One Summer

by Jenny Hale

  “Are you having some painting done?” Jack said, killing the engine and leaning toward the windshield to view Sasha’s preparations.

  Einstein sat up from his spot on the seat, looking around with tired eyes. He was worn out.

  “Sasha and I are going to paint the house,” she said.

  “And me!” Henry piped up, reaching over Alice and unlatching the door. He crawled across her lap and hopped out, taking Einstein with him. “Sasha!” he said, as he ran to the doorway where she stood, Einstein bounding along beside him. “Look what I got!” Captain Lenny had asked that they throw back all the shells they found, some of them housing hermit crabs that had crawled along their hands. But he told Henry to find one empty shell that he wanted to keep as a memento.

  “Sasha shouldn’t be climbing high ladders in this heat yet,” Jack noted, sitting back against the truck’s bench seat and turning toward her. “And you can’t possibly reach the roofline from that ladder.”

  “We’ll figure it out,” Alice said nonchalantly, not wanting to admit that they just didn’t have enough money to hire someone, nor did they have the time to wait for a crew to get out there. She needed to get it done.

  “Dad has a taller ladder.” He inched forward and tipped his head up again to examine the roofline before looking cautiously at her. “I could help you paint.”

  She could see his uncertainty as he offered and she knew he was thinking the same thing she was: should they spend any more time together? But the fact that he had offered to help revealed his decision. “Don’t you have research to do?” she asked, more so to give him one more chance to back out.

  “I stayed late last night,” he said with a smile. “And I’ve told you not to worry about me. I can get my work done. I wouldn’t have offered otherwise.”

  If she were honest with herself, she didn’t really need the help, but she just wanted to hold on to this day, even this moment, a little longer. She’d had such a wonderful time with him that she wanted to push the heartbreak away until later. Because she knew that the minute he drove away, that would be the end, and the ache in her chest would set in. She decided not to think about it, indulging herself in those green eyes instead.

  “Can you imagine how straight my paint line is?” he said with a smirk, taking her hand and turning it over. He set his on top of hers, stilling all movement in her fingers with steady, purposeful effort. She imagined all the things he could do with those hands… He met her eyes as if his thoughts had moved right along with hers. “Give me twenty minutes. I’ll be back with the ladder.”

  * * *

  “I’ll start on this side with Henry painting the bottom boards,” Sasha said, wearing an old T-shirt that was way too big for her. Alice smiled to herself, wondering if it was Landon’s and she planned to get paint all over it to spite him. That would be just like Sasha. “You and Jack take the top on the other side.”

  Jack had brought Butch’s ladder and leaned it against the south side of the house next to Gramps’s shorter ladder. They’d filled the paint buckets, and he’d climbed each ladder to hang them from the hooks by the top riser. The sun was relentless, beating down on Alice as they climbed up together.

  “Brush,” he said, as if he were handing her a medical instrument, reaching out to give it to her. He’d refused to let her carry anything with her to the top of the ladder.

  “Thank you.”

  Alice took in the strength of his arms, the roundness of his chest, the way his lips moved into a slightly pursed position as he concentrated while he painted beside her. He was so familiar now, so much a part of this place and who she was here, that she didn’t want to think about the days ahead without him. She dipped her brush into the paint, the gray bristles dripping with white, and dragged it along the wood, making the old paint look more dingy against the freshness of the new.

  “I’m so happy for you, you know,” Jack said, facing the house, his brush moving in perfect strokes along the siding. “You’ve done a phenomenal job. Everything looks amazing.”

  She was thankful for his praise, but she still wasn’t convinced that she’d done enough. “Now we just have to get the people to come,” she said. “June Dawson is opening Seagull’s Cove on the pier—I’m excited about that. The popularity of the restaurant should help business.”

  “I’d heard,” he said with obvious hopefulness.

  He could be so upset with the fact that Butch couldn’t live here, but he wasn’t. He was genuinely delighted for Alice; she could sense it. That was just the kind of person Jack was. He wanted the best for everyone.

  “I spoke to June about it,” he said, and she had to swim out of her thoughts. “Her daughter’s running it now, but she had a hand in deciding the location. She’s a great woman—I’ve known her for years.”

  Alice was happy to hear that, because if Jack thought she was great, then she knew she really was. From what she’d seen of June already, she liked her. She hoped June would pop in when she was down this way; Einstein would certainly like to see her.

  “You’ll do just fine here,” he said. “I wish I could be around longer to help in the beginning months. But June will be a wonderful mentor. She knows her stuff.”

  “That’s an added benefit of having her nearby.”

  “Yes.”

  Jack fell into silence. He dragged his brush along one of the planks, that smile shifting to a look of contemplation. Was sadness taking over his thoughts already? She didn’t want him to think about not being here, about leaving. Not yet.

  * * *

  Jack and Alice were still painting in the dark of night, their side of the shop illuminated by the lights from the pier. Neither of them had articulated exactly why they’d kept going after Sasha and Henry had gone in to have dinner, Sasha offering to help Henry to bed so they could finish. But Alice knew why she’d continued, her arm aching from the long hours: because she didn’t want the day to end. If she thought about it, she’d start to panic, so she just kept painting.

  Jack had brought a change of clothes in the truck so he wouldn’t get paint on the seats when he went home, but it was so late—and he wanted to be at the hospital very early the next morning—that it made more sense to just sleep on this side of town instead of driving all the way inland to Butch’s. Alice had lost her resolve. She had completely fallen for Jack Murphy and when he’d asked if he could crash on her couch, against every rational thought she had, she’d said yes.

  He’d showered at Alice’s and settled on the sofa upstairs. Sasha had turned in already, giving them some time alone. After taking her own shower, Alice had just checked on Henry, who was fast asleep, when she joined him.

  “You smell like me,” she said with a giggle.

  His thick hair was wet and combed. He leaned back onto the sofa, his shoulders relaxed, a content look on his face. “I used your shampoo,” he admitted with a grin.

  He looked tired, and if he was half as exhausted as she was, they had a problem because the sofa looked a little shorter than he was and he’d never fit there.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked, putting his arm behind her and scooting closer.

  “You don’t fit on this sofa.”

  His head tilted adorably as he tried to make sense of her comment. It only took a second before she could see his mind whirring, his gaze moving down the hallway toward her room.

  That feeling started to creep in again: the panic. Because she knew she wanted to have him with her, to have his arms around her, to wake up to his face in the morning. “I can fit on the sofa,” she said, trying to squash any ideas he might be having, as well as her own.

  “I’d never take your bed from you. Plus, I might as well push through till morning. I’m wide awake.” He yawned, making them both laugh.

  Her mind wandered again to what it would be like to fall asleep beside him in the darkness. She wondered where he’d rest his hands, how they’d fit together, the steadiness of his breathing as he lay beside her. Th
ere was no way she was sharing her bed with anyone while Henry was around to witness it. She swallowed, trying to rein her thoughts in.

  The truth was that she used to imagine what it might be like to spend every day with someone like Jack, to fall asleep at night with him and open her eyes to her perfect person, the one she’d spend her whole life with. She’d try to fit the person she was dating into that picture and it was a little like putting the wrong puzzle piece into place, bending the edges, pushing too hard to make it fit. But with Jack, she could picture it so easily: rolling over in the morning to that smile, those green eyes crinkling at the edges, his arms wrapping around her; sitting together at the breakfast table while he read the paper and she poured cereal for Henry, Einstein at his feet; kissing him goodbye before he left for work. The ease of being with him hit her right then and she let her smile fade away, a pain in her chest taking the place of her thoughts.

  “What are we doing?” she asked point blank, standing up. Suddenly, she wanted to run, to get out of there, but it was her place, so she felt trapped, the fear of losing him overwhelming her.

  The gravity of the situation washed over his face as he caught on to her change in mood instantly, making her wonder if he had been anticipating the question. He looked down at his hands, the hands that held all the wisdom in the world on an operating table. “We’re just being.”

  “And what happens when we can’t ‘just be’ anymore? What happens when you leave? I keep asking it and we keep pretending that it doesn’t matter, but Jack, every minute I spend with you makes that day harder for me.”

  He nodded. After a long silence, he stood up, and she could tell he felt the same way. “What do you want to do, Alice?”

  She didn’t want to say it because all she wished for right then was to have him hold her all night, but she knew that wouldn’t make things any better. “I think you should go home.” She said the words kindly and kept her emotions in check. This was enough. “I mean it this time. Please don’t try to sweet talk me into another visit or one more day out. If you care about my feelings, then respect them. Because I don’t have the strength to stay away from you on my own.”

  The hurt she felt, the ache, the loss of something big—it all showed on Jack’s face. But she stood her ground because if he stayed, she knew she’d change her mind about asking him to leave her alone. It took all her will to get the words out. When she didn’t say anything more, Jack looked down at the floor and nodded to himself. With sadness in his eyes, he took her hand, his fingers lightly intertwining with hers. She closed her eyes and slowly pulled away before the tears came.

  When she opened them, she could see how much he wanted to stay, but it was also clear that he wanted to give her what she was asking for. So without another word, he left.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  It had been a week since that night on the sofa when Alice had asked Jack not to see her again. He’d kept his promise, but he had tried to text her, and she’d asked if he wouldn’t. It was just too difficult. After that, he’d gone silent.

  As the days went by, she’d thought about him, though. What surprised her was that the image that came to mind most often was of him in his white lab coat. Only recently did she realize why she didn’t like seeing him dressed like that: all the greats keep going in life, always moving forward; they don’t settle down. And Jack was one of the greats. He wouldn’t return to the town where he grew up because he was still moving forward and that life was far behind him; he’d already lived it. He needed the next big challenge to make him whole; that thrill of adventure. That was who he was. Seeing him in his work environment reminded her of that fact.

  During all her free moments, Alice had thrown herself into getting the shop ready, trying to keep her mind off losing him, because if she paused to really think about the days ahead without him, she could hardly manage. She hadn’t even stopped for so much as a cup of coffee. She’d helped Melly with her packing. Her new friend had decided to stay with her parents until she could find a place to live. And when she wasn’t helping Melly, Alice had ridden the waves with Henry, flown his new kite together, taken long walks with him and Einstein on the beach; and then, when he’d gone to play with Simon, she and Sasha had started planning: posters, website design, inventory—whatever she could do. She did the same thing after Henry and Sasha had gone to bed because the nights were the hardest. That was when all the thoughts and what-ifs crept in.

  Sasha had only asked a few times, but Alice knew that her friend could sense her emotions about Jack leaving, so Sasha didn’t press her when she changed the subject. She just worked right alongside her, showing her support through her effort to get the shop running.

  So, that afternoon, when she saw Jack come around the corner of the shop, she had to remind herself to breathe. She set down the hose she’d been using to water the new plants and turned off the spigot, straightening herself and lifting her chin to keep from crumbling into his arms.

  “I wanted to say goodbye before I left,” Jack said, that smile of his she loved so much absent, replaced by apprehension. He stayed where he was. She saw the unhappiness in his eyes; he looked so tired, like he hadn’t been sleeping well. Just seeing him like that made her want to burst into tears.

  Why had he come? She couldn’t do this. It was too hard.

  He stepped toward her, and took her hand. His gaze swallowed her and he seemed as though he were asking permission to kiss her goodbye, but she wouldn’t be able to cope if he did, so she moved away from him, letting go of his hand. Like he always seemed to do, he read her body language perfectly, nodding so subtly that she could hardly tell, but she knew that he’d decided he didn’t want to push her. He was always trying to make her happy and this was his last effort.

  “I’ll see you.” He stood there for a second, grief washing over his features despite his obvious attempt to keep his expression casual. It looked like he didn’t want to leave. Inside she was screaming for him to stay, but she remained silent because if she made a sound, the tears would come hard and fast and she wouldn’t know how to turn them off. Then, slowly, he started to back away, his eyes not leaving hers, every part of her body trembling more with every step he took.

  He turned around, his back swelling with his breath, and he cleared his throat, still walking—it made her wonder if his emotion had gotten the better of him. She could understand because it was taking all her iron will to keep herself from calling out to him, from crying in his arms, and telling him not to go. Her lips quivering, her eyes now brimming with tears, she stood there while he opened the door to his car.

  She couldn’t watch any longer, so she turned around and walked over the dune to the beach, her legs barely able to carry her. She focused on every step as she moved further down the beach. She went all the way to the surf, her heart shattered, tears now streaming down her face, wishing he’d have just left without seeing her but knowing he never would’ve. She focused on the sea. She didn’t try to look for answers there anymore—there weren’t any.

  She felt like she had a boulder on her chest, and she was taking in large gulps of briny air to keep herself from heaving with sorrow. Alice knew that she was able to live without Jack. She could live her life and raise Henry all by herself. But she wouldn’t be truly happy without him. Jack made her feel complete.

  As she contemplated this, behind her, she heard a soft pounding on the sand coming closer and closer, causing her to spin around. Jack was running toward her at full speed, his green eyes clamped onto hers. He came to a jolting stop in front of her, sheer determination on his face, those eyes more intense than she’d ever seen them. He slid his hands onto her face, running them up through the back of her hair, pulling her to him. But he didn’t have to work very hard at all because she was moving into him like they’d been pushed together by a magnetic force. She grabbed onto him as if he could save her from all her emotion, and every muscle in her body released when his lips moved on hers, the softness of them combin
ed with the energy of that moment making her more vulnerable than she’d ever been before.

  With those strong arms around her, his breath mixing with hers, their entire past flashed in her mind: the young green eyes that first landed on her that day so long ago, their teenage hands side by side on the pier as he inched his towards hers, the slightly shy look he’d given her just before walking off down the road, throwing up a hand to her and Gramps; the way his smile had come into view in front of the apples the day she’d first arrived, the sweetness on his face as he’d listened to her on that bench; the moment their lips had touched when she’d caught the fish… All the memories came faster than she could process them, his lips moving urgently on hers as if he remembered them all too. How would she live without him?

  Their kiss finally slowed and he pressed his forehead to hers. “Come to Chicago,” he whispered. “Please.”

  She shook her head, but she could tell he already knew. He placed his hand on her shattered heart and closed his eyes.

  “Okay. I’ll go.” He kissed her forehead, his lips lingering on her skin.

  And then, he was gone.

  * * *

  Alice hadn’t slept at all last night. She’d been scrambling for anything that could bring Jack back, but she knew that there was nothing. He didn’t have work here, and he had to work. It was pretty clear to her that Jack was supplementing Butch’s income with his involvement in renting or buying a home and he needed to make that money. And if he stayed, would he even be happy here?