Devil's Choice

by Graham Wilson

  A Busy Year

  On returning from their holiday Catherine plunged herself back into work. She loved it but it was frenetic. After deciding for the last two years to defer her studies at University due to the need to get the pub back on its feet and also with a new baby, she found this year she really wanted to get on with this part of her life. She could also see how a business qualification would help with not only their own business but also with helping Ella get her own new business up and running.

  By the end of the first year before Amelie was born the hotel was making a solid profit after all expenses, and it had been a pleasure for her and Mathew to give Ella a big Christmas bonus out of the profit pool, and this along with the twenty percent of the profits that Ella was drawing from their business meant that she was now in a strong position to look for a business of her own.

  Ella had spent several months investigating a range of options, being mainly interested in something down the far end of Rozelle close to Victoria Road as the customers would be different so it would take little business away from their hotel but it was also close enough to share staff if desired, do joint promotions, combine orders, and get other efficiencies of having two businesses working in the same general area.

  Finally she found the place that suited and they all agreed was just right. It needed a freshen up but that could happen in time, and it was in a good location with regular custom from the Iron Cove dockside. So they signed all the papers.

  This time Cathy and Robbie’s hotel had a 20% stake in Ella’s business in return for providing a bank guarantee to cover her loan through their own business, and after the first year when it was up and running and the guarantee was no longer needed they would then take a 20% share of the profits in the same way that Ella was taking from their business. In due course if they wanted they could each exchange shares to give each party full ownership but at this stage they each liked the connection to the other that their share gave and the combined business structure seemed to be an overall benefit to both. Plus they had all become such close friends that it was nice to see each other regularly and do overlapping shifts in each other’s pubs.

  But now that Catherine had got her teeth into business management she found an insatiable desire to know more and use this knowledge to build up and expand. She realized she was her mother’s daughter. All her own early life lessons about how to run a business that made a profit, looked after its workers and with time gave them security, had become her own mantra as much as it had been her mother’s before her.

  So now she enrolled in a part time Commerce Degree which began at the start of March, and with it she not only had a daughter to look after and a hotel to manage but lessons to go to and study and assignments to do when she came home. She loved it all but there were just not enough hours in the day to get it all done, though she gave it her best shot.

  Now they had an elderly lady a local Grandmother come in two afternoons and evenings to mind Amelie from when the hotel became busy and Mathew was needed down stairs, and as well as this Gran Patsy came one afternoon and evening to take a turn. She offered to do more but Cathy resisted, saying they wanted to see her lots but not just to do work for them, but rather to enjoy her company. So alternate weeks she came for Sunday evening dinner and the opposite weeks they went to her place for Sunday lunch. But these days, each Wednesday were her Grans own time alone with her own great granddaughter both seemed to love this time and would often go off together, sometimes walking the town or going to a park, other times visiting other people her Gran knew.

  Three nights a week she had University and on those nights Mathew would eat a meal cooked in the restaurant and put Amelie to bed. Then when she got home she would peep in and if Amelie was still awake she would come and cuddle into bed with her for a few minutes and tell her a story.

  More often than not she fell asleep alongside her until Mathew woke her when it was time for them both to come to bed. Then often she just stumbled into their own bed and fell back into her dreams with barely a word exchanged. More often than not Amelie also came into bed with them at that stage so her kicking and moving about would then break up their sleep. So their love life suffered with Amelie sharing the bed and her tiredness, but she had promised Mathew that before long they would all go away together for a holiday and then she would make it up to him. They still had luxurious Sunday mornings to sleep in together and waking refreshed to reconnect their bodies and minds, and the rest of the time they just had to manage as best they could.

  More Tremors

  Eighteen months had passed since their baby was born and for Catherine it was hard to believe life could get any better. Sure it was busy, with a small child, now a toddler who was always under her feet, and that plus the business meant she was run off her feet most of the day, not to mention her study. But she was happy, unbelievably happy. She felt like her life had discovered a real purpose, their days were full, the business turnover had increased by a third in the past year and they were more than half way through paying their bank loan down to zero.

  Ella and she continued as the best of friends. Ella was now talking about both getting married to her own man, which was something that Cathy was unsure of, worried that he had a possessive edge that could turn to jealousy and even violence, but that was Ella’s business.

  But Ella’s hotel was starting to make serious money and Ella still worked two nights a week here to keep in touch, the quiet nights at her own hotel when her regular bar manager could cover it on his own. On one of those nights each week Cathy, Mathew and Ella would share the bar work along with doing their joint books as it gave a good chance for them all to keep across both businesses. Ella was now taking a regular wage out of the other business and combined with the twenty percent of the profits from this place she had a useful pool of her own money to put back into her own pub, which was now being gradually refurbished, one room at a time, so it did not affect turnover.

  Cathy had worked they could even look at getting a third place, a joint venture between their business and Ella’s if they wanted. She was undecided, Ella was keen but Mathew was more cautious, knowing how close he had come to going to the wall before Cathy had come into his life.

  But she and Ella had done the sums and worked out that with the extra turnover the two places were generating they could let the debt go up by half, using this money to establish the third business, and still cover repayments comfortably from the takings of the first two hotels while the next one got going. In the end, after Mathew had gone carefully through all the figures which she and Ella had worked up, he had given qualified agreement; only for the right place at the right price which we all like. So when that right place was found it would go ahead.

  Toddler Amelie was delightful, a chattering ball of activity, trouble with a capital T. She had everyone charmed, the customers, the staff. Mathew sometimes complained that she had so many aunts and uncles she barely knew he was her father, though she always knew who was her mother. But it was good humoured banter and when she sat on his lap, pulling his hair and chanting “Da, Da, Da,” Catherine could see he was as happy as she.

  One night in July, a cold night, they decided to try Amelia in her own room for the whole night. They wanted the more peaceful sleep that came when she did not spend half the night in their bed kicking them. Their love life had suffered a lot in the last few months from a third person in the bed and Cathy was feeling it was time to try for a second baby, not that she did not have enough else going on in her life, but she loved being a mother as well and loved the mind image of herself and Mathew with a whole tribe of kids.

  Since Amelie had been fully weaned, six months ago, she had expected to fall pregnant, but not so far. They both had to admit that coming to bed late and tired often meant they just fell asleep, so perhaps they had not managed to get the timing to coincide with her fertile period just yet.

  But she felt ready now for another baby, in fact she would not mind twins, now that h
er life was getting settled into a comfortable though busy routine. So tonight they had both agreed that they would ignore any grizzling and crying from Amelie for at least half an hour before they gave in to her and let her come in with them.

  Their lovemaking was wonderful and it felt so good to fall asleep just cuddling each other without a baby pushing in. Catherine fell into a deep and dreamless sleep. She awoke to noise and movement. She realised Mathew was tossing restlessly and talking in his sleep, muttering the words “No, No, No,” and shaking his head. She pushed her body into his and, when he did not settle, she woke him up. He looked at her blearily.

  You were dreaming she said, it must have been one of those bad dreams because you kept saying the words, “No, No, No.”

  He said, “I don’t remember anything. It is ages since I remember a bad dream, not since I started sharing my nights with you.”

  There was a muted light from the street coming in the window from a gap in the curtains. He was between her and the window, in the shadows. The light was shining on her skin, glowing a faint, luminous white where the covers had come off leaving her naked body exposed.

  She felt his eyes turn to her, looking intently at her body in the soft light. She felt exposed and vulnerable in this light. But she could feel the sight of her body arousing him, and she loved the hard feeling as he pushed his body over and into hers. Now all false modesty vanished in the physical contact of their lovemaking. Later, as he returned to sleep, she lay there stroking his hair in the soft light feeling so replete with their passion. Her body felt very ripe tonight and she wondered if he had just created a new life within her. It was a wonderful thought. She fell asleep again and did not wake until bright winter sunlight was streaming into the room.

  A week passed and then another with life continuing on its peaceful path. It was now August and the late winter flowers were starting to show, the cherry tree behind the hotel was a mass of buds, the promise of new life. She was almost certain that there was a new life growing inside her. Not that anything was showing and her periods were barely overdue, but a sixth sense said it was so.

  Mathew had a couple more bad dreams in fact, if she thought about it, they were probably happening most nights and each was similar to the first. They had passed in the same way as the first and each dream was followed by more waking lovemaking so it was almost pleasure to wake him in anticipation of what followed. Yet the pattern was strangely disturbing to her, as if a beast inside him refused to stay quiet and was now waking.

  Another two weeks passed. Now she was really sure she was pregnant. She told Mathew and Ella. Both professed delight, though Mathew did qualify it with. “You are busy enough with one child, how will you go with two and still have time for me. I fear our lovemaking will again be the casualty.”

  She knew it was good humoured banter, but yet there was an edge to it she had not heard before. She hugged herself to him, “Oh Mathew, there will always be time for you. You are the centre of my life, the one who brings me the most joy and makes it all worthwhile.”

  He hugged her back. “I know; it is just all too perfect. Sometimes I think we have got too busy to stop and smell the roses. Sometimes I think there must be a shadow in the deep waiting to come and spoil it.”

  She refused to countenance anything that could shatter this perfection. Yes, she was often so frenetically busy and would come to bed tired. But her mind was so full of good ideas that she just could not let go and these had to be acted upon before they vanished. It would be fine.

  A month later she was tidying away at the bar, mid-afternoon, alone by herself. Amelie was sleeping in the bedroom, Mathew out collecting orders and Ella was inspecting another hotel that may be suitable. Only three customers were in the bar, sitting in a corner table.

  She started to feel twinges of discomfort in her lower belly. She wondered if she had eaten something bad for lunch, it was like a low grade tummy upset. But then, as she thought more about it, she realised it had been there for a couple days and she had been ignoring it. She remembered this morning, when holding a struggling Amelie as she had kicked hard against her belly and it had hurt, hurt a lot. Perhaps it was that, the kick, but she did not think so. She was almost sure it had been there, just at the edge of her awareness for a couple days now.

  Then, in a flash, a violent wave of pain swept over her. Her hands went to her belly; it hurt so much she could barely breathe as if she was buried under a huge wave which would drown her. It eased off a bit, and she straightened, supporting herself against the bar.

  She realised she must have groaned out loud, the three men in the corner table were all gazing at her with concern. One spoke out, “You OK, love?”

  She was about to say, yes fine, when an event more violent pain spasm gripped her. She heard herself cry out; she could not stand and fell to the floor. She heard the sound of running feet but was lost in a world of pain.

  One of the men from the corner was standing over her, reaching down for her and looking uncertain. The pain began to recede, she found her voice, “I think it is passing now, but would you ring for a doctor please.”

  Two of the men took her arms, one at each side and led her to a lounge chair against the wall. They eased her in, half sitting, half slumped. The pain was coming in waves now, so severe she could barely breathe. Each time she would make little cries that she could not stop. Then it would ease off and she could draw a few breaths before it returned.

  She heard one of the men saying that an ambulance was on its way. She asked one man to go up to the bedroom and bring down Amelie, she would have to come with her to hospital as she could not be left alone in her room. Then two ambulance officers were in the room, loading her onto a stretcher.

  The man returned with her crying baby, unhappy to be woken from sleep, and she told the ambulance officers, when she could speak between bursts of pain that her baby needed to come with her. She tried to comfort Amelie, but it was beyond her, as each time the pain came she would cry out. In the end she asked the man who seemed to be having the most success calming Amelie to come with her in the ambulance to hospital while the others stayed to let Mathew know.

  She felt a prick in her thigh as one of the ambulance officers gave her a needle to ease the pain. Gradually it faded into a more blurry place. She realised they were driving through the town. Then she recognised that they were wheeling her into the Emergency Department of Prince Alfred Hospital. Then doctors and nurses were checking her, poking and prodding and discussing what it could be and the tests the needed to run.

  Now it was off to the X-ray Department to try and take a picture of her belly, see whether she had gall stones or some other cause. Somewhere during it all she was joined by Mathew, now holding Amelie, his face white with worry. They had connected her to a drip now with a morphine infusion so it was hard to think straight but the pain was still there. At last, X-rays done, she realised they were talking about her with Mathew and discussing what they should do.

  The gist of it was there was something significantly wrong in her lower abdomen, probably not gall stones, but kidney or bladder stones were possible. They also knew she was pregnant and said it could be something to do with this, or maybe acute appendicitis. Because the pain was so severe and they could not get a definite diagnosis from the other tests they were now saying they needed to do an exploratory laparotomy, to cut her belly open, to find and fix the problem.

  She did not like the sound of it but realised they had no choice; the pain had to be fixed. She nodded, showing she agreed, and Mathew signed a consent form. Then they gave her another injection to make her sleepy and then she was given a mask of a funny smelling gas to make her go to sleep. That was when her memory stopped.

  She woke up, feeling like her head was full of cotton wool. There was also a diffuse pain across the bottom of her belly but the sharp pain was gone. She pushed her eyelids open, she felt incredibly tired.

  Mathew was sitting beside her bed, looking at her with
a mix of affection and worry. She caught his eyes and managed a smile which he returned.

  He took her hand. “It is so good to see you awake and smiling. I have been worried sick about you, though the surgeon and the other doctors kept trying to assure me that you would be alright. Now that your eyes are open and I see your smile I can believe them. How do you feel?“

  “Like my head is full of cotton wool and the bottom of my tummy is still hurting, but at least the sharp pain has gone, she replied. Can you tell me what happened, was it something about the baby. Did I have a miscarriage?”

  Mathew looked at her seriously and nodded. “Yes it was about the baby, something like what you said, not a miscarriage but something similar. I don’t quite understand. They said it was an ectopic pregnancy, the baby was growing in the wrong place, at the very top of what they called your tube and it had died, so they had to operate and take it out, as well at ovary and that part of your tube. But they say you should still be able to have other babies from your other ovary as that side is normal.

  “I don’t care about that, I just care that you are OK, they said it had just burst when they took you to theatre and you had a big bleed, and for a while it was touch and go. I could not bear to lose you. You mean the whole world to me.”

  As it sunk in Catherine felt an awful empty feeling, she had a new life before which she had loved growing inside her and now it was gone. She knew it was tiny and she had not really known it, yet she felt unbelievably sad that it was gone without her ever knowing this person. She could feel tears running down her cheeks.

  She put out her arms like a baby wanting to be comforted and Mathew enclosed her in an embrace, stroking her hair and murmuring words to her like she had to him when they first come together. The terrible ache of loss remained but she felt comforted.