Floors #2: 3 Below

by Patrick Carman

  “Yeah, she’s in my mom’s old room,” Remi said, unable to hide his loathing. “I hope she’s not pulling down all the decorations.”

  “Come on, I have an idea,” Leo said. He ran through the lobby with Remi close behind. On the other side was the Puzzle Room, where piles of puzzle pieces lay on a long wooden table. There were eight hundred thousand pieces. Mr. Phipps and Captain Rickenbacker were fond of trying to put it together, but had never gotten very far.

  “I wish you could have seen it when Merganzer made the pieces fly everywhere,” Leo told Remi, smiling at the memory. “That was something else.”

  He took a black key card out of one of the side pockets of his maintenance overalls. He knew how to work the card so the piles of puzzle pieces would fly into the air and miraculously settle into the finished picture they were meant to be. Merganzer had showed him how to do it.

  “Only to be used when the time is right,” Leo said out loud. “Remember what I told you Merganzer said about the puzzle being double-sided?”

  “Two sides,” Remi said. “I remember.”

  After Merganzer had left last time, Leo had taken the puzzle apart again, leaving it in piles on the table. Putting it back together was an almost impossible task without the black key card.

  “Should I do it?” Leo asked, his thumb hovering over the card, ready to swipe back and forth in the way that would send the pieces flying. He could put it together, build it so they could see the other side, a side they’d never seen before.

  “I don’t know — does it seem like the right time?” Remi asked.

  Leo couldn’t be sure, but there was one thing he was sure of: He would know when the time was right.

  He put the key card away and shrugged. “I don’t think it’s time,” he said.

  Remi was having some trouble keeping Loopa in his pocket. He kept having to hold her head down while her arms snaked out in a desperate attempt to free herself.

  Just then, out of nowhere, the sound of a gigantic burp echoed through the lobby and into the Puzzle Room. It lasted a full ten seconds.

  “Remi,” Leo said, concern rising in his voice.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Where’s that bottle of Flart’s Fizz?”

  Blop’s mechanical eyes began to flutter. The little robot was waking up. He was sitting in the jacket pocket where the bottle had been.

  “I left it in the duck elevator,” Remi said. “I thought it would be safe there.”

  “Lovely day, don’t you think?” Blop said, and Leo knew it was only the very beginning of a long-winded description of the sun, the clouds, the mechanics of a lovely day.

  Remi and Leo ran back through the lobby, which was still empty, and arrived at the duck elevator. They were both hoping to find Captain Rickenbacker or Mr. Phipps. Even the other long-stay tenants, LillyAnn Pompadore or Theodore Bump, would have been survivable. But they did not find any of those people trying desperately to open the second (and last) bottle of Flart’s Fizz. There was already one empty bottle sitting on its side.

  “You took two bottles?” Leo asked, looking at Remi like he couldn’t believe his brother had not only tricked Ingrid into giving him one, but had also taken an extra!

  “It wasn’t for me,” Remi said, pleading to be understood. “Honest. I thought we could each have, you know, one more big burp.”

  “It was nice of you to think of me, but really, you shouldn’t have.”

  Remi knew Leo was right. It had felt wrong tricking Ingrid, even worse slipping an extra into his pocket when she wasn’t looking. But seeing Jane Yancey with the last bottle of Flart’s Fizz was too much.

  “Put that down, you little thief!” Remi yelled.

  Remi should have known better than to cross Jane Yancey. She was spectacularly spoiled, prone to hitting first and yelling right after.

  “Get back!” she yelled, hugging the last full bottle of Flart’s Fizz to her chest as she crawled all the way inside the duck elevator and started pushing buttons.

  Leo calmly put his foot against the door so it wouldn’t close and crouched down next to her, blocking the way out.

  “Hi, Jane. How’s it going?” he asked. It was best to talk calmly to a cornered monster.

  “You can’t have it!” she yelled. “It’s mine! I found it fair and square!”

  “You’re not even allowed in there, you little creep!” Remi said. He’d gotten down on one knee, reaching in toward the bottle. “Do you have any idea how rare those bottles are? And you already drank one without even asking!”

  “I’ll tell my dad, I will,” she hissed. “He’ll be very interested in this stuff, whatever it is. Best burp EVER!”

  “I know, right?” Remi said. For a brief instant he was overcome with excitement about the fizzy drink and wanted to talk about it and remember what it was like and . . .

  “Remi, please,” Leo said. Then he turned to Jane. “We really do need you to give it back. How about a dollar?”

  Jane was trying desperately to open the second bottle with her hand, but it wasn’t a twist-off. She laughed in Leo’s face — money meant nothing to Jane Yancey, she had all she needed and more — and then she put the end of the bottle in her mouth, which apparently was how she’d gotten the first one open.

  “Get your disgusting mouth off my bottle of Flart’s Fizz!” Remi yelled, lunging for the bottle. Jane Yancey screamed — and, boy, could she wail when she wanted to. Leo could see the entire situation was rapidly spinning out of control. He didn’t know what else to do. There was only one thing he could think of that might get her to stop screaming at the top of her lungs, ruining everything.

  “How about a monkey?” Leo said. “Would you trade me the bottle for a monkey?”

  Remi looked at Leo like he’d lost his marbles. He was so shocked, it turned him speechless. His face, the color of a perfectly toasted marshmallow, turned two shades whiter.

  “You did not just say that,” Remi finally said.

  Jane Yancey had gone silent, taking the end of the bottle out of her mouth. There was slobber all over the bottle cap, but it was still on. She hadn’t managed to pry it off with her teeth.

  “You have a monkey?” she said. “What do you take me for, a complete idiot?”

  But there was doubt in her voice. It was, after all, the Whippet Hotel. It was full of surprises. Only seconds ago she’d produced the miracle burp of a lifetime. Maybe there was a monkey somewhere nearby.

  Blop began talking about monkeys. Loopa, who had been scared and therefore very quiet up to that point, peeked her head out from the other red jacket pocket.

  “There are two hundred sixty-four different species of monkeys,” Blop said, but Jane Yancey was suddenly and irreversibly mesmerized by Loopa. Blop went on and on about marmosets and night monkeys and howlers and spider monkeys.

  “Put a sock in it, robot,” Jane Yancey said, reaching toward Loopa. Loopa made a ridiculously cute gurgling sound and Jane Yancey cackled like a hyena.

  “I must have it! I will have it!” she said, laughing.

  “The monkey for the bottle and your complete silence,” Leo said. Remi could not believe his ears. Was Leo really giving Loopa away? It couldn’t be. He was heartbroken.

  Jane Yancey looked at the bottle of Flart’s Fizz and thought about how good it had tasted, better than anything she’d drunk in her life. And that burp. That glorious burp! It was pure magic.

  Still, it was a monkey, and not just any monkey: a tiny, goofy, silly monkey, small enough to put her doll clothes on.

  “Here,” she finally said. “Take your stupid bottle of pop. But first give me the monkey.”

  “There’s just one rule,” Leo said, “and you have to promise me you’ll follow it.”

  “I hate rules,” Jane said.

  “It’s just, well, this is a rare monkey. Super rare. So rare that there are certain people in this hotel who might want to take her from you.”

  “Ms. Sparks?” Jane Yancey asked. She was s
tarting to come around.

  “Yes! Ms. Sparks! And not to be too harsh, but I think maybe your dad, too. I mean, he’s really into money, right? He might want to sell Loopa if he finds out.”

  “Sell my monkey?” Jane Yancey said. Her heart was starting to melt for the little monkey in Remi’s pocket. “But he can’t sell my monkey!”

  “Exactly!” Leo said. He heard someone in the lobby, around the corner where he couldn’t see, and brought down his voice. “Which is why you need to keep the monkey in the Flying Farm Room. No one goes in there, so it’ll be safe, right?”

  “Right,” she said. Jane Yancey smiled at Leo and made her best yucky face at Remi, both in the space of a second. She was lightning fast with facial expressions.

  Leo and Remi piled into the duck elevator next to Jane. It was a tight fit, and as they climbed the floors up to the Flying Farm Room, Remi reluctantly took Loopa out of his pocket.

  “Her name is Loopa,” Remi said. “Be nice to her, okay?”

  “I’m the nicest person I know, fatso!”

  Remi grabbed the bottle of Flart’s Fizz and wanted to open it, guzzle it, and mega-burp in Jane Yancey’s face. He was barely overweight to begin with, like twenty pounds. And he’d actually lost a few since he’d last seen this little jerk sitting in front of him.

  But he could see that Leo had been right. Jane Yancey melted into a gross puddle of girly sweetness the second Loopa landed in her lap. There was no way Jane Yancey would let anyone near Loopa. Loopa tried to squirm free, but Jane held the little monkey close and cooed at it, which calmed Loopa down.

  “Remember, only the Flying Farm Room,” Leo said. “It’s not safe anywhere else.”

  “No problem,” Jane said. Loopa curled up in her lap and made soft monkey sounds, which sent Jane into a tizzy fit of giggles.

  When they arrived at the floor of the Flying Farm Room, Leo and Remi walked her to the door and unlocked it.

  “I’ll let you keep the key card, but only if you promise not to let her out. And you have to feed her, you know, monkey food.”

  Leo looked at Remi, who shrugged. Neither of them knew what to feed a monkey.

  “I’ll figure it out,” Jane Yancey said, and just like that, she snatched up the key card, passed through the door, and slammed it in their faces.

  “You do have another key card for that room, right?” Remi asked. “Because eventually we’ll need to rescue my monkey from the clutches of that evil princess.”

  As if on cue, both boys heard Jane Yancey yell from the other side of the door: “Rip-off! This monkey has no tail!”

  “Come on, let’s get out of here fast,” Leo said.

  They’d picked up Blop and dropped off a hyper monkey, but there was still work to be done before their fateful encounter with Dr. Flart.

  They had to find out where to put the zip rope, otherwise known as Loopa’s tail.

  And they’d need to do it while avoiding Mr. Carp and Ms. Sparks and finding six million, three hundred thousand dollars.

  Leo and Remi stood in the Whippet Library. It was on the hidden thirteenth floor, and there was only one way of getting there: the silver key card. Leo kept this card, which unlocked every door in the hotel, on a chain around his neck. It was the only silver card in existence, so he was sure Ms. Sparks would have loved to get her hands on it.

  “Quite a ride,” Remi said. His hair was standing on end and his stomach didn’t feel so good.

  “It’s the only way in,” Leo said.

  The silver key card unlocked a panel in the duck elevator, which revealed four buttons that had to be pushed in just the right order. Doing it right sent the duck elevator on a wild journey back and forth and up and down, ending at the thirteenth floor. Leo left the one and only fuse they had in their possession in the duck elevator for safekeeping. He knew things might get wacky in the library and didn’t want to risk breaking it.

  “What did he say again?” Remi asked. “Penguin twisting desert island, or something like that?”

  “Your brain works in mysterious ways,” Leo said, and it was true. Remi wasn’t right, but he was kind of close. Leo corrected him. “An isle of Penguins, a boy named Twist, and Robinson Crusoe.”

  “That’s what I said,” Remi concluded seriously. And he had, only in not so many words.

  “You’re right about one thing: Robinson Crusoe is about a guy stranded on a desert island. Twist must be Oliver Twist. The Penguin has me stumped.”

  They spent the next few minutes looking through Merganzer’s vast collection of books. The volumes ran floor to ceiling on twenty-feet-tall shelves, snaking in every direction, and Remi insisted on being the one to ride the ladder while Leo pushed it.

  “To the left, another few feet,” Remi said as they searched for the Charles Dickens section. Leo pushed the ladder, which rolled on wheels connected to the floor and ceiling, until Remi told him to stop.

  “Got it!” Remi said, pulling out the book. He stood on the ladder waiting for something to happen, but nothing did.

  “As I suspected,” Leo said. “That’s the second book we’re supposed to find, not the first.”

  They didn’t know what the Penguin book was, so they searched for Robinson Crusoe, even though it wasn’t the first book, either.

  “Got it!” Remi yelled.

  Leo thought he heard a familiar sound behind him, but he wasn’t sure.

  “Was that —”

  “Coming down!” Remi yelled before Leo could finish. Remi liked the idea of sliding down a ladder like it was a fire-station pole. He let his feet flop to the sides and slid down with only his hands. It turned out that actually using a ladder like a sliding pole was not as fun as the idea of doing it. Within the first five feet, his hands were on fire, the friction burning hot against his skin like a supercharged rug burn. He tried to get his feet back on the rungs, which sent his legs flying wildly in every direction, like hail ricocheting against pavement.

  He landed hard, barely missing Leo, but somehow managed only a few scrapes and bruises.

  “Let’s hope the Penguin is closer to the ground,” Leo said. “And also, I’m going up this time. You’re scaring me.”

  Leo started climbing the narrow ladder for a look around and quickly found himself twenty rungs up.

  “Let’s check the card catalog; maybe it will help,” Remi yelled with a snap of his fingers.

  Merganzer D. Whippet wasn’t exactly antitechnology, but he did like to have everything written down in case whatever computer he was using went on the fritz. With the Whippet Library, he always kept the entire collection in a card catalog system organized in various ways. There were at least three cards for every book, because he found that sometimes he was searching for a writer, sometimes a title, and sometimes a subject.

  Searching through authors was no help at all, so Remi knew pretty quickly that the writer’s name was not Penguin. Searching through the subject revealed a healthy selection of titles having to do with penguin life, but he came up empty-handed after searching through them all for something about an “isle of Penguins.”

  “This is taking a long time,” Leo yelled down, frustrated and hungry. They hadn’t eaten all day. “Maybe we should take a break and get some animal crackers.”

  Normally, this would have been an immediately agreeable idea for Remi, but he’d started searching through the title card catalog and finally hit pay dirt.

  “Penguin Island!” Remi shouted, holding up the card and waving it around like he’d won the lottery. “I found it!”

  Leo started climbing down, but halfway to the bottom Remi began pushing the ladder so fast, Leo lost his grip with one hand and spiraled out into the air.

  “It’s by a French guy named France,” Remi said, lurching to a stop where he thought the book might be. Remi had discovered that the writer named France was French because Merganzer D. Whippet had noted this fact on the card — a very Merganzer thing to do.

  Leo spun back around and banged his
knees on a ladder rung, but at least he had both hands attached again. He was safe, for the moment.

  “Did you not hear me screaming up here?” Leo yelled.

  “I know, right? I’m excited, too!” Remi called up.

  “Let me know when you’re going to push the ladder that hard next time, will you?” Leo asked. He was going to tell Remi about nearly falling to his death, but Remi spooked easily. Better to just let it pass.

  “By the looks of this number, Penguin Island is way up there, near the ceiling,” Remi said. “Should be right here, straight up.”

  Leo looked up. It was the tallest section of the library, right next to the pond on the roof, which had the most amazing glass bottom. He could see the ducks swimming around in the mottled late afternoon sunlight.

  “Are you sure?” Leo asked. He didn’t really want to go all the way up there with Remi holding the ladder.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. Like, seventy percent sure.”

  “Tell me if you’re going to move the ladder, okay?” Leo pleaded.

  “Check!” Remi said, and gave a salute.

  “I can verify the information,” Blop said. He’d gotten a look at the card, which Remi had shoved in his jacket pocket. “Mr. Whippet and I spent many hours creating the card system. Very complicated business, lots of logic involved. You see, the way it works is you start with the writer and cross-reference the subject with the title. . . .”

  Leo completely tuned out Blop’s small mechanical voice as it echoed through the grand library space. He climbed, fast and with purpose, until his head was nearly touching the ceiling. He could tell by looking back and forth that he was very near the center of the room. When he looked at Remi, he realized how high up he was, and it took his breath away.