Brazen or Bust

by Anara Bella

  Pain lanced through Logan’s chest. Nica looked hurt and broken and he felt like a complete shit. The last thing he’d ever intended to do was hurt her, yet that was just what he’d done.

  If ever there was a guy not worthy of Nica, it was him. He was even worse than a creep like Joe. Joe had never pretended to be anything but a player. Logan, however, was supposed to be like family. Someone who would protect her, not hurt her. He’d not only let himself down, he’d let them all down.

  “I’ll take you home.”

  “No, thanks. I’ll find my own way.”

  “Don’t be silly. I’ll take you home.”

  She looked down and shook her head. “Fine. Whatever.”

  Her utter dejection slammed into Logan and he wanted to smash his fist through the wall. He’d do it too, gladly breaking every bone in his hand, if it meant he could take her pain away. Instead, all he could do was helplessly witness how he’d single-handedly ripped the sparkle right out of her.

  Fuck.

  Chapter Nine

  Nica rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

  Last night had left her so depressed she couldn’t even muster enough energy to get out of bed. The pervading heaviness in her chest refused to go away and the accompanying sense of bleak hopelessness had sapped all of her strength. She hadn’t even called Carmen to tell her what had happened. She just couldn’t face it.

  The only thing she’d managed to do so far that morning was call in sick. And that was just because she didn’t have a choice. No way did she want to see Joe after their tussle in his truck, and she sure as hell couldn’t face running into Logan. It was way too soon and she was feeling way too raw.

  Last night she’d given in and let Logan take her home, but she was certain it was the most uncomfortably tense ride since the invention of the automobile. They’d both sat in total silence, neither of them saying anything, with Nica strenuously avoiding looking in his direction.

  Adding to the discomfort was the fact that she felt him constantly glancing her way, checking to see how she was doing. It’d been enough to make her want to throw open the door and jump out just to get away.

  Maybe if she’d been able to break the awkward silence it wouldn’t have been so bad but she hadn’t been able to think of anything to say. Feeling crushed, small talk was beyond her. What more could she say anyway? There didn’t seem to be any way to get past Logan’s reasons for not being with her.

  And that was the worst thing of all. The loss of hope. Up until last night, she’d thought it was just a matter of forcing Logan to see her as a woman. She couldn’t have been more wrong. If last night’s hot and heavy make-out session had proven anything it was that he most definitely saw her as a woman. And he didn’t need to be drunk to desire her either. Hell, they’d almost had sex right there in the parking lot because they’d been so hot for each other.

  But for Logan, it wasn’t enough.

  The stubborn jerk was convinced her whole family would hate him if they knew he’d slept with her. As if that weren’t sufficient, he’d broken some kind of sacred male-bonding code-of-honor thing.

  What the hell could she do with that? Nothing, that’s what. Because she would never do anything to get between the close friendship he and Tony had.

  She loved him too much to do that to him. Logan’s own parents had never been there for him. His mother had run off when he was very young and his father had taken to drinking, much more interested in booze than he’d ever been in his son. It was the reason why Logan had spent so much time with Tony and her family.

  She sighed. Nope, she was just going to have to accept Logan’s feelings on the matter and move on.

  Incessant banging on her front door interrupted her quality wallow-time.

  She tossed the blankets over her head and mumbled, “Go away.”

  But the banging didn’t stop. “Open the door, Nica. I know you’re in there.”

  What the hell was Tony doing here? She lowered the blankets and raised her voice so he’d hear her this time. “I’m not in the mood for visitors. Go away.”

  “I’m not going away until you open the door.”

  Oh crap. She knew that tone of voice. He meant business. “Do we have to do this now?”

  “Yes.”

  Shit. “I’m coming.”

  She threw off her comforter with a resigned groan, pushed herself off the bed and schlepped to the door. Throwing it open, she glared at her brother. “What do you want?”

  Tony stepped in and closed the door. “I want an explanation.”

  Oh great. He wanted to talk. That couldn’t be a good sign. “I’m really not in the mood to talk about anything.”

  “You’re going to talk about this. What’s going on between you and Logan?”

  Shit, does he know something? “What do you mean?”

  He raised his right eyebrow. “Give me some credit. I noticed the hot looks between you two at the party on Sunday. I wondered about it then, but you not coming in to work this morning settles it. It’s not like you to beg off work. The clincher is that Logan’s stomping around like a stirred-up bear but he won’t tell me what’s bugging him. He always tells me what’s bugging him. Even when I don’t want to hear it. So what’s going on?”

  Nica crossed her arms in front of her. “What makes you think I know what his problem is?”

  “Because when he found out you weren’t coming in today he practically bit my head off.”

  Why would that make Logan mad? “That’s hardly conclusive.”

  “No, but now you’re being evasive. Something’s up with you two and I want to know what it is.”

  Panic buzzed through her system. Tony was like a dog with a bone when he was onto something. Impossible to shake off. But she couldn’t tell him what had happened between her and Logan without damaging their friendship. The last thing she wanted was to cause trouble between them. “There’s nothing going on between us.” Not anymore anyway, so it wasn’t really a lie.

  “You must think I’m blind. Ever since you got this makeover Logan’s been acting strange. And when you’re around he can’t take his eyes off you.”

  “Really?” Hope flickered to life in her heart but just as quickly went out when she remembered it didn’t change anything.

  “Really. Look, I know you’ve had a crush on Logan for years. This makeover was all about him, wasn’t it?”

  “No.”

  Tony laughed. “You’ve always been a terrible liar.”

  “Okay, so it might have had something to do with him, but he’s not interested so it doesn’t matter.”

  “Not interested? Or he backed off?”

  Nica’s gaze shot to Tony’s. Did he know what had happened between them? “What do you mean by backed off?”

  Tony nodded as if he’d just figured something out. “So that’s why you look like your cat just died and Logan looks like he’s being audited by Attila the Hun. Did you two have a fight?”

  Oh hell, Tony had obviously guessed so why fight it? “Close enough. He doesn’t want to see me anymore.”

  “Did he say why?”

  Nica shrugged. “Because I’m your little sister. Some kind of male code-of-honor thing. He can’t get past it. I guess you and the folks are more important to him than I am.” She couldn’t keep the resentment and hurt out of her voice.

  “Is that so?”

  “Yeah, that’s so. What of it?”

  He smiled. “Nothing.”

  A decidedly devious look crossed his face. What is he up to? Suspicion flared to life. “That look on your face doesn’t look like nothing to me. You’d better not say anything to Logan about this.”

  “You worry too much.” He looked at her consideringly. “In fact, you look really stressed out and tired. I think you need a break. Why don’t you take off and get away from here for a bit? Go to the cottage for a few days and get your head together.”

  Well, that was out of left field. Although, she had to admit
the idea had real appeal. “I doubt that would help.”

  “It always helps me. Fresh air, the lake, peace and quiet. It’s just what you need.”

  Maybe it was. “You think?”

  “I know.”

  She pictured the serene lake on a misty morning, lounging on the deck listening to the birds singing their hearts out in the trees. The more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea. There was no way she wanted to face anyone right now anyway. She needed time to lick her wounds and get her head on straight.

  Tony was right, she should go. “You’ll okay it with Dad?”

  Tony nodded. “You bet.”

  Just the thought of going up there caused a feeling of peace to wash over her. This was a perfect idea. “Okay. I will.”

  Besides, if she didn’t feel better soon, at least she’d be close to the lake. She could just jump in and drown her sorrows.

  Logan was in a piss-poor mood.

  It’d been a crappy couple of days and today was the absolute worst of them all. He couldn’t shake the guilt gnawing a hole in his gut, both for what had happened in the parking lot last night and especially for how he’d hurt Nica afterwards. He’d never forgive himself for what he’d done.

  She hadn’t come in to work today and he knew it was because of him, which made him feel like a shit. The fact that a part of him was glad not to have to face her today made him not only a shit but a cowardly shit. At this rate he wouldn’t be able to find his self-esteem with a magnifying glass and a pair of tweezers.

  It didn’t help any that he was miserable and chewing everybody’s face off if they even looked at him wrong. If he kept this up no one would ever speak to him again.

  His cell rang, giving him a much needed distraction from his unpleasant thoughts. “Donovan.”

  Tony’s voice greeted him. “Come up to the trailer. I need to see you.”

  “On my way.”

  Walking past Nica’s empty desk gave him a fresh stab of guilt. But that flew right out the window the second he walked into Tony’s office at the back of the trailer. Something was wrong. “What’s up?”

  “Close the door, would you?”

  Unease washed down Logan’s spine when Tony didn’t greet him in his usual easy-going way. Logan closed the door and sat across from him, wondering what was going on. He repeated his question. “What’s up?”

  Tony sat forward in his chair with a stern look that put Logan even more on edge.

  “When were you planning on telling me you have a thing for my sister?”

  Logan all but bolted back out of the chair. “What?”

  “Have you slept with her yet?”

  Holy shit. How had Tony found out? Had Nica told him about them out of spite? What could he say?

  He quickly ran through his options and settled on coming clean. It was the only way to go. “Just once and we were both a little drunk at the time.” Okay, that didn’t come out right.

  Logan half-expected Tony to leap over his desk and smash his face in. Instead, Tony nodded solemnly. “Do you love her?”

  Logan blinked. His brain stalled. “Geez, where did that come from?” And how the hell did he answer?

  “Well, do you?”

  Did he? She was sexy as hell for sure. But love? He thought about Nica’s sweetness, her reliability, her loyalty to her family. Traits he’d never seen in his own family, traits that meant the world to him. That he’d always admired in her.

  He suddenly realized the answer with great clarity and was grateful he was sitting. Because the lightning bolt epiphany wasn’t at all what he would have expected. “Yeah, I think I do.”

  He waited for the axe to lop off his head. But instead Tony just nodded again. “Good. So what are you going to do about it?”

  Logan’s mouth fell open. Then closed. “You mean you’re okay with this?”

  Tony sat back, at once looking more relaxed. “I’ve always thought you two would be great together. I just thought you weren’t interested in Nica in that way.”

  “Well, I wasn’t until the other day. I mean, I’ve always cared for her. I just didn’t realize there was more than friendship between us.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  With Tony being so up front and cool about the whole thing, Logan suddenly felt really stupid. “I thought you’d kill me if I even looked at her.”

  “Well, that depends.”

  “On?”

  “On what your intentions are.”

  Logan hid a grin. “Do you realize how much you sound like your dad right now?”

  Tony shrugged. “I guess my parents’ old-fashioned values have rubbed off on me. Especially when it comes to my sister. Look, I know it’s too soon to be talking about anything serious here. I just want to know if you’re messing around with her or if you’re more serious than that.”

  “I’ve been so busy telling myself what I feel for Nica is wrong that I’m not quite sure what I’m thinking, but I’m not just messing around.”

  “Good. Because I think she’d be good for you. You’d be good for each other. You’ve always been like family to us, and we know you’re a great guy who would never hurt Nica. What more could we want?”

  Well, damn. “You’re really not mad? I thought you’d punch me out and never speak to me again.”

  Tony shook his head and laughed. “You always did have an overdeveloped sense of honor. It’s one of the things I like best about you.”

  Struck dumb, he just sat there.

  “Do you still want to see her?”

  Without hesitation, he said, “Yes.”

  “Then you need to go talk to her because she thinks you want nothing to do with her.”

  Shit. Tony was right. Logan jumped up, ready to sprint into action.

  “Hold up. She’s not at home. She went to the cottage for a few days.”

  Logan knew his way to the cottage. He’d spent many a happy vacation there with the Morellis. In fact, it was the perfect place to try to set things right with Nica. Up there she wouldn’t be able to run away from him that easily.

  “Let everyone know I’ll be gone for the rest of the day, would ya?”

  Tony smiled, looking very pleased with himself. “Sure thing.”

  Logan turned to leave, thinking about being alone with Nica, completely sober and without any guilt. Of finally being able to touch her soft, smooth skin, exploring every inch of her sweet little body the way he wanted. Of slipping into her warm moist pussy…

  He came to a sudden stop. A few hours really wasn’t going to cut it. He grinned. “On second thought, there aren’t any issues that can’t wait. Tell everyone I’ll be back in a couple of days.”

  It would take at least that long just to scratch the surface of everything he wanted to do to Nica.

  Tony’s laughter followed him as he raced out the door.

  Chapter Ten

  Nica sighed with contentment as she stretched out on the chaise lounge. The huge deck in back of her parent’s cottage had always been her favorite place. She couldn’t count the number of hours she’d spent back here flaked out with a good book.

  Today, her mind was in too much turmoil to concentrate on a book, but that was okay. She loved this view. The lake was so beautiful and peaceful and the evening was perfect. She heard the gentle call of the loons in the distance, their mournful wail soothing her hurt and troubled mind rather than adding to her depression.

  Tony had been right. This was exactly what she needed. A bit of time to collect her thoughts, sort out her feelings and regroup before she faced anyone. Or more specifically, before she faced Logan again.

  Now that she realized Logan’s reasons for not wanting to be with her, she very much needed to come to terms with them. But damn, it was hard to let go of a dream. Harder still to move on. But it was time, no matter how much it hurt to do so.

  She wanted love in her life. Love with a man who loved her as much as she did him. A true relationship of caring. The new her coul
dn’t, wouldn’t, settle for anything less. And it was now painfully obvious Logan wasn’t going to be the man to share that kind of love with her.

  When she’d told Carmen what had happened with Logan, even she’d agreed it was time for Nica to let go. Carmen’s commiserating disappointment was a soothing balm to Nica’s shredded heart. And her anger somehow lifted Nica’s spirits, at least a little bit.

  There was something special about sharing your troubles with a friend that made even the most horrible things better, even though nothing had changed. Even now, remembering Carmen’s exact words made Nica smile. How did Carmen put it? Something along the lines of Logan being a shit-for-brains male without an ounce of sense in his head, and that he didn’t deserve Nica if he wasn’t willing to fight for her.

  Truer words were never spoken.

  Her growling stomach interrupted her thoughts and reminded her she hadn’t eaten since she’d arrived. Actually, she hadn’t eaten since last night. Which went to show just how depressed she was. Nothing ever killed her appetite. But despite her tummy’s insistent rumblings, she couldn’t work up any enthusiasm for food.

  Even knowing she had all her favorite comfort foods on hand didn’t help. She thought about the pint of Ben & Jerry’s New York Super Fudge Chunk in the freezer, the box of cream puffs sitting on the counter, the salt and vinegar chips in the cupboard and the assorted chocolates chilling in the fridge. Nothing. Obviously stopping to buy all that stuff on her way over here had been a wasted effort. Hmmm. Maybe she was coming down with something.

  Laughing at herself, Nica stopped thinking about food and tried to think about the positive things in her life. Her plan had failed, but she really couldn’t regret anything she’d done or that had happened since her makeover. Because of it, she’d learned things about herself. Important things. Like that she could put herself out there no matter how nervous she was. That she was stronger and gutsier than she’d ever imagined she could be. And most amazing of all, that she could attract guys if she just made the effort.

  She’d also learned that Logan wasn’t for her. It was a bitter pill to swallow but valuable to finally know beyond a shadow of a doubt. She was done with dreaming for the impossible. She was going to lick her wounds and then put on her big-girl panties, go out there and find the right guy for her.