Because of Ellison

by M. S. Willis

  I placed Ellison on the couch and grabbed the blanket at one end to pull it over her. She immediately curled in on herself and grimaced in her sleep. Even when unconscious, she couldn’t find peace. I stood in the middle of that living room not knowing what to do. I couldn’t leave her in these conditions. Anger boiled inside of me to wonder if anyone had been helping her. Grabbing my phone from my back pocket, I typed out a rapid text to Lily.

  Me: Where is Ellison’s brother? Who has been helping her with her dad?

  Yes, it was three in the morning and no, Lily hadn’t been expecting me. I was going to give her a couple minutes to respond and then march over there and bang on her window to wake her up if she didn’t. Luckily, she did.

  Lily: What the fuck? Do you know what time it is? Why do you want to know about Jake and how the hell am I supposed to know?

  Me: Because I’m at Ellison’s fucking house and it looks like a hospital fucking threw up all over the place. Who’s been helping her?!

  Lily: You’re here?! Oh shit, Hunter, she’s gonna be pissed that you’re in there. This is Ellison we’re talking about. She won’t let anybody help her, she doesn’t want anyone seeing her daddy like that.

  I didn’t give a shit if Ellison never wanted to speak to me again. I was going to get her help. There was nothing that could make me leave her in this condition. If she woke up and got pissed, fine … I’d just devise a way to make her get over it eventually. I was willing to take the hit.

  Me: I’m going to clean up her house. Text Jake and tell him to get his ass home, now.

  I didn’t wait for Lily to respond before shoving the phone in my pocket and going to work on the house. I found trash bags in the kitchen and pulled one out to pick up and throw away all the emptied medical wrappers and other miscellaneous trash I found littered around the room. After I had that cleared, I gathered together the scattered supplies and medications and placed them on the coffee table so that they were easily accessible to her. After picking up the towels and blankets and placing them in the wash, I got to work on the kitchen, washing and drying dishes before placing them in the cupboards.

  Every so often Ellison would stir where she slept, but she never woke up. She groaned in her sleep and cried and it took everything I had not to lay down beside her to comfort her. Mr. James never woke up and I was thankful for that. Eventually Jake came lumbering through the front door looking like he’d just rolled out of bed.

  “Hey, man; Lily texted me. What the hell is going on?” He closed the door quietly behind him and took a seat in one of the overstuffed chairs by the couch.

  Looking between El and her father, I motioned for Jake to follow me to the back bedrooms. I was afraid we’d wake her up by talking and I wanted her to get as much sleep as possible. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she’d not slept over the past few days given her appearance when she’d answered the door.

  After I’d closed us into Jake’s room, I turned to him and he jumped to see the expression on my face. Normally I would have laughed to see a guy his size move like that, but I was too pissed to find it funny. “Where the fuck have you been? Ellison looked like she hadn’t slept in DAYS and the house was a fucking mess when I got here!”

  He blinked and then shrugged his oversized shoulders. “I’ve been working. I come home and try to help her, but dad feels weird having another guy take care of him. You know how he can be. The nurses come around as well, but Ellison lies to them and tells them she’s fine.”

  “So, why haven’t you told them what’s really going on?”

  He looked at me like I was an idiot. “Have you met my sister? She’d remove my balls if I did that. She’s afraid with the issues dad’s been having, they’d want to put him in the hospital — strap him down and shit. I’ve been coming and going — but mostly going. I just feel like I’m in her way.”

  That wasn’t why he was staying out of it and I could tell by the pained expression on his face. He looked tired and ashamed. It was apparent to me that Jake wasn’t handling the situation well and rather than charging at it head on like Ellison, he was avoiding it to pretend that it wasn’t really occurring.

  I sighed in resignation. “Can you at least be around for the next day or so and let her get some sleep? She’s going to make herself sick, Jake, and, no offense, but I don’t think you can handle losing both of them.”

  Jake nodded his head that he would and I turned to leave the room. “I’m going to leave before Ellison or your dad wake up and find me here. Do me a favor and keep in touch with me if any of you need anything. I don’t give a shit if it’s early or late, let me know what’s going on with her, okay?”

  He nodded again and when I started to open the door, he quietly asked, “Did you get his letter?”

  I stopped suddenly and remembered that the letter he was asking about was currently folded up in my pocket. Turning back to him , I responded, “Yeah, I got it yesterday. Why?”

  “I’m not asking what was in it or anything, but he was really adamant that I mail it to you and not let Ellison know about it. Seemed like it was important or some shit, so I just wanted to make sure you got it.”

  I could tell he wanted to know, but I wouldn’t break Henry’s confidence by talking about it — not now anyway. “No worries, Jake. I received it.”

  He nodded again and I left the room and slowed down as I passed through the living room. Glancing at the couch, I noticed that Ellison was still asleep. It was restless, but it was better than nothing. I wanted to go touch her, kiss her on the forehead to let her know I was there, but it could wake her up and that was the last thing she needed.

  Letting myself out of the house, I was met with a cool breeze. I slowly walked down her steps and over to Bill’s house. They didn’t bother locking their doors out here so I was able to get in with no problem. I made my way to the spare bedroom and lay down on the bed, completely exhausted, but unable to sleep. Ellison’s situation was worse than I’d imagined it could be. Thanksgiving was four days away and I had to leave to go back to school in six, but I wasn’t sure I was going to make it back.

  Considering my options, I felt torn between knowing she’d kill me for staying and leaving her alone with people who were too afraid to force her to let them help. I didn’t care what Ellison wanted and I had to care about what she needed, and she didn’t need to be left alone. School could wait, it would be there the next semester, just like it had been there all the semesters before. Dropping out now would hurt my GPA, but that stupid fucking number wasn’t as important as the girl who was sleeping in the house next to me. Rolling to my back, I reached up and squeezed my temples between my fingers.

  I hated what she was going through. I hated that she was battling something she had no hope of winning against. I hated the helplessness that she lived with and I suddenly understood the futility of hating a disease that had no cure.

  But then — something occurred to me.

  That night was the beginning. A moment where thoughts clarified in my head and a passion and drive bloomed within my heart. My hatred and anger enraged me to a point where a disease - a concept - a thing that held no true form or mass had became a dragon that needed to be slayed, a problem that needed to be eradicated. It didn’t matter that my focus was solely revenge for what it had done to Ellison; I made a decision that night and everything seemed to snap into place.

  I hated cancer. I hated what it did to Henry and I hated what it did to her. Ellison wanted me to make a difference and I decided to do just that.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I emailed my professors the following day. I had to drop my classes and I begged in each email that they withdrew me from the classes in such a way that it didn’t screw up my GPA when I started back again. I knew it would be a week before I heard back from them, and, to be honest, I didn’t give a shit if they all refused to withdraw me. I was staying there for Ellison and I had no fucking intentions to return to Harvard.

  I walked out to t
he living room and Bill choked on his coffee to see me appear from the hallway.

  “Holy shit, boy. What are you doing here?”

  Lowering my weight into the chair beside of him, I leaned forward and laid my head on the table. “I came back last night to spend Thanksgiving with you guys … and to see Ellison.”

  Bill’s expression softened. “Hunter, I’m afraid you drove a long way for nothing, son. She’s dealing with her daddy and we haven’t seen much of her in the past few weeks. I’ve tried to go over there a few times, but Henry didn’t want anybody visiting him.” His expression darkened when he remembered the condition of his friend.

  Pushing up from the table, I settled into my chair and closed my eyes against the sunlight coming in through the windows. “I know. I saw her last night.” Pausing for a second, I breathed in a deep breath and asked, “Would you mind if I stayed here a little longer than this week?”

  Bill looked at me. “How much longer?”

  “Don’t know. I’m thinking about transferring to school down here. I just wanted to know if I’d need to find a place for myself or if I’d be able to stay here with you and Lil.” It didn’t matter if he told me no. It just meant that I’d have to add finding an apartment to the list of things I had to do.

  Laughing softly, he replied, “She’ll beat down you for it, you know. She wanted you up there — not because she wanted you gone, but because she didn’t want to drag you into this with her.”

  I tensed to hear what he was saying.

  “After you left, I overhead her and Lily talking in the living room. I don’t like to eavesdrop, but when it comes to your children, it’s one of those things you do. Sometimes it’s the only way you have to find out what’s going on in their lives.” He looked down into his coffee. “From what was said between them, I have no doubt that Ellison James loves you, Hunter — and I know that’s no easy accomplishment.” He smiled slightly. “I was a little surprised that you boarded that plane, thought for sure you’d refuse and challenge that girl the way you did on those hikes.”

  I chuckled. “You heard about that?”

  He nodded. “Yeah, Lily told me about and so did Henry. We were amused to say the least. At 19, you’d already figured out the passive aggression needed when you’re dealing with stubborn women. It took Henry and I at least three years of marriage to our wives to figure out that trick.” Looking up again, he smiled. “But, then again, you’re the smart one in this family, so I’m not surprised.”

  “I won’t get dragged down by what’s happening, Bill. But she will if I don’t do something about it. I’m transferring to school here. She won’t like it and she’ll probably stop speaking to me because of it, but I don’t care. I’ll be here whether she likes it or not because she needs someone regardless of her adamance that she doesn’t.”

  Bill reached up to pat me on the shoulder. “Spoken like a real man. Good to see that you’re finally growing up. Honestly, I didn’t think much of you when you first came down here all those months ago, but you’ve changed, kid. You can be proud of that. I’m not impressed with much anymore, but I’m impressed with you. Guess they were right when they said that behind every great man is a woman … because all it took to straighten your ass out was Ellison James. You should consider yourself lucky that she took the time.” He paused in an effort to give me a minute to absorb what he’d just said. “Of course, you can stay here, but I wouldn’t expect open arms from Ellie.”

  “I don’t.”

  He sighed. “Regardless of how she treats you for the coming months, just remember that girl loves you. I’m happy to see you back, and it’s about damn time you realize that just because Ellison packed you up, it doesn’t mean that she’s done with you. She tried to do what she thought was right for you and by coming back, you’re doing what is right for both of you. She’s not thinking straight right now, Hunter, and you need to love her think for her. Not about the stuff with her dad, but about the stuff that comes after his death … about the rest of her life.”

  I felt two arms wrap around me from behind and I looked up into the teary eyes of my cousin. “You’re staying?”

  Her blue eyes blinked and I smiled. “Yeah. I’m staying.”

  “Oh thank god because I thought you were a dumbass for climbing on that plane and I didn’t want to believe it!” Her little arms squeezed around my neck and I coughed from the lack of air. “Oh! Sorry.” She let me go and sat down in the chair beside me. “So what are you going to do to get her to talk to you again? ‘Cause as soon as she finds out you’re not going anywhere, she’s gonna kick your ass and forget you exist.”

  I laughed. I’d missed listening to Lily talk like she was stuck in fast forward.

  “Don’t know, Lily, but I won’t give up until she does.”

  ~ ~ ~

  I’d spent the morning catching up with Bill and Lily. They’d been concerned about how I’d left things with my parents, but I didn’t care. I’d left out the details of the contempt my mother had shown toward them because they didn’t need to know that they were thought of so poorly by family. It made me want to strangle my mother even more just to think about it while I was around them.

  Two things were made clear though in my talk with Bill: Ellison loved me enough to send me away and I loved her enough to refuse to stay where she sent me. It was an impossible situation, but one I’d endure until she was thinking straight again.

  I started that afternoon being there for her. Knocking on her door, I was immediately greeted by Jake whose large body blocked my view of the interior of the house from the doorway. “Hey, man.” He stepped outside and closed the door behind him. “El’s in the shower. She slept in some this morning and gave dad some medication so he’s back to sleep. I’m staying long enough to give her time to get cleaned up.”

  “How is she?”

  “As good as she can be, I guess. She was pissed to find out that you’d cleaned the house last night, so she’s still got some spirit left in her. I guess that’s a good sign.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, it is.”

  The front door opened behind Jake and Ellison peeked her head out. Her eyes narrowed as soon as she saw me. Stepping out, she looked better now that she had on clean clothes and her hair was washed. Her eyes were no longer empty and she appeared more human than zombie as a result.

  “Jake, go inside with daddy. I want to talk to Hunter alone for a bit if you don’t mind.”

  Jake looked sorry for me when he turned to walk inside. “Good luck to you, man. I’d hate to be in your shoes right now.”

  Ellison looked back to scowl at her brother before turning that scowl in my direction. “Let’s walk down to the driveway so we don’t wake up my dad by talking.”

  Oh shit.

  “How loud are we going to get?”

  She pointed to the driveway and I sensed the imminent shit storm. I didn’t care though. She wanted to play stubborn, I was ready to play stubborn.

  She brushed past me and led me to the other side of Bill’s house before she stopped. Spinning on her heel, her finger was immediately in my face when she asked, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing coming into my house and cleaning up? I would have taken care of that — I have that fucking house under control.”

  I scoffed. “Yeah, El. It really looked like that. You fell asleep standing up for fuck’s sake, how exactly do you think you have it under control?!” That was going to piss her off, but I said it anyway. Someone needed to point out the problem.

  “So then you should have just woken me up and sent me back inside! You had no right coming in there. Dad would have been pissed to know that you’d seen him like that!”

  Grabbing her by the shoulders, I held her in place when I responded, “You know what, Ellison? I understand your desire to protect your father’s pride, but I think if he were conscious enough to talk to you about it, he’d choose your health over how other people looked at him! You can’t keep refusing help because you fear upsetting
your dad!”

  She tried to pull away, so I just wrapped my arms around her and held her still. Her knee came up into my leg and I winced but kept holding on. She could beat on me with both of her fists if she wanted to, but I was going to hold on to her and make her understand what I was telling her.

  “Don’t you tell me what I will and will not do! This is my life, Hunter, not yours! I’ll make whatever fucking decision I want and you’ll go back up north where you belong!”

  I laughed. It wasn’t a funny ‘ha ha’ laugh, either. Nope, it was a laugh that meant there was no way in hell I was going to listen to what she was saying to me. “No, Ellison, no I’m not. This might be your life, but I’m making it mine as well — because YOU are my life! I don’t give a shit what you say or do. You can ignore me, you can hate me — hell — you can put my picture on a wall and through darts at it if that’s what makes you feel better, but I’m not going anywhere. While you’re taking care of your dad, El, I’ll be taking care of you and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. You might be worrying about the coming weeks, but I’ll be worrying about the rest of your fucking life and I’ll be damned to let you force me out of it.”

  Those must have been fighting words, because the next thing she did was slam her hands against me with such force it almost knocked the air out of my chest. I tried to hold on, but when she took both my nipples between her fingers and twisted, I released her in response to the pain.

  “Fuck! Ellison, that shit hurt!”

  “I know it did, that’s why I did it. And you can expect that reaction from me every time you think you’re going to overpower and force me to stay still when I don’t want to!”

  “Well, then fine!” I shoved my chest out at her and held my arms out to my sides. “Go ahead and rip them off then, El, because you can expect that I’m going to hold you every fucking day until you stop breathing!”