Whispers of Winter

by Tracie Peterson

  She looked to Jayce and could see he was strongly considering the possibility. “I believe it’s definitely something to think about,” he said.

  Jacob looked to Helaina. “What about you? What do you think of this wild scheme of Adrik’s?”

  “I feel the same as Leah. I had to wait all this time to get you. I don’t really care where we live so long as we aren’t long separated.”

  “That’s a good point. How long are these hunting expeditions?” Jacob questioned.

  Adrik shrugged. “Depends on how plentiful the game is and how far out we have to go to get to the animals. We would rotate being gone, however. A team of men would go out and hunt, while another team would stay at home and deal with the meat, the hides, and the railroad officials. There’s also some good money to be made in fur trading, so seeing those hides prepared will be another big job.”

  “We could help with that,” Leah threw in. “I’ve done plenty of tanning.”

  “I’m not sure I’d want you to help, Leah,” Adrik said, shaking his head. “I suppose it would all depend on where we set up our work site. The men in the area can be a little rough—especially those from the States recruited to bring their railroad work experience to the frozen north. Don’t get me wrong—it’s a good place to live and most folks are perfectly well-mannered. But it’s a man’s world.”

  Leah nodded, understanding Adrik’s words completely. He had no problem with a woman helping her family to exist, but he wanted to see her safe from harm.

  Jayce looked to Jacob and shrugged. “What do you think, Jacob?”

  “Couldn’t be worse than living in the Arctic for a year.”

  His smile broadened. “I say let’s give it a try. We might find we really like the area. If nothing else, we’ll have had a hand in civilizing the territory. We can someday tell our children we helped bring the railroad to Alaska.”

  “I agree. I think we should give it a chance.”

  Adrik slapped the table. “That’s great news, boys.”

  Leah felt a strange sense of excitement mingled with regret wash over her. They were going to leave Last Chance— maybe for good. She’d miss her friends dearly, but she’d have Karen and the boys back in her life. She’d missed them all more than she could even begin to say.

  Jayce turned to her and gently lifted her face to meet his.

  “Are you sure this is all right with you?”

  She thought for a moment. “It’s not without regret, but I’m happy to go wherever you lead.” She threw a glance at Jacob and Adrik. “I think it will be a blessing for all of us.”

  “I just want you to make certain that you’ll be happy.”

  She laughed and shook her head. “We both know there are no guarantees for that. I very much like the idea of having better things for the children, but even if you desired to stay here, I wouldn’t protest. I’m just glad to have you back. I promised God if He would just send you home, I’d do my best to never be quarrelsome again.”

  Jayce touched her cheek. “I want you to be happy. That matters a great deal to me.”

  “I think it will be a good experiment,” Jacob interjected. “It’s not like we can’t return here should things not work out. I can’t really say why, but it just seems like the Lord is leading us to Anchorage. And since it’s already August, we need to make up our minds and secure ship passage.”

  “That’s true enough. We had already booked our return for the twenty-sixth,” Adrik told them. “I don’t know if there will be enough room for all of us, but I’d bet there will be.”

  Leah realized the twenty-sixth was only a few days away. It wouldn’t give them much time for packing. Then again, she didn’t really know what they’d need. Would they have a house or share one with Adrik and Karen? Would they need to bring all of their things, or should they wait until they had a better idea of how long they’d stay?

  “We’d have to move fast to be able to head back with you,” Jacob said. “We’d need to be packed by the day after tomorrow and secure Kimik and some of the others to take us to Nome.”

  Two days. That was all they’d have. Today and the next day. Leah shook her head. It was hard to imagine that she’d pack up their lives and leave in two days. “We could take a later ship,” she said without thinking.

  “You could, but I think it’s better to come with us if there’s room,” Adrik replied. “We can help with the bulk of things you want to bring. I can get people in Seward to help us get the stuff north. Once I explain, the railroad will probably transport us for free. It would just work well for us to all go together.”

  “I agree,” Karen added, “and I could help with the babies.”

  “Let’s commit this to prayer. I feel good about it—very good about it—but I want to make sure it’s the direction God has for us,” Jacob said.

  Jayce nodded thoughtfully. “I agree. God’s pacing is never frantic and ill-thought. I suggest we begin our packing and make arrangements but all the while pray fervently about the matter.”

  Leah looked out over the landscape, turning as she stood in one place to take in the view in all directions. It would be strange to leave this place, but the adventure of a new start— a new life in Ship Creek—excited her. It seemed that all was in keeping with God’s plans. John and Oopick’s reaction was positive, and they promised to buy as many dogs as Jacob wanted to leave behind. They also offered to take over the inne and see to it that things remained in good repair.

  Sigrid had offered to stay at Leah and Jayce’s house and keep it for them until they decided if they wanted to sell it or move back. That comforted Leah greatly. It was good to know they weren’t breaking all of their ties to Last Chance Creek.

  “Are you all right?”

  Leah turned to find her brother stalking up the hill toward her. “I was just thinking about our leaving. Jayce feels God’s hand in the matter—as I know you do.”

  “But you don’t?”

  “I didn’t say that.” Leah looked at Jacob. He seemed so much older than he had a year ago. “I still haven’t heard from you about this last year. I’ve not had a single moment to just sit down with you and ask about the way things went.”

  It was Jacob’s turn to stare off into the distance. He frowned momentarily. “At first I felt we were more than capable of making it all work together for good. I didn’t like the idea that God had allowed it, but I felt it wouldn’t be the end of us.

  “There were days, however …” His voice grew soft, barely audible. “I really started to despair at the end. The men were so angry. They couldn’t understand why we wouldn’t allow them to just set off for home. They couldn’t see the dangers.

  They’d never been out at sea in an umiak and didn’t know the risks. I fear them all dead now.”

  Leah put her hand firmly on Jacob’s arm. “You are not in the wrong. Your admonitions to stay were sound. They chose to throw off the counsel of their authority.”

  “They didn’t see our authority as valid. They felt we were just men like themselves and that our knowledge didn’t give us the right to make their choices.”

  “People often see their authority figures in that way,” Leah said. She pushed back the hood of her kuspuk. “Especially when it comes to God.”

  “You’re right on that account. But, Leah, those were good men. I talked many nights with each one. They were homesick and longing to have their families once again at their side. Unfortunately, it caused them to make bad decisions, and I fear they’ll never see civilization again, much less their families.”

  “If they are dead, you cannot change it by mourning what might have been,” Leah said, squeezing his arm. “I’ve no doubt you offered sound counsel and wisdom. I believe most sincerely that you offered friendship and kindness.”

  He turned to her and placed his hand atop hers. “We’ve been through a lot in this country—you and me.”

  Leah saw that the sorrow had left him at least momentarily. She smiled. “Yes, we have.
We’ve seen a great many things, good and bad.”

  “But the blessings have been greater than the problems.”

  “Yes. I wasn’t honestly sure I would ever be able to say that,” Leah began, “but the Lord has worked on my heart this last year. Maybe I wasn’t very willing to listen to my authority either.” She moved a pace away and turned to look out across the vast expanse of water.

  “There were days,” she said, the longing clear in her voice, “that I would stand here and stare out at the ice. I knew you were both out there. I felt you must surely be alive, because I just didn’t feel like you were dead. But feeling a thing and making it so … well, those are two different things. I lost hope. I began to fear the worst. Helaina told me over and over that you were alive—that you’d both return. I wanted to have her faith, because mine seemed so insufficient.”

  “I know what you mean. I listen to her talk about how she waited here, knowing I’d come home, and it both humbles and embarrasses me. Why couldn’t I have stood the test of time? I’ve been saved a whole lot longer than she has.”

  Leah laughed. Jacob always had a way of bringing a matter right down to the point. “That’s the pride in both of us, I guess. We rose to the occasion and proclaimed our trust in God, then sat alone, miserable for fear that our trust had been misplaced. Then when we see that others were stronger and more inspired to believe the truth, we feel regret and frustration. And it’s all because our pride is wounded. We were so confident that we would be strong. We were so confident that we could take on any trial God sent our way.”

  “You know the Bible talks about how we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood—”

  “‘But against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this world, against wickedness in high places,”’ Leah finished the verse from Ephesians 6. “I cherished that passage during your absence. I felt I was trying so hard to be all things to all people. I didn’t want people to see how sad or lonely I was. I didn’t even want to share that with Helaina.”

  “I know. I felt the same way about sharing it with Jayce.” He reached out and took hold of Leah’s hand. “We’re so alike. I guess only having each other for so long made us that way. I hope you know you will always hold a special place in my heart. I know a lot of men have no lasting relationship with their siblings. Jayce is a good example. He hasn’t heard from them in years, save Chase.”

  Leah frowned at the thought of Jayce’s twin.

  Jacob immediately recognized the mistake. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned him.”

  “No, it’s really all right. I’m trying hard to put him behind me. I feel bad because I can’t even comfort Jayce on the loss of his brother. I never want to hear about what happened out there—not that Jayce has ever really offered me any more details than what he shared when he returned. Chase was attacked by a bear—maybe the same one I shot earlier in the day. His death was as ordained by God as a thing could be.”

  Jacob hugged her close. “I want things to be better for you. I felt so guilty about not being able to save you from him.”

  Leah pulled back. “Don’t feel guilty. I’ve borne enough guilt for both of us.”

  “But you were completely innocent of everything. Even Helaina could take partial blame for what happened, but not you.”

  “No one is to blame but Chase.” Leah forced the name from her lips. “He made bad choices. He made them all of his life. He cared more about himself and his own pleasure than anyone else. He did the things he did to gratify himself and to punish Jayce for the good life he had known.”

  “Still, I wish I could have saved you from it.”

  Leah hoped her next words would free Jacob from any further guilt. “Jacob, I never thought I could say this, but I wouldn’t trade my children for anything. Not even if they are the result of what Chase did.”

  Jacob looked at her oddly for a moment. “Truly?”

  “Truly. They are my heart. Even if they were born out of the rape, it isn’t their fault. They did nothing wrong and shouldn’t be punished because of someone else’s sin. Not even for the sins of their father—if Chase truly played that part. I can’t say I never struggle with this,” she admitted, “but my struggles are not over whether or not Chase’s actions caused my pregnancy, but more as to whether Jayce can accept the babies I love as his own. Or whether he will come to hate them, should we have other children that we know are his.”

  “I’d never considered such a matter, but I can tell you it would make no difference to me if the same had happened to Helaina. I would love any child of hers—because it was a part of her. I’m sure Jayce feels the same way. I know he regretted the separation. He talked of you and the babies often.”

  “I think this new start will be good for all of us. It will be a lot of work, but I think it will also benefit us greatly.”

  “I do too. It’s rather like taking off for a whole different kind of goldfield, eh?”

  Leah thought back to when their father had first dragged them to Alaska. She also remembered the trek north to find Jacob when he left Dyea and headed to the Yukon. “It is very much like those adventures, but it holds a greater promise than gold. It holds the promise of love.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  December 1917

  The Christmas holidays were rapidly approaching, much to Leah’s amazement. It seemed they had just arrived in the Ship Creek area only days before instead of months. The cabin she now shared with Jayce had only been finished a few weeks earlier. Leah felt very privileged; most folks were still living in tents, and she remembered only too well what that was like from her time in the Yukon. The cabin was much better.

  To her specifications, there was one large common room with two smaller rooms off the back of this. The latter were bedrooms, one for Leah and Jayce and the other one for the twins. The twins’ room held a low rope bed that could accommodate both children. A small steamer trunk served as their clothes chest, and another trunk rounded out the furnishings as a makeshift toy box. Adrik promised a much nicer one as a Christmas gift, but the twins didn’t seem to mind the current arrangement.

  Leah and Jayce’s room wasn’t much larger than the children’s room. There was a more substantial bed that had been designed by Adrik. The peeled-log frame offered a sturdy foundation, while the feather-stuffed mattress provided a comfortable night’s sleep. A large wooden dresser stood in one corner of the room, also compliments of Adrik. The house was a tight fit, but the snugness only added to the hominess.

  Leah loved having the privacy it afforded as well. When they’d first arrived at the house Adrik had built for his wife and sons, it was clear that things would be quite crowded for a time. The land was plentiful, but the buildings were not. It took time to fell trees and put together structures. But the people were just as eager to help each other here as they had been in Last Chance. One day a group of men from the railroad and church had gathered and cut trees and notched logs for two small houses. They accomplished an incredible amount of work in the all-day extravaganza, and only later did Leah learn that all three men in her family had offered the men pay, but they’d have none of it. Their act of kindness touched her deeply.

  Another obvious difference in Leah’s life was the development of the twins. They were rapidly changing in appearance and, where they had once looked very much like each other, now they were showing definite male and female qualities. Merry’s face seemed more delicate, her lips fuller, and the lashes that edged her eyes were longer and thicker than her brother’s. Wills developed a set to his face that reminded Leah of Jayce. He would often knit his brow together while considering some toy or other object of fascination. His nose appeared a little fuller, while his lips seemed thinner than Meredith’s.

  There were also changes of personality. Merry, while still shy, had taken on a personality that reflected Leah’s quiet nature. Whenever Wills got into trouble, Merry was always there to smooth things over. When Leah was upset, Merry would
often pat her mother’s leg as if to console her while gazing sympathetically and babbling incoherent words of encouragement.

  Wills’ personality, on the other hand, reminded Leah so much of Jayce. His eyes were much darker blue than Merry’s glacier blue. He was fiercely independent and fearless. Even now as Leah watched them play, she worried incessantly about Wills getting too close to the stove. He seemed to have no concern about whether it would cause him harm or good. Wills saw everything as an adventure. Why should the stove be any different?

  A knock on her door took Leah out of her reflective thoughts. “Wills, you stay away from the stove. That’s hot. It will hurt you.” Wills looked up, as if trying to ascertain the validity of his mother’s words.

  Leah opened the door to find Karen and Helaina. Both held numerous evergreen boughs in their arms. “What a surprise. Looks like you two have been busy.” She stepped back to admit them in from the cold.

  “It’s snowed another six inches,” Karen said. She shook the branches, then handed them to Leah. “We were gathering these to decorate for Christmas and thought you might like some too. With the babies toddling around, I wasn’t sure you’d have time to gather any for yourself.”

  “That was very thoughtful.” Leah pressed her nose into the bundle. “Mmm, they smell so good.”

  “I can’t believe Christmas is nearly here,” Helaina declared. She put her branches on the nearby table and leaned down to see what Wills was playing with. “What is that, Wills?”

  He held the toy up and grinned. “Doggy nice.”

  Helaina nodded. “It’s a very nice doggy indeed.”

  “Baby!” Merry declared, holding out her doll from the other side of the room.

  “Merry, what a pretty baby. Come show me.” Helaina continued to play with the children for a moment while Leah tried to decide where would be best to store the boughs. “If I don’t put them up, the children will surely destroy them.”

  “Oh, I wanted to tell you,” Karen began, “I had three letters arrive today with the post. One was from Grace, another from Miranda, and the final one was from Ashlie.”