by Pandora Pine
Sitting in the quietof the dark room, Rem had to admit that he hadn't realized how much he'd truly missed Declan until Dec was kissing him. He'd spent the last two years being angry at Dec for breaking his heart when it turned out he'd been the one to hurt them both.
They could have spent the last two years lost in each other, but because of his stubbornness, they'd both been alone and hurting. The other thing they could have been doing was getting a good night sleep. Rem had been having bouts of insomnia since Dec had moved out.
Sighing, Rem threw back the covers and headed out to the living room which was bathed in the light of the television. He could see Dec was lying on his left side staring at the television.
When they'd first gotten together sleeping with the television on or off had been their biggest disagreement. Dec liked it on while Rem liked to sleep in the dark. The disagreement had been laid to rest when both men realized they slept better together no matter if they were in the dark or bathed in the light of late night television.
In the half-dark, Dec was gorgeous. His features were softened by the flickering light of that museum show he loved to watch. Dec watched that show constantly when they’d been together. He’d even sit through reruns that he’d already seen several times.
"What's wrong?" Dec shifted around on the couch, the blanket he was using slipped down his chest to reveal Rem’s old Bruins tee.
So that's where his favorite shirt had gone... “I can’t sleep.” Rem knew he sounded like a little kid, but he didn’t care.
Sighing, Dec threw his legs over the side of the couch. "Neither can I. It's just weird being back here again."
Weird wasn't exactly music to Rem's ears. "What do you mean?"
"Even after two years, this place still smells and feels like home. The couch is just as comfortable as I remember it. I could smell your aftershave when I was helping Gemma brush her teeth. It was just like the old days with us being here with her.”
“Thank you for coming home with us. I was too worried about Gemma’s tantrum to think about how being back here would affect you.”
Dec shrugged his broad shoulders."I kept my eye on Gemma all day."
"I noticed." Rem couldn’t help staring at Dec in the near-darkness.
In the early days of their relationship, Rem had spent every free moment memorizing the details of Dec's face. He'd trace his fingers down the strong slope of his lover’s nose and over Dec's full, thick lips before running them around the graceful curve of his chin. Rem knew he'd be able to sculpt Dec's face from memory.
"That girl was sweet as pie to everyone but you." There was a hint of frustration in Dec’s voice.
"She's acted like that since Roma died. Gemmy had been staying with me while Roma was in the hospital, but I guess she had viewed that as nothing more than a long sleepover. Her change in attitude came the night Roma died." Rem sniffled. "I was still reeling from Roma telling me again that she wanted me to raise Gemma just before she passed. It was all too much, you know? Losing my sister and becoming an instant father in the process."
"You know, it's kind of like what happened when Elizabeth II became queen." Declan sounded serious.
"Did you get into our secret stash of Jameson?" What the fuck did the Queen of England have to do with his sister dying? Rem guessed what was a bigger revelation was that he still considered the collection of Irish whiskey, theirs, rather than his.
Dec snorted and turned toward where Remington was standing. "Her father died, which is a hard thing to cope with, but on top of that, now she had to be the monarch. You're just like the queen, only without the jewels and fashionable handbags."
Rem rolled his eyes even though Dec couldn't see him. His ex had always been good at cheering him up. "So you're saying I should be treated like I'm a royal?"
"You are a royal, a royal pain in the ass." There was no heat in Declan’s voice.
Rem laughed, sinking down onto the arm of the sofa. "So, Doctor O’Toole, what do I do about Gemma?"
"If you really want my advice, I'll give it to you, but it's pretty harsh."
"Hit me with it. I've got nothing to lose here." Over the last three months Rem had done everything he could think of to ease Gemma into her new life. He’d be willing to take almost any advice at this point.
"Every time Gemma is rude to you, everyone around her heaps on the pity. She gets extra attention, hugs and cuddles for being awful to you. I think it's time to stop that and start disciplining her properly."
Rem nodded. Knowing Declan as well as he did, Rem knew the kind of discipline he was talking about would not involve spankings. "You're thinking that when she stops seeing bad behavior as a way to get attention, her tantrums will stop?”
"I hope so. I'm no shrink, but I've seen this kind of behavior before in kids who've lost parents. You might also want to consider joining Parents Without Partners.”
"I'm not a widow,” Rem said stubbornly. Hadn’t he just been thinking that he’d be willing to take any advice he could get? Maybe Declan had a point.
"I know,” Dec nodded, “but who better to help you with Gemma than parents who've had to help a child cope with losing a parent? You are her parent, Rem. I know you still see yourself as her fun uncle, but you're her father now."
"Ben said the same thing to me."
"Maybe it's time to put that advice into action.”
Rem nodded. He knew Declan was right. He’d look into the support group first thing in the morning.
7
“God, damn it!” Declan’s shoulders slumped when the ball hit the rim and bounced off. Again.
“Jesus Christ, Declan! That’s the tenth shot you’ve missed.” Ben Wagner grabbed the rebound, dribbling the ball slowly with his left hand.
Declan knew it was his night with Rem and the feelings it conjured up that was throwing off his rhythm.
“You were awfully quiet after your chat with Remington yesterday. Is that what’s bugging you?”
Declan shook his head, not meeting Ben’s steely blue eyes. Part of the reason he’d asked Ben to meet him at the park to shoot some hoops after work was so he could talk to him about what had happened with Rem. Now that the time had come to spill his guts, he was hesitant. “It’s not that. I-I, um…”
“You slept with him, didn’t you?” Ben looked more concerned than shocked.
Life would be so much easier if he could just put his feelings for Rem behind him and find a man like his best friend to date. “Not quite. Jesus, I’m so fucking stupid.”
Ben stopped dribbling the ball and grabbed Dec’s elbow, tugging him toward a nearby park bench. “What happened?”
Christ, Declan hardly knew where to begin. “When Gemma found out Rem was dropping me back off at my apartment, she threw a tantrum. A bad one. I don’t know how Rem is managing to hold on to his patience so well. If it was me, I might have yelled back at her by this point.”
Ben smiled at his friend. “So what did you do? Swoop in and save the day?”
Declan snorted. He’d never fancied himself a hero, that was Ben’s job. “Gemma wanted me to come home with them, so I did. It killed me seeing her in so much pain and I knew I could help.”
“And having you there calmed her down?”
Dec nodded. “Rem went to bed with a migraine and I hung out with Gemma. We watched a movie and I had a talk with her about her behavior, figuring she’d open up to me more easily than to her uncle.”
“Did she?”
“Yeah, she’s angry that she can’t live with her mother anymore and thinks its Rem’s fault.”
Ben shook his head sadly. “Kids have such a hard time dealing with death because they don’t understand the hows and whys of it.”
“I at least got her to think about being nicer to Rem. God knows he could use a little peace.”
“Is that what you were for him last night? A little peace?”
The sympathetic look in Ben’s blue eyes was nearly Dec’s undoing. He was angry at himself
for giving in to his need for Remington. What he needed was for Ben to ask him what the fuck he’d been thinking, rather than being there to listen without judgment.
“After she was asleep, I went in to see Rem. He was tucked into his side of the bed reading a book. Just like the old days.” Dec sighed, a chill running through him despite the warm evening. “Anyway, I told him about my talk with Gemma and he kissed me. The next thing I knew Rem was down on his knees…” Dec trailed off, not wanting to give his friend a literal blow-by-blow of what happened next.
Rubbing his hands together, Ben seemed to be weighing his words carefully. “Wasn’t it hard being in your old house like that?”
Dec shot him a confused look. “I just told you I had sex with my ex and you’re asking about what it was like to be back in my old house?”
Ben’s lips quirked into a smile. “I can see how upset you are. Your feelings are at the root of all of this. Anger, fear, disappointment, love. You’ve been living on those things for the last two years. Sex is sex and I’m sure it was good, but I’m more worried with where your head is in all of this.”
“Jesus,” Dec muttered under his breath. “It was bizarre being there. Just about everything looked the same as it did the last time I was there. Being in my old house with Rem and Gemma was like stepping back into my past.” Dec rifled a hand through his sweat-soaked hair. “Part of me remembered all of the good times we had in that house together, while the other part remembered how it ended.”
“So it was like being pulled in two?”
Dec nodded. “It felt so right kissing Rem again, but when it was over, all I could feel was the pain of what it was like for him to turn his back on me. I thought that was all in the past, but the minute I could think straight again, the pain was back. Fresh, you know, like he’d just dumped me all over again.”
Ben nodded. “Knowing you as well as I do, I’m going to guess neither of you talked about what happened when you woke up this morning?”
“No. We just got ready for work like we were total strangers. Gemma was thrilled to see me at the breakfast table, but…” Dec trailed off again. “What the hell do I do, Ben? I keep telling myself I need to put Remington in my past. I spent the last two years being angry and bitter, about how things ended, but last night when he kissed me, all of that melted away.”
“I saw first-hand how rough the last two years were on you. The last thing I want to see is you getting hurt again, but at the same time you don’t need me telling you how I think you should feel.” Ben set a hand on Dec’s shoulder. “You need to talk to Rem and see where he is in all of this. Was last night for old time’s sake or a new beginning?”
“Damn it, Ben.” Declan sighed. “Just tell me what to do.” The frustration was making Dec feel edgy and out of place.
“You don’t need me to tell you what to do. All you needed was for me to listen while you made up your own mind.”
Dec didn’t want to admit it, but Ben was right. He’d wanted to hear his friend be angry right along with him, but Dec knew Ben wasn’t that kind of man.
For the tenth time in as many minutes, he wondered why he couldn’t let Remington James go and find a man like Ben who’d always be there for him, no matter what.
XX
Monday’s were always long for Remington, but what made this Monday seem never-ending was the way his traitorous mind kept flipping back to scenes of being down on his knees in front of Declan last night.
There were Dec’s lust blown eyes in his 8:00am staff meeting. He swore he could taste Dec’s release while he’d been in the middle of a noontime conference call and then driving Gemma home from Peg and Mitch’s, all he could think about was wanting Dec in the passenger seat of his Ford SUV.
“Uncle Remy? Can you give Blackie more water?” Gemma was holding up the cat’s empty bowl while Rem stood daydreaming at the kitchen sink washing their breakfast dishes.
Trying his best to hide his shock at Gemma’s behavior, he quickly filled the bowl and watched as Gemma carefully set it back down next to the cat’s food dish.
As he watched the little girl dutifully fill Blackie’s food bowl, he thought back to her behavior this morning. Usually it was an all-out war to get Gemma dressed in the morning, but today, she’d eagerly put on her favorite dress and ate breakfast without argument.
When Rem wasn’t spending the day reliving his night with Declan, he’d been frustrated to think the reason Gemma had been so cooperative was because of his ex. She’d smiled sweetly at Declan over her bowl of Cheerios, instead of offering Rem her usual scowl.
Rem sighed. He’d wanted to see progress with Gemma and now that he’d gotten some, he still wasn’t satisfied because it had come thanks to Declan.
Once Blackie was enjoying her chow, Gemma rifled through her backpack, pulling out a sheet of paper. “I drew you a pitcher.” Gemma twisted her hands together behind her back while Rem picked up the drawing.
His heart caught in his throat when he saw Gemma had drawn their house. He was standing in front of it, holding Gemma’s hand. The stick figure Gemma was all smiles while her free hand held Declan’s.
“Do you like it?” Gemma’s voice was barely above a whisper.
In the months that his niece had lived with him, her artwork had always been angry. Slashes of red and black usually filled the page. What Rem was looking at now was a miracle, but why did it have to include Declan?
“Yes, sweetheart. I love it! You’re so talented.” Rem pasted on fake smile, still not sure how to react to the fact that Gemma had included Declan.
“Tucker drawed a pitcher like that for his daddies and…” Gemma shrugged, looking like she wasn’t quite sure how to end her thought.
Rem realized he was being a total asshole. This was a genuine breakthrough with Gemma and here he was acting like a spoiled brat. He knew deep down part of the reason for feeling this way had to do with his night with Declan, but he wasn’t ready to face what that meant just yet.
“I think it’s amazing! Do you want to hang it on the fridge?”
Gemma nodded and hung her artwork above the picture of Roma that Rem had taped up at her eye level. “Can Declan come over again?” Gemma asked quietly, not turning around to face Rem.
Feeling his gut clench at Gemma’s question, Rem was determined to do what was best for the girl. “You liked having him come over?”
Gemma nodded, finally turning around. “He watched Ariel with me and Blackie and th-owed pitchers of us before Mommy went to heaven to be an angel.”
Wait a minute, he watched Ariel with her all the time. What made doing it with Declan so damn special?
Rem sighed, knowing he was being a first-class dick again, putting his own needs over Gemma’s.
“What else do you like doing with Declan?”
Gemma’s lips quirked into a quick smile. “He made funny faces at me while I was eating my Cheerios this morning.”
Rem had noticed the two of them going back and forth with funny faces. While they giggled, Rem had been upset that the fooling around was going to make them late for work and school. He shook his head, knowing he’d lost out on an opportunity to get closer to Gemma.
Like it or not, Declan was the fun uncle. When Gemma was little, he’d been the fun uncle. Now he was the one making sure Gemma brushed her teeth and got to school on time.
“Can Declan come for another th-eepover?” Gemma climbed up into her usual spot at the dining room table and fixed her dark-eyed gaze on Rem.
As much as his heart ached over Gemma wanting Declan over him, he understood why she wanted him here. Declan wasn’t the one she was accusing of taking her mother away from her. He was. Declan wasn’t an authority figure. He was the fun uncle.
If he were honest with himself, part of the reason he didn’t want to see Declan so soon after what happened last night was because he wasn’t in the mood to talk about it or what it meant for them going forward.
As confused as Rem was over his night wit
h Declan, the one thing he could see crystal-clear was Gemma’s connection to Declan, even though she didn’t remember the time they’d spent together two years ago.
“Why don’t we call him and ask?” Knowing he’d been beaten, Rem picked up his phone and pressed Declan’s contact hard enough for his fingernail to clack against the screen. When he heard the phone ringing, he put it on speaker and handed the phone to Gemma.
“Hey, Rem,” Declan’s voice sounded wary.
“Hi, Dec! It’s Gemmy!” The little girl was all smiles. “Wanna come have a th-leepover? We can make popcorn and watch Frozen!”
“I’d love that, Gemmy, but does Uncle Remy know you’re calling me?”
“He’s the one who dialed the phone!” Gemma looked up at Rem and smiled brightly at him. “Right, Uncle Remy?”
“I sure did, sweat pea!” With Gemma smiling at him like that, his heart felt full to bursting. He knew that smile, as welcome as it was, meant big trouble. Rem couldn’t refuse her anything when she smiled at him like that.
8
“Declan!” Gemma shouted, running to him after Rem let him into the house.
Scooping the little girl into his arms, Declan couldn’t help but notice the sour look on Rem’s face. Was that look for him because of what had happened last night or because Gemma was hugging his neck and peppering his face with kisses. Dec chose to think it was the latter.
“Hope you like dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets and smiley fries, because that’s what Princess Gemma wanted to have for dinner.”
