Sinner (Shelter Harbor #1)

by Aubrey Irons

  “Eva- we-”

  “I’m engaged Rowan!” she snaps, her eyes narrowing accusingly at me.

  I frown. “No, you’re not.”

  “I am.”

  “Your dad picked a dude. You’re not really engaged.”

  “I- we can’t do this!”

  I tighten my jaw. “Look, sit. Relax. We’ll go back to questions.”

  She quickly shakes her head. “No, Rowan, I-”

  “Eva.” I take a step towards her but her eyes go wide as she suddenly pushes past me and storms for the door.

  “Eva!”

  The door slams shut behind her, and I swear into the stillness of my apartment.

  Fuck.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Evangeline

  My head’s swimming.

  My pulse pounds in my chest, my vision swims, and chills tease up my back. And it’s not the alcohol, because it’s been a whole day since I was up in Rowan’s apartment.

  I had all that last night, after fleeing his place like a complete psycho, and running — running all the way to his father’s church, where I promptly drank a quarter of a pot of stale, cold coffee that was sitting in the pot while I made hymnal copies, because I’d remembered reading somewhere that coffee made you not drunk anymore.

  I know now that’s a lie. It doesn’t make you sober, drinking coffee just makes you wired while still drunk.

  Okay, so I wasn’t drunk, but I was feeling something I’d never felt from the one beer I had before, or the plum wine I’d drank at dinner with my host family in Korea.

  After the church, I’d run all the way home. I’d made up some excuse about feeling tired and sick as I’d brushed past my parents, and headed to bed.

  Bed, where I’d promptly gone over the events of the night on repeat for the next eight hours since I couldn’t sleep after the coffee.

  I can’t believe I did that.

  I can’t believe I did that.

  I’ve said it about a million times since leaving his apartment, but it’s still rattling around in my head. Ugh. I mean what did I think was going to happen with me going over to that man’s place like that?

  And drinking?

  Well, the drinking was to get up the courage to ask him questions.

  It’s a lame excuse, and I know it. I know deep down, going over there and everything that happened after I stepped through the door is everything I wanted.

  And it’s a terrible thought, because it’s true.

  I can try and lie to myself on the outside, but deep down, I know the truth. Deep down, I know damn well that I wanted Rowan to kiss me.

  Lord what is happening to me?

  Chastity’s right. Maybe something is wrong with me since I got back. Maybe I caught something — a brain fungus or something that’s making me do insane things.

  Something that’s making me forget who I am and who I’m supposed to be.

  But at the current moment, I have to push those thoughts aside. Because at the moment, I’m about to step through the front door of Jacob and Irene Hammond’s house to have dinner.

  All of us.

  My entire family, Chastity, his entire family.

  And him.

  I’ve got wicked, sinful, and confusing thoughts and the memory of that kiss still burning through my head, and I’m about to sit down for a dinner with him and everyone we know.

  Wonderful.

  I take a shaky breath as my father raises a hand to knock.

  “Eva?”

  I glance over at my mom.

  “The casserole?”

  “Right, sorry.” I turn and skip down the porch steps back to the car to get the food she insisted on making and bringing.

  “It’s the least we can do, they’re putting us up.”

  I turn and head back to the door, hanging back as my father knocks.

  The door swings open.

  “Hi!”

  She’s gorgeous, and young — my age, maybe. But the most immediate thing I notice is that she looks exactly like Rowan.

  “Hi, Sierra,” she says warmly, extending a hand. “Rowan and Ivy’s sister. Well, one of them.”

  “Pleasure.” My father stiffly takes her hand. My mother only nods and smiles her weird, pinched smile at her.

  “Come on in!”

  We crowd through the doorway, and she spots the Pyrex dish in my hand. “Oh, I can grab that for you.”

  “Hi, Eva.”

  She smiles as I pass her the dish. “Sierra, nice to meet you!”

  She smiles warmly again as she looks over her shoulder. “Dad! They’re here!”

  Jacob and Irene step from the kitchen, both of them beaming and covered in flour, looking adorable.

  “Hey, there they are!” Jacob grins. “Irene’s got me helping with the quiche. I’m mostly just making a mess though.” He chuckles. “Here, come on in.”

  The only time we’ve ever had guests at my parents’ house is Bible study. Well, and my mother’s very short-lived stint as a makeup salesperson before my father put a stop to that.

  “Can I get you guys a drink?”

  I can see my father bristle at Sierra’s question. “No, thank you.”

  “No,” Chastity says quickly, her voice sharp.

  Sierra nods. “Okay, cool.”

  “Hey Eva!”

  Ivy, Rowan’s blonde sister from our last dinner here, pokes her head around the corner and smiles when she sees us. “You met another Hammond, I see.”

  Silas, her husband with the dark hair and the piercing dark eyes, follows her out from the living room. He grins. “I’d say you’ve met them all now, but, alas, there’s always more Hammonds.”

  Ivy grins and rolls her eyes. “Two more, actually.”

  I laugh. “Big family!”

  “Tell me about it,” Silas grins. “There’s freaking five of them.”

  Sierra laughs. “Don’t worry, you won’t get the full hurricane tonight. Stella’s got a parent-teacher thing with Carter — oh, that’s her son. And Kyle’s still in New York with work.” She frowns. “And honestly, I have no idea if Rowan’s even showing up. He’s the worst with texts or email chains.”

  Suddenly, it’s like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

  He’s not even coming tonight.

  I silently offer up a little prayer.

  Thank God.

  And I actually feel lighter — better, more free. I feel like this won’t be the most horrible, embarrassing dinner ever.

  “Let’s sit, shall we?’

  We all follow Jacob into the dining room and take seats around the big wooden table. Irene and Silas come out of the kitchen carrying a few last dishes and place them down before taking their own seats.

  Still no Rowan.

  Thank you, GOD.

  “Leonard, would you like to say grace?”

  My father nods. “Thank you, Jacob.” He clears his throat, and I mentally prepare myself for the type of heavy-handed “Lord smite the sinners” type grace I’m fairly certain most of the people at this table are in no way expecting.

  “Blessed Lord, we thank you for-”

  His words are cut short by the roaring sound of an engine in the driveway — a loud, rumbling, rude, belching sound.

  I look up quickly, seeing Jacob frown.

  “Great timing, Row,” Sierra mumbles under her breath.

  My father keeps right on talking, saying something about the searing fires of Purgatory, but I’m not even listening anymore.

  No no no! He’s not supposed to be here!

  The engine shuts off, and as I hear boots clumping up the front porch stairs, my shoulders slump.

  So much for that idea.

  The front door bursts open, and Rowan comes flying in, some sort of white box tied up with string in his hands.

  “Hey! Sorry I’m late, I just-”

  My father finally stops, his eyes narrowing at the interruption.

  “Oh, oops.” Rowan makes a face, realizing what he’s j
ust crashing into.

  “We were in the middle of grace, Rowan,” his father says quietly. “Just take a seat.”

  “Sure, Pop. Sorry,” he winces as he dramatically tiptoes to the table.

  I grin before I can stop myself, shaking my head and turning, only to see Chastity scowling.

  I quickly make a move to follow suit.

  And of course — of course — the only empty seat is next to mine. Because I’m being punished for my wickedness, that’s why. Because I’m on the road to hell for even thinking of this man, let alone doing the things I’ve been doing with him.

  “Evening,” he murmurs in my ear as he slides into his chair. I ignore him as my father finishes his lengthy grace.

  “Amen,” Jacob finally murmurs as my father ends with a plea to God to show no mercy to his enemies. Jacob clears his throat awkwardly. “Thank you, Leonard. Ivy, honey, pass the-”

  “We do not interrupt grace in my house.”

  The table goes quiet as we turn to my father.

  Oh, God, here this goes.

  “Apologies, Leonard, I just promised my mom I’d snag cannoli’s at Mizetti’s before I-”

  “Wouldn’t stand in my house, son, that’s all I’m saying.”

  Rowan raises a brow, blowing air through his lips. “Right. Well, sorry.” He glances at his father who’s frowning, but gives him a nod.

  “I think we’ll forgive him this once,” Jacob says with a laugh, clearly trying to lighten the mood. “Mizetti’s cannoli’s go a long way in terms of forgiveness,” he adds with a chuckle. “Pass the salad please, Ivy?”

  My father glares at Rowan, clearly not done, but ready to let it go for now.

  The sounds of dinner and eating and forks across plates fills the warm, homey dining room. And I’m trying to laugh at the right parts. I’m trying to smile when Silas makes a joke about work, or nod interestedly when Sierra talks about the Master’s program she’s doing at UMass.

  But I’m having a hard time with all of it, and it’s got everything to do with the man sitting next to me.

  You now, the man I kissed last night, like a total crazy person.

  Or maybe because I was slightly drunk.

  Or possessed.

  Who knows.

  “How’s your dinner?”

  “Huh, what?”

  I turn to face him, seeing him grinning at me.

  “I just said how’s dinner.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “Thirsty?”

  I purse my lips as soon as I see the little grin creep across his lips.

  “I’m fine.”

  “I’m sure there’s some tequila somewhere you could-”

  “I’m fine, thank you,” I hiss.

  He grins.

  “Get those copies made?”

  My face goes red. “Yes,” I mutter.

  “Great. So is class still in session tonight?”

  I glare at him, my eyes going a little wide at the gall of him to bring this up at dinner like this, even if the room is full of other conversations all around us.

  “Um, no,” I shoot back, stabbing at my veggies.

  “So, Eva, what do you do when you’re not helping to build ministries outreach centers?”

  I look up at Ivy, thankful for the interruption.

  “Oh, well-”

  “She just got back from missionary work.”

  Ivy blinks as my father interrupts, turning to him and nodding before looking back at me. “Oh, that’s great!”

  “Where were you-”

  “Korea,” my father interrupts again.

  A shadow crosses Ivy’s face, but she brushes it off as she pointedly looks at me. “Wow, Korea! That’s awesome. I’ve always wanted to go there.”

  I nod. “Yeah it was pretty amazing. We got to visit a bunch of the old temples, and see the-”

  “And spread the word of our Lord and Savior, of course,” my father interrupts yet again.

  “Right, and that.”

  “Sounds fun.” Ivy smiles at me.

  “It was! The urban policy stuff really stuck with me. I’ve been thinking about it for a Master’s, if I ever go.”

  Sierra looks up with a wry grin. “Good luck,” she laughs. “Forget about sleep.”

  “Well, I think it’s a big maybe,” my father says quietly. “After all, Eva has a suitor as well who’s been showing interest in marriage.”

  Ivy blinks. “Wow, you’re getting married?” She frowns. “Wait, a suitor?”

  “Indeed.” My father beams as he puts a hand over my mother’s. “We’re very proud of her.”

  Ivy looks at me with a half raised brow.

  I know how this looks. I know exactly how bizarre this looks. It’s just…not, at least, not for where I’m from and who my family is.

  “Milton,” I say evenly. “He’s very nice. He owns his own business.”

  Ivy nods. “Oh, he and Silas would hit it off, then.”

  “Securities firm,” Silas says with a shrug. “Me and Kyle, Ivy and Sierra and Row’s other brother.”

  “Good for you, son,” my father says earnestly. “It’s important for a man to till his own earth.”

  As if my father has ever tilled anything.

  “Wow, well, all sorts of independent business owners at the table,” Sierra says with a laugh. “You know, Rowan actually owns-”

  “I’m aware,” my father says flatly, cutting her off. “A bar,” he says with a disdainful look, his brow shooting up as he spears some salad with his fork.

  Rowan clears his throat.

  “Well, Silas,” my father looks up from his plate. “You and Milton should talk. He’s coming to town in a few days to begin his courtship of Eva.”

  “Courtship?” Ivy says quietly. Silas subtly shakes his head at her.

  “Yeah, he sure is!” Rowan chirps up loudly, grinning. “Eva here is pretty excited. She is a little nervous, though,” he says with a glancing look at me.

  “What?” I nervously clear my throat. “No, I’m not.”

  “Which is why I’ve been helping her.”

  I freeze, the blood draining from my face as I slowly turn to stare at him.

  He’s insane.

  He’s going to blow this whole thing up in front of everyone and humiliate me.

  “Helping her,” my father says flatly.

  Rowan grins widely. “You bet, Leonard! I’ve been giving her relationship advice.”

  The entire Hammond family snorts out a collective laugh. Ivy throws her head back, crowing a laugh and wiping at a tear, and Silas is all but doubled over as he shakes his head at Rowan.

  “You?”

  “Oh, har har, har,” Rowan chucks his napkin at his friend. “I’ll have you know, I can actually be an excellent teacher.”

  I freeze, a shiver jolting through my whole body.

  Why?

  Because Rowan’s just put his hand on my knee under the table.

  I swallow the gasp in my throat, my head whirling to stare at him as he calmly just grins at the table.

  “I think she wants advice on how to keep someone around, Row, not the opposite.”

  The Hammond family dissolves into more chuckles, the likes of which I’ve never seen at a family dinner table.

  “You guys suck,” Rowan says with a grin. “Don’t be shocked if those cannoli’s come home with me.”

  “Awww, cruel, man!” Silas says with a laugh.

  “Well, we’ll just have to see,” Rowan says with a dramatic sigh, all while his hand is still on my knee I’m sitting as straight as possible, staring straight ahead and trying to will myself not to blush as I feel his fingertips slowly tease over my bare knee. And I’m just about to crack — I’m just about to shiver, or snap, or give the whole thing away somehow, when he suddenly takes his hand back.

  He slides his chair out from the table and stands. “Bathroom, ‘scuse me.”

  “I love that Mom even laughed,” Sierra says with a smirk as Rowan leaves th
e room.

  “I did not!”

  “Mom, you totally did.”

  Irene rolls her eyes. “I just- Oh! Shoot! I forgot the sauce for the cauliflower!”

  “Oh, I can get it, Mrs. Hammond.” I smile as I stand quickly before she can.

  She smiles. “Oh, aren’t you a dear! It’s just on the back burner on the stove.”

  I smile as I make my way through the dining room door and around the corner to the kitchen. I walk through that, down the hall, and I’m standing with my brow furrowed and my hands planted on my hips when the bathroom door swings open.

  “Jesus,” Rowan jumps a step back.

  “Do you think this is funny?”

  He grins. “What, pissing?”

  “You know what I’m talking about.”

  “Oh, that? Yeah, definitely.”

  I roll my eyes. “Well, stop it.”

  “But it’s so much fun.”

  “What on earth is so fun about making me uncomfortable and making me feel like you’re about to ruin my life?”

  “Besides these little one-on-ones I get for my efforts?”

  I glare at him.

  “You really want to know.” He leans against the doorframe.

  “Yes.”

  “Because I’ve never seen a cuter blush, that’s why.”

  My face reddens.

  Of course.

  Rowan grins. “Yeah, like that.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say quickly.

  “Yes you do.”

  “You just enjoy being an asshole to me.”

  “Nah, trust me — it’s all about that blush.”

  Why.

  Why am I still standing here?

  If I had any sense at all, I’d just walk away from this. I’d go back, get the cauliflower sauce, sit back at the table, finish dinner, smile at my parents and then leave.

  If I had one single bit of sense, I wouldn’t still be lingering here in the back hallway with this man waiting for my father to stumble onto this scene.

  “You like making me blush? That’s it? Why?”

  Rowan shrugs, his arms crossing over his chest. “Because it tells me I’m doing something to shake up that perfect little construct you’ve got built up inside your little world. And angel?” He leans close and my breath catches in my throat. “Trust me when I say you need to get shaken up.”