Wolf Pack

by Bridget Essex

  “No. This is so much worse,” she tells me softly, looking away.

  What could she be keeping a secret from me? I stand there, completely uncertain, as she rakes her hand over her hair in frustration again. She groans a little, rocking back on her heels, then sitting on her desk and gripping the edge of it until her knuckles turn white.

  “How can I bear losing you again?” she asks me, pinning me down with her mournful brown gaze.

  Stunned by her words, I stand still and gaze deeply into her eyes, searching, aching. “I...I thought I'd never see you again,” I murmur, trying to find the right words, words that aren't full of resentment or blame. I do my best. “You disappeared. For seven years, Stevie,” I whisper, as her eyes darken with pain, “you were a ghost. I just...I thought I'd never see you again,” I repeat, “so I never had the luxury of believing I could find you. That there was even a possibility that I could lose you again. I'd already lost you, and I never knew why.” I hold my hands out to her now, my heart breaking. “I loved you so much, and you left. You can't make up for that,” I tell her, lifting my chin, “but you can tell me the truth so that I can—finally—understand. I deserve to know, Stevie. Why did you leave that night? What happened to you?”

  Stevie's eyes glitter in the half-light of the room as she holds my gaze. Then she closes her eyes, grips the edge of the desk tightly. “My grandfather's teeth made that scar, Amber,” she whispers quietly. “Because my grandfather was a werewolf.”

  Of all of the things in the world that I might have been expecting to hear, this wasn't even in the same universe. And I am so deeply hurt by her words, hurt that she would twist my pain like a knife, turn it into such a pathetic joke. I gasp out, holding my hand against my stomach as my eyes fill with tears, as I stagger backward, trying to figure out the quickest way I can exit this room, this club.

  But Stevie opens her eyes again, their color dull with pain. “Let me show you,” she whispers, her voice heavy.

  And then everything I know, everything I think I know, is revised, reversed.

  Because Stevie pushes off from the desk, and then she's bending forward in one graceful swoop and...

  I'm not really certain what happens next. It's hard to describe. It's like her spine lengthens, and her nose grows a little longer. That's impossible... And it's impossible that, instead of Stevie, there is something else standing in front of me right now.

  The room is dimly lit, it's true, but soft lighting can't explain away the fact that there is now a wolf standing, panting, in front of me.

  The wolf is tall, her back even with my hips, which is really big to me, especially in this enclosed space. She has long fur, gray mixed with white, massive paws, a bushy tail and elegantly peaked ears.

  But what guts me to my core is her eyes.

  The deep, dark warmth of those deep, dark brown eyes. The eyes that I know, eyes that have haunted my dreams for seven years.

  Is this real? Am I hallucinating?

  The wolf stands perfectly still, only occasionally blinking, her sides rising and falling as she breathes steadily. And that's when I find the courage to take a step forward, to sink down to my heels in a crouch.

  I'm kneeling in front of the impossible wolf. I don't know where I'm finding this bravery from, but I must have a little left in me, because I'm lifting up my hand, and I'm brushing my fingers over the wolf's ruff.

  She closes her eyes, sighing out.

  And then I bring my hand forward, and I press my palm against the side of the wolf's face, cradling her head in my hand.

  And the wolf presses her head gently against me, breathing out, eyes closed. Vulnerable, utterly.

  God.

  Yes.

  This is Stevie.

  Her underfur is soft against my fingers, but her wiry hair is a little coarse. I can feel that, can feel the realness of this moment, of her, against my palm. I reach up with my other hand, and I trace the pad of my thumb over the slope of her skull, down her narrow muzzle, and to the tip of her cold, wet nose.

  This is real.

  This is Stevie.

  I'm weeping, then, as I wrap my arms around the wolf's neck, as I bury my face in her fur. I'm weeping hard, tears streaming down my face, as I realize the magnitude of what has happened, of what happened to Stevie that night, so long ago.

  And she was alone. She dealt with it all alone.

  Suddenly my arms are no longer wrapped around fur and muscle but around a woman's body I know so well. Stevie. She transformed in my arms, and now her arms are wrapped tightly around me, too, and tears streak down her face as we sit together, the two of us, on her office floor.

  “My grandfather was bitten when he was a boy,” she's saying now, the words stuttering out of her mouth as she finally allows herself to tell the story. “He lived in rural Pennsylvania, and there was a werewolf who bit him. He hid it from my grandmother until their wedding night, and somehow, my grandmother was able to stick by his side. He was so afraid that his kids would turn out to be werewolves, but it never happened. Sometimes he couldn't control his temper, and when he lost control of his temper, he couldn't control his wolf...

  “So the day we were supposed to leave, I was packing—and he found me. Caught me. He was so mad, he couldn't stop his transformation, so he became a wolf, and he tore into me before my grandmother could calm him down,” whispers Stevie, holding me at arm's length as she lifts up the hem of her tank top, showing me the scar again.

  I reach out and gently, oh, so gently, trace a single finger down the line of that angry scar. Stevie shivers against me but doesn't shy away, and I reach up then to cup her face, to draw her close to me again.

  “When you first transform...you can't control it,” whispers Stevie then, letting her forehead fall to my shoulder. Her words are halting, broken. “So I would be me one moment, and then part wolf, and then all wolf... And I was savage, because I hadn't learned to tame the wolf yet. Amber, I couldn't let you see me that way. My grandfather convinced me that if you saw me that way, you would never love me. That you would hate me.”

  She lifts her gaze again; its intensity holds me in place. “He told me that I was a monster, just like him, and that I would kill you if you came near me. I wanted to protect you... I loved you,” she whispers brokenly, speaking the words like a prayer. “I love you,” she revises, releasing the words between us.

  My entire worldview has been altered—and so quickly. I don't know what to think anymore; it seems that the universe that I thought I knew, thought I understood...isn't real at all. Or, rather, it's only a half-truth, because werewolves exist. What else might exist?

  What else don't I know?

  I shake my head. Now isn't the time for existential wonderings.

  Because above everything else, even above the fact that Stevie just transformed into a wolf...

  I blink slowly, shaking my head again, drawing the woman in my arms closer.

  My world is irrevocably changed. But Stevie is here. I would have thought it impossible, a few hours ago, that my greatest wish could ever come true. I thought I'd live out the rest of my life miserable and alone, always wondering why.

  But Stevie is back, found. My soulmate, found. The woman I love with my whole heart loves me still. And maybe she's changed; maybe she's different now... Well, let's be honest: she's a werewolf, and that's going to take some getting used to.

  But we're together.

  And she loves me.

  “I love you,” I tell her then, and I have to repeat it, because my words come out so choked, it's hard to tell what I said. “I love you,” I say again, the words strong and unbroken this time as I grip her tightly. “I thought... I thought you left me because you didn't want to be with me. I thought... God, I thought so many terrible things,” I tell her, shaking my head.

  “I have hurt so much for the past seven years,” I whisper, “and I understand now,” I say, searching her eyes. “I understand why you left. But I wish you hadn't. It didn't ma
tter to me, Stevie. It doesn't matter to me. All I wanted was you. I would have found a way to make it all right. I would have found a way,” I whisper vehemently.

  Stevie grips my hands now, shaking her head. “We can't... We can't go back in time, Amber,” she says then, lifting her chin. “Though I've wished, a million times, that I could.”

  “Me, too,” I whisper.

  “We can't go back in time,” she repeats, “but we can go forward. We can go forward together. If you...if you...” Her voice breaks.

  “I love you,” I tell her again, wrapping my arms around her, “and I've never stopped loving you, and I will never stop loving you. No matter what you are, who you are...”

  She's laughing against me through her tears, shaking her head. “I'm a werewolf, Amber, and that doesn't make you the tiniest bit alarmed?”

  “I figure it's not like the movies or books,” I answer tentatively, “but I realize I have a lot to learn. It doesn't matter, though. Not really. Because you're Stevie. And I've loved Stevie my whole life,” I tell her. It's the truth, the deepest truth I know.

  Stevie rises then, helping me up, her arms wrapped around my waist as she lifts me. We hold onto each other, our combined strength holding one another up.

  “I'm sorry it took me so long to find you,” Stevie whispers. “But I hope I'll have the rest of my life to make up for that...to make up for everything.”

  All of the years of sadness, of despair, of pain, begin to fall away from me as I gaze into her soft, love-filled brown eyes.

  “You don't have to make up for anything.”

  Stevie sacrificed her own happiness to keep me safe, and all of the stories I'd invented in my head about why she didn't show up that night were only that: stories. “Let's just... Let's just start over,” I tell her with a deep sigh.

  Stevie's full lips curl up at the corners as she squeezes me gently. “All right, then. How's this? Once upon a time, there was a werewolf who loved a human woman very, very much.”

  “Mm. I like the sound of that.” I stand up on my tiptoes and kiss her.

  Around us, the new club Wolf Queen prepares for opening night.

  And I hold my own wolf queen tightly.

  I'm never letting her go again.

  The End

  More from Bridget Essex:

  - The Protector: Elizabeth Grayson doesn’t want a bodyguard, but when her life is put in danger, her father hires mysterious Layne O’Connell to keep her safe. And Elizabeth is beginning to fall for the woman who was charged with keeping her alive.

  - The Vampire Next Door: (Co-written with author Natalie Vivien) Courtney's book store is failing, and she thinks her girlfriend might be cheating on her...Courtney doesn't even think she believes in love...that is, until she meets the vampire next door.

  - Raised by Wolves: Meet Becca Swift! She's got the most overbearing family in the world—because she was raised by wolves. Literally. Becca is a werewolf, and she is part of a loud and crazy, up-in-your-business pack. In her day-to-day life, she tries to keep the fact that she's a werewolf a secret... But then along comes Loren.

  - Meeting Eternity (The Sullivan Vampires, Volume 1): Would you risk your life for love? The compelling, epic love story between Rose and the mysterious Kane Sullivan begins.

  - Trusting Eternity (The Sullivan Vampires, Volume 2): What would you do if a chance at love slipped through your fingers? The compelling, epic love story between Rose and the mysterious Kane Sullivan continues.

  - The Guardian Angel: When Erin's life is saved by a gorgeous woman who swears she's Erin's guardian angel...things begin to get complicated.

  - Wild: An Erotic Lesbian Romance: Six months ago, Lily made the worst mistake of her life and let the woman she loved walk away. Now, at a campground party, she glimpses Cora across the fire, the woman she's not stopped thinking about or wanting, and sparks begin to fly.

  - Come Home, I Need You: An Erotic Lesbian Romance: Faith has a passionate, potent relationship with her wife, Marina, one that has stood the test of time. What started as a fiery fling has evolved into a lifelong love affair of two powerful women who love each other intensely. But Marina's job often takes her out of the country, and Faith's been missing her terribly lately…

  - Falling for Summer: On the twentieth anniversary of her sister's drowning, Amanda goes back to Lake George to face her past and unexpectedly meets Summer McBride. Summer is a beautiful, vivacious, carefree woman--everything Amanda isn’t--and Amanda begins to fall for her until she learns Summer’s dark secret. Can love heal all wounds?

  - A Knight to Remember: Holly, a librarian, is starting to believe that love is impossible to find. But one night, during an unusually vicious storm, magic and romance appear in Holly’s backyard in the form of a mysterious, gorgeous woman…wielding a sword.

  - Date Knight: The sequel to the much-loved novel A Knight to Remember, Holly and Virago are on another adventure—this time, in another world.

  - Forever and a Knight: Follow along on the adventures of Josie, a shock jock DJ from Boston, as she falls through a portal into another world...and on top of the woman of her dreams...who just happens to be wielding a sword.

  - Don’t Say Goodbye: Maxine “Max” Hallwell has spent her entire life making the safe, responsible decisions. When her best friend, Jo, introduces her to her new girlfriend Fiona, a stunning, charismatic cake decorator, Max realizes that making safe decisions might have cost her the woman of her dreams...A heartwarming, poignant romance.

  - A Wolf for the Holidays: Mandy’s not having a great December. Her lackluster girlfriend has given her a massive dog--who looks a lot more like a wolf than a dog--as a gift. But all problems seem minor when she wakes up to a gorgeous, naked woman stealing jeans out of her dresser...a woman who swears she’s a werewolf. A warm, holiday romance!

  - The Christmas Wolf: When Kat meets potential roommate Jewel, she has high hopes. For one, Jewel's gorgeous as hell. Distracted by that fact, Kat's budgetary concerns fly out the window, and an intoxicating chemistry begins to brew between Jewel and herself. There's just one problem: Jewel just happens to be a werewolf...

  - Wolf Town: Amy moves to the strange little New England village, Wolf Town--but she finds more than a fresh start when she begins to fall in love with the daughter of the Wolf Town patriarch...who also just happens to be a werewolf.

  - Big, Bad Wolf: During a terrible snowstorm, Megan thinks she sees a wolf. But when beautiful, hungry-eyed Kara comes into Megan’s life, she brings more danger than a pack of wolves.

  - Dark Angel: Cassandra Griman was in the wrong place at the wrong time when her life is saved by an angel. But first impressions aren’t everything, and the captivating woman who saved her life is no angel. Can love save the soul of a vampire?

  These and more are available now.

  Sign up to be notified when Bridget releases anything new!

  About Author Bridget Essex

  My name is Bridget Essex, and I write about werewolves, vampires and lady knights; about two strong, courageous women who fall deeply in love with one another, living love stories that transcend time. I’m married to the love of my life, author Natalie Vivien.

  I’m best known for my Knight Legends series, stories about women knights, real world hi-jinks and love stories that are out of this world. My Sullivan Vampire novellas are a popular series lauded as “TWILIGHT for women who love women,” and I have several other series and stand-alone novellas, and I’m always putting out something new. Sign up for our newsletter to be the first to know when I release something!

  You can find out more about my work at http://BridgetEssex.wordpress.com I’d love to connect with you on Facebook! Friend me on Facebook here: https://www.facebook.com/bridgetessexauthor

  Learn more about Rose and Star Press, publishers of lesbian romance and fiction of distinction, at http:///www.LesbianRomance.org

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