Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he glared at her. “Try spending half your life watching your parents get stressed to the max because money’s so tight. Dad worked his butt off on the ranch to try and keep food on our table. We hardly ever saw him and I don’t want a life like that.” The pulse at the side of his neck beat furiously.
Erin watched him struggling to cope with the emotions screaming through his body. Some of the anger inside her disappeared. His eyes glittered with unshed tears and she felt sorry for the teenager that had felt abandoned. But damn the man, he was an adult. She wouldn’t let him use his childhood as an excuse to treat her like yesterday’s dishwater. “I can’t change what happened in the past, and I can’t change the person you are today. You need to take responsibility for your own life, Jake.”
“Responsibility?” He jammed his hands in his pockets. “How’s this for responsibility. I left my family high and dry while I took off making a name for myself. And look where that got me. It took my brother-in-law’s death to make me realize what an idiot I’ve been. How pathetic is that?”
Erin hugged her arms close to her body. Jake looked her straight in the eye. She could see his brain working overtime, weighing the impact of what he was about to say.
He took a deep breath.
She knew what was coming and she didn’t want to hear it.
“This isn’t going to work, Erin. I can’t promise you marriage or kids because it’s never been something I’ve wanted. I care about you a lot and I don’t want you to get any more hurt than you already are. You need to find someone else to have a family with and to love.” His voice caught on the last word. He looked miserable.
Tears streamed down her cheeks. How could he give up so easily on what they had together? She couldn’t imagine being hurt any more than she was. She tried to pull herself together, but her heart felt like it had been trampled under hobnailed work boots.
“Don’t worry about taking me home. I’ll catch a ride with someone else.” She turned and walked back toward her cabin. And out of Jake’s life.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Jake couldn’t bear the thought of returning to the dining room, so he headed toward the lake. He sat on the grassy bank with his knees bent and his hands wrapped around his legs.
What had he done? Erin was the most amazing woman he’d ever met. What was wrong with him that he couldn’t imagine spending the rest of his life with her?
He constantly buried himself in masses of work. It kept him busy, but gave him nothing in return except a healthy bank account. His life had turned into one big mess. He couldn’t give Erin what she so desperately wanted because he couldn’t change a lifetime of bad choices. He’d disappointed everyone that relied on him, and she deserved better than that.
“Jake? Are you okay?” Lucy stood a couple of feet behind him.
Wiping his eyes on the edge of his sleeve, he looked at his sister. “No.”
She knelt beside him and gave him a hug. “I saw Erin going home with another couple. Did you have an argument?”
“It’s over between us. She wants marriage and babies and I don't. End of story.”
In a gentle voice, she said, “I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” She rubbed his shoulder as they both silently watched the lake glisten in the morning sun.
“Uncle Jake, Uncle Jake.”
Taking a deep breath, he turned and watched Ethan run across the grass.
Ethan frowned. “Did you hurt yourself, Uncle Jake?”
“Kind of.”
Moving forward, Ethan wrapped his six-year-old arms around Jake’s shoulders, giving him a big hug and kiss. “Does that feel better?”
He nodded. He wasn’t sure anything would make him feel better. But Ethan and Lucy loved him and that was more than he’d ever made anyone else feel.
Lucy took Ethan’s hand. “We’ll meet you back at camp. Let’s go and see about getting you some breakfast, little man.”
Ethan didn’t need to be prompted twice about food. As quick as a flash he was off to make sure he didn’t miss out on anything. Jake sighed. If only all of life’s troubles could be so easily forgotten by a bowl of cereal and a glass of chocolate milk.
***
Nicky stared at Erin, listening to what had happened. “I can’t believe the toad dumped you.”
“You and me both.” Erin clamped down on her bottom lip. She wouldn’t cry another tear for the man that had ripped her heart in two. “I thought he was the one.”
Sipping her hot chocolate, she winced at the sweetness. Nicky had heard somewhere that sugar was good for shock, so she’d laced the cup with a few too many spoonfuls of the awful stuff.
“I’ve been wallowing in self-pity for the last few hours. I need to get a grip and forget about him.” Erin frowned at the mug sitting in front of her. “Maybe it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I was probably being really shallow and fell in love with his handsome face and sexy muscles.”
Nicky gave her arm a quick squeeze. “If the man had a little more muscle between his ears he never would have left you. Believe me - you’re better off finding out what a jerk he is now, rather than a few months down the track like you did with Matthew.”
Erin dropped her head into her hands. “Gee thanks, now I really feel good about myself. Dumped by two men in under a year. How lucky can a girl get?”
Nicky pushed the mug of chocolate under her nose. “Always remember that it’s their loss and not yours. Talking about low-life men, I heard some juicy gossip the other day.”
Erin raised her eyebrows.
“I went out for lunch and guess who I bumped into?”
She shook her head. “I’ve got no idea, but I know you’re dying to tell me.”
“Matthew.”
Choking on her drink, Erin stared at Nicky. “I thought he’d gone to Seattle for a high-powered promotion?”
“That’s what I thought too, but apparently the job wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. He transferred back to Montana a few weeks ago.”
Erin looked across the table. With the blandest expression she could manage, she asked, “And you’re telling me this, because?”
It was Nicky’s turn to look annoyed. “Don’t get all steamed up. I just wanted to let you know in case you bumped into him.”
Years of friendship had taught Erin one thing about her friend. Never trust big blue eyes and innocent looks. A piranha probably looked completely innocent before it bit your finger off.
Nicky looked across at her and sighed. “Drink-up, girlfriend. I plan on taking you for a long walk. We’re going to let the mountain breeze blow some of the cobwebs out of your head.”
***
Jake lifted a bowl of hot apple crumble out of his sister’s oven. His brother had left his mom’s place two days ago and wouldn’t speak to her. Jake had managed to find Scott and get him back for a family dinner. But somewhere between the main course and dessert, things had started to go wrong.
He put the crumble on the dining room table and glanced at Scott’s determined face.
“I love Cindy, mom. I want to marry her.”
Rosemary fidgeted with the napkin on her lap. “Nonsense. How can you love her? You’ve only been seeing each other for six months.”
Scott stared at his mother. “I love Cindy.”
Jake looked at both of them. They were getting moodier by the minute. “Where’s Lucy?”
“Gone to check on Ethan,” Scott mumbled.
He ignored the set look on his brother’s face. Lucy had been right. Scott did remind Jake a little of himself. He had the same dark hair and strong jaw, and the same stubborn streak. The only resemblance to Lucy was his blue eyes and at the moment they looked hopelessly lost. His mom wasn’t helping, either. She had deaf ears when it came to anything to do with her youngest son.
With a sinking heart, he knew that if he didn’t get the next conversation right, Scott might decide to never set foot in his mom’s home again.
H
e closed the dining room door. “Okay, folks. That’s it. I don’t want to hear another word from either of you until I get this off my chest.”
His mom didn’t even bother to look at him. “Mom, this isn’t a contest to see who Scott loves the most.” She opened her mouth, but he held up his hand to stop her in her tracks. “No interrupting. Scott has loved you his entire life and will continue to love you. All he wants is to love Cindy as well. You’ve met her. She’s a wonderful person.”
Rosemary looked as though it pained her to agree with anything he said. But she nodded her head and crossed her arms in front of her chest. He was grateful she hadn’t done something crazy, like leave the room. Scott sat quietly across the table, watching to see what magic trick he’d pull out of his hat next.
“Scott, mom’s just worried about you. She needs to know that you can look after yourself and that you’ll still spend time with her. You’re an important part of her life. She’s worried that once you’re living with Cindy you’ll forget all about her.”
Jake looked across the table. “Isn’t that right, mom?”
Rosemary’s eyes glittered with unshed tears. Hugging her arms closer to her body, she nodded, not saying a word.
Jake could feel himself moving into dangerous territory. “Scott, what do you think about bringing Cindy over once a week for a meal at mom’s place? You could invite mom to your apartment to have dinner once a week.”
With a proud smile, Scott looked across at his mom. “Cindy makes spaghetti sauce on Tuesday night.” He glanced shyly at Jake. “I make pie on Sunday, for lunch.”
Rosemary unfolded her arms. She looked surprised. Leaning forward, she said, “Pie?”
“Cindy showed me how. We have meat and vegetables in it and it’s really nice. You could come over on those days and try our cooking.” Scott sat a little taller in his seat, smiling at his mom. “Cindy showed me how to make cake. You could have some cake, too.”
Rosemary gazed with uncertainty at her youngest son. “That would be very nice. I’d like to come and have spaghetti and pie with you.”
Scott grinned. “And cake too. On Tuesdays and Sundays.”
“And cake, too.” She cleared her throat. “I’m just going to make coffee. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Jake waited at the table with Scott, eating apple crumble and waiting for Lucy and his mom. Lucy arrived back and he glanced at his watch. Another five minutes passed and his mom still hadn’t made it back. “I’m going to help in the kitchen. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Jake stopped in the kitchen doorway. “Mom? Are you all right?” She had her back to the door, staring out of the window.
“Do you remember when you and Lucy were little? You’d race each other to see who could climb to the top of the apple tree the fastest. It still gives me heart palpitations just thinking about it.”
Joining his mom, he stared into the backyard. Twenty years after he’d left home, the tree still looked as though it could take any punishment two crazy kids might throw at it. Underneath the tree stood a playhouse his dad had built out of leftover wood. They’d fought long and hard to have it built high in the branches, but his mom had dug her toes in, insisting it stay on the ground.
Over the years, they’d added extra features for Lucy and Scott. Just before his dad died, he’d re-roofed it and added a flagpole. Jake gazed at a pirate flag hanging limply from its mooring, remembering the long afternoons they’d all spent outside under the shade of the tree.
“I miss your dad, Jake. We worked so hard to give each of you the best we could. But somewhere along the way we got so tied up in everything else that we forgot about each other. When he died, I thought the end of the world had come.” She turned from the window. “I have a lot of regrets, but never about you kids. You’ve all made me so proud.”
Putting his arm around his mom, he passed her some tissues.
Rosemary wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “When you were growing up I made Scott the focus of my life. I thought that you and Lucy didn’t need any extra help, that you were okay. When your dad died, I didn’t know what to do. I guess I over-reacted when Scott told me he wanted to marry Cindy. I keep forgetting he’s an adult too.”
Rosemary gave Jake’s waist a quick squeeze and walked over to the fridge. “Scott’s faced so many challenges. I’m scared to let him go. I want to protect him, not let him face the world on his own.”
Jake took the milk from her hands and started making the coffee. “Sit with me for a minute, mom.” He carried two steaming mugs across to the kitchen table and sat down. “Scott’s never going be alone. He’s got all of us and lots of good friends. There’ll always be someone around to give him a hand when he needs it. And mom, we love you too. You know that don’t you?”
Rosemary blinked back the fresh set of tears clouding her eyes. “A girl needs to be reminded every now and again.” Rosemary sniffed, reaching for her soggy tissues.
Jake got up and gave her a hug. “You’ll never be alone either, mom.” With a smile in his voice he said, “We’ll keep on pestering you and giving you sleepless nights forever.”
She took a deep, steadying breath. “That sounds pretty good to me. You’re a good boy, Jake. Now let’s head back into the dining room. Scott and Lucy will be wondering where we’ve disappeared to.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Erin frowned at the plants sitting in little black bags around her backyard. For the last three weeks, she’d spent every spare minute in her garden. The harder she worked, the less time she had to think about Jake. That was the theory, anyway. The only problem was that her theory wasn’t working too well.
Earlier in the day she’d gone down to the garden center and spent a fortune on trees and shrubs. They were all sitting exactly where they needed to be planted. Now she was left with the job of digging holes, fertilizing, and watering into place sixty-two plants.
“Hello.”
She dropped the spade she’d been using and stared at the man walking toward her. “Matthew? What are you doing here?”
“I bumped into Nicky and she mentioned you’d bought a house. I thought I’d come and see how you are.”
Erin frowned. After the way her ex-fiancé had stormed out of her life, she hadn’t expected to ever see him again. Never wanted to see him again. She didn’t believe for one minute he’d popped around out of curiosity. Matthew never did anything spontaneously.
She forced a good dose of enthusiasm into her voice. “I’m doing great.” There was nothing like stretching the truth to cover up a broken heart. Thankfully he hadn’t been the one doing the breaking. This time.
Matthew looked uncertainly around the backyard. His brown eyes moved from one side of the garden to the other. “It’s going to look good when you’re finished.”
Erin nodded, not quite sure what to say. “It’s not the best time to be landscaping, but I’ve chosen shrubs that don’t need a lot of water.”
“You’ve got a lot of digging ahead of you.”
Erin shrugged. “It’s just the beginning. Once it gets cooler, I’ll buy a few more plants.”
Matthew picked up the spade she’d dropped and handed it to her. For some weird reason, she decided to take pity on him. When all was said and done, he’d been an important part of her life for more years than she wanted to remember. He’d just conveniently forgotten to tell her he had a major aversion to children.
He was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Perfect gardening clothes. “I was just about to put some of these plants into the ground. Do you want to give me a hand?” She half expected him to say no, but he looked more relieved than insulted.
“Sure. Where do you want me to start?”
For the next hour they worked together, digging holes and watering plants into place. Matthew told her about what he’d been doing for the last few months, and the promotion that hadn’t worked out.
When it got too dark to keep going, she dusted off her jeans and surveyed the backyard. A row of tr
ees would quickly grow to screen the old tin fence she couldn’t afford to replace. White roses and bright pink daisies added a touch of color to the ground. They’d even planted primroses into pots she’d salvaged from the previous owner’s trash.
Matthew stood with his hands on his hips, looking at her. “What do you think?”
“Not bad for a city slicker and a librarian. Thanks for your help. I probably would have run out of steam before now.”
“It’s the least I could do,” he mumbled.
Giving him a sharp stare, she decided to ignore his last comment. She wasn’t in any frame of mind to try and decipher male reasoning.
The day before she realized she’d sunk to new depths and she wouldn’t open her mouth to prove how low she’d fallen. Ethan had come to the library on a class visit with Lucy. Hanging out for any crumb of information about Jake from his sister and six-year-old nephew had to be desperate.
She missed Jake more than she ever thought she would and that worried her. Matthew’s appearance tonight left her wondering what on earth could happen next. “I’ve got some ice cream in the freezer if you want to share some?”
A slow smile of thanks lit his face. A year ago his smile would have warmed her heart. Now it just left a little dent of sadness for a relationship that was doomed from the start.
They spent the rest of the night catching up on what Erin had been doing. Well, most of what she’d been doing. She stuck with work, house renovations and Nicky’s wedding stories. All nice, safe, topics.
As he was leaving, Matthew stopped and turned to her. “I enjoyed tonight. I thought you’d tell me to leave.”
“I guess you caught me in a weak moment.”
He shuffled on his feet and Erin wondered what was coming next. “I can’t help tomorrow, but do you want a hand the following night to finish off the planting?”
She hesitated. Just because Matthew was willing to spend an hour shoveling plants into the ground didn’t mean it was a good idea.
Forever Wishes (Montana Brides, Book 4) Page 11
