SECRET BABY AT THE ALTAR

by Claire St. Rose

  But Kane wasn’t coming home

  “I did, Angeline,” Noel said. “I do.”

  She was lifeless, as Noel tried to offer comfort. As he entered her, Angeline rested around the feel of his pursuit.

  “And I like you, too,” Noel said. “So sweet, Angel.”

  Gritting her teeth, she fought past the need to blast him for taking the pet name into his mouth. If he was coming back, Kane would never have allowed it.

  “I’ll help you,” Noel purred.

  Kane was lost. She did this to him. Kane would have better off having never known her. But without him, she let Noel take her. As he tore off her blouse, Angeline flinched. Noel brought his hand to her face and whispered into her ear.

  “Kane would have wanted me to look after his Angel,” Noel said.

  But Angeline only wanted to die, to join him, yet she was too weak to protest the feel of Noel pushing inside her. On the instant of impact, she knew that this was not Kane. This was rough and even angry, yet Angeline laid still and took it. So what if it hurt? No one would ever be as sweet as the love that she had lost.

  So she let Noel comfort her.

  ***

  Tossing towards the empty pillow, Angeline turned to her side. Stroking the air, she pictured Kane, strong and free at her side.

  Never again. And even though she was dazed, lying with Noel was still a betrayal.

  “I’m… I’m sorry,” she whispered into the pillow. “I…”

  Clutching it close, as if it really was Kane, she sobbed into the soft down and prayed that somehow she might see him again.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Kane had to fight past every impulse as he stood toe to toe with his brother.

  “Why say that?” Kane asked. “Why would you lie about—?”

  “It’s no lie,” Jeremy said, cutting him off. Focusing his stare on his brother, Kane steadied his stance. Jeremy would never set out to hurt him. He had to have seen something. Thought he had seen something. Angeline wasn’t here to defend herself. So it fell to Kane to talk him down.

  “Jem, you’re way off,” Kane said. “Angeline stayed true. She waited. She—”

  “Fine,” Jeremy said as he moved back to the car, “if it makes you happy, think that.”

  Jeremy kept moving, but Kane was quick to grab him by the arm.

  “It don’t make me happy, Jem,” Kane said. “Not when you lie.”

  “Right,” Jeremy said as he brushed him off, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Why should you believe me? I’m just your brother. Not your Blood Brother.”

  Kane stared hard into his brother’s face. It was always there, hanging between them like a pendulum ready to slice whatever bond they might still have for good and all. Kane ran; Jeremy stayed.

  And the little brother was never going to let him forget it.

  “So that’s what this is?” Kane demanded. “Some kind of payback? Hey, man, I didn’t—”

  “You didn’t what?” Jeremy asked. “Run away and choose the easy way out? Pretend like they’re your family?”

  Jeremy shook as he stepped forward with clenched fists at his side.

  “Don’t see Noel picking you up, Kane.”

  Kane rolled his eyes. Of course Noel had to keep clear of the jail. There was an entire operation at stake, and one sideways glance from a suspicious cop could blow them all out of the water.

  “Don’t hear him spitting out lies either,” Kane said. “If you hate me so fucking much, why’d you come at all?”

  It took Jeremy several seconds to respond. Uncurling his fists, he took two deep breaths.

  Then he kept going.

  “I still have your back,” he finally said. “Even if you never had mine.”

  Another lie, but when Kane saw Jeremy struggling to force tears back in his eyes, something softened. Maybe he had a right to his anger. Kane only had to look at the three-pronged slice just above Jeremy’s chin to know that their father had to have taken a fork to his face in a moment of rage.

  But if Kane had stayed, his father would have sucked the meat from his bones.

  “Jem… I get it,” Kane said. “You’re pissed. And… and I’m…”

  He tried to apologize, but Jeremy would have run, too. If he’d had the chance.

  Kane stopped short of pointing that out.

  “But it’s the past,” Kane continued. “You’re good now, right?”

  His eyes moved to Jeremy’s hand. A single band of gold. He found himself a wife, he had his job…

  And he still got to see their mother. Sure, she had basically stood by and let the worst happen. Still, sometimes, Kane missed her.

  “I’d be a hell of a lot better if you’d just listen to me,” Jeremy said.

  He seemed so sure, but Jeremy had to have it wrong.

  “Angel would never…”

  Jeremy sighed as he started back to the car.

  “Hey! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  Hanging across the driver’s door, Jeremy’s mouth was like steel, but the tears still brimmed in his eyes.

  “Let’s go for a ride,” Jeremy said.

  The brothers were silent as they glided through the city. The ride started flat, but soon they were falling off cliffs, plummeting deeper into the underbelly. Jeremy’s accusations were still cutting into his heart, but then the familiar began to appear.

  The car moved past ranch houses on dirt lawns. One house had a hole in the roof where the shingles started, stopped, then began again. Kane saw Jeremy tense every time he had to come to a halt. Men approached with buckets and brushes, offering to clean his windshield for the price of a dollar. Girls in short shorts with big earrings and bigger hair promised him a good time. When the light turned green, Jeremy’s lead foot hit the gas and kept racing.

  “Jem, relax,” Kane said. “You’re okay here. This is my turf.”

  Snorting, Jeremy glanced out of the corner of his eye.

  “Why does that not make me feel better?”

  Kane started to fight back when he thought better of it. He knew they were nearly home.

  Soon it came into the full view.

  The Blood Brothers convened in an abandoned factory that used to shoot out video cassettes until technology caught up. They made use of the spoils. Who needed doors when they had stands of film like hanging beads making rooms where once there had just been one large, soul killing space?

  Leaving the car, Kane sighed. The graffiti was still there, a snake stretching towards a head with too many teeth, every incisor dripping with blood. Kane had barely been on board for a year when he asked Noel for his first tat. It took a lot of begging; Noel called it whining, not worthy of a man, so Kane kept quiet. Then, on his birthday, he got his present.

  ***

  “Let’s get the Kid some ink!”

  And it hurt. The first stab of the needle almost made him want to run home and take whatever his father might dole out. But then Noel took his chin in one hand, a bottle of beer dangling from the other, and smiled.

  “It’s ain’t about the tat, Kid,” Noel said. “We call this initiation.”

  Noel leaned closer, the alcohol and tobacco stinging Kane’s eyes. He felt like he would cry, started to say that it was a mistake, but then Noel patted his quivering shoulder.

  “After tonight,” Noel said, “You’ll belong. Nothing will ever change that.”

  Kane liked the sound of the word. Belong. He let the artist do his thing, and he emerged with a colored arm and friends… Family that would never let him down.

  ***

  Stepping through the first round of film, Kane realized that the tattoo was worth the pain.

  “Look who’s here, guys! It’s the K Man!”

  Waldo Geyer stamped out his cigarette and hoisted Kane off the floor. Last Kane had saw him, Waldo clocked in at three hundred pounds. Now it had to be more, much more, as he twirled Kane around like a rag doll.

  “Free at last, free at last, thank God Alm
ighty…”

  Ben Reese, his skin darker than Kane remembered, his dreads falling to his knees, was there when Waldo eased Kane to the ground. Slapping his back, Ben laughed as he gripped his shoulder.

  “Back among the living,” Ben said. “About fucking time.”

  Soon it was all of them, shaking his hand, hugging him close. This was a proper homecoming. Kane turned his eyes to Jeremy, but his supposed brother stepped away. Served him right. He should be ashamed.

  These were his real brothers.

  “Let’s get this boy a drink!”

  At Ben’s command, Kane was brought to a table littered with cards and cigarettes. Taking in the raucous noise, Kane forgot the sound at the feel of a bottle pressed to his lips. The beer bubbles danced across his tongue and slid down his throat. After so long deprived, Kane instantly felt the buzz.

  “You know it!” Kane said.

  Taking the bottle from Ben’s hands, he downed the rest of the beer in a single gulp and belched. The Blood Brothers applauded as Kane asked for a smoke. Inhaling as his wish was granted, Ben settled at his side. Waldo had to work double time to scrunch into a swivel chair meant for slim hips.

  Hips like Angeline’s…

  “So you survived the joint,” Ben started. “You top? Bottom? What’s the deal?”

  Everyone around him laughed, and Kane signaled for another beer.

  “Not me,” Kane said. “Saving it up for—”

  “For who, K Man? Me?”

  Somehow Waldo left his chair, and he started to dry hump Kane’s leg.

  “You gonna flash him some bling first or what?” Ben asked.

  Even as Kane got the joke, he looked for Noel. He should be here. And Kane even wanted Jeremy back. He had to see how wrong he was.

  “Kane?”

  Everything stopped when Noel entered the fray. Instantly, Kane stood to attention. So did everyone else.

  Noel White looked older. If Kane glanced into a mirror, he could say the same thing. But this was different. Noel’s face was harder, colder, and Kane thought of his father as his mentor stepped forward.

  And he remembered the accusation as Noel paused.

  I don’t believe it. You didn’t touch her. But if you did…

  “Welcome home, Kane.”

  Noel took him into his arms and pulled him into a great bear hug. Kane returned Noel’s embrace as the club clapped.

  “Oh yeah,” Ben said. “He’s back.”

  The boys started to crack open more beers as Noel led Kane through another stream of tape. Before they were on the other side, Kane saw Jeremy in the doorway, sadly shaking his head.

  And then he disappeared.

  “So sit,” Noel said.

  Kane did as he was told and waited. He watched Noel light a joint and pass it in his direction.

  “A hit?”

  Tempted, Kane declined. The beer was still rushing through his brain, and he wanted to keep his head as clear as possible to make sense of everything.

  “More for me then,” Noel said.

  He inhaled again before he stamped out the roach, probably saving it for later. When this was all cleared up, Kane would indulge.

  But first…

  “So you’re okay?” Noel asked. “I mean…”

  He stretched back in his chair and tapped his fingers to his chin.

  “No visible scars.” Noel said. “Good thing, right?”

  Kane nodded.

  “How’d you get back so quick?” Noel asked with a small crack in his voice.

  “Um… Jem. You know. My brother picked me up.”

  Noel appeared to consider the statement, and Kane was afraid that he had done something wrong. Noel wasn’t his father; he had never hit him. But with the higher ups serving their own time, he was the man in charge.

  “You know I would have been there if I could’ve,” Noel said. “But I couldn’t take—”

  “I get it,” Kane said. “You got a job to do.”

  Noel smiled.

  “Yes,” he said. “And I’m glad you’re back, Kane. I’m gonna need your help.”

  As Noel stepped forward, he sat on the edge of his desk and grabbed Kane’s shoulder.

  “We’re taking things up a notch,” Noel said. “And I want you as my right hand.”

  Kane was stunned as Noel fell to his knees.

  “I can count on you, right?”

  He could. Always. But there was one thing…

  “Yeah, Noel,” Kane said. “Like forever. But there’s… there’s just one…”

  Noel brought a stray chair close to Kane’s side and sat.

  “Speak your mind, Kid,”

  Kane took a deep breath. The light at the end of the tunnel would be the truth. He just had to hear Noel say it.

  “Look, man,” Kane started, “This is gonna sound crazy. But I gotta ask…”

  Losing his voice, Kane saw Noel waiting, almost eager, for the end to just come. Kane shared that need, and he blurted his fears out.

  “Were you with Angeline?”

  Noel’s face darkened, and he started to nod his head. Kane’s heart caught in his throat at the possibility that the worst was true, and he lurched forward.

  “You put your hands on her?” Kane demanded as he grabbed Noel’s collar. “How could you—?”

  “Kane. Stop.”

  Noel held him back with sad eyes. Kane’s blood continued to boil, but he fell into line and waited.

  “What do you think you know?” Noel asked.

  Kane was quick to relay Jeremy’s version of events. At the end of the story, Noel returned to his chair and plucked the roach from the ashtray.

  “Look, Kid,” Noel started. “I just went by to check on her. What you would have wanted, no?”

  He wanted Angeline safe. But was she?

  “And she went crazy on me,” Noel said. “I mean, I knew it was wrong, but she is a sweet thing.”

  Kane erupted.

  “You fucking—”

  He brought Noel to the floor and held him between his thighs. Forming a fist, he started to pound Noel’s face. The thought of anyone touching his Angel was too much to bear, and his blows were poised over Noel’s jaw when his intended victim raised his hands.

  “I didn’t do anything that she didn’t want,” Noel said. “She didn’t fight me. And…”

  Noel found his way to his knees and hung his head. Kane was on his feet, still ready to kill, as Noel spoke.

  “And I’m sorry, Kid,” Noel said. “But it was like she needed it.”

  Kane slumped against the far wall, strands of film falling across his mouth. He couldn’t move as Noel crawled towards him with a strange smile.

  “Kid, she didn’t say no. So how true can she be?”

  If Jeremy’s words weren’t enough, Noel’s were. Maybe he had it wrong. Maybe Angeline hadn’t missed him. Didn’t need him.

  The thought imprisoned him all over again.

  “Kid?”

  Noel smiled as he tapped his jaw.

  “You’re out,” Noel said. “You’re home. And I got plans for the club.”

  Noel was up, standing tall, and he stared down at Kane with knowing eyes.

  “So how about you let this go and get your head back in the game?”

  She was supposed to wait. He had done everything, lost five years, for her. Was it too much for her to return the favor? But according to Noel, to Jeremy, she was not to be trusted, and Kane almost hated her for the lie.

  “Okay,” Kane said in a low voice. “Whatever.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  “Angeline? Eat.”

  Terri Ludgate was about to pop.

  Somehow, some way, Angeline held onto her nurses’ license. Lillian Palmer’s OB practice was the last place that Angeline had expected to find herself, but it brought a good wage with a fair boss.

  And a friend.

  “Why not eat for three, Terri?”