Sinner (Shelter Harbor #1)

by Aubrey Irons

  I glance out the window of the back door just in time to see Rowan slip out the back gate. He glances back and grins.

  That wicked, captivating grin.

  I’m sinning, and he makes me want to do it even more.

  “Your mother said you went out for a walk over an hour ago.”

  I turn back to her. “I went down by the piers, yes.”

  “At night? By yourself?”

  “Yes?”

  She scowls. “Milton was here.”

  “I saw him outside.”

  “Your dad gave him permission to take you out tomorrow, you know.”

  “I do know, and I also know I can make my own decisions.”

  “Well so can your father, Eva,” she says sharply. “It’s his right to make sure his daughter is on the right path towards marriage, you know.”

  She stands from the kitchen table and gives me a hard look. “And towards God’s love.”

  “Goodnight, Chastity.”

  I leave her in the kitchen as I climb the stairs to my bedroom and close the door. I wash my face and brush my teeth in the bathroom before I slip into bed.

  But I’m not thinking of “my path to marriage,” or even God’s love.

  I’m thinking of Rowan Hammond’s wicked tongue, and the lust he ignites in me.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Evangeline

  “It’s a wonderful little town, isn’t it?”

  “Hmm?”

  I look up at Milton. I haven’t been listening to what he’s been saying.

  At all.

  Actually, I’m not sure I’ve been paying attention to what he’s been saying since he picked me up at the house and walked me down here to the Il Pescivendolo, a little Italian seafood place right by the water.

  I can’t.

  Milton is nice, but…

  I cringe at the thought.

  Maybe I don’t want nice. Maybe I want naughty.

  Maybe I want wickedness.

  Because if it’s so bad, why does it feel so good? Maybe I’m going to hell, but if hell is the things Rowan Hammond does to me…

  I shake my head, blinking and forcing a smile as I look at Milton. “Sorry, something outside caught my attention.”

  He smiles. “That’s quite alright. Something in here caught mine.”

  I force a smile as he reaches across the table and squeezes my hand in this weird way that makes me think more of a grandfather and less a date.

  “I’m so glad your father has given his consent to this, Eva.”

  “This?”

  “Our pending marriage, of course. Lord above, I can’t wait to make you my bride.”

  I smile thinly. “Right, uh, yeah.”

  “And I do hope the children have your eyes.”

  I cringe a little inside as I force another plastic smile to my face.

  “I’m so glad to hear about your purity, too.”

  My eyes snap up to his face. “Excuse me?”

  He grins, this nauseatingly hungry look on his face. “Your father assured me of your purity, even with you being engaged before, and I must say, it pleases me.”

  I want to throw up in my mouth.

  “My purity?”

  “Your…” He coughs. “Your intactness. I trust your father’s word of course, there’s no need for a doctor to examine you.”

  I stare at him, my stomach churning, and I can feel the nausea and the revulsion spinning inside of me as the waiter walks over.

  Wait, no.

  The waiter isn’t a waiter at all.

  “So how is the food here?”

  It’s Rowan.

  I almost choke on my water as he pulls up a chair from a neighboring table and sits right down at ours.

  “Rowan!” Milton smiles in surprise. “I didn’t expect to-”

  “Surprised to see me here, I know.” He shoots me a quick look before he glances around the restaurant. “Great place, Milt. I’ve been dying to check this place out.”

  He picks an olive tapenade and truffle oil covered crostini off of Milton’s plate and takes a bite. “Think it’s a good date spot?”

  Milton’s brow furrows in confusion. “Uh, yes. Yes I do.” His eyes say he probably wants to add, “until you crashed it”, but he doesn’t.

  Rowan finishes his crostini, licking his fingers clean, before he leans in towards Milton. “Listen, friend, I’m sorry to intrude like this, but I just thought, well, with all your outreach and missionary work, you might be the one to come to about this.” He gives Milton a serious look. “You’re good with sinners, right?”

  Milton suddenly sits up a little straighter, nodding seriously at Rowan. “Of course.”

  “Oh, thank the Lord,” Rowan says, crossing himself — the wrong way, I notice.

  “Well, I just saw a big sinner outside.”

  “Oh?”

  “Oh yeah, big time. Total harlot.” He shakes his head. “I’m telling you, she just kept taking her shirt off and talking about…” He leans close as if the next part is only meant for Milton’s ears. “Oral sex?”

  Milton’s face goes red. Rowan grins wickedly.

  “I should go deal with this shouldn’t I?”

  Rowan shrugs.

  Milton turns to me. “I’m sorry, Eva, but the Lord’s will demands I do what I can to help the wayward find their flock. I hope you don’t mind?”

  “Not at all,” I say with a smile.

  He nods feverishly as he turns to Rowan. “Thank you, brother.”

  “Of course, brother.” Rowan nods seriously. “And don’t worry, I’ll stay with her. Go do what you must.”

  “Amen to that,” Milton says seriously, closing his eyes and crossing himself.

  Rowan rolls his eyes at me.

  “You’re going to hell,” I say flatly as Milton rushes out of the restaurant.

  Rowan grins. “Probably.”

  “I’m on a date you know.”

  “No you’re not, you’re on a business dinner.”

  “A date.”

  “Ever been on a real date, angel?”

  I don’t answer him.

  “Well, they’re not set up and pre-negotiated by your father and his religious cronies. Besides, you don’t want to be here with that guy.” He picks at another crostini off of Milton’s plate.

  “Yes I do.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  “He’s nice,” I say, almost trying to convince myself more than him.

  Rowan leans close. “You don’t want nice.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  His eyes hold mine for a second before he suddenly stands, grabbing my arm and pulling me up with him.

  “Um, excuse me? Where are we going?”

  “I’m going to prove you wrong.” He pulls me through the restaurant towards the back.

  “I can’t just leave in the middle of a date!”

  “Yes, you can.”

  He pulls us through the back hallway of the restaurant and kicks open the back door. He pulls me out, heading towards his bike parked at the corner.

  “Rowan, where are-”

  I gasp as he whirls and kisses me.

  He kisses me hungrily, punishingly, fiercely — taking the breath from my lungs and sending me reeling before he pulls away.

  “You-” I touch my lips, glancing around. “You can’t just kiss me.”

  “Yes I can.”

  “It’s wrong, Rowan,” I say quietly.

  “Is it?”

  I moan as he kisses me again, and this time, my hands find his shirt and pull him tight against me. This time, I open my lips for his tongue, tasting him, melting into him.

  Slowly, he pulls away.

  “That feel wrong to you?”

  “I- I’m, not sure,” I whisper, my eyes slowly opening to look up at him.

  “Maybe we should do it again, just to make sure.”

  I nod, my eyes locked onto his. “Yeah, that- we should do-”

  My words fail as he kisses me a
gain, his strong arms wrapping around me and pulling me tightly into him as his groans vibrate into my lips. His hand moves over my waist, pulling me tight, pressing me against his bike behind me.

  “We can’t do this here,” I whisper, glancing around again even though the back street is empty.

  “Then we should go someplace else.”

  I shouldn’t.

  I shouldn’t go anywhere with him. But suddenly, I’m thinking of Milton’s words and his nauseating opinions on my purity.

  And I want to scream.

  I want to rage at my father, and at Milton, and at anything else that imposes it’s own beliefs over what is mine, and not theirs.

  My purity is mine, to give to whom I want to.

  And suddenly the last of my resistant, the last of my worrying about what I’m doing with Rowan Hammond slips away, and I nod.

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?”

  “Take me somewhere.” I shiver, knowing what that means to a man like him and wanting it so badly.

  “Please take me somewhere.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Rowan

  This is an obsession.

  It’s a raw need, an unavoidable addiction — something that pulls at every fucking piece of me.

  It’s like I have to have her.

  Eva’s arms grip me tight as I roar us out of town, out towards the breakers on the edge of the harbor.

  I shouldn’t be taking her here. I shouldn’t be taking her anywhere, and I know that. I know what this leads to, and it’s nothing good.

  I should forget about her. I should leave her to her nice candle-lit dinners with nice, good, churchly guys who her father approves of.

  I should forget about the way her lips taste, or the way her breath catches when I kiss them. I should forget about the way her body moves and shivers so sweetly when I run my hands over her skin — the way her legs spread, the way her moans drip like honey in my ears when I put my tongue on her.

  I should be forgetting all those things, but there’s no way in hell that’s happening.

  Leaving the restaurant with her was a mistake. Having her ditch Milton back there was a mistake. Ever getting involved with her was mistake.

  Except I do not even fucking care at this point, because being with her, taking her, and making her come is the only thing I want. It’s this obsessive roar in my ears. It’s the undeniable urge every time I even think of her.

  My angel.

  The bike comes to a stop at the edge of the sand dunes off the breakers, the ocean stretching grey and rolling in the sunset. I turn the engine off and kick down the stand.

  “It’s beautiful,” Eva whispers as she pulls the helmet from her head.

  “Better than Bible study with Milton?”

  She gives me a look, but she smiles and nods. “Yes.”

  I take her hand, helping her off the bike and grabbing a blanket from my side bag. She sees it, and her cheeks go red, but when her eyes dart to mine I see the hunger there.

  No more fucking around.

  No more tiptoeing.

  I need to have her, and I can tell by that look in her eyes she feels the same.

  We’re barely at the sand when she’s instantly in my arms — kissing me wildly, pulling the blanket from my hands and tossing it down onto the sand.

  “Whoa, Eva-”

  “Please,” she whispers breathless, her eyes flashing something raw. “No more lessons. I want this.”

  She steps back from me, suddenly reaches down, and pulls her shirt off.

  Goddamn she’s beautiful, standing there in her bra in the sunset.

  I pull my shirt off, yanking her against me and kissing her. We fall to the ground, hands tearing at our clothes as we come crashing together. She’s pushing her jeans down, and pulling me on top of her, and then it’s just a pair of panties and just my boxers separating us — nothing else between.

  I hover over her, staring down into this angel’s face. I’m taking in her beauty, the way her lip catches in her teeth, the way her big blue eyes stare up at me with a mix of apprehension and desire.

  …The way she looks so fucking sexy and so fucking pure and innocent at the same time.

  Innocent.

  Fuck.

  I can’t do this.

  It’s the worst thought I’ve ever had, but it’s there, suddenly burning in the front of my mind. She’s so pure, and I don’t just mean inexperienced sexually I mean she’s a pure, good person.

  And I know deep down that I’d only ruin that.

  I’d destroy that goodness, and dirty her with my own bullshit and my own baggage.

  And I can’t do that. Not to her.

  She’s kissing me, her hands grabbing at my boxers when I push her arms down, pinning her.

  “Wait, wait. Eva.”

  She moans, kissing me as she arches her back and raises her hips to mine.

  And I almost crack.

  I almost cave right there.

  I almost reach down, tear those panties off and plunge every inch of my cock inside that sweet, sweet pussy until she comes harder than she ever has before.

  But I don’t, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

  “Eva, stop. Wait.”

  She freezes. “What?”

  “I-” I shake my head. “We can’t do this.”

  Her face crumbles. “Did I do something?”

  “No, no.” I shake my head, leaning in to kiss her, but she breaks away.

  “What, then?”

  “I just- I can’t be the one.”

  Her brow furrows. “But, I want you to.”

  “You think you do, but you don’t know what you’re doing.”

  “Then show me.”

  I groan, grinding my teeth, and I even have to shut my eyes as I shake my head. “No,” I say quietly. “No because I’d never forgive myself.”

  Her face goes cold, and suddenly she’s slipping away from me and grabbing for her jeans.

  “Eva, look-”

  “No, it’s fine,” she says coldly, pulling them up and quickly reaching for her bra.

  “Eva, look at me.”

  “No.” She pulls her shirt on, her back still to me. “It’s fine, Rowan. This was a stupid idea anyways. I had some wine at dinner, and I just wasn’t thinking clearly.”

  I stand. “Eva, you need to understand.” I put my hands on her shoulders, but she shrugs them off.

  “Can you just take me home now?”

  “C’mon!” I growl. “Goddamnit, you know what I’m trying to say here. Just fucking talk to me.”

  She turns, her eyes wet and her face cold.

  “Just take me home, please.”

  We hold that look for another second before I shake my head.

  Fuck.

  Fuck fucking-fuck.

  I reach for my jeans. “Sure, let’s-”

  But she’s already heading back up the beach to the bike.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Evangeline

  “Where were you?”

  I freeze at the sound of my father’s voice in the darkness of the living room. My face burns hot, and I’m thankful for the lack of lights — the shadows hiding my guilt and my sin from sight.

  “I was out. I- I had to clear my head.”

  It’s dark, but I still flinch when my father rises abruptly from his chair.

  “Do not lie to me, Evangeline!”

  His voice booms as he strides towards me. A light from outside suddenly catching his face in this jagged, menacing way, and I can feel my heart jump in my chest.

  “Dad, I-”

  “I heard that man’s motorcycle, Eva,” he says evenly. He brushes past me into the kitchen, pacing the floor and stroking his chin, like he’s about to call out the wickedness from his worshipers.

  Wickedness like lying.

  “He gave me a ride home, Dad. He was downtown and saw me walking, and-”

  “I will not have lies under my roof!” He roar
s, whirling back on me.

  “I’m not,” I lie, quietly.

  It feels terrible.

  “You walked out on Milton?” he says incredulously. “The man is leaving tomorrow to go back to Georgia, and you just decided to leave him, hat in hand? You just decided to leave your fiancé and-”

  “He’s not my fiancé,” I say quietly.

  “The hell he isn’t!” My father booms, slamming the side of his fist into the refrigerator. “I’ve picked him for you for good reason, Evangeline! He’s a strong, churchly-”

  I snap.

  “You picked him, Dad!” I scream, shaking my head at him. “Not me, you! And that does not make him my fucking fiancé!”

  “Evangeline!”

  I turn at the sound of my mother’s horrified gasp to see her standing in the doorway, clutching her robe and holding a hand to her mouth in shock.

  “Sweet merciful Jesus,” my father croaks out, his eyes blazing as he shakes his head at me. “I wish I could say that I don’t know where this wickedness is coming from, Eva, but I’ve a strong idea where it is!”

  “You have no right talking to Milton about my…my…” I squeeze my eyes shut and clench my fists as I swallow the revulsion. “My purity? Are you kidding me? That is none of your or Milton’s-”

  “That is entirely my business!” my father bellows, jabbing a finger at me. “I am you father! And it is well within my Godly rights to make sure my only daughter enters the convent of marriage with her innocence intact, as willed by God!”

  I shake my head. “Do you even hear yourself? Do you even understand how out of touch that is?”

  “The world is out of touch, Eva,” he hisses through clenched teeth. “The world is slipping quickly into the hellfire of damnation, and you can be sure that I will not let it drag you down with it.” He narrows his eyes at me. “And you can be damn sure that I won’t let that Hammond boy drag you down either.”

  “I’m not marrying Milton.”

  “As God as my witness, yes you are!”

  I turn and start to walk up the back staircase.

  “Don’t you turn your back on me! We’re not done here, young lady!”

  “Yes, we are,” I say quietly to no one as I take the last step into my room, and slam the door shut.