Heart Stop

by Radclyffe

  Ali covered Beau’s hand and squeezed. “A lot more stay this side of the line because of you and your team.”

  Beau smiled, although her gaze was fixed on some image only she saw. “I know—and you and yours.”

  Ali cast an almost apologetic look at Jay. Ali was still worried about her, thinking she was still mourning, still fragile. Time for her to fix that. Ali had no reason to feel guilty.

  “It’s only been a few weeks, but it’s going good so far.” When she saw Ali’s look of mild disbelief, she shook her head. “No, really, I’m serious. It’s not what I expected at all. There’s a lot more action than you realize.”

  “Well, I know that.” Beau sipped a beer and glanced at Ali, the look in her eyes mischievous and smoky at the same time. “You trauma types think all the excitement happens in trauma admitting and the OR, but we get plenty of excitement out on the streets. Even when there’s nothing for me to do, the crime scene guys and the morgue techs get some action.”

  “We like to call our techs medicolegal investigators,” Jay said with a straight face.

  Beau grinned. “Uh-huh.”

  “And I agree,” Jay said. “I thought I’d be sitting at a desk all day looking through a microscope or something. Most of the time I’m not even in the building. I do a lot of phone rotations, sure, triaging stuff and talking to house docs from all the hospitals in our county, but I roll out plenty.”

  “Are they letting you do anything?” Ali asked carefully.

  “Oh yeah.” Jay laughed. “I get to take notes and pretend that I’m actually filling out the reports myself—Olivia calls it being a scribe. Then she or one of the other MEs goes over them with me. The usual kind of review for newbies.”

  “Who’s Olivia?” Beau asked, helping herself to more chicken.

  “Olivia Price, she’s the assistant chief medical examiner. She’s pretty much the head of the training program, although the title actually belongs to Dr. Greenly. He’s the chief medical examiner, but as near as I can tell he spends all day in meetings.”

  “So this Olivia is your boss,” Beau said.

  “Well, as much as Ali was my boss.”

  Ali rolled her eyes. “I feel sorry for her if she’s riding herd on you.”

  “Ha.” Jay appreciated the banter, appreciated being treated like she wasn’t still in recovery, even though she pretty much was still improving. She’d jettisoned her regular therapy sessions since she was spending so much more time on callouts walking, bending down, standing up, and using her hands. Her right hand still wasn’t much good for fine motor functions, but her left worked just fine. “Olivia doesn’t need to rein me in—I’m a model fellow.”

  Ali groaned. “Now I know you’re BS-ing.”

  “Okay—maybe I’m finessing a bit.”

  “Hey, I like that,” Beau said. “Finessing. A classier way of saying bullshitting.”

  Jay snorted. “I learn fast—years of Ali and Vic beating on me. And I know what Olivia expects—she is very…precise.”

  Ali pinned her with a look. “Oh, and I’m not?”

  “Surgery is different, that’s all. More unknowns, for one thing, which means more risk in the short term. In our line of work, there’s no theorizing. You can’t substitute instinct for evidence. We have no margin for uncertainty.”

  “You mean,” Beau said, “no challenge?”

  “Not at all,” Jay said, not in the least offended by Beau’s questions. Hell, she hadn’t known anything about forensic pathology, so why should Beau? “We’ve got plenty of questions and plenty of challenges with every case. Every death needs an explanation, but the answers are all there to be found, like hidden images in a puzzle. The pieces have to be fit together, but you can’t make up new ones, you can’t fill in any blanks. You have to find the proof for every answer.”

  “Almost sounds like you like it,” Ali said quietly.

  “I do.” Jay settled back to finish the meal, a little surprised at all she’d said. She hadn’t put into words the reason for the slowly evolving sense of satisfaction she’d noticed since she’d started back to work. At first she’d figured it was just the high from being back to doing anything, but now she realized it wasn’t just that, but the actual work itself. Ali was right—she did like the work. Seeing Olivia every day was the bonus she hadn’t counted on—the best and worst parts of her new reality.

  Everyone had finished and Jay stood, suddenly inexplicably restless. “I’ll bus the table since you guys cooked.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” Ali said.

  “I know.” Jay stacked plates into her left hand with her right. “But I want to, and it’s good therapy.”

  Beau relaxed and sipped her beer. “Works for me. Thanks.”

  Ali leaned down and kissed her. “The chef does not need to clear the table.” She picked up the platters of unfinished food and followed Jay into the kitchen. “Sorry about the third degree.”

  “Hey, it’s fine,” Jay said.

  “So how much of that was BS?”

  “Honestly, none of it.” Jay laughed. “Except, you know, the part about you not being a demanding—er, precise—chief.”

  “I’m glad to hear it’s working out.”

  Jay set the dishes on the counter and Ali started to rinse them. She retrieved her wine from the other room and helped Ali load the dishwasher. “I’d appreciate it if you’d tell Vic not to worry about me next time you talk to her. That you got me over here for dinner and I’m doing okay.”

  “I will, as long as you’re up front with me. I know damn well it can’t be easy to adjust.”

  “I miss surgery,” Jay said quietly, “but not what I thought I would. I miss being in the OR where no matter what happens in the rest of the world, we’re free for a while. I miss the light right above my head shining like our own sun, how close everyone stands around the table with shoulders touching, hands crossing with instruments passing, everyone working together. I miss the beauty of it.”

  “Yeah, I can see that.” Ali’s voice was tight, strained.

  “I miss you,” Jay said softly.

  Ali dried her hands and grasped Jay’s shoulders. “I miss you every damn day.” Her eyes glistened with tears. “I’m just so damn glad you’re okay.”

  Ali’d never said anything before, never been anything but upbeat and positive. She’d never admitted she was worried or scared or sad. Jay let out a breath and rested her head on Ali’s shoulder for the briefest moment. “I would never have made it without you.”

  Ali stroked her hair. “Well, you did. Vic and me and you. The Three Musketeers, right?”

  Jay nodded, her heart full. “Yeah, that’s us. Except now there’s like four, because there’s Beau.”

  “True.”

  Jay sucked in a breath and straightened. “It’s never going to be the same, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be as good.”

  “I know. Life changes, and we change too.” Ali glanced toward the dining room. Beau was still at the table, phone to her ear, maybe taking a call from the department. “I never expected her.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

  Ali, sharp as always, narrowed her gaze. “Are you trying to tell me some woman actually made an impression on you for more than sixty minutes?”

  “Hey,” Jay protested. “I’m not a horndog.”

  “True. You never ran wild, but I can’t remember you with anybody that lasted more than six weeks. And quite a lot of mornings you looked like you showed up in the same clothes—”

  “That’s just called being honest about my intentions.”

  “All right, you’re an honorable short-termer,” Ali said. “You’re also avoiding the question.”

  Jay retreated to the safety of her wineglass and took another sip. The last few weeks she’d been busy learning the triage routines, taking her turn on the callout rotations, attending the catch-up histology seminars, and assisting at posts. She’d spent a lot of time working with Olivia, but
somehow they never ended up alone together for very long. She had a feeling that was Olivia’s doing. They rode to scenes together, but their conversations were all about work or none at all. She didn’t mind the silences and sensed none of the awkwardness or tension that often accompanied unresolved sexual interests. Or misplaced ones.

  She’d been happy with whatever chance she had to see Olivia, but the contact only made the hunger worse. Joining her in the Graveyard or in the field, watching her work, learning her rhythms the way she’d once known Ali’s, was a pleasure in itself. A short sweet pleasure that left her wanting more. She wanted more with Olivia than she’d ever wanted with another woman. She wanted more of those moments of intense intimate contact, not just the physical excitement of a kiss or a caress, but the emotional ecstasy of being known. Whenever she thought of how easy it had been to share her pain with Olivia, how the acceptance in Olivia’s steady gaze had shone like a light calling her home, she wanted those moments of connection again. She wanted her.

  “Uh-oh,” Ali whispered. “Somebody’s gotten under your skin.”

  “More than that,” Jay muttered.

  “Who, what’s going on? Come on, details.”

  Jay finished the wine in a long swallow and dangled the glass between her fingers. Interesting, the tremor in her hand barely registered with her any longer when a month ago she’d wanted the whole hand gone. “Nothing’s going on. And everything.”

  “Well, let’s start with the simple part. Who?”

  “Olivia.”

  “Whoa. Olivia Price, the assistant chief medical examiner?”

  Jay grinned. “The very one.”

  “Okay. That’s…interesting. We haven’t met but I’ve seen her once or twice—tall, kind of willowy, shoulder-length blond hair. Gorgeous. That the one?”

  “That’s her.”

  “I got the impression when we talked she was sharp and pretty much no-nonsense.”

  “She’s brilliant,” Jay said, “and I’m not exaggerating. She’s excellent at her job, and a really good teacher.”

  “Somehow, I don’t think that’s exactly what’s got you twisted up, though.” Ali leaned a hip against the counter. “I think it might be more the blond and hot side of things.”

  “Well, it’s all of it. She’s also incredibly intense and sexy as hell, and she can hear the hard stuff and never blink.”

  “Sounds pretty phenomenal.”

  “I kissed her,” Jay said in a rush.

  “Holy hell,” Ali said with a mixture of surprise and admiration. “You’re not losing any time. So the two of you are…” She waggled a hand.

  Jay shook her head. “No. One kiss. Then she shut me down.”

  “Ouch. Is it causing problems?”

  “Not that way. She was totally straightforward about putting on the brakes, and she doesn’t play games.” Jay grinned. “She did tell me I was an excellent kisser.”

  “Huh—how long was the kiss?”

  “Not nearly long enough.” Jay sighed. “My timing was probably bad. I kind of just went with it.”

  “In my experience,” Ali said musingly, “when someone tells you you’re an excellent kisser and then says no more the next minute, they are not really certain about that.”

  “Olivia is always certain,” Jay said. “But I’m hoping this time, she changes her mind.”

  “You’ll be careful, right?”

  “Not to worry, it’s not a problem at work. You know all of us can keep personal things like this separate when we need to. That and just about everything else. Otherwise, how could any of us do what we do?”

  “I’m not worried about your love life getting in the way of your job. You’re both adults, and it’s nothing new for people who work together around here to have a fling. I’m talking about here.” Ali tapped Jay’s chest. “You’ve had a rough year. You need to take care of yourself.”

  “We can’t control when these things happen, can we?”

  Ali sighed as Beau appeared in the doorway. “Hell, no. I should know that as well as anyone. But I still get to worry about you.”

  “I’ll be careful.” Jay said what Ali needed to hear, but she wasn’t interested in being careful.

  What she wanted was another kiss.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jay’s phone rang at the same time as Beau’s. They looked at each other, eyebrows raised in the universal expression of oh crap, and answered simultaneously.

  “Reynolds,” Jay said, turning slightly away from Beau’s side of the table to hear.

  “It’s Olivia. I’m sorry to interrupt your evening, but we’ve got a situation. I know you’re third call, but I thought you’d like to know about it. We’ll need backup and I thought you might be free. If you’re not…”

  “No, I’m good. Free. Whatever you need. What is it?”

  “First reports are of multiple victims at a nightclub on Arch. At least three unsubstantiated fatalities. If you’re home, I can pick you up on my way in.”

  “Uh, no, I’m not, but I can get a cab—”

  “Listen, it’s your night off. Really, I’ll just call Tasha to come in.”

  “No,” Jay said quickly. “I’m on it. I’m not that far from Arch. I’m at St. James Place.”

  Olivia laughed. “Well, you’re probably down the block from me, then.”

  “You’re kidding. I’m at 2022.” Jay wasn’t all that surprised. Being within twenty minutes of the hospital, the neighborhood was popular with the medical personnel who could afford it. The four-square-block enclave of three-story brownstone town houses was pricey, but given what Jay knew of Olivia’s family background, she suspected Olivia probably had some independent means. Her mother was, after all, one of the world’s experts in her field and internationally renowned. From what Olivia had told Jay, she’d lived an unusual but privileged childhood. Maybe. What looked like privilege from the outside was often a prison on the inside, or at least not something of a child’s choosing, and Olivia was pretty vague about the details. Jay tried to respect everyone’s secrets, but with Olivia, she hungered to know more. Everything. She sighed. Not making much progress on that front. Maybe patience wasn’t the right approach.

  “Then you’re only three doors away,” Olivia said. “I keep my car around the corner. If you want to meet me out front—”

  “That’s good. Yes.” Just the thought of Olivia being that close made Jay’s heart jump. Maybe Ali was right and she really did have a serious case of the must have this woman soons. And she’d just have to worry about that some other time. Work first, unrestrained libido later. “I’ll be down in two minutes.”

  Olivia laughed again, that low throaty laugh Jay imagined was accompanied by the rare sunburst expression of heat and beauty she hadn’t seen for a while.

  “You don’t have to rush quite that much,” Olivia said. “CSU is on scene, and there’s no telling when they’ll be ready for us. It could be several hours, but I want to get there as soon as possible. We need to get a better idea of what’s happening. Apparently the police have already locked down the establishment, so there may be potential witnesses who won’t be there for long. If there are any, we may have a fair amount of interviewing to do.”

  “Look, whatever you need, I’m there. I just need to grab my coat.”

  “Again, I’m sorry about this.”

  “Why would you be. It’s our job, right? See you in a minute.”

  “All right, yes.”

  Jay disconnected and glanced over at Beau, who was just hanging up. “You too? Something big going down in a club on Arch?”

  “Yep. Not sure there’s much for us to do, but they want us on standby in case there are more casualties.”

  “What’s going on?” Ali said.

  “Nobody’s sure. Could be a gas leak or some ventilation problem with carbon monoxide toxicity. We’re rolling to secure the building and the street.”

  Jay stood, the familiar high of handling an emergency making her feel li
ke her old self. “So much for boring jobs, huh.”

  Beau laughed. “I think you just like all the flashing lights.”

  Jay grinned. Okay, yeah, maybe a little. Hell, going out on a field call was fun.

  “I’d better call the unit,” Ali said, “just to put them on standby in case we’ve got a mass casualty situation.”

  “Good idea. I’ll call you as soon as I know what’s what.” Beau kissed her, pulled her jacket with Fire Rescue stamped across the back in tall yellow letters off the hook by the door, and shrugged it on. “I love you. See you later.”

  “See you soon,” Ali called, watching her go.

  “I gotta get me one of those jackets,” Jay muttered.

  Ali gave her a look like the old days, one of fondness, exasperation, and a little bit of pride. “You really are getting into it, aren’t you.”

  “I meant what I said.” Jay halted, wanting to make sure Ali believed her. “I can either move on or give up. I choose not to quit.”

  “I always knew that. I was trying not to eavesdrop, but it didn’t sound like you needed a ride. If you do—”

  “Oh, no, thanks. Olivia’s right up the street. I’m meeting her.”

  “She’s a neighbor?” Ali said.

  “Yeah.”

  Ali shook her head. “I love the city—you can live next to someone for years and never run into them.”

  “Gotta go.” Jay squeezed Ali’s arm. “Thanks for tonight. Hell, thanks for my whole damn life.”

  “Oh, shut up.” Ali gave her a quick hug. “Be safe out there.”

  “Don’t think I can get into too much trouble—I’m just the scribe.” Happy to be useful, or maybe just happy to be seeing Olivia, Jay collected her jacket and cane and headed downstairs. She hadn’t realized how late it had gotten as they’d all sat around talking, but the air was twenty degrees cooler than it had been that afternoon when the teasing hint of early spring had lulled her into thinking warm weather was upon them. She hunched her shoulders in her thin nylon jacket and looked up and down the street, checking addresses. She’d been so psyched at the thought of seeing Olivia, she’d forgotten to get her address. She could always go door to door if she had to. She didn’t have to search long. Olivia exited a brownstone a few doors away and waved as she descended the curving stone steps with their gracious scrolled wrought-iron railing.