Whispers of Winter

by Tracie Peterson

  “I don’t feel content or comforted,” she replied. “I know God has absolute control of this matter, but that’s what grieves me most. He has control and yet this … this abomination has happened.”

  Leah nodded. “I know.”

  “You can’t possibly or you’d feel the same way,” Helaina ranted, knowing the words were unfair even as she spoke them.

  “Just because I’m not throwing a temper tantrum in front of you doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same way. I have plenty to say to God in private. Right now I’m trying hard not to say it in front of everyone else.”

  “But why? Are we Christians not to feel? Can we not hurt and suffer and admit to such things? Will doing so somehow decrease or invalidate God’s sovereignty and love and put our faith in doubt?” Helaina paced to the hearth and stared down at her son. “I am a widow for the second time. I vowed never to marry again in order to never again suffer this pain. I thought God understood. I thought He cared, and yet I cannot see how He could and still let this all happen to me. I’m confused, Leah. I don’t understand this at all.”

  Leah stood and hesitantly reached out and took hold of Helaina’s hands. The sticky warm dough that still clung to Leah’s fingers seemed to knit them together. “I don’t understand either,” Leah admitted. “But, Helaina, what else can we do?”

  Helaina looked away. “I’m lost and so alone, Leah. I’m awash on a sea of my own creation. A sea of tears and sorrow so deep that I will surely drown.”

  “You aren’t lost, Helaina. He knows where you are—He’s right here with us. And you aren’t alone. I’m in this with you. You are my sister, remember?”

  “We were sisters. We were sisters only because I married your brother.”

  “No,” Leah said shaking her head slowly, “we are sisters first in God. And second, we are sisters in heart. My heart is bound to you—not just because of Jacob. You befriended me and helped me so much when Jacob and Jayce were in the Arctic. Will you abandon me now?”

  Helaina embraced Leah tightly. “No! I will never abandon you. I’m sorry if I made it sound otherwise. Oh, Leah, I know that you care for me and for Malcolm. I know that. I’m sorry to make it sound so trivial.”

  Leah pulled away. “I know your heart. But more importantly, He knows our hearts. He’s all we have right now. I won’t turn from Him in hopes that something or someone else might offer better refuge. I know from experience that they won’t.”

  Helaina nodded. “I know that too. I want to be strong, Leah, but it’s just so hard. When the officials came and said that the recovery of bodies had begun, I wanted to die. When they said they would send Jacob and Jayce back to us once certain identification could be had, I wanted to scream. How could they sit there so calm and indifferent? There was no more emotion than if they were reading the inventory for the store.”

  “I know, but what would you have them do? Weep and cry out? We were already doing enough of that for everyone.” Leah squared her shoulders. “We can’t give up on life. We have children who need us. We have others who need us as well. We cannot grow bitter and hateful.”

  “Bitterness is something that seems to come quite naturally to me in times of disaster,” Helaina replied. “I shall count on you to help me avoid its fetters.”

  “And I’ll rely on you to help me avoid the shackles of hopelessness,” Leah replied. “Both would see us prisoner, and neither would do a thing to keep us alive and well. Now come on. I need some help bringing in firewood. The twins are busy and Malcolm is sleeping. I don’t think we’ll have a better opportunity.”

  Helaina cast a quick glance at her son and nodded. “Let’s go.”

  They opened the door to find Adrik on the other side. His hand was extended as though he were about to take hold of the door latch. Leah jumped back, startled, but Helaina held fast, captured by Adrik’s expression. He was stunned by their appearance, but there was something in his countenance that suggested an entirely different matter.

  “What are you doing here? It’s only midday,” Helaina said.

  “I … I … that is … I came to share something,” Adrik said, stumbling over his words.

  “What is it, Adrik?” Leah asked. “We were just going out for more wood.”

  “I think you’d both better sit down,” he said softly. Moving forward, he turned the women toward the front room.

  “Why?” Leah asked. “What have you heard?” Her face grew ashen, and she put her hand to her swollen abdomen. Adrik helped her to the couch.

  Helaina felt almost numb. What could Adrik possible say that could be worse than what they’d already endured? “What’s happened?” she finally asked.

  “Just sit.” Adrik motioned her to take the place beside Leah. “I promise you won’t regret this surprise.”

  Just then the door pushed back in full, and in walked Jacob, followed by Jayce. Helaina’s hand went to her throat as she choked back a cry.

  “We didn’t know how else to tell you,” Adrik said. “They just arrived, and we ran all the way to get here.”

  Leah shook her head back and forth as if seeing a ghost. Jayce came to kneel down beside her. “It’s all right. I’m home. I’m here.”

  Helaina was on her feet. She threw herself into Jacob’s arms. He smelled of sweat and fish, but she didn’t care. She didn’t know how this miracle had taken place.

  “Papa!” Wills bounded across the room with Merry right behind him. “Papa!” He squealed and dove toward Jayce.

  Helaina could see it all from where she stood. It was like something from a dream. She pulled back and stared into the face of her exhausted husband. “They said there were no survivors. No survivors.”

  “There were no survivors on the Princess Sophia,” Jacob admitted. “We weren’t on the Princess Sophia.”

  “But why? You telegraphed that you would be.”

  Helaina turned to look at Jayce and noted he had his left arm in a sling. Leah sat beside him in stunned silence. “What happened?”

  “We had just finished eating and had plans to head over to a place where I’d been told I could buy some nice handwork. I wanted to get you a gift,” Jacob said, smiling. “We were just crossing the street when a team of draft horses broke away from their driver. Jayce pushed me out of the way, but he was knocked unconscious—broke his arm as well. I carried him over to the doctor’s office, and by the time he regained consciousness and was well enough to travel, the Sophia had already sailed.”

  “We were upset to say the least,” Jayce picked up the story. “There wasn’t another ship due in for over a week. I didn’t want to wait that long but figured we had no choice. By that time the telegraph office was closed for the night, so we went back to our hotel and went to bed. Come morning our efforts were again thwarted when they informed us that the telegraph wasn’t working due to the bad snowstorm that came in.”

  Jacob continued. “So we made arrangements to book passage on the next available ship. We didn’t find out about the Princess Sophia until a small fishing vessel came into port and announced the sinking. We knew you’d be sick with worry, but no one seemed to be able to help us. That’s when Jayce hit upon an idea.”

  “What idea?” Helaina asked, looking to Jayce.

  “We hired that same fishing vessel for an outrageous amount of money to get us as far as he could. He took us to Juneau. We had to stop several times because of the weather, but we finally made it. From there we tried again to send a telegram, but it seemed that three hundred other people were trying to do the same thing, and the only ones being allowed were related to the rescue and recovery efforts for the Princess Sophia. We left our money and message, and they told us they would get it out as soon as possible.”

  “But Adrik told us there had been no word,” Jacob added. “I’m really sorry. We figured you’d at least have that much.”

  “I can’t believe you’re here,” Leah said. Her gaze had never left Jayce’s face. Helaina could see that the color was finally ret
urning to her cheeks. “We thought you were dead.”

  Jayce shook his head. “Guess God had other plans.”

  “Yeah,” Jacob said. “A broken arm and concussion.”

  “But you’re both alive while everyone else perished,” Leah said, looking finally to her brother. “You would have been dead if you’d made it to the ship on time.”

  “The way we figure it,” Jayce said, “is that God must have something else for us to do.”

  “Or that we’re too ornery to die right now,” Jacob said, laughing.

  Helaina felt a sense of peace settle over the house for the first time in over a month. She could scarcely believe what God had done—despite her anger and questions. Despite her fears and lack of faith.

  “Well, you can’t imagine how I felt when these two came walking into the store. I’d gone there to get a few items I thought we needed, and here they come. I just about passed out right there. I think we’ve had enough excitement to last us for a lifetime,” Adrik said.

  Leah suddenly moaned and clutched her stomach. “Oh no … the baby.” She gasped for breath. “It’s too early.”

  Helaina went immediately to Leah’s side. “Jacob, help her to bed. Jayce, you go sit with her. I’ll see to the children and Adrik can go for the doctor.”

  The doctor arrived nearly a half hour later. The pains had subsided for the most part, but Leah was scared. She didn’t want to lose the baby, not when she’d just managed to get Jayce and Jacob back.

  “You’ll have to stay in bed until the birth,” the doctor told her in a fatherly manner. “If you don’t, you will most likely lose the child.”

  “She’ll stay right here,” Jayce promised. “I’ll see to everything else.”

  “I’m glad to hear of your survival. Chances are the shock of this entire matter has just been too much for your wife. She needs to remain calm and rested.”

  Leah couldn’t help but laugh as she heard a loud crash and Wills yelling at the top of his lungs for Merry to stop it.

  “Calm and rested in a house with twins. That should be easy.”

  Chapter Thirty

  But I’m tired of sitting in bed all the time,” Leah argued.

  “I feel perfectly fine.”

  “That’s because you’ve been sitting around in bed all the time. Just like the doctor ordered,” Jayce countered. He gave her a look of utter exasperation.

  “Look, I know you’re bored. I’ve tried to get you as many books as possible, and the doctor has even allowed you your sewing. But getting up is just too risky. You would hate yourself if you insisted on it and then lost the baby because of it.”

  Leah sobered and fell back against the pillows. “I know.” Her tone held all the dejection she felt.

  “It won’t be long now,” Jayce reminded her. “Just a few more weeks. It’s nearly Christmas, and after that the doctor said you should be out of danger. The baby can come anytime after the first of the year.”

  He came to sit beside her on the bed. “I know this has been hard on you.”

  Leah shook her head. “No harder than thinking you were dead. I have decided that you and ships do not mix. You were the common denominator in every ship problem I can think of with exception to the Titanic, and for all I know you may have been on that one as well.”

  Jayce laughed heartily. “I assure you I was not on the Titanic. But I agree. I think I’m land-bound for a time. I remember when we were stranded in the Arctic, I just kept thinking that if I’d just curbed the wanderlust and remained with you and the twins, I could have avoided that misery all together. Having a family makes you much more cautious.”

  “I think about that too. I never used to concern myself with things that others thought dangerous. I accompanied Jacob on the sleds for long trips, never thinking about the risk. Now it’s all I consider.”

  Jayce took hold of her hand. “I love you more than life. When I sat on that fishing boat thinking of you suffering— believing me dead—well, it nearly did kill me. I kept wishing some of those old Tlingit legends about ravens or eagles flying down to swoop up folks and carry them away might be true—at least if they could fly me home to you.”

  “Jacob said there are people already trying to make plans for air service in Alaska, so maybe next time you can just fly and avoid the water completely.”

  “As long as we live in Alaska—especially Ketchikan—we’ll always have to deal with the water,” Jayce reminded her. “But I hope you know that I will be more cautious. For you and Wills and Merry.” He let go of her hand and gently touched her swollen stomach. “And for whoever this little one might be.”

  “We haven’t talked much about that,” Leah said, covering his hand with hers. “If it’s a girl, I’d like to name her Karen.”

  Jayce nodded, his expression quite serious. “I think that would be fine. What about if it’s a boy?”

  “Well, I thought you might like to pick the name. I’m partial to Michael and Paul, but I really don’t mind something else.”

  “Like Hezekiah?” Jayce asked with a grin.

  “Well, I’d rather not call my child Hezekiah,” she said with a frown. “And I’m not too keen on Ezekiel or Methuselah.”

  “Those were my next favorites!” he teased.

  “I’ll try to be content no matter what name you give him—if it is a boy.”

  “Well, I’m proud to give him the name of Kincaid. He will be mine, just as his older brother and sister are mine.”

  Leah felt such a peace in her heart at those words. Jayce seemed always to know how to put her fears to rest. “I love you.”

  He leaned over and gave her a brief kiss on the lips. “I love you very much, Mrs. Kincaid.” He got to his feet. “Can I get you anything else before I go rescue Helaina from the twins?”

  Leah sighed. “No. I have my Bible and my sewing. I think I’m set.”

  After he’d gone, Leah tried to get comfortable. Christmas was just a few days away, and because she could do nothing out of bed, she had sewn presents for everyone. Jayce had helped her tuck most of them away, with exception to his own gift. She’d even managed to work out the pattern for Adrik’s coat, and it was nearly finished. Leah knew the bearskin coat would be a real surprise for Adrik. He had known her original intentions but had also admonished her not to worry about him. He wanted her to rest, and Leah had followed orders.

  “But I can’t sleep all the time,” she said aloud, taking up the new trousers she was making for Oliver.

  She felt a twinge in her side and thought nothing of it until several minutes later when it came again, only this time it seemed to spread further toward the middle of her abdomen. “It’s the twentieth of December,” she murmured. The doctor had told her it would be best for the baby not to be born until after the first of the year. At least by his and Leah’s calculations.

  Leah put the sewing aside and tried to relax. She closed her eyes and pictured herself in Last Chance Creek, sitting atop a small hill along the shore. She tried to imagine the warmth of the sun on her face. She tried to remember the smells and sounds.

  The pain came again, however, and forced her to realize the truth. The baby was going to be born soon—maybe even today.

  “Jayce?” she called. “Jayce, are you there?” She knew he had plans to retrieve the twins from Helaina. They were spending the afternoon with her and Malcolm in town. Leah also knew, however, that Jayce would not leave her by herself.

  “Is anyone out there?”

  No one responded. The thought of being alone and in labor filled her with a sense of apprehension. Leah sat up slowly. She drew a deep breath and waited for the contraction that she knew was sure to come. When nothing happened, she gently moved her legs over the side of the bed and got to her feet. Without warning, her water broke. There would be no waiting on the baby now.

  “Did you call, Leah?” Oliver stepped in the room, looking rather surprised. “You aren’t supposed to be up.”

  “It’s the baby,
Oliver.” The pains came again and Leah pressed her hands to her stomach. “Jayce just left to get the twins from Helaina. Can you run after him and stop him?”

  “Sure!” He turned and ran from the room, obviously happy to be free of any other obligation that might include delivering Leah’s baby.

  She would have laughed out loud at the situation had the circumstances not seemed so grave. “Lord, you have always held this child in your hands. I don’t know why he or she wants to come so soon, but I trust you for the outcome. Please, please, keep my baby safe.”

  She went to retrieve a towel to wipe up the floor. There was no sense in remaining bedfast now. To her surprise, Leah was taken back in time to when Ashlie was born in this very house. Leah had been there at Karen’s side along with a midwife from the Tlingit tribe. She had been honored to help in Ashlie’s delivery.

  “Oh, Karen. I miss you so much. I wish you could be here now to help me with this baby.” She smiled to herself even as she spoke the words. In so many ways, Karen was with her in the memories and things she had taught Leah.

  Pain ripped through Leah’s body. This baby was not going to be slow in being born. Already she could feel the child moving lower.

  “Leah!” Jayce called as the front door slammed against the wall.

  She maneuvered back to the bed and sat down just as he came into the bedroom. “I’m still here,” she teased.

  “Oliver said that the baby was coming. I sent him for the doctor.” He came to her side and saw where the floor was still wet. “Your water broke?”

  “Yes. I guess there’s no stopping this Kincaid.” She patted her stomach. “I think she’s coming fast.”

  “So you’ve decided it’s a girl, eh?” He helped Leah ease back into the bed. “No doubt you’re right, for all the trouble she’s causing.”

  Leah grimaced and gripped Jayce’s arm hard. “If the doctor doesn’t hurry, you’ll be delivering this baby yourself.”

  Jayce paled but squared his shoulders. “What do I need to do?”