with a genuinely appreciative smile.

  They continued to work in silence, rhythmically digging and spreading the ashes, the last red-rose bush getting a little more dust than the rest and the empty box sitting on the grass.

  ‘Thank you.’ Ariana said. She stood, leaned against Nikki’s shoulder, gazed around the three sides of the square, and sighed. From the sky above it would look a lot like a silver-white arch. A door to the other side, she mused silently.

  Nikki wrapped her arm around Ariana’s shoulders and pulled her close. ‘She’d love it,’ she said, smiling and nodding her approval.

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘Deserving of a glass of wine,’ Nikki added, squeezing Ariana tightly.

  Ariana let herself be squeezed. She was enjoying the genuinely affectionate contact. Being with Nikki now, like this, it was as though they had never parted. ‘Good idea,’ she said, with enthusiasm.

  Nikki laughed. She pressed a tender kiss to Ariana’s temple before the thought even registered, and then forgot to baulk at her spontaneous, intimate reaction, though she probably should have.

  Ariana snuggled closer.

  *

  Nikki sipped at the chilled wine, savoured its zesty aroma on the back of her tongue then swallowed, the cool liquid going some way to quench her thirst. She leaned against the kitchen-balcony wall, under strict instruction to be waited upon, and gazed out around the west-cove and across to Kefalas. Laughter and music echoed around the rocks, interspersed with the low hush of the gentle waves and the chirping of the crickets. Lunch was always a casual affair on Sakros; life was a casual affair on Sakros.

  Watching Pops and Chrissy busying away, serving, she smiled contentedly. Her eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the sun on her face, and memories drifted into her mind’s eye.

  ‘Do you think you’ll ever leave,’ Ariana asked, lazing back on the warm sand, staring into the deepest-blue sky she had ever seen.

  ‘Why would I want to leave?’ she asked, staring into the same blue sky, her hands resting behind her head, the sun hot on her skin. She closed her eyes. ‘It’s the most beautiful place in the world.’

  ‘What if you fall in
love?’ Ariana asked, her tone quiet, serious even.

  Nikki turned onto her side, rested on her elbow and scanned Ariana; her long blonde hair, slightly fairer skin than her own, and the dimples that made her look like she was smiling. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the red-painted lips. ‘I already did,’ she said.

  Nikki blinked her eyes open, released the air from her lungs, and turned her attention to the cluttering sounds in the kitchen behind her. Ariana was still preparing food for them, in Sophia’s kitchen. She observed, Ariana, navigating a room she didn’t know and a skill she hadn’t quite mastered. She couldn’t conceive the life she had led, sheltered to the point of virtual imprisonment. But, at least Ariana had Soph, and that wasn’t such a bad thing. Soph was an interesting kid; smart, easy-going, a little squeamish, she smiled, and definitely into Gianna. The smile shifted. When the Carter-Cruz’ left the island this time, it would be for good. Gianna would be devastated. She swallowed down the thought, but the discomfort in her chest remained.

  ‘Hey.’ Ariana said softly, holding out a bowl of large, green olives, a tender smile lighting up her eyes.

  ‘Hey,’ Nikki responded, her gaze landing softly on Ariana’s smile, admiring the red lips she still longed to kiss. The discomfort in her chest transformed and the light fluttering sensation that replaced it caused Nikki’s breath to pause.

  Ariana gasped, she couldn’t stop the quiver in her lip or the bowl in her hand from trembling. It was an unconscious response to something intangible in Nikki’s gaze; a significant force drawing them together, connecting them.

  Nikki didn’t waver from Ariana’s lips, her gaze deepening as Ariana wetted them, bit down on the top lip and then the bottom. Time had slowed, and the movement held fascination. Her head tilted a fraction, and her eyes squinted as she continued to assess the impact of the last twenty years. Yes, Ariana looked older, of course. But there was something even more alluring about the mature woman she had become. Nikki bit down on her lip, unconsciously mirroring Ariana’s movements.

  Ariana cleared her throat, breaking the spell, and placed the bowl on the table. Swiftly, she returned to the kitchen, aware that Nikki’s eyes were still on her. ‘More wine?’ she shouted, picking up the cheese board and her empty glass and returning to the table on the balcony.

  Nikki grinned. She’d barely touched her glass, but the idea of dumbing down her feelings in a boozy lunch held some appeal. ‘Sure.’

  Ariana shot back into the kitchen and returned with the wine and a basket of bread.

  Nikki’s grin widened. Ariana looked flustered, but not in the same way she had when she first arrived, not a stressed kind of fluster, more like a nervous, excited response. Nikki could feel the difference. She sat on the wicker chair and plucked a delicious olive from the bowl. ‘Are these from the estate?’ she asked, knowing the answer.

  Ariana nodded as she sat, words escaping her.

  ‘You selling the land as well, I assume?’ Nikki asked. There was no anger in her tone.

  Ariana nodded and took a long sip of her wine.

  ‘How much do you think you’ll get for it?’

  Ariana shrugged. ‘I don’t know,’ she said evasively, the conversation diverting her thoughts and shifting the energy between them. ‘I need to arrange for the agent to visit.’ She didn’t want to have this conversation, not now, not at any time. The sale’s contract was agreed before she arrived at the white house. The agent’s visit was a mere formality. The deal had already happened, and nothing could change that fact. Her hand rose to her face, her fingers kneading at the pressure in her forehead and temples as if to force reality to the back of her mind. She couldn’t tell Nikki; she didn’t know how to, without causing even more distress and discomfort.

  Nikki nodded, unaware of the source of Ariana’s anxiety, and sipped at her wine, churning over the possibilities in her mind. She didn’t know if she would be able to raise the money needed to buy the place, but she couldn’t see it sold to a complete stranger without giving the idea considered thought. ‘Here, taste this,’ Nikki said, holding out an olive.

  Ariana took the fruit into her mouth, the subtle touch of Nikki’s fingers against her lips, sending a shock wave down the back of her neck and spine. She could barely breathe, let alone swallow. She bit down gently, her mouth watering at the distinctive, salty taste, and Nikki’s touch. ‘They are good,’ she said in a broken voice.

  Nikki popped another one into Ariana’s mouth. It didn’t help.

  Nikki watched with pleasure, the pimples rising on Ariana’s neck, her touch, unnerving Ariana in the most exquisite way, tenderly, adoringly. She hadn’t realised how much she had missed the intensity of this feeling, until now. The sense of Ariana’s soft lips on the tips of her fingers igniting and pulsing through her, Ariana’s entranced gaze, frozen in a time they had shared together; an unfulfilled past, and an opportunity to reconnect. There seemed to be a slither of light appearing, the possibility of a future together. There was a mutual desire that had never waned. She would get the funding to buy the house, no matter what.

  ‘Mmm,’ Ariana mumbled, her eyelids flickering as she ate.

  ‘They’re the best,’ Nikki said with a warm smile. ‘We’ve only ever stocked Sophia’s olives, and our lemons and limes, and our eggs and vegetables come from here too,’ she added with a frown. Almost all of their fresh ingredients came from the estate.

  Ariana held Nikki’s gaze, resolved not to be dragged deeper into a conversation for which she had no answers. ‘Do you have a girlfriend, partner?’ she asked suddenly, flinching as her mind challenged her emotions on the inappropriateness of the question, a brief vision of Chrissy appearing. She flushed, thought about apologising, but Nikki’s response stalled her.

  Nikki’s skin darkened and she cleared her throat. She hadn’t seen that question coming. ‘No,’ she responded, avoiding eye contact, cutting a small piece of feta cheese and popping it into her mouth. She swallowed it down with a sip of wine. ‘No, there isn’t anyone,’ Nikki said, her tone sober, reflective.

  Ariana’s heart raced. She had assumed there would be someone after all these years. ‘I’m surprised,’ she said, watching Nikki’s reaction.

  Nikki looked up, held Ariana’s gaze firmly. ‘There was someone special,’ she said, staring at the only woman she had ever loved, hoping that Ariana would sense the truth. ‘It was a long time ago,’ she added.

  ‘Oh!’ Ariana’s heart landed with a thud in her gut, leaving a painful burning sensation where her heart should have been. She hadn’t expected to react to the idea of Nikki having been with someone else, but there it was, plain and clear, for everyone to see. She pressed her hand to her chest, hoping to hide the gaping wound from Nikki’s probing eyes.

  ‘You okay?’ Nikki asked, regaining her composure.

  Ariana stopped rubbing her chest. She reached for the cheese on her plate, but her fingers just stayed there and fiddled with the food. ‘I’m sorry, I have no right to pry,’ she said.

  Nikki shrugged. ‘Hey!’

  Ariana looked up.

  Nikki was smiling kindly. ‘Fancy a walk around the grove?’ she asked. ‘We can find the tree that these came from,’ she added, light-heartedly, pointing at the olives in the bowl, her grin strengthening.

  ‘I’d like that,’ Ariana said, still pondering the significant person that had once been in Nikki’s life.

  *

  Nikki stopped at the ledge on the side of the rock, facing out over the east-cove and sat. She hadn’t walked around the grove in a long time. It seemed more expansive than she remembered, and even more dusty. She sneezed. ‘They’re having fun,’ she remarked, pointing down to the beach and the two girls snorkelling in the water.

  Ariana eased herself to the ground next to Nikki. Nikki’s scent struck her. ‘Mmm,’ she moaned, challenged by her body’s response to the sweet, spicy aroma.

  ‘Soph’s gay, right?’ Nikki asked, observing the two young women in the water.

/>   ‘Yes,’ Ariana replied on a sigh, her tone tinged with remorse.

  Nikki blew out a deep breath. ‘I bet that went down well,’ she said, with no intention of hiding her sarcasm.

  ‘Like a lead balloon,’ Ariana replied, knowing that Nikki was referring to Teresa’s response to Soph’s sexuality.

  ‘She’s very talented. Did she study music?’

  ‘No. My husband and my mother decided she should have academic schooling, to set her up for a proper job. I fought against them, and lost.’

  ‘She’s bright too,’ Nikki said.

  ‘She is. But, her passion is music and I’ve failed her.’

  Nikki turned sharply, cupped Ariana’s cheeks firmly, and held her gaze. ‘You have not failed her,’ she said, with a blend of determination and frustration. ‘Don’t say that Ariana, please,’ she added.

  Ariana’s dark-eyes darkened and lowered, her cheeks still lodged in Nikki’s firm grip. She couldn’t watch the pain in those hazel irises. ‘Soph wanted to go to music school,’ she whispered.

  Nikki released Ariana, rubbed her thumb across Ariana’s cheek tenderly, sweeping away an errant tear. ‘She still can, if that’s what she wants,’ she said, softly

  ‘That’s why I need to sell,’ Ariana responded.

  Nikki nodded, but her jaw had tensed.

  ‘We have no money, Nikki. Everything is tied up in the estate. I don’t even have any money for Soph’s 18th birthday,’ she said.

  ‘When is it?’ Nikki asked.

  ‘Just over three weeks, 28th July.’

  Nikki reached out and clasped Ariana’s hand. ‘We’ll think of something,’ she said, softly. ‘I can help, Ariana, if you’ll let me,’ she offered.

  Ariana sniffled, wiped at her face, her head shaking back and forth. ‘No, I need to stand on my own two feet,’ she replied.

  Nikki released the shaking hand. Now wasn’t the time to argue the point. She leaned back against the grassy bank and pulled Ariana into the crook of her arm. ‘Let’s enjoy the sun,’ she said, closing her eyes. She needed time to think.

  Ariana breathed in the sweet, spicy scent and relaxed into the warmth of Nikki’s semi-exposed skin. She felt safe. It didn’t take the problems away, but it was enough for her mind to calm.