Because of Ellison

by M. S. Willis

  I knew I had important things waiting for me back home. I knew that college was something I needed to take seriously. But even knowing that, I wasn’t able to shake the feeling that I was making the biggest mistake of my life by climbing on that plane. I’d never felt for anything in my life that way I did for Ellison and regardless of how much waited for me at home, none of it compared to her.

  The silence between us was too much, but it gave me time to think of some way not to have to leave. And then it hit me …

  “Do you remember when you told me that I need to be a pirate?”

  Ellison pulled away to look up at me. Her lips twisted up in confusion. “Yeah. Why?”

  “I don’t know. I was just thinking that you were right. I should live life like that — well not exactly like that, but at least how I want. I don’t want to go home, El. I don’t want to leave you, I don’t want to leave Lily and Bill. I feel like I’m leaving my family — my actual family. I’m going to back to live an apartment off campus, by myself, and I have no desire to be there.”

  “You have to go to college, Hunter … ”

  I put a finger over her mouth to silence her. “I know I have to go to college. But I don’t have to go to Harvard. I don’t have to follow in my father’s footsteps and become everything they want.. I can go anywhere in this world and become what I want. I can go to school here just as easily as I can go to school there. You’re the one who told me that. I don’t see any difference about where I choose to go to school.”

  It was slight, but I could see her head shake in disagreement with what I was saying. So I pushed harder. “El, you need people by your side right now. With everything that’s going on with your dad … ”

  “Exactly, Hunter! With everything that’s going on with my dad. It’s going to get ugly. I don’t know if you realize how bad it’s going to get, but you don’t need to be worrying yourself with my situation or Lily’s or Bill’s while you’re in school. That’s why I’m not starting right away. I know better than to attempt it.”

  “I know, El and that’s why I should be around. Not only will you need help, but so will Lily and Bill when they find out. Henry is family to them as well.”

  “So you’d be dropping class and homework and everything else every time you thought I needed something. No, Hunter. I can’t do that to you. Your focus needs to be on school; not on what’s going on here.” Tears welled in her eyes and she pulled apart from me entirely. Her arms immediately wrapped around her mid-section. When she’d stepped farther away, she continued. “You have a full scholarship to a top university. You have a brain that can do amazing things with the information you’ll learn there. You need to be there. You need to become something incredible, in whatever the hell field you choose, and you need to make a difference because you’re the type of person who can.”

  “I’ll start late … ”

  “Hunter, please. Please don’t make me feel any worse about this than I already do.” She looked down at her feet and spoke quietly when she admitted, “I’m mad at everything right now. I’m mad at cancer itself, if that makes any sense. I’m mad that it’s taking my dad’s life, I’m mad that it’s taking my dad from me and that it’s affecting my brother and everyone else. I’m mad because I feel helpless to do anything but prepare as best I can for it. It’s like a damn tornado and the minute you hear sirens, the only thing you can do his hide and wait as it mows you down. So, I can’t stop that shit. But I can stop this. I can keep it from altering your life in any way. You need to go. Don’t worry about me. We’ll talk over whatever social site you want, but we’ll do it while you’re in Massachusetts being brilliant like you are supposed to be.”

  I slowly walked up to her. Arguments to what she said slammed against my thoughts, but I knew better than to voice them. Ellison had made up her mind and it was like punching your way through a brick wall to try and get her to change it. We would end up fighting, and that was the last thing I wanted to happen between us before I left.

  Reaching her, I noticed the tears that streamed lightly down her cheeks. My hand moved to brush them away and my thumb ran over her lips. Her sad blue eyes locked with mine almost instantly after I’d touched her.

  “Why can’t I just stay here and love you?” A single tear broke free of my eye. I felt it make its path down my cheek. It grew cold against the heat of my skin and my body trembled from the strength it took for me to keep the rest of the tears to follow in its path. I was pleading with her with that one sentence. I knew something was wrong with what I was doing. My heart felt like it had been placed in a vice and I struggled to breath around the pain that was constricting my chest.

  When she saw me cry, her tears fell harder and her face contorted from the sobs she was attempting to choke back. She tried to look away, but I grabbed her chin and pulled her face back to me. Leaning down slowly, I placed a kiss on the tears staining her cheeks. She continued staring up at me. Her body was completely still. When my mouth fell on hers she didn’t step away like I swore she would. She stepped forward, hesitantly wrapping her hands around my neck while I took her into my arms. My tongue brushed across her mouth and when she deepened the kiss, my heart fell into my feet. This was her way of saying goodbye. It was her way of taking the last chance she had to love me and actually doing something with it. I couldn’t hold it back any longer and we both cried during that kiss, our combined tears sliding along our mouths, adding salt to the taste of our lips.

  The engine for the plane started behind us and I forced myself to break away from the kiss knowing that Lily would come bouncing back at any second. My entire body tensed to look down at Ellison knowing it would be the last time I’d see her in person for a long time.

  “I’ll be in touch with you as soon as I get home. Keep your phone on and try and check the computer every once in a while, okay.”

  She smiled. “Sure thing.”

  My eyebrow arched in disbelief that she would actually do as I’d asked. When Lily finally returned, I turned to her and said, “Hey, Lil, make sure Ellison checks her computer and phone every day. She says she will but I’m not sure I trust her.”

  Lily smiled brightly and put her arm around Ellison who then rolled her eyes. “Are you serious? You’re siking Lily on me? That’s unfair.”

  My shit eating grin took up the majority of my face at that moment. “I figured it would be a reliable method to ensure my interests were met.”

  They both laughed just before Lily lost the smile on her face when she realized it was time to say goodbye. She walked up and hugged me tightly. Looking up, she lightly patted me on the cheek. “You be good up there. Don’t do anything stupid, and please, for the love of all things holy, please do not go anywhere near ‘Crack Whore Barbie’. That woman is nothing but aggravating and I’m really upset you stopped me from whipping her ass.”

  My smile was genuine as I looked down at my tiny, yet surprisingly intimidating cousin. “I’ll keep my distance. I can guarantee that. She’s going to school in New York so I won’t even be in the same state as her.”

  “Well, thank God for small miracles. Alright, Cuz, I’ll talk to you soon.” She hugged me once more and walked away to wait in Ellison’s Jeep.

  I stared at Ellison while she looked everywhere but me. It crushed me to see her fighting so hard against what she was feeling.

  “So, I guess it’s time.”

  She looked at me finally after I’d spoken to her. “Yeah.” She stepped toward me and reached down to take my hand. Absently, her finger spun the silver ring around mine. “You take care of yourself up there, Hunter. Have fun, live life, but do it in a way where you’re not hurting yourself. Just be smart about what you do from now on.”

  “I will. You’ll get to hear all about it every day when I’m constantly texting and emailing.” Smiling sadly, I leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead. She nodded, sniffled, and then stepped away from me.

  “Aright, I’m going to make the first move and get th
e hell out of here. Have a safe flight. I’ll talk to you when you get home.” She spun on her heel and didn’t give me time to respond. I could tell it took all her strength to keep taking each step away from me and as the distance was put between us, my heart beat a little bit slower and a little bit longer to watch her walk away.

  Grabbing the bags from the ground, I made my way to the plane. The pilot stood at the top of the stairs and smiled down at me as I approached. “Good to see you again, Mr. McCormick. Did you enjoy your time in Florida?”

  I put one foot in front of the other as I forced myself up those steps. I looked back over my shoulder and saw Ellison climb up in her Jeep. The brake lights quickly flashed and flickered away as she sped toward the exit runway. As she made her way out, her tires squealed while they ripped through the sand, and howled when they found purchase on the underlying asphalt. I heard the pilot above me gasp into his open palm at the sight of it.

  He chuckled after a second and commented, “It’s a good thing that girl is not your pilot; you’d never see New York!” He turned to enter the plane. Blowing out a deep breath, I lifted my feet up another three steps and boarded a plane that would take me over a thousand miles from where I wanted to be.

  ~ ~ ~

  The flight back sucked because I couldn’t sleep the entire way. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I got home from the airport because I’d never been at the house and awake when the sun was shining. After exiting the flight, I waited patiently for my father to pick me up. Fifteen minutes passed and finally I saw the cherry apple red Porsche come pulling up to the curb. I folded myself into the small car and my father hit the gas faster than I could pull on my seat belt.

  “Welcome back, Hunter. How did it go down there?”

  His tone of voice told me that even though he was asking how I liked my trip, he didn’t really care about my answer either way. He was going through the formalities of conversation typically expected of a normal, well-adjusted family.

  “I know you’ve been talking to Bill, so I’m surprised you even have to ask that question.”

  He scoffed at my response but didn’t attempt to speak to me again the rest of the ride home. Pulling into his garage, I rolled my eyes to see that he’d added to his collection since I’d been gone. El’s words replayed in my head and I tried to remember that maybe my father’s fascination with the cars was a reminder of his youth rather than merely an outward reflection of his success and wealth.

  When I walked through the living room of the main house, my mother stood up from the couch and crossed the room to hug me. She pulled away to look up at me and ask, “How’d it go down there?” She seemed genuinely interested to know.

  “It was good. I’d like to spend more time with them now that I’ve gotten to know them better. Maybe we could fly them up for Thanksgiving in three months. They could stay the entire four days.”

  Yes. I was attempting to corner my mother, but it really irritated me to think about how they’d all but rejected Bill and Lily and how they’d done nothing to help, even when Lily’s mom was killed.

  My mom fidgeted in front of me. Her hands nervously wrung over each other and she looked to my father across the room for support. “Hunter, I don’t think now is a good time to talk about the holidays. I mean, they are so far away, who knows what will come up between now and then.” She patted me on the shoulder and walked me towards the French doors at the back of the house. “What I do need to talk to you about is what you will be taking with you to Massachusetts. The movers will be here in three days. We’ll need to have everything sorted and ready to be packed when they arrive.”

  I was feeling hostile at that moment and I continued pushing the issue with Bill. “I’ll be taking everything. That way you can turn it back into a guest house which will be perfect for when Bill and Lily come visit, right? They’d have their own place to stay outside of the main house.”

  Huffing out a breath, my mother’s hand fell forcefully against the door handle before she threw the door open in front of me. “Hunter, I told you, I don’t want to talk about it. If you plan on taking everything, that’s fine, but the furniture will need to stay. We rented you a fully furnished apartment near the school. You’ll have no need for anything. Your father and I wanted to show you how proud we are of you going to school, so we spared no expense in the home you’ll be staying in while you are there.”

  Smiling, she looked up at me like I should be jumping up and down clapping at her generosity. However, the only thing I was thinking was that, once again, my parents were throwing out money to appease me, as a distraction to avoid having anything to do with me as a person. Not once had my father said he was proud of me. I wouldn’t have cared before the summer, but now it felt like a slap in the face.

  Tightening my grip on my bags, I stepped outside.

  “Oh, Hunter. Your father also purchased another car for you to use. It’s parked by the guesthouse. Try not to destroy it this time.” She smiled again and closed the door.

  I looked up at the guesthouse and dreaded the climb to get to it. However, when I’d halfway tackled the horrid climb, I noticed that it wasn’t as hard as it used to be. El’s damn hikes had not only straightened out my thought process, they’d built up my physical stamina. For the first time in my fucking life, I felt like I could run a marathon without keeling over dead at mile two.

  I pulled my key from my pocket and let myself into the house, immediately heading back to my bedroom to throw down my bags. When I walked in the room, all my electronics and credit cards had been returned to me. They were layed out neatly on my bed and in the center sat a set of keys to the new BMW sitting outside in the driveway.

  I picked up my phone almost immediately and plugged it in. Flicking it on, I quickly typed out a text to Ellison.

  Me: Made it home safely. Miss you guys already.

  It was a quick message that was intended to see if she’d turned her phone on like I’d asked her to do. I hoped for a response, but deep down, I didn’t expect one.

  Looking over my room, I groaned at the amount of work it would take to pack everything up. I pulled open my junk drawers to find piles of drug paraphenila, loose change, concert ticket stubs, photographs and other momentos of a life lived on the wild side. Picking up the differents odd and ends, I tossed most of it in the trash bin to the side of the bureau. What I’d once considered trophies of a life lived well, were actually reminders of a lot of time wasted.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Ellison

  Me: Yes, I got your messages, all 20 of them. You’re seriously driving me crazy with it Hunter. I’ve been out hiking and I come back to you freaking out and accusing me of ignoring you. Calm the hell down or I’ll turn the phone off.

  He wasn’t really freaking out, but it was fun to accuse him of it anyway. But he was driving me absolutely crazy with his constant barrage of communication. I’ll admit, my cheeks reddened every time he sent something, but 20 messages? That’s just insane.

  Hunter: You know, your phone is portable, it can be carried with you on your hikes and then you won’t miss anything while you’re gone. Plus, it’s a safety factor. What if you fall down and break your ankle?

  Me: I hike to get away from technology. Why would I bring it with me? You’re wasting my minutes.

  Hunter: I just added more to your phone … Lily’s too …

  As soon as I read that, a knock sounded from my bedroom window. Rolling my eyes, I tossed the phone on my bed and opened the window to find Lily standing with a grimace on her face.

  “Would you please text Hunter back so he’ll leave me the hell alone?!” She tapped her foot on the ground and held her phone on to show me the litany of messages she’d received.

  I chuckled. “Oh, that boy has gone overboard, now.”

  Placing her hands on her hips, she asked, “What in the hell did you do to him, El? I know you two had a thing for one another and all, but this is a little ridiculous!”

&n
bsp; A little over a month had passed since Hunter left for school. Normally, we only spoke at night and on the weekends when he wasn’t in class, but he had the day off for some school event, and just like the week before he actually started school, he had nothing better to do but sit around and message me. He was doing really well about avoiding the wild parties and friends that would tempt him back to alcohol and drugs. To fill some of his time, he joined a non-profit organization that focused on sick children and I was proud of him for having done so.

  “Why don’t you come inside, Lil. Walk around front. The door’s open.”

  Lily smiled and bounced her way around the house. I picked up the phone from my bed.

  Me: Did you really feel it was necessary to send Lily over here?

  Before Hunter could respond, I heard the front door open, followed by a loud crash and the dogs barking.

  “Ellison! Get in here! NOW!”

  I ran from my room and when I rounded the corner of the hall, I saw my father sprawled out on the floor near the coffee table. The phone dropped from my hand to the floor when I ran to his side.

  “Daddy?! Oh god, Daddy are you okay?”

  My father groaned and his head rolled around on the floor. His eyes were closed and he didn’t seem capable of responding.

  “Lily! Call an ambulance!”

  I carefully ran my hands over my dad’s skull. When I reached the back, it felt sticky and wet and I pulled my hand back to find blood smeared into his hair. “Shit! Dad, I need you to talk to me right fucking now! Do you understand?!”

  He moved his hand up to touch his head. “El?” His voice was weak and his face contorted from pain.

  “You must have fell and hit your head on the coffee table. What hurts?” Tears distorted my vision as I looked over the rest of his body to try and find any other injuries. Nothing looked out of place.