by Pandora Pine
“Something like that,” Rem mumbled.
Declan moved to stand up. “Great talk, Rem.”
“Wait!” Rem grabbed Declan’s hand, standing up with him. “Don’t go. Not yet, I just…” That old zing of attraction sang through his blood as his hand re-familiarized itself with Declan’s soft skin.
Making eye contact, Rem could see a world of hurt in Declan’s stormy green eyes. This was his fault. He was the one with the insecurities, too stubborn to hear out the man who’d loved and lived with him for three years and Declan was paying the price.
“I’m waiting.” Most of the edge in Declan’s voice was gone.
“I miss you, Dec. I miss us.” Rem squeezed their hands. “I don’t know how to fix things, but maybe this is a good place to start?”
“Boys! Dinner!” Peg shouted from the sliding glass door.
“Yeah, boys! Dinner!” Tucker shouted from beside her.
“To be continued.” Declan pulled his hand back from Rem and headed toward the door.
Rem watched him turn to go, feeling a spark of hope for the first time in a long time.
**
The kid-created lasagna was a hit. Rem had told Gemma how proud he was of her cooking, but she'd all-but ignored him, sparing him an all too brief smile when he’d complimented her cooking skills. Everyone sitting around the table had shot him sympathetic looks.
Not that he wasn't blessed to have such a wonderful group of friends in his life, but he was getting sick of being the subject of their pity. Worse, he was sick of being mired in his own pity-party for one. There had to be a way out of the situation between him and Gemma.
Since the kids cooked, the adults had cleaned up. Rem scrubbed the dishes while Knox dried them. Declan had volunteered to go out with Tucker and Rex after the puppy nearly had an accident.
After their impromptu chat in the backyard, Declan had gone back to keeping to himself. Rem wasn't sure what kind of attitude he was expecting from Dec after he'd apologized, but sullen was the last thing he'd thought Dec would be. The two of them plus Gemma were a perfectly matched trio of misery.
Rem was sick of living this miserable life. He'd loved his sister more than life itself and he'd just barely survived losing her. The only thing that had kept him afloat during his darkest days was knowing he had a piece of her left in Gemma.
He'd thought the kitten would be the key to her heart, but he'd been wrong. They'd made a little progress with their chat this morning about Blackie, but she’d barely said one word to him since they'd gotten out of the car at Peg and Mitch's house.
Once dessert had been eaten and everyone raved over Declan having picked it out, he'd packed up Blackie and told Gemma it was time to go home. He'd gotten a sourpuss look for his trouble while Gemma gave hugs to everyone else, telling them how much she loved them.
Peg had been kind enough to tell him that she knew Gemma loved him too and that she just wasn't ready to say it yet. Rem knew it was just a bullshit line meant to make him feel better. In truth, it only made him feel worse.
Declan had been nice enough to get Gemma into her car seat while he’d set Miss Blackie on the seat next to her. The little cat had cried the whole way to the car. Rem assumed she missed Gemma, making him feel like he wasn’t enough even for the cat.
Maybe Rem should have gotten a pet for himself while they'd been at the shelter so he'd have at least one being in his life who loved him unconditionally. Dec loved me like that, once upon a time…
The last thing he needed was to start thinking about Declan and the relationship he'd blown to hell by being a stubborn, insecure bastard.
"Ready to go?" Dec asked softly after he'd buckled his seatbelt.
"Yeah." Rem shook his head and started the car.
"Are you coming home with me, Dec?" Gemma sounded almost giddy.
"No, honey. I've got to go home and do some work for school."
"No! Come home with me!" Gemma yelled, her tiny voice echoing loudly in the car.
"Gemma, what did we say about yelling in front of Blackie?" Rem could feel a migraine coming on. He didn't get them often but when he did they were real skull-crackers.
"I want Declan! I want Declan!" Gemma's voice was shrill and she'd started kicking the back of Declan's seat.
Totally exhausted and out of options, Rem turned to his ex-lover. "Come home with us, please?" The only consolation he felt in that moment was that Gemma wasn’t yelling that she wanted her mother. At least he could give her Declan, if his ex agreed to come home with them.
Dec nodded easily. "Just take me home first, so I can grab my computer and clothes for tomorrow."
Nodding silently, Rem stepped on the gas a little harder. The quicker Dec picked up his things, the quicker he could get home and deal with his headache.
5
Declan laughed along with The Little Mermaid. He'd never seen the movie before and the little crab was hilarious. Sitting here with Gemma, laughing like this, it was hard to believe there was anything wrong with the little girl.
Remington had disappeared into what used to be their bedroom the minute they'd gotten back to his house. Dec knew from his body language that Rem was battling a migraine. He'd get up in a few minutes and bring him a bag of frozen vegetables and a cup of tea, Rem's favorite things when his head felt like it was going to burst open.
He'd taken careful mental notes of the way Gemma acted during dinner at Peg and Mitch's house. She'd been sweet as pie to everyone there with the exception of Rem. He couldn't decide if her behavior pissed him off or made him want to hug her.
It was obvious Gemma was taking her mother's death out on Rem. The problem with that was that she was making both of their lives hell in the process. "Gemmy, why are you so mad at Uncle Remy?"
Gemma acted like she hadn't heard Declan and kept her attention on the movie.
That act might work with Rem, but it wasn't going to work with him. Grabbing the remote, he paused the movie and shut off the television.
"Hey! I was watching Ariel!" She turned her angry face to Declan, her little nostrils flared like a bull about to charge.
"I asked you a question, young lady. Why are you so mad at Uncle Remy?"
"I hate him!" Gemma folded her arms over her chest.
"Why do you hate him?" Declan knew full well that answer was a cop-out, full of Gemma’s anger, but not helping get to the bottom of why she was so angry at Rem.
"'Cause I can't live with Mommy anymore." Her voice was shrill.
Right before Declan’s eyes a change came over the girl. Her face softened and her dark eyes turned glassy.
"I miss her." Gemma's bottom lip started to tremble while tears built in her dark eyes.
Declan’s heart broke for Gemma, but he had a feeling that everyone else having a broken heart for the five-year-old wasn’t doing anything to help Gemma heal her own heart. "Do you know why your Mommy wanted you to live with Uncle Remy?"
Gemma shook her head sending tears cascading down her cheeks.
Trying to decide how much to tell the little girl, Declan dove in with both feet. "I used to be Uncle Remy's boyfriend."
"You did?"
At least his confession had managed to capture Gemma's attention. She swiped at her tears and looked up at him as if she were waiting for him to continue. "I sure did. I was at the hospital the day you were born." Dec pulled out his phone and flipped to the pictures of the day Gemma came into the world.
No matter how many times his finger had hovered over the “delete” button, Declan could never manage to hit the button. These pictures had meant the world to him and as much as he wanted to move on with his life, he was still holding out minuscule hope that he and Rem would get back together.
"Wow! That's me and Mommy when I was just borned." She took the phone from Declan and started flipping through the pictures herself.
Dec wrapped an arm around Gemma’s shoulders. "I used to live in this house with your uncle and our favorite thing to do was
to go on adventures with you. We'd take you to the park or to the beach to look for treasures."
"Like this day?" Gemma turned the phone to show pictures of herself standing on the beach dressed in a pink bathing suit and holding a matching pink bucket.
"Yup! That was one of my favorite days with you. We spent the day looking for shells and building a sandcastle."
"I don't remember these pictures." Gemma climbed into Declan’s lap.
Declan’s heart pinched in his chest, knowing how much Rem would love this kind of moment between him and Gemma. "You were only two years old on this day."
"Did you love me?" Gemma’s dark brown eyes swam in unshed tears.
"I still do, honey. That never changed. Uncle Remy loves you too." Dec gave Gemma a quick hug. "The reason your Mommy wanted you to live here with Uncle Remy was because he loved you to the moon and back."
"He used to tell me that all the time." Gemma twisted her hands together.
"I remember." What Dec wasn't going to tell her was that Rem used to say the same thing to him. "He loves you so much, Gemmy and he's trying his hardest to keep your little family together. He misses your Mommy as much as you do."
Gemma nodded as if she were thinking about what Dec had told her.
"Now you fight all the time, right?" Declan’s voice softened, in an attempt to keep the little girl talking.
"Yeah, we do. I yell at him."
Dec barked out a rough laugh. "I know you do. What would you think about not yelling so much? I know that would make Uncle Remy happy. It might make you happier too."
"I'll think about it. Can we go back to watching Little Mermaid now?"
Sighing, Dec did as she asked. He was going to have a sit-down with Rem later on to fill him in on his observations of Gemma and the conversation they’d just had.
XX
Rem heard the water running in the bathroom sink and knew Declan was brushing his teeth. It was the last thing he always did before coming to bed.
Being the coward that he was, Rem had stayed in his room the entire night. He'd heard Gemma singing along with The Little Mermaid and then heard Dec getting her ready for bed.
Dec had come in to his room about an hour ago with a bag of frozen peas for his aching head and a cup of Earl Grey tea. Rem had thanked him, but Dec had walked out of the room without saying a word in return.
Lying alone in the dark he'd been able to see things so clearly. He'd been just as lost over the last two years as Declan had been. He'd always blamed his ex for the way things had gone down between them, but in truth, most of the fault was his own.
There was no denying Declan had been right earlier when he'd said Rem thought he was sleeping with every man they met. Thinking back over their three years, they'd almost always been together physically.
There were a couple of seminars Declan had to attend outside of New England, but those had always been during the summer months when Rem had been free to go along with him. His ex had been home every night after work, right on-time and rarely went out with friends without Rem.
He'd been a perfect boyfriend in almost all respects. It was Rem who couldn't seem to trust that his gorgeous lover wasn't going to stray like his last one had done. It has taken Rem years to get over that betrayal.
He guessed it was safe to say that he really hadn’t gotten over it at all what with the way he’d always been waiting for the other shoe to drop while he’d been with Declan.
A knock on the door brought Rem back to the present. "Come in."
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Dec was hovering inside the door.
"Better. Thanks for the tea and peas."
Dec snorted. "That's a good name for a migraine clinic. Tea and Peas."
Rem laughed along with him. It felt so damn good to see Declan smile like that.
"Mind if I come in for a sec?"
Remington patted the empty side of the bed that used to belong to Declan.
Dec looked tempted, but grabbed the high back chair next to the bed and dragged it closer to Rem.
It's not like Rem could blame him for being unwilling to get into bed with him. It must be so hard on Dec to be here in the house he used to live in and the room that used to be his.
"I had a little talk with Gemma." Dec sat down, balancing his elbows on his knees.
"I thought I heard her yelling."
Dec nodded. "Poor Blackie ran away and hid under the dining room table."
"Son of a bitch." Rem sighed, running a hand through his hair. "That poor animal."
"She came back to sit with us a few minutes later, so it all worked out. Anyway, I spoke to Gemma about why she's so angry at you."
"She thinks I took her mother away."
"She said that again. I may have stepped over the line, but I told her about us and showed her pictures of some of the time we all spent together."
Rem nodded. "How did she react to that?"
"She was interested in seeing the pictures so that's a start.” Dec offered him a hopeful look. “If you got rid of yours, I can send you mine. I'm sure she's going to want to see them again. Especially the ones from the day she was born."
"I still have all of our pics." He sure as hell wasn't about to tell Dec that he looked at them from time to time.
"I asked her if she'd consider not yelling at you so much and she said she'd think about it. Talk about an old soul. What five-year-old says that?" Dec shook his head with a chuckle.
"She's just like Roma. That's exactly what she would have said too."
"The little crabapple didn't fall far, did she?" Dec winked at Rem.
Rem snorted, swinging his legs out of bed. "No she didn't. Roma yelled all the time too." He looked up at Dec to see his green eyes staring at him. His stomach churned with lust and need. Throwing caution to the wind, Rem surged forward and kissed Declan.
6
Declan knew it was a dream, but he didn’t care. In a few minutes he was going to wake up alone on the couch with an episode of Mysteries at the Museum blasting on the television and the pillow wet with his own drool. Rem moaning did little to convince him this wasn’t a wild dream conjured up by his sex-starved brain.
Figuring what the hell, Dec kissed him back. Wrapping his fists in Rem’s faded Red Sox tee shirt, Dec pulled him closer, groaning himself when their teeth collided.
“I need you naked, now!” Rem panted, trying to tug Dec’s shirt over his head.
Dec could do naked. He let Rem’s shirt go to rip his own over his head. This wasn’t a dream. Rem was here wanting him in the same way he’d wanted Rem for the last two years.
Rem was naked in record time. Fisting his flushed cock, he watched while Declan struggled with his own clothes. “Jesus Christ, hurry up, Dec.”
With shaking hands, Dec managed to get his pants undone and pushed to the tops of his feet. While he struggled to kick free of the denim Rem had hit his knees and sucked his ex lover’s cock into the back of his throat.
It was just like they'd never been apart. Rem's tongue flicked at his slit like he knew Declan loved. The speed of his velvety lips and rough tongue were all designed to bring him off fast.
Declan didn't want this to end and not for some Harlequin romance reason. He knew damn well Remington was just doing this because his body needed the release. He didn't want Declan back, that was for damn sure.
Dec knew as soon as Rem was finished swallowing his release he was going to have to face the cold hard truth alone on the couch they'd bought together on a rainy Saturday afternoon three years ago.
Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back. Dec could feel Rem’s tongue lashing against the underside of his cock. His balls drew up and heat started pooling low in his gut. “I’m gonna come, baby.” It felt so natural to slip back into his old role as Remington’s lover.
His eyes opened to see Rem staring up at him as if he were some kind of god. “You gonna swallow every drop?” Dec half-whispered.
Remington’s eyes darkened. He nodde
d slightly and went back to lashing his tongue against Dec’s hot flesh while digging his fingers into the cheeks of his ass.
Declan knew he’d have marks in the morning but he didn’t care. They’d be the only proof that this magical moment with Rem actually happened. “Touch yourself for me. I know how hot sucking my dick makes you.”
Nodding slowly, Rem grabbed his erection with his right hand and started stroking.
Declan could see his lover’s right arm moving in time with his mouth. “So close. I’m so close.” His hands tightened in Rem’s silky dark hair as his cock pulsed. A blast of Rem’s release flew from his cock to splatter against his own chest.
Knowing Rem was coming with him made Declan’s release that much stronger. He stared into his lover’s dark eyes knowing their time together was about to come to an end. If this was the last time he had sex with Rem, he could honestly say he had no regrets.
XX
When Rem had come back from the bathroom after cleaning himself up, he’d found that Declan had left the bedroom. Rem couldn't say he'd been surprised to come back and find him gone. There was no way they could pretend that one blow job solved all of the issues between them.
