Secrets (Portentous Destiny Series Book 2)

by S. E. Rose

  “He would be so proud of you, Lily,” my mom says through tears of her own as she fastens it around my wrist. “He’s here with you now. I can feel it.”

  I nod my agreement and we hug.

  “Ready?” Zoe asks as she comes in with her maid of honor dress on, which I do have to say is stunning. It’s a deep lilac and she carries yellow, purple, and green flowers. I nod, and I walk into the hallway. I see my uncle Jesse and Jack speaking and then they all stop and look at me.

  “What?” I say, trying to find a mirror.

  “Nothing, love, you look beautiful,” Jack says, pulling me into an embrace.

  “Thanks,” I say to him. I suddenly realize I don’t know who will walk me down the aisle. I hadn’t thought of this moment in a long time. Not since my dad died and I had cried myself to sleep thinking of all the things he wouldn’t be able to do with me.

  Just as a full-blown panic attack begins, I feel a tap on my shoulder and I turn slowly and come face-to-face with my grandfather. I can no longer contain my emotions and I let out a big sob as I embrace him. He squeezes me back.

  “Querida. Muy bonita, mi princessa, muy bonita,” he murmurs against my hair. It takes a second to register my grandmother is also here. I quickly hug her and we both cry.

  I look at my mom and then I know. I ask my mom and grandfather to walk me down the aisle together, and they tearfully accept.

  We line up by the back doors and slowly proceed out to a fairy-tale setting. Down a path of flowers in a small seating area with an arch, covered in flowers, which looks out over the ocean on one side and the bay on the other, and to the right is a dance floor set up and several tables covered in white linen. Above the tables are twinkling lights and lanterns. It looks amazing.

  My eyes focus back ahead of me, and I see Lance for the first time since the morning. He looks so handsome in his tuxedo. His turquoise eyes sparkle and I can see them glaze over as he looks at me. His mere look is enough for me to know the depths of his love for me. His whole face lights up just seeing me and I grin at him. “Gorgeous,” he mouths, and I know I’m blushing.

  My brother and Cody are up by him and Zoe and Rose walk in front of me. I can’t believe Rose is fourteen now. She seems more like a young lady than a child now. I feel like she’s growing up way too fast, and then I smile to myself because I’m acting way too old by thinking that. I realize my uncle Nicholas is up by Lance. I give them a look, and they both laugh and smile at one another.

  “Nicholas was able to ask special permission to come and do this,” my mom whispers into my ear. Everything Lance has been able to pull off to make this moment perfect overwhelms me as we approach him, and I fight back the tears. I nod to my mom, and we proceed up to Lance. When we reach him, I lean over and kiss my grandfather’s cheek. He touches my face and says he loves me before sitting next to my grandmother. Then I turn to my mom and I nearly lose it when I see the tears of joy running down her cheeks.

  “I love you so much, baby girl,” she whispers as we embrace. “I am so profoundly happy for you.”

  “I love you too, Mom,” I say to her as we step back and smile at each other. Jack walks behind us and escorts my mother off to the side to sit with all my grandparents. The ceremony is short but beautiful with the red and pink colors of the sky behind us as we say, “I do.” The reception is perfect and we all dance the night away.

  At one point as the night sky is only lit with the twinkle lights and lanterns, I sit at a far table and take in everyone, trying desperately to commit this moment to my memory. My mom and Jack are dancing on the dance floor looking lovingly into each other’s eyes. Nick is dancing with Rose. Zoe and Cody are dancing and laughing at something. Zoe has her head tossed back and Cody catches it with a kiss when she lowers it again. My aunt, grandparents, uncles, and grandmother sit at a table talking with Lance’s parents, his grandparents, and his two aunts. Several of Lance’s cousins dance and others sit at a table. Maya and Eva dance with their dates and Lance’s best friend, Clark, dances with his wife. My cousin Rob is strumming a guitar along with the music piped in from mysteriously hidden speakers. Cody and Lance’s sister, Chelsea, sits and claps time for Rob. Mal and Oliver sit on a bench just outside of the light. I can see them kissing and I smile. I feel Lance come up behind me and I lean my head back to look up at him.

  “Having a good time, Mrs. Cunningham?”

  I smile and nod and place my hand over the one he’s just put on my shoulder. “Very much so, Mr. Cunningham.”

  “Good. Looks like everyone is having fun.

  “Yep, it’s a shame we won’t have much time to visit with everyone.”

  I see Lance smile and I glare up at him. “What secret are you keeping from me now?”

  He laughs. “Our friends do have to head back, and Rob and Jesse have to go as well as some of my family, but the rest of them are staying here for the week.” He pauses, taking in my reaction. “Is that OK?” He frowns as if he’s contemplating whether I will be displeased by this.

  I reach up and pull him down for a kiss. “I can’t think of a better way to spend my honeymoon,” I murmur against his lips.

  The next few days go by quickly. We have nightly s’mores-making in the fire pit. We sit in the outdoor Jacuzzi. We eat our meals in the enormous dining room that sits nearly twenty people. A few people leave as the week continues, but our parents, siblings, Mal, Oliver, and Rose and my grandparents are the last ones there by the following weekend. As the week comes to a close, Lance surprises me yet again. “You ready for our honeymoon?” he asks as the last few members of our families pack up to leave.

  “What? But I thought…” I drift off as I look at him confused yet again.

  “Oh no, I had something a bit more romantic in mind,” he says.

  “But my work,” I say.

  “They have agreed to have you take some photography at the locations where we’ll be going,” he says.

  “Locations?”

  “Yes.”

  “As in more than one?”

  “Yes.”

  “And I guess you aren’t telling me,” I state because I know him too well.

  “Nope.”

  I shake my head and we pack up and head back to New York via Uncle Jesse’s helicopter. Once home, Lance repacks our bags and then we are off to the airport. We fly to his friend’s house in Belize first and spend a week snorkeling and living the island life. It’s a proper honeymoon and I love every second of it. On Friday, we repack, and he explains the next part of our trip is a bit different.

  When we arrive at the airport, he tells me.

  “Lily, I thought we’d go back to Colombia for a few weeks since we didn’t finish our stay last time.”

  “Lance, I…are you sure?”

  “Yes, Cody has the villa still and we can stay there or go to the coast for a bit. I want to discuss some things with you, but later.”

  I look at him nervously. He smiles reassuringly at me.

  “Nothing bad, I promise.”

  I nod and fall asleep on our next flight.

  The next morning we’re back in our villa. It seems odd but also comforting to be here. Lance brings us coffee out on the patio and we sit.

  “Do you want kids, Lily?”

  I nearly spit out my coffee. “Uh, yes, eventually.”

  He nods. “What if I told you I wanted to start our family now?”

  “Well, I…I don’t know. I’d have to think about that. I mean it’s a big step and I’m still pretty young.”

  “Do you think you’d want to adopt or only have biological children?” he asks. I’m so confused by his line of questioning. He’s being strangely serious and it’s making me nervous and flustered.

  “Gosh, I…I don’t know. I’d love biological children, someday. I’m not sure I’m ready quite yet. I’d like to work for a few years first,” I manage to choke out before he reaches over and places his hand over mine. It’s oddly calming.

  “Have you given
more thought to setting up the foundation to help orphaned children?”

  “Yes, I’m warming to it. I do really want to do something like that, but I’m also enjoying my photography right now.”

  He nods but seems deep in thought still. “Would you come with me to visit the orphanage today?”

  “Sure,” I answer slowly. But really, I’m completely unsure of his motives.

  The next day we arrive at the orphanage just before lunch, and after hugging Yenny and Yessica, and even Lucia who has decided to stay, I hear an adorable familiar voice calling my name. Leidy runs out of the playroom at full speed and throws herself into my arms. I hug her tightly and smell her hair which smells like coconut shampoo. I commit that to my memory. We spend the rest of the morning playing and talking. She announces that she will be five and a half soon. She hands me the picture that I had forgotten when I was last here. It takes all my willpower not to crumble into a crying mess. She spends some of the time sitting on Lance’s lap and decorating him with tiaras and boas. I can’t help but laugh. The day comes to an end all too soon and as we leave I suddenly feel empty and extremely sad.

  “What’s wrong?” Lance asks as he takes me in his arms before opening the car door.

  “Nothing,” I mumble, trying to hold back the tears.

  “You miss Leidy, don’t you?”

  I nod, finally letting myself admit that I have feelings for that child. I let tears slide down my cheeks. “I’d forgotten just how much. She’s just the sweetest child. I can’t explain the bond with her. It’s so odd.”

  He sits on the car’s hood and pats his lap. I sit down and look up at him.

  “What if I told you, I inquired about adopting her?”

  My eyes widen. “What?” I think my heart literally stops beating for a moment.

  “I turned in the paperwork before we were even married. I just added you to the equation recently and because you are still considered a citizen and I had residency, we could get an expedited process of sorts. It’d still take a few months or so, but we could do it.”

  “Lance, I…are you sure? This is a big deal. This is us as parents. You and me in charge of another life forever.” The seriousness and heaviness of this suddenly hits me. “I don’t know if I’d be a good mom. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

  “OK, it’s alright. We don’t have to decide at this moment. Let’s take a few days and think about it.”

  I nod, and we head back to the villa. I sit in the car in silence the entire ride. My mind is blown, and I don’t even know what to think. I can see Lance nervously looking at me from across the car. As we pull into the villa, I realize I’m biting my nails. I haven’t done that in years. I quickly put my hands in my lap. I see Lance’s big hand reach over and cover both of mine. My hands look ridiculously small encased in just one of his. I focus on that for a moment.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”

  My mind is so blank that I just get out of the car and walk into the house and straight out to the back patio. I lie down on the sofa and look up at the nearest mountain. My mind is in overdrive. Children, yes, of course, I want children, someday, but now? Leidy, I love Leidy. She’s so sweet and smart and I loved spending time with her and playing dolls and reading stories. She cares so much about the other kids. I frown as I remember reading her case file. Her biological father was a drug dealer. A bad deal went down, and her entire family was shot and killed in what looked like a home robbery but was later deemed retaliation by a drug boss. Leidy was the only survivor. She has one biological grandmother who is sick and can’t care for her. She was two years old when her family was killed. They spent a year trying to find a biological family member. Her only other living relatives were distant cousins of her deceased grandparents and they were unable to care for her. It says her grandmother that is still living sends her things occasionally, but she is in a care home for terminally ill patients now, Parkinson’s. Leidy literally has no one. How could I not love her? I smile thinking of her big brown eyes looking at me as I read her princess fairy tales.

  I’m so engrossed in my thoughts that I barely make out that Lance is near me. It’s not until I hear Lance that I realize he is here.

  “I don’t know what to do. I think I broke your sister,” Lance is saying from a chair near me.

  I blink a few times and zone in on Lance’s voice.

  “Yes…I see…yes, that…I don’t know…since we left…has this happened before…I see…OK…are you sure…alright.” I feel his arm moving toward me and then a phone is pressed to my ear. I hear my brother’s voice on the other end.

  “Lil? Lilypond? It’s me. You are OK. Lance told me everything. You need to breathe. You’ll figure out everything, I promise. I’ll be here when you want to talk.” Nick pauses. “Lance, you there, buddy?” I hear Nick say and then the phone is removed from my ear.

  I hear Lance saying some more things and then he’s quiet. I feel his arms come around me and then I’m on his lap. He physically moves my head until I have no choice, but to look into his eyes.

  “I’m so sorry, Lily,” he says, his eyes glistening with tears. “I would never, ever do anything to intentionally hurt you. I just…I saw you with her. The way the three of us would play. I guess I wanted it myself. God, gorgeous, please forgive me. We don’t have to adopt Leidy or any child for that matter. I’d still like to find her a home if it’s not with us. I love you, Lily. I love you more than anything, with kids or without, no matter what,” he whispers against my lips.

  Hearing him say he loves me snaps me out of my daze. I look at him for the first time since we left the orphanage.

  “Say something, anything,” he whispers as his eyes search mine.

  “I…I don’t know what to say,” I whisper. I can see the visible look of relief in his eyes as I speak these words.

  We sit like this, saying nothing for a moment or two. I take a deep breath as Nick suggested, closing my eyes for a second. I reopen them and look into Lance’s blue eyes.

  “She has no one,” I say.

  He pulls back and gives me a look of confusion.

  “Leidy, she has no one,” I explain. He nods.

  “I asked for her file,” he says. “It took some legal discussions, but they gave me a synopsis of it.”

  I nod. “This is a big surprise; shock really is a better word. I just never thought you’d consider kids so quickly and certainly not international adoption.”

  “It shocked the hell out of me, too,” he says softly.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? Before,” I ask.

  He shrugs. “I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. I wanted to go see her with you and then discuss it. I wanted to make us a family. I thought…oh, I don’t know what I was thinking.” He shakes his head.

  I take my hand and gently lift his head, so we are looking at each other again. “What did you think?” I prod.

  He sighs. “I thought it would help you. Bring you full circle so to speak. But mostly, in those moments when the three of us were playing on the floor at the orphanage, I just saw us together. Three souls that belonged together, a family,” he says quietly.

  “Maybe you are right,” I consider.

  “It just scares the living shit out of me,” I admit. “I know you love me, but I wasn’t an easy child and I certainly have my fair share of issues as an adult. Most of that is because of my past. I just don’t know if I could mother a child with those same issues,” I say as I verbalize one of my biggest fears to my husband.

  “I see,” he says, and I can see the muscles in his neck constrict as he swallows. “Did you ever consider that maybe you’d be the perfect mother because of what you went through?”

  I still for a moment and ponder this. “Uh, well, no, I guess I never did.” I think about this for a moment. I would understand. I remember conversations I had with the kids at the orphanage and I suddenly realize I did understand them, I really, really understood them. Wow, how did
I miss that?

  “What are you thinking?” he asks, searching my eyes.

  “You’re right,” I admit, shaking my head in disbelief at this realization. “I get them. All of them. But…” I trail off as I ponder this.

  “But does that mean you’d make a good mom?” Lance finishes my thought.

  I nod at him.

  “I think so, but it’s up to you. We don’t have to do this. We could wait. Like I said, we could advocate for Leidy and find her a family. Maybe…” I cut him off by placing my finger over his lips. It’s like a light bulb has gone off in my head.

  “She belongs with us,” I say, barely audibly. I search his eyes and I see nothing but love, love that seems to expand with each heartbeat. I take a deep breath. “What do we need to do to bring her home?”

  Lance smiles a big smile. “A lot of paperwork,” he says with a small laugh. I laugh at that.

  “OK, let’s get started,” I say.

  It takes nearly three months to finish the paperwork and home study, get the referral, get Leidy and have a court declare us a family. I know this is insanely quick as other families I’ve met along our journey have waited nearly a year or sometimes more. We spend our time going back and forth between New York and Ibague as we finish paperwork and visit Leidy as much as we can. Things are expedited because of my connections and my dual citizenship. We luck out with the fastest court and Jack pulls favors at the embassy and the day before Christmas we arrive back home.

  My family has decorated our new home for the holidays. My mother has set up a Christmas tree. It looks like something out of a storybook.

  Leidy is picking up English quickly, but everyone still speaks to her in Spanish as she gets her bearings. After a long day of travel, she is exhausted and rubbing her eyes. I smile down at her.

  “Consada?” I ask her. She shakes her head and I laugh as I lock eyes with Lance.