Fading Hope

by Carter Steele

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  Savage Redemption

  “My life was all about revenge until I met her.”

  I want them destroyed.

  The Anarchists killed my father, haunt me and my brother, and seek to destroy my club, the Savage Kings.

  For years, I have stopped at nothing to annihilate them.

  But for years, I also never forgot her.

  She was everything to me.

  She brought joy to my life.

  And I had to leave her without explanation.

  But a chance encounter has brought her back to me.

  And now, everything has changed.

  My life is now all about having her—and nothing can stop me.

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  Fading Hope

  Carter Steele

  Contents

  1. Landon

  2. Caroline

  3. Landon

  4. Caroline

  5. Landon

  6. Caroline

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  1

  Landon

  The waves of the Pacific Ocean gently crashed onto the smooth California beach, producing the kind of sound that many people would use as white noise to fall asleep to. A gentle breeze on the cool Santa Monica night sent a shiver down my spine, but it was still of moderate temperature. To my side, the crush of my youth and the beauty of my present gaze, Caroline O’Hara, stood.

  Unfortunately, that was about the only good thing in the moment.

  I had my phone up to my right ear. It should never have left my pocket. I should never have had to glance at it unless Caroline’s phone broke and we had to check the time—and even then, it wasn’t like I should have had an obligation to go anywhere.

  But life didn’t work that way. Life in the Savage Kings most especially didn’t work that way. And as my right arm tensed and my emotions began to flood me, I couldn’t help but start to feel a little irrational toward everything.

  “What the hell do you mean, you got attacked?” I said to my brother, Brock, the club president.

  “I mean, we had some Molotov cocktails throw at the clubhouse in the last ten minutes,” he said. “We chased off the criminals, who we’re almost certain are the last few remaining members of the Anarchists. But you needed to know.”

  “Needed?” I said back.

  It was becoming an enormous struggle not to laugh and mock Brock. He didn’t deserve it, but I didn’t deserve to have the very thing I was trying to avoid tonight drag me back in while I was on one of the best dates in recent memory.

  “This was supposed to be taken care of already, Brock. The death of Vulture was supposed to spell the end of the Anarchists! They aren’t supposed to be around anymore!”

  “Landon, I know you’re pissed. I get it. You think I’m happy that they’re still around? Hell no. But they are, Landon. They are. And the more we try to pretend that they aren’t, the more trouble we’re going to wind up in.”

  Left unsaid was that “we” didn’t have to include “me.”

  “You said this would be done when Vulture was gone,” I said. I knew I wasn’t being fair to my brother. But I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t help myself. “And now we still have trouble? We still have issues with the Anarchists? What the fuck, Brock?!?”

  “You know the deal, Landon. We’re a club. We’re a brotherhood. If something happens, we need you to help.”

  You don’t need me. You have Parker and Petey and Zane and all the new prospects. One Vice President who doesn’t even want to be there isn’t going to change anything for you. You know that’s not true.

  “How soon do you need me?”

  “Tonight, if you can swing it. You’re a VP. Club morale needs you more than anything else.”

  I had to stifle a laugh. The fact that I wasn’t as interested in the club as Brock was about as much of a secret as the fact that Parker could sometimes be an ass and drank too much. My presence wouldn’t raise morale; it would raise fear that this situation was more serious than either of us probably believed.

  “Do you really need me?” I said. “I’m in Santa Monica. It’s going to be at least an hour before I can get there. And I didn’t even—”

  “Jesus, Santa Monica? You must have really wanted to impress this girl.”

  “Yeah, I do,” I said, my voice finally relaxing some. “She’s pretty awesome. I’ll tell you more later.”

  “Tell me tonight, Landon,” Brock said, and whatever calm could have wrapped over me had practically vanished on the spot. “I don’t need you back ASAP. But we’ll be up for another few hours. We’d appreciate it if you dropped by to check in on what’s going on. I’ll tell the rest of the club that you’re tied up in something else that’s not a date, but I can’t defend you if you don’t show. I gotta go.”

  “Brock!”

  But he hung up before I could say anything else. Boy, was this pissing me off. At least he was giving me the chance to take my time getting back.

  But it wasn’t like me staying here would make me feel any better about having to go in later. It was like trying to enjoy a date knowing the guillotine was hovering right above my head. It would have been better to just reschedule the date for a time when Brock and the Savage Kings would not interrupt me.

  Oh, right. I still had a date. Caroline was still here.

  I turned to her, only now realizing just how far away I had paced. I would have had to shout just to reach her, and even then, she probably would have needed me to repeat myself a few times. I didn’t think this meant anything other than that I had gone an awful long ways away from her, but in some sense, it sure seemed terribly symbolic of how the club had driven a massive gap between the two of us.

  And her eyes… even from this far, even with only the moonlight to light her up, I could see a healthy concern on her face. And who could blame her? I had gone from cheerful and having one of the best times of my life to being reminded that I could not escape the past.

  “Hey,” I said as I came into range, both of us seemingly waiting for the other to speak at first.

  “Hey,” she said.

  God, we sounded like a couple who had just gotten out of a fight and was only now coming back together. How was that for fucked up? I wasn’t even fighting her, but the club made me feel like I was.

  “Sorry about that,” I said. “I just… well, I suppose I should just tell it to you. Something came up at the Savage Kings club, and Brock wants me to come back. He…”

  You know you’re not going to be able to enjoy yourself if you bullshit and try and keep the date going. Even if you are able to somewhat put it out of mind, it will come back when you least want it to.

  “He needs me back now.”

  “Oh,” Caroline said, her shoulders sagging and her face looking down. “You’re sure?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “It’s for family.”

  Surprisingly, that almost seemed to invigorate Caroline. She looked back up in my eyes, and there was a certain grace and beauty to them that indicated she had come to peace with what I had said. Of course, I could have just been conflating that with the general beauty that she had, but I liked to think of myself as someone pretty able to distinguish emotional feelings with reality.

  Except maybe with this girl. But is that really so bad?

  “If it’s for family, then we should head back,” Caroline said. “Let’s go.”

  “OK, no rush though.”

  She looked at me like I had just contradicted myself. It was probably a good thing she couldn’t read my mind and see the truth.

  And the truth was, as we headed back to the car a
nd sand turned into wood, which then turned into concrete; as the smell of the ocean turned into the smell of carnival food, which then turned into the smell of gasoline, I wanted there to be no rush. I wanted us to spend the rest of the night here. True, Caroline would have to get back at some point for her day job, but I didn’t need that. And I was pretty sure Caroline wouldn’t have minded one night without great sleep.

  But…

  Well, I guess the club wasn’t done having a grip on me. I guess Brock wasn’t done trying to get me more involved. Maybe he thought that if he, Petey, and Parker had found love while being active members of the club, so could I.

  But that was actually exactly why I needed to get out of this.

  The further away I got from the drama and events of the club, the happier I became. The happier I became, the more love I could find. And the more love I could find, the further away from the club I could get.

  And then, maybe then, more than just the scenery would be good in my life.

  2

  Caroline

  It’s for his family. This is a good thing.

  The family that had their father murdered and the siblings on a hunt for the murderer?

  The part of me that craved loyalty and wanted a man who was tight with his family completely understood Landon’s decision and even felt excited by it. Men like that were hard to come by, especially in a small town like Romara.

  But the way Landon had reacted on the phone call… the way he raised his voice… the way he actually turned away from me and started to walk away, as if he needed to separate himself from the world…

  Well, it was how he had reacted when his father had died.

  I certainly empathized with him losing his father and understood the reaction to that specific event. I even understood the grief he must have felt in the weeks and months after. But for the years after?

  And for it to resurface because something had happened back in Romara with the Savage Kings?

  That was a little concerning.

  But as we walked back to the car, I tried to engage him in lighthearted conversation, hoping that it would at least keep him distracted and pleasant.

  “You know, I will never say no to the beach. The pier is always a great date spot.”

  “Uh huh.”

  Well, that’s discouraging.

  “What did you think? Is this something that you would do again?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I’d say so. Yeah.”

  OK, he’s just not in the mood, Caroline. Let him have his silence and then we can figure things out later.

  Assuming there’s anything to figure out. If he’s the same way… as much as it might be painful to say, this isn’t the Landon that you would want to date. That Landon can’t exist right now if you’re right.

  Just don’t make any bold or stupid decisions until you’ve had the time to think about everything and Landon’s gotten the chance to calm down. Not fair to make a decision blinded by the first date.

  It would have been a lot easier to avoid being blinded if Landon had just spoken to me even once as we drove back from Santa Monica to Romara. But for the first eighty percent of the trip, he just became a recluse, staring out the window and looking like he had just lost someone else. I tried to give him the space, but at some point, for my own sake, I had to know.

  “Did someone die?” I asked.

  “No, no, no one’s dead. Just… club business, that’s all.”

  I almost sighed before, to my surprise, Landon actually explained what he meant.

  “The building got attacked. I didn’t want to tell you to avoid scaring you, but—”

  “It’s OK,” I interrupted. “I grew up in Romara. I saw the news. I know what being in the club involves. You don’t have anything to worry about.”

  Finally, that got Landon to smile. I was prone to being emotionally over-reactive when I liked someone, but I didn’t feel guilty at all that Landon’s reaction did a great deal to put me at ease. If he could smile after what he had gone through over the previous hour, then maybe he wasn’t returning to bad habits as I had feared.

  I drove back onto Main Street and parked the car by his bike. I got out as he did and walked with him to the bike, anticipating a goodnight kiss.

  “Sorry for how the night ended,” he said. “But we’ll meet up again soon.”

  “Absolutely,” I said.

  He didn’t initiate. That was OK. I closed my eyes and leaned forward.

  And only drew the cheek.

  “I’ll see you around,” he said quickly as he got on his bike.

  What was that all about? I thought as he turned on his bike, preventing me from actually asking the question. I was forced to head back to my apartment sans a kiss.

  At least when I got home, I had a text from Landon apologizing, stating he was just in a weird place in his head. That helped.

  But I had to be on guard for how things would go for the next couple of dates. Because as much as I liked Landon, it was going to be really hard to like Landon when I couldn’t even get him to open up.

  The next morning, as was my normal routine, as I headed to my office, I called my mother. She answered on the first ring, knowing that I always called her at 8:45 on the dot.

  “Good morning,” she said, sounding far more chipper than I was feeling. “How are you, dear?”

  For such a simple question, it sure seemed to provoke a wide range of feelings as I thought about how to answer it.

  “I’m feeling pretty good,” I said, though I immediately knew from my tone that my mother, especially, would pick up that I was anything but. “Just heading into work for another great day. How about you?”

  I never speak like that. I’m always much more precise. She’s going to know instantly, isn’t she?

  “Just pretty good?” she said, brushing past my question. “What’s going on, Caroline?”

  I was about to open my mouth when I realized something.

  For as much grief as I had given Landon in my head, this really wasn’t that complicated a thing. He’d done exactly what I had hoped he would do—he prioritized family over everything else. Who wouldn’t have reacted as he did if they loved their family?

  All I really had to worry about was if he didn’t recover the next time I saw him.

  Yeah, maybe I was giving him too large a benefit of the doubt. But it made me feel good, and I felt pretty certain that what was going through my mind was the right frame of mind. There was something to be said for just believing at my core that a certain feeling was right, and that was how I felt right now.

  “Sorry, nothing crazy,” I said. “Had a date last night with Landon. It ended a bit abruptly, but it wasn’t anything bad. We are seeing each other again. I just, you know, got in my head.”

  “As we’re all prone to do, dear. As long as you’re able to refocus at work, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with spending some time in that skull of yours. It is pretty smart, you know.”

  “I know,” I said, rolling my eyes in playful jest. “So what’s going on with you, then? Hopefully no first dates, I would have a lot more questions if that happened!”

  “Thankfully, no,” she said with a chuckle. “Not… not a whole lot. Just… working on some things, you know.”

  Now it was my turn to be suspicious of her. Just as I opened up to her, she opened up to me.

  Luckily for her, though, I pulled up right then to my office, saving her the questions. I assumed there wasn’t going to be a bombshell quite on par with her choosing to see someone else, but there was clearly something she’d need to tell me later.

  “Well, I hope those things work out,” I said. “I’m at work now, so I’ll chat with you this evening.”

  “Sounds like a delight, dear. Love you lots.”

  “Love you more!”

  I hung up right after, checking my phone one last time before I began my work day.

  I didn’t have any new messages. I looked at the text history between Lando
n and me. The last thing he had said was his apology last night. I didn’t very much feel like having that be the most recent message.

  “Hey, no worries. Why don’t we plan our next outing?”

  To my surprise, he started to respond immediately. Was he looking at our messages too? Was he also interested in seeing what I might say?

  “Definitely. Let me get back to you tonight.”

  Well, it wasn’t quite what I’d hoped to read. I had hoped for him to offer something a little more definitive and penciled in.

  But for how much last night had made me uncertain about things, it was at least a positive that he would get back to me with better plans.

  And, hopefully, he’d show up as the Landon I liked and not the Landon I had known for much of my teenage years.

  3

  Landon

  Thursday Night

  I could see the damage from the street, even with only the glow of the moon and the distant street lights providing a dim illumination of the building.

  It wasn’t anything too bad. It wasn’t like the Anarchists had blown a hole in the building and let a draft in. It also didn’t appear that they had damaged any vehicles. By my best guess, the Anarchists had done it as a drive-by, the better to minimize their casualties.

  I parked the bike and walked inside, finding Brock talking to Parker. Brock excused himself as soon as he saw me.