Believing Is Seeing

by Diana Wynne Jones

  “So why did you go last Friday?” said Lewin.

  “Neal dared me to,” I said. I couldn’t say anything else with a lie detector in my hands. Neal gets on with Orm, and he goes to the Reserve a lot. Up to Friday he thought I was being silly refusing to go. But the real trouble was that Neal had been there all along, riding Barra beside me on Nellie, and now Lewin had made me mention Neal, I couldn’t think how to pretend he hadn’t been there. “I rode up behind Wormhill,” I said, “and then over the Saddle until we could see the sea. That means you’re in the Reserve.”

  “Isn’t the Reserve fenced off at all?” Renick asked disapprovingly.

  “No,” I said. “Worms—dragons—can fly, so what’s the point? They stay in because the shepherds bombard them if they don’t, and we all give them so many sheep every month.” And Orm makes them stay in, bad cess to him! “Anyway,” I said, “I was riding down a kyle—that’s what we call those narrow stony valleys—when my horse reared and threw me. Next thing I knew—”

  “Question,” said Palino. “Where was your brother at this point?”

  He would spot that! I thought. “Some way behind,” I said. Six feet, in fact. Barra is used to dragons and just stood stock-still. “This dragon shuffled head down with its great snout across the kyle,” I said. “I sat on the ground with its great amused eye staring at me and listening to Nellie clattering away up the kyle. It was a youngish one, sort of brown-green, which is why I hadn’t seen it. They can keep awfully still when they want to. And I said a rude word to it.

  “‘That’s no way to speak to a dragon!’ Orm said. He was sitting on a rock on the other side of the kyle, quite close, laughing at me.” I wondered whether to fill the gap in my story where Neal was by telling them that Orm always used to be my idea of Jack Frost when I was little. He used to call at Uplands for milk then, to feed dragon fledglings on, but he was so rude to Mother that he goes to Inga’s place now. Orm is long and skinny and brown, with a great white bush of hair and beard, and he smells rather. But they must have smelled him in Holmstad, so I said, “I was scared because the dragon was so near I could feel the heat off it. And then Orm said, ‘You have to speak politely to this dragon. He’s my particular friend. You give me a nice kiss, and he’ll let you go.’”

  I think Lewin murmured something like, “Ah, I thought it might be that!” but it may just have been in his mind. I don’t know because I was in real trouble then, trying to pick my way through without mentioning Neal. The little box got so wet it nearly slipped out of my hand. I said, “Every time I tried to get up, Orm beckoned, and the dragon pushed me down with its snout with a gamesome look in its eye. And Orm cackled with laughter. They were both really having fun.” This was true, but the dragon also pushed between me and Neal and mantled its wings when Neal tried to help. And Neal said some pretty awful things to Orm. Orm giggled and insulted Neal back. He called Neal a booby who couldn’t stand up for himself against women. “Then,” I said, “then Orm said I was the image of Mother at the same age—which isn’t true: I’m bigger all over—and he said, ‘Come on, kiss and be friends!’ Then he skipped down from his rock and took hold of my arm—”

  I had to stop and swallow there. The really awful thing was that as soon as Orm had hold of me, I got a strong picture from his mind: Orm kissing a pretty lady smaller than me, with another dragon, an older, blacker one, looking on from the background. And I recognized the lady as Mother, and I was absolutely disgusted.

  “So I hit Orm and got up and ran away,” I said. “And Orm shouted to me all the time I was running up the kyle and catching Nellie, but I took no notice.”

  “Question,” said Renick. “What action did the dragon take?”

  “They—they always chase you if you run, I’d heard,” Alectis said shyly.

  “And this one appears to have been trained to Orm’s command,” Palino said.

  “It didn’t chase me,” I said. “It stayed with Orm.” The reason was that neither of them could move. I still don’t know what I did—I had a picture of myself leaning back inside my own head and swinging mighty blows, the way you do with a pickax—and Neal says the dragon went over like a cartload of potatoes and Orm fell flat on his back. But Orm could speak, and he screamed after us that I’d killed the worm and I’d pay for it. But I was screaming, too, at Neal, to keep away from me because I was heg. That was the thing that horrified me most. Before that I’d tried not to think I was. After all, for all I knew, everyone can read minds and get a book from the bookcase without getting up from his chair. And Neal told me to pull myself together and think what we were going to tell Mother. We decided to say that we’d met a dragon in the Reserve and I’d killed it and found out I was heg. I made Neal promise not to mention Orm. I couldn’t bear even to think of Orm. And Mother was wonderfully understanding, and I really didn’t realize that I’d put her in danger as well as Neal.

  Lewin looked down at the recorder. “Dragons are a preserved species,” he said. “Orm claims that you caused grievous bodily harm to a dragon in his care. What have you to say to that?”

  “How could I?” I said. Oh, I was scared. “It was nearly as big as a house.”

  Renick was on to that at once. “Query,” he said. “Prevarication?”

  “Obviously,” said Palino, clicking away at his block.

  “We haven’t looked at that dragon yet,” Terens said.

  “We’ll do that on our way back,” Lewin said, sighing rather. “Siglin, I regret to say there is enough mismatch between your account and Orm’s, and enough odd activity on that brain measure you hold in your hand, to warrant my taking you to Holmstad Command Center for further examination. Be good enough to go with Terens and Alectis to the van, and wait there while we complete our inquiries here.”

  I stood up. Everything seemed to drain out of me. I could lam them like I lammed that dragon, I thought. But Holmstad would only send a troop out to see why they hadn’t come back. And I put my oldest dress on for nothing! I thought as I walked down the hallway with Terens and Alectis. The doors were all closed. Everyone had guessed. The van smelled of clean plastic, and it was very warm and light because the roof was one big window. I sat between Terens and Alectis on the backseat. They pulled straps around us all—safety straps, but they made me feel a true prisoner.

  After a while Terens said, “You could sue Orm if the evidence doesn’t hold up, you know.” I think he was trying to be kind, but I couldn’t answer.

  After another while Alectis said, “With respect, Driten, I think suspects should be told the truth about the so-called lie detector.”

  “Alectis, I didn’t hear you say that,” Terens said. He pretended to look out of the window, but he must have known I knew he had deliberately thought lie detector at me as he passed me the thing. They’re told to. Dragonate think of everything. I sat and thought I’d never hated anything so much as I hated our kind, self-sacrificing Dragonate, and I tried to take a last look at the stony yard, tipped sideways on the hill, with our square stone house at the top of it. But it wouldn’t register somehow.

  Then the front door opened, and the other three came out, bringing Neal with them. Behind them the hall was full of our people, with Mother in front, just staring. I just stared, too, while Palino opened the van door and shoved Neal into the seat beside me. “Your brother has admitted being present at the incident,” he said as he strapped himself in beside Neal. I could tell he was pleased.

  By this time Lewin and Renick had strapped themselves into the front seat. Lewin drove away without a word. Neal looked back at the house. I couldn’t. “Neal—?” I whispered.

  “Just like you said,” Neal said, loudly and defiantly. “Behaving as if they own the Ten Worlds. I wouldn’t join now if they begged me to!” Why did I have to go and say that to him? “Why did you join?” Neal said rudely to Alectis.

  “Six brothers,” Alectis said, staring ahead.

  The other four all started talking at once. Lewin asked Renick the q
uickest way to the Reserve by road, and Renick said it was down through Wormstow. “I hope the dragons eat you!” Neal said. This was while Palino was leaning across us to say to Terens, “Where’s our next inspection after this hole?” And Terens said, “We go straight on to Arkloren on Nine. Alectis will get to see some other parts of the Manifold shortly.” Behaving as if we didn’t exist. Neal shrugged and shut up.

  The Dragonate van was much smoother and faster than a farm van. We barely bounced over the stony track that loops down to Hillfoot, and it seemed no time before we were speeding down the better road, with the rounded yellowish Upland Hills peeling past on either side. I love my hills, covered with yellow ling that only grows here on Sveridge, and the soft light of the sun through our white and gray clouds. Renick, still making conversation, said he was surprised to find the hills so old and worn down. “I thought Eight was a close parallel with Seven!” he said.

  Lewin answered in a boring voice, “I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen Seven since I was a cadet.”

  “Oh, the mountains are much higher and greener there,” Renick said. “I was posted in Camberia for years. Lovely spot.”

  Lewin just grunted. Quite a wave of homesickness filled the van. I could feel Renick thinking of Seven and Alectis not wanting to go to Nine. Terens was remembering boating on Romaine when he was Neal’s age. Lewin was thinking of Seven, in spite of the grunt. We were coming over Jiot Fell already then, with the Giant Stones standing on top of the world against the sky. A few more turns in the road would bring us out above Wormstow where Neal and I went—used to go—to school. What about me? I was thinking. I’m homesick for life. And Neal. Poor Mother.

  Then the air suddenly filled with noise, like the most gigantic sheet being torn.

  Lewin said, “What the—?” and we all stared upward. A great silvery shape screamed overhead. And another of a fatter shape, more blue than silver, screamed after it, both of them only just inside the clouds. Alectis put up an astonished pointing arm. “Thraller! The one behind’s a Slaver!”

  “What’s it doing here?” said Terens. “Someone must have slipped up.”

  “Ours was a stratoship!” said Palino. “What’s going on?”

  A huge ball of fire rolled into being on the horizon, above the Giant Stones. I felt Lewin slam on the brakes. “We got him!” one of them cried out.

  “The Slaver got ours,” Lewin said. The brakes were still yelling like a she-worm when the blast hit.

  I lose the next bit. I start remembering again a few seconds later, sitting up straight with a bruised lip, finding the van around sideways a long way on down the road. In front of me Renick’s straps had broken. He was lying kind of folded against the windscreen. I saw Lewin pull himself upright and pull at Renick. And stop pulling quickly. My ears had gone deaf, because I could only hear Lewin as if he were very far off. “—hurt in the back?”

  Palino looked along the four of us and shouted, “Fine! Is Renick—?”

  “Dead,” Lewin shouted back. “Neck broken.” He was jiggling furiously at buttons in the controls. My ears started to work again, and I heard him say, “Holmstad’s not answering. Nor’s Ranefell. I’m going back to Holmstad. Fast.”

  We set off again with a roar. The van seemed to have lost its silencer, and it rattled all over, but it went. And how it went. We must have done nearly a hundred down Jiot, squealing on the bends. In barely minutes we could see Wormstow spread out below, old gray houses and new white ones, and all those imported trees that make the town so pretty. The clouds over the houses seemed to darken and go dense.

  “Uh-oh!” said Terens.

  The van jolted to another yelling stop. It was not the clouds. Something big and dark was coming down through the clouds, slowly descending over Wormstow. Something enormous. “What is that?” Neal and Alectis said together.

  “Hedgehog,” said Terens.

  “A slaveship,” Palino explained, sort of mincing the word out to make it mean more. “Are—are we out of range here?”

  “I most thoroughly hope so,” Lewin said. “There’s not much we can do with hand weapons.”

  We sat and stared as the thing came down. The lower it got, the more Renick’s bent-up shape was in my way. I kept wishing Lewin would do something about him, but nobody seemed to be able to think of anything but that huge descending ship. I saw why they call them hedgehogs. It was rounded above and flat beneath, with bits and pieces sticking out all over like bristles. Hideous somehow. And it came and hung squatting over the roofs of the houses below. There it let out a ramp like a long black tongue, right down into the Market Square. Then another into High Street, between the rows of trees, breaking a tree as it passed.

  As soon as the ramps touched ground, Lewin started the van and drove down toward Wormstow.

  “No, stop!” I said, even though I knew he couldn’t. The compulsion those Slavers put out is really strong. Some of it shouts inside your head, like your own conscience through an amplifier, and some of it is gentle and creeping and insidious, like Mother telling you gently to come along now and be sensible. I found I was thinking, Oh, well, I’m sure Lewin’s right. Tears rolled down Alectis’s face, and Neal was sniffing. We had to go to the ship, which was now hanging a little above us. I could see people hurrying out of houses and racing to crowd up the ramp in the Market Square. People I knew. So it must be all right, I thought. The van was having to weave past loose horses that people had been riding or driving. That was how I got a glimpse of the other ramp, through trees and the legs of a horse. Soldiers were pouring down it, running like a muddy river, in waves. Each wave had a little group of kings, walking behind it, directing the soldiers. They had shining crowns and shining Vs on their chests and walked mighty, like gods.

  That brought me to my senses. “Lewin,” I said, “those are Thrallers, and you’re not to do what they say, do you hear?” Lewin just drove around a driverless cart, toward the Market Square. He was going to be driving up that ramp in a second. I was so frightened then that I lammed Lewin—not like I lammed the dragon, but in a different way. Again it’s hard to describe, except that this time I was giving orders. Lewin was to obey me, not the Thrallers, and my orders were to drive away at once. When nothing seemed to happen, I got so scared that I seemed to be filling the whole van with my orders.

  “Thank you,” Lewin said in a croaking sort of voice. He jerked the van around into Worm Parade and roared down it, away from the ship and the terrible ramps. The swerve sent the van door open with a slam, and to my relief, the body of poor Renick tumbled out into the road.

  But everyone else screamed out, “No! What are you doing?” and clutched their heads. The compulsion was far, far worse if you disobeyed. I felt as if layers of my brain were being peeled off with hot pincers. Neal was crying, like Alectis. Terens was moaning. It hurt so much that I filled the van frantically with more and more orders. Lewin made grinding sounds deep in his throat and kept on driving away, with the door flapping and banging.

  Palino took his straps undone and yelled, “You’re going the wrong way, you damn cariarder!” I couldn’t stop him at all. He started to climb into the front seat to take the controls away from Lewin. Alectis and Neal both rose up, too, and shoved him off Lewin. So Palino gave that up and scrambled for the open flapping door instead. Nobody could do a thing. He just jumped out and went rolling in the road. I didn’t see what he did then, because I was too busy giving orders, but Neal says he simply scrambled up and staggered back toward the ship and the ramp.

  We drove for another horrible half mile, and then we must have got out of range. Everything suddenly went easy. It was like when somebody lets go the other end of a rope you’re both pulling, and you go over backward. Wham. And I felt too dim and stunned to move.

  “Thank the gods!” I heard Terens more or less howl.

  “It’s Siglin you should be thanking,” Lewin said. “Alectis, climb over to the front and shut that door. Then try and raise Holmstad again.”

&n
bsp; Neal said the door was too battered to shut. Alectis had to hold it with one hand while he worked the broadcaster with the other. I heard him saying that Holmstad still didn’t answer through the roaring and rattling the van made when Lewin put on speed up the long, looping gradient of Wormjiot. We had nearly got up to the Saddle when Terens said, “It’s going! Aren’t they quick?” I looked back, still feeling dim and horrible, in time to see the squatting hedgehog rise up inside the clouds again.

  “Now you can thank the gods,” Lewin said. “They didn’t think we were worth chasing. Try medium wave, Alectis.” There is an outcrop of ragged rock near the head of Wormjiot. Lewin drove off the road and stopped behind it while Alectis fiddled with knobs.

  Instead of getting dance music and cookery hints, Alectis got a voice that fizzed and crackled. “This is Dragonate Fanejiot, Sveridge South, with an emergency message for all Dragonate units still in action. You are required to make your way to Fanejiot and report there soonest.” It said that about seven times. Then it said, “We can now confirm earlier reports that Home Nine is in Slaver hands. Here is a list of bases on Home Eight that have been taken by Slavers.” It was a long list. Holmstad came quite early on it, and Ranefell about ten names after that.

  Lewin reached across and turned it off. “Did someone say we slipped up?” he said. “That was an understatement.”

  “Fanejiot is two thousand flaming miles from here!” Terens said. “With an ocean and who knows how many Slavers in between!”

  “Well put,” said Lewin. “Did Palino’s memo block go to the Slavers with him?”