by Sue MacKay
‘That’s true.’
Two very bleak words he was responsible for. He needed to clear the air before the situation got worse. They’d had a wonderful time and he did not want that to be lost because of any misunderstanding.
‘Abby, do you trust me to do the right thing by my son?’
Silence hung between them. Her hands fisted in her lap. Her eyes seemed glued to something beyond the vehicle.
Hurt stabbed him hard beneath his ribs. Why couldn’t she trust him? He hadn’t let her down since he’d come to Nelson. Had he? He couldn’t prevent the hurt ringing in his voice. ‘You’ve answered without a word.’
Her words came slowly, as though she was thinking her way through a minefield. ‘I do believe you’ll try. You’ll probably stay in touch regularly, but that’s not enough. The way I see it, you’re doing to Seamus what your father did to you. Leaving him behind. You mightn’t be cruel and undermine his attempts to do things, but he’s not going to know you. You’re not going to be there when he hurts, when he asks what the moon is made of, when he wants to learn to drive.’
‘You don’t pull any punches, do you?’ he gasped, reeling from the intensity of her statement. Where had the soft woman who’d spent the night in his arms gone?
‘I just want what’s best for you all,’ she whispered.
So they were on the same playing field. ‘So do I.’ He took a steadying breath. ‘What happens when I hurt Seamus? How do you explain to him that his father had to go away because he failed to be a good daddy?’
She’d seek him out and throttle him, that’s what she’d do.
‘I haven’t got a clue. I can’t even get it through to you that you’re already a good father. Like me, you have to learn as you go along. Why won’t you see that?’ She saw everything in black and white.
‘Abby, sweetheart, you’re a novice when it comes to this. My father worked at it for most of my life to get me to see things his way. Like water dripping on rock, eventually the rock wears away. Take a young child and keep telling him he’s useless and he begins to believe that. Take that child as a young man and blame him for everything that goes wrong in their family and it becomes real.’
She turned, and the sympathy he saw in those emerald eyes nearly drowned him. But he didn’t want sympathy, he wanted understanding. He needed her to accept he knew what he was doing.
But, of course, she didn’t. This was Abby, after all. The woman who believed in families and happy-ever-afters. Although he had to admit those hadn’t come her way very often.
She said, ‘That’s the most terrible thing I’ve heard, but you’re nothing like that. Already your son loves you, because of how you’ve treated him with care and love.’
A knife turned in his heart.
‘Your niece loves you.’ A tear rolled down her cheek.
There was more. He just knew it. Except he didn’t know what that was.
And Abby wasn’t saying.
Kieran stomped hard on the accelerator. If only he had the sports car in his hands. After dropping Abby off, he’d turned in the opposite direction from the city, taking the main highway south, further out into the countryside. He needed speed to shake the shock out of his system that had slammed him between the eyes.
He loved Abby.
He gripped the steering-wheel harder to stop the tremors racking his body.
How the hell had this happened?
He loved her and the despair he’d seen in her eyes rode with him all the way, mocking him. He’d never promised her anything he couldn’t give. But now he had to deal with this new development.
New? Get real. He’d probably loved her since that night in Dublin. If he’d ever admit it. How could he have missed it? He jerked the vehicle around a sharp corner. He’d been blind to what had been right before his eyes because all his attention had been focused on the children.
Abby. The woman of his dreams. When he’d allowed himself to dream, that was. Which hadn’t been often.
So what was he going to do? Absolutely nothing.
How could he? He was his father’s son. Which meant?
He’d be a useless father. That was a given.
He’d be a worse husband.
Because? Commitment scared him senseless. He’d been committed to his dog and Beagles had got run over while he’d been walking him. What about his girlfriend who’d lost their baby? He’d loved her and yet he hadn’t been there when she’d miscarried. He’d been committed to Morag, and she’d been drugged and injured while in his flat. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t been there, he’d trusted the guys he’d shared that flat with. He’d committed to showing his father he could be a success and never once had he heard that his father was proud of him.
So how could he offer himself to Abby?
No. His lifestyle of love them and leave them was safer for everyone involved.
But.
Last night he and Abby had made love. Last night had been about the two of them, about giving and receiving, sharing. He hadn’t been able to get enough of her, generous soul that she was. Last night he’d have been happy if they’d flown to the moon to be alone. He had wanted nothing more than Abby. No one else.
Inspiration struck him. What if Abby and the children moved to Dublin? He could set them up in a house near his apartment. He could see them as often as he wanted without making that commitment he was so afraid of. Pleased with the idea, he relaxed as he drove up the Spooners Range for view back to the city.
It would be a win-win situation for them all.
In ED Abby tugged her gloves off and tossed them in the bin, then stripped the bloodstained sheets off the bed and pushed them into the laundry bag.
It had been an uncomfortable few days since the morning after New Year’s Eve. She and Kieran had been dancing around one another. He didn’t seem any more prepared to break the uneasy truce that had arisen between them than she was. Whenever he’d come out to see the kids she’d made sure to go over to her father’s house so there could be no awkward conversations about the future. It bugged her that Kieran seemed relieved when she did that. She’d hoped he might come round to her way of thinking.
Anyway, she’d come to a decision. It scared her, a lot, every time she thought about it but if, and it was a huge if, it suited Kieran, she and the children would move to Dublin. Then Olivia and Seamus could be as close to Kieran as to her.
The fact she loved Kieran had nothing to do with this. Yeah, right. Somehow she would deal with that. Somehow. Some time. In the next million years she’d get over him.
Sally stopped her on the way back to the cubicle with clean linen. ‘That young boy Joey is in cubicle one. His neighbour brought him and his mother in while you were with the forestry worker.’
Abby’s heart squeezed. ‘What’s happened this time?’
‘Dislocated shoulder again, plus a fractured wrist. We’re waiting on the orthopaedic surgeon, but he’s in Theatre at the moment.’ Sally grimaced. ‘That poor kid. When is his mother going to get out of the situation?’
‘I guess it’s not that easy when you’re financially up against the wall and being terrorised by the person you rely on for support. I’ll go and sit with them until we get busy.’
Joey was sleeping fitfully when she crept into his cubicle. She spoke softly to his mother. ‘Hello, Dale. Is it okay if I check on Joey?’
Dale nodded. Abby took her time counting Joey’s pulse, checking his pain medication levels and generally straightening out the blanket. Then she sat on the end of the bed and studied the woman before her. Dale was probably younger than Abby but the defeat in her eyes made her look ten years older. ‘Joey’s vitals are good. What about you? Have you got any injuries this time?’
‘Nothing too bad. Just bruises.’
‘I should look at them,’ Abby said gently. ‘If you’d like me to.’
‘Nah, don’t worry about me.’
‘But I do. It’s just as important to look after your health. For Jo
ey’s sake,’ she nudged.
In the ensuing silence Abby could hear Kieran talking to Sally. As Abby was about to ask Dale if she’d like a coffee, Dale muttered, ‘Last time we were here you talked to me.’
‘Yes.’ She’d mentioned several things, including Dale getting help for herself and Joey.
‘Something about a refuge place where we could hide from my old man.’
Abby spoke quietly, afraid of scaring Dale off. ‘The women’s refuge. They’d protect you and Joey, and provide a room and food for as long as it takes to sort yourself out.’
‘It’s not about me. But I can’t let him hit my boy no more. Don’t suppose you know what it’s like for us. You got any kids?’
Abby smiled. ‘I’ve got a wee boy, and my niece lives with me, too.’
‘Is the father good to his boy? Your boy?’
Kieran put down the radio handpiece. Ambulance Two was bringing in a sixty-one-year-old male, suspected broken femur, abrasions and possible concussion, query other head injuries. He had been unconscious but had come round in the last five minutes.
Nothing overly unusual with those details. But. Concern at what else he’d been told by the paramedic clawed at him. With a heavy tread he headed around the station. Life had a way of throwing up wild cards when you least expected them. Outside cubicle one he hesitated, and overheard Joey’s mother ask, ‘Is the father good to his boy? Your boy?’
Abby answered, ‘He’s wonderful. Seems to instinctively know how to look out for Seamus. I couldn’t ask for a better father for my son.’
Kieran’s heart slowed as his chest took a hit. That was him she was talking about. Saying he was a good father. Better than that even. Warmth slipped under his guard, gave him a sense of belonging, of doing right. Maybe he was parent material after all. Who would know better than Abby? Hadn’t she told him the same a week ago? Yeah, and hadn’t he thrown it back at her, refusing to believe her? Too busy protecting himself to see how he’d hurt Abby? She’d been hurt enough in her life, he should be looking out for her.
Dale was saying, ‘Lucky little boy. Joey’s father can’t stand him being around.’
Abby’s sigh was audible to Kieran. ‘Seamus is lucky. His dad loves him very much.’
Talk about a morale boost. Kieran sucked in the praise. Then thought about what he’d been on his way to do when he’d stopped outside the cubicle and the warmth under his skin evaporated. He lifted his chin. Now was his chance to put some things right between them. He’d be there for Abby, would support her over the coming weeks, help her out with anything that needed doing.
He stepped around the curtain. ‘Abby, can you come with me?’ Kieran took her elbow and led her out of the cubicle, not giving her time to refuse.
‘This had better be good.’ That aloof tone she’d adopted with him all week hardened. ‘I’m finally getting somewhere with Dale. She’s talking about the women’s refuge.’ Abby tried to pull her arm away but he tightened his hold.
‘Barbara will see to Joey. I need to talk to you.’
Abby turned to him. He saw apprehension slither through her eyes. ‘Kieran? What’s going on?’
He led her to a chair before squatting in front of her and wrapping his hands around hers.
Which made her tremble. ‘Tell me.’
‘Abby, there’s been an accident.’
Slam-dunk. Her face paled. ‘Seamus? Olivia? I saw them both at lunchtime and they were okay. What’s happened?’ Her mouth closed over any more questions.
‘The children are fine.’ Kieran’s thumbs rubbed the backs of her hands. ‘Abby, Max fell off a ladder in the orchard. The paramedics are bringing him in now.’
‘Dad? Fell off a ladder? Why was he up one in the first place? He’s got workers to do that.’ She leapt up, spun round, fear written all over her face. ‘He’s going to be all right? Isn’t he?’
Kieran quickly outlined the scant details he’d received from the ambulance crew. ‘They’ve put a neck brace on him but they don’t believe he has sustained spinal injures. It’s a precaution.’
‘I know they do that.’ Abby blinked at him as though he held a powerful set of headlights directed at her.
Sure, she knew, but this was her father and when she first saw him there was every chance all her training would go out the window.
‘How long before Dad gets here?’ Another blink.
‘Any minute now. Sally will let us know.’ Kieran reached for her and held her against him. He could feel her shock in her tense body, in her short, fast breaths against his chest. His hand stroked her back, trying to give her some love.
She pulled back in his arms. ‘What else? Have you told me everything?’ This was Abby the daughter, not Abby the nurse asking.
‘When Max was found him he was slipping in and out of consciousness so we have to assume he hit his head as well.’ Kieran kept rubbing her back in circular movements.
Speaking against his chest, ‘I need to wait in the ambulance bay.’
‘Of course. But you won’t be there as a nurse. Sally and the others will do that.’
Sally tapped him on the shoulder. ‘They’re pulling into the bay now.’ Then she reached for Abby’s hands, kissed her on the forehead. ‘Hang in there, Abby. We’ll do everything we can for Max.’
‘I know but what if it’s not enough?’ Her fear made her voice tremble. Kieran had to swallow hard on the lump blocking his throat. Not only was he worried about Max, but this caring, loving woman was hurting badly, and he couldn’t prevent that. He could look after her father to the absolute best of his ability. Would it be enough? It absolutely had to be.
Abby thought her ribs would break under the thumping they were getting from her heart. Dad. What had he been doing up a ladder? He should know better. He was sixty-one, for goodness’ sake. But he’d been up them all his life. Why shouldn’t he use ladders now? How else could he check the fruit? God, she wanted to strangle him. Hadn’t they had enough horrors in this family?
Family. Her sisters. They needed to be told. Something to do to fill in this fearful hiatus that waiting inflicted. ‘I need to call Steph and Charlie. They should be here.’
Sally gave her a quick hug. ‘I called Steph a moment ago. She’s heading straight in with Charlie.’
Abby felt her shoulders sag. Now what? She couldn’t stand still. But as the ambulance backed into the bay Kieran held her back while the paramedics gently rolled out the stretcher. Abby’s chest ached. Her eyes stung. Her legs wobbled. And Kieran held her upright.
Get a grip. She was a nurse. She dealt with this all the time. ‘Dad,’ she choked as the stretcher reached her. She reached for her father’s hand.
‘Abby, love. I’m sorry.’ Max whispered as he tried to lift his arm.
‘Take it easy, Dad. You’re going to be okay,’ she whispered back, and crossed her fingers. At least he was still conscious, but who knew what damage had been done to his head? A severe bruise darkened one side of his face and the eye was swollen shut.
Max’s left leg had been put into a splint, and she noted a pressure pad on his thigh. Had the bone pierced the skin? How much blood had he lost before he’d been found?
In the cubicle Sally took baseline obs and compared them with those taken by the paramedics. She quietly showed them to Kieran and the tightening of his mouth made Abby nauseous. Something was going wrong. Panic rose. She gripped the side of the bed with one hand, willing the fear down. She wouldn’t help her father by losing control.
‘Hey.’ Kieran touched her chin.
She met his eyes for a brief moment, saw something almost like love there, but that had to be wishful thinking. She definitely saw real concern for her and her father. He’d do everything he possibly could for her Dad and that’s all she could ask. ‘Thanks.’
Kieran spoke to Sally in such a quiet voice that Abby didn’t hear what he said. But she didn’t have to. She knew what was going on, fully understood the procedures. Her father was in the best place po
ssible, receiving the best care available. She wouldn’t have wanted anyone else looking after him. Kieran was a superb emergency specialist.
So she needed to get her head together. Be strong. Be strong? Well, if there was one thing she could do, that was it. If things turned out really bad for her father then she’d deal with it. Her throat blocked with unshed tears. Please give us a break here. Dad doesn’t deserve the worst. He’s already faced a lot of bad things over the last few years.
‘We’re sending Max to Radiology, Abby.’ Kieran spoke beside her. ‘The orthopaedic surgeon is on his way as well.’
‘His head injury?’ She stared at her father’s forehead.
‘X-rays will tell us more, but concussion seems likely.’
The breath she hadn’t realised she held whooshed out between her teeth. ‘Thank goodness.’ If they only had to deal with fractures and blood loss and concussion then things were starting to look up. Very minutely.
How wrong could she be? While the reports about her father’s condition continued to improve, it was a different story when she finally got home.
Expecting to find workers busy in the orchard, Abby was shocked to find Fred McCarthy was the only one there. Fred, a semi-retired man who always worked for her father at this time of the year to earn money to pay for his trips overseas, told her he’d been the only worker for weeks now.
The twins joined her soon after Abby learned this devastating news. Steph immediately phoned Andrew to come, and they all crowded around the kitchen table in Max’s house to formulate a plan to keep the orchard running. Abby would oversee everything and help with packing the fruit, while the twins and Andrew would pick fruit and see to other jobs as time allowed.
Well after six o’clock Kieran arrived laden with groceries and news of Max.
‘The good news is that he hasn’t done serious damage to his head. He has a concussion, which will be monitored. The best thing for concussion is to stay in bed and, given his broken leg and three fractured ribs, he isn’t going anywhere for a while anyway. The surgery went well. The surgeons had to put a steel pin in his leg.’
