Dream Wedding

by Susan Mallery

  For once Cassie couldn’t answer the question. “We’re going to have to agree to disagree on this one.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. You have enough going on in your life without me making trouble with this old argument. I’ll be good.”

  “Thanks.”

  They said their goodbyes. Cassie got into her car and started driving toward the preschool to pick up Sasha. She had to wrestle with an unfamiliar emotion—guilt. She didn’t want to envy her sister’s happiness, but she did. She didn’t want to feel unsettled about Joel, but she did.

  It wasn’t fair to him, she reminded herself. He hadn’t changed. He was exactly the same man she’d fallen in love with nine years ago. He was kind and gentle and caring. Okay, maybe he wasn’t flashy and he didn’t have a high-powered career or a lot of ambition, but he was good and decent. Wasn’t that more important?

  “What about passion?” a little voice whispered.

  Cassie tried to push it away. There was more to life than sex. She should know. She’d gone her whole life without once experiencing what it would be like to be with a man. She knew that in time, if things continued on their present course, she and Joel would marry. They would become lovers. She was sure that their physical intimacy would be as pleasant as the rest of their relationship.

  “I don’t want pleasant,” she muttered rebelliously. “I want fire. I want to be swept away by needing someone. I want to feel alive.”

  She was being foolish, she told herself. Her priorities were messed up and the quicker she got them back in order, the happier she would be. But the traitorous thoughts wouldn’t go away, and deep in her heart, she wasn’t sure she wanted them to.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “I’M GONNA get you!”

  Cassie’s voice drifted down from upstairs, followed by Sasha’s laughter. The sound of thundering tiny feet accompanied the giggles. Earlier Ryan had heard running water, then splashing, so he assumed that Cassie had given his niece a bath before getting her ready for bed.

  Over the past week, his life had taken on some kind of order, the movement of the hours marked by Sasha and Cassie’s comings and goings to preschool, followed by the excitement of lunch, early-afternoon reading time, the quiet of his niece’s nap, the preparation for dinner, evening playtime, then bath and bed. Despite his attempts to distance himself from the child as much as possible, he was still aware of what went on in her day.

  He’d assumed that as he got used to being in the house with her and as he developed a routine, he would find her easier to forget. He could go for long stretches of time without thinking about her, but then she appeared in his mind without warning. He would think about how she smiled at him as he passed her and Cassie in the hall, or the way she liked him to read her at least one story before dinner each evening. He didn’t understand her need for him to be there, but he found himself showing up before he was asked and lingering in the room until Cassie had prepared dinner, even though he rarely ate with the two of them.

  One of the things that startled him the most about Sasha was her blind trust. Not so much of him as of Cassie. The toddler simply expected Cassie to be there to take care of her. If she had a need, she expected it to be fulfilled. If she wanted a hug, she asked and expected to receive affection. He couldn’t imagine trusting another person so completely.

  It was a curious situation, he thought as he returned his attention to his computer and buried himself in his work.

  Sometime later he noticed the silence in the house and knew that Sasha was asleep. Peace reigned again. But before he could focus on his work, there was a knock at his door.

  “Come in,” he called and gave Cassie a welcoming smile as she entered his office. Except for seeing her with Sasha a couple of times a day, they were rarely together. He didn’t know anything about this young woman who took care of his niece and quietly brought him food on trays so he could continue working through the day.

  She moved across the floor toward him, then paused in front of his desk. “I have a couple of things I would like to talk to you about,” she said. “Is this a convenient time?”

  “Sure. Have a seat.”

  “Thanks.” She settled in the chair across from his.

  He leaned forward. “Before you start, I want to tell you that you’re doing a terrific job with Sasha. She seems very happy these days. You’ve got her on a schedule, the house is in order. I really appreciate that.”

  “You’re welcome.” Cassie tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear. “To be honest, it’s easy duty. Your niece is a very happy little girl. She’s intelligent and fun to be with.” She paused and cleared her throat. “Although we talked about salary when I was first hired, we never discussed time off.”

  Ryan stared at her for a couple of seconds. He opened his mouth to respond, then closed it. “You’re right,” he said at last. “I’m sorry. I should have thought of that and I don’t know why I didn’t.” He shrugged. “Evidence to the contrary, I’m not usually a slave driver when it comes to my employees. What seems fair to you?”

  “I don’t need that much,” Cassie told him. “I have some time to myself when I drop her off at the preschool. They invited me to come back to work for those few hours each morning but I told them I had my hands full already. So I’m able to get any personal things done then. What about two evenings a week, and one full day every other week? Just to make it easy on you, I’ll arrange day care for the full day. You should be fine on your own in the evening. Sasha sleeps soundly through the night.”

  He felt a faint whisper of panic at the thought of being left alone with his niece again. Their first few days together hadn’t gone well. But, he reminded himself, Cassie was right. Sasha slept through until morning. As long as he wouldn’t have to deal with her during waking hours, he would be all right.

  “When did you want to start your nights off?” he asked.

  “Tonight.”

  He heard the words as she spoke them but it took a little longer for the meaning to sink in. Great, he thought grimly. He was being thrown into the fire without warning. “That will be fine,” he told her, careful to keep his voice and his expression neutral.

  She continued to stay in her seat, but instead of sitting quietly, she fidgeted slightly. Obviously she had more on her mind.

  “What else did you want to talk about?” he asked when it became clear she needed prompting. He could only hope it wasn’t another bombshell about leaving him alone with Sasha.

  She touched her right heart-shaped earring, then laced her fingers together. She was nervous about something, he thought as warning bells went off in his head.

  “It’s about Sasha,” she started.

  Despite the fact that he didn’t want to hear anything negative she had to say on that topic, he told her to continue.

  “She’s your niece,” Cassie continued.

  “Surprisingly enough, I’m aware of that.”

  She gave him a brief smile. “I know it’s hard for you to connect with her. You haven’t been around children much. Your work is very demanding. Adding to the stress in your life is the fact that you recently lost your only brother and you’ve had to temporarily relocate to a new town.”

  Ryan wasn’t sure where all this was going, but he knew he wasn’t going to like it when they got there. “None of this is news to me.”

  She squared her shoulders and met his gaze. “You can’t ignore Sasha forever. She’s not going away. If it’s difficult for you to deal with the loss of your family, imagine how she feels. She’s too young to understand anything except that her parents—in essence her entire known family and her whole world—are gone. She’s scared and alone and she’s barely two years old. She needs you to be around more. She needs to know she can count on you.”

  Ryan wasn’t ready for a child to count on him, nor was he an
y great prize in the family or responsibility department, but one look at Cassie’s determined expression told him he wasn’t going to get away with saying that to her.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said at last, when it became obvious Cassie was waiting for a response. He was stuck, even if he didn’t want to be.

  “I appreciate that, and I’m sure if Sasha was old enough to understand, she would appreciate hearing that, too. But right now actions are going to speak louder than words for her.” Her eyes darkened with compassion. “I know this has been terrible for you. Losing your brother and Helen, taking responsibility for Sasha. While it might make sense for you to hide out until you feel as if you’ve started to heal, it would be so much better for Sasha if you could allow yourself to need her, at least a little. She needs you so very much.”

  He didn’t need Sasha, he thought. He hadn’t needed anyone since he was seven or eight years old. His mother hadn’t only taught him the power of hard work, she’d also taught him self-reliance. But he couldn’t tell that to Cassie; she wouldn’t understand. Besides, there was an odd knot in his stomach when he thought about his niece and he had a feeling that if he examined the sensation too closely he would find it was fueled by guilt.

  Cassie was right—he couldn’t ignore Sasha forever. Even though a part of him wanted to. Even though he was the wrong person to raise her and he didn’t know what the hell he was supposed to do with her. But his only brother had entrusted him with Sasha and he couldn’t turn his back on that trust.

  In truth he’d been hoping the problem would go away by itself. He wanted to remind Cassie that he’d relocated to Bradley, had moved into his brother’s house, and wasn’t that enough? Why should he have to do more?

  “I see your point,” he said quietly. “What do you want me to do?”

  “Nothing that scary.” She tilted her head and smiled. “Just get to know her. Pretend she’s your new neighbor. How would you meet someone like that?”

  “I wouldn’t.” At her look of surprise he found himself adding, “I’m not a very social person.”

  “Why would you choose to spend your life alone?”

  No one had ever asked him that before, but he didn’t have any trouble with the answer. “It’s easier.”

  “Not getting involved?”

  He nodded. “Things are a lot more tidy when people don’t get involved.”

  Her dark brown eyes seemed to be staring into his soul. “Sounds lonely.”

  “Sometimes, but it’s a small price to pay for autonomy.” He drew in a breath. For some reason, Cassie’s questions made him uncomfortable. He decided to shift the conversation back to something safer. “If I wanted to get to know my neighbor, I would say ‘hi,’ strike up a conversation in the elevator, that sort of thing.”

  “It’s not so different with Sasha,” Cassie told him. “You need to spend more time with her. Get to know her in her world.”

  “She’s two.”

  “She still has a world of her own. It’s a little different from yours but it’s not so very foreign.”

  “You want me to play dolls with her?”

  Cassie grinned. “I was thinking more of spending time with her at meals, maybe reading to her at bedtime, going for walks. Although if you like the idea of playing dolls, go ahead.”

  “Gee, thanks.” He shifted in his seat. She made it sound so simple, but it wasn’t. At least not for him. “I’m not dismissing your advice, but I feel awkward around her. She’s so small. I’m afraid I’m going to step on her or something. Worse, I don’t understand half of what she’s saying.”

  “Oh and I do?”

  He stared at her. “You don’t?”

  “Of course not.” Cassie leaned toward him. Her mouth curved up in a smile. “She’s doing great on her verbal skills, but she’s not ready for the debate team. Some of what she says is hard to interpret, but if you pay attention to her facial expressions and her body language, you can usually understand what she’s asking for or telling you. Sometimes, though, you’ve just got to nod and act interested even if you don’t have a clue.”

  “You make it sound simple.”

  “It is, Ryan. You’re a smart man and this isn’t going to be that hard for you. I’m not asking you to take over all her care.” Her smile turned impish. “After all, that would mean I would lose my great job. But you need to be with her more each day. Start slowly. That’s how everyone does it. Most parents get to begin in the baby stage, where they’re caught up in crisis management all the time and there isn’t so much communication involved. By the time their child is a toddler, they’ve grown to understand her. But I think you’re more than capable of figuring this all out.”

  He gazed at her speculatively. “I think I’m being given a snow job.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “All those compliments you’re throwing my way—I think they have a purpose.”

  “Is that bad?”

  There was a teasing quality to her voice. Something completely feminine and intriguing. As he stared at her, taking in the thick brown hair that moved with each movement of her head, her big eyes accentuated by light makeup and her generous smile, he realized he’d never seen her before. Oh, of course he’d physically noticed her presence in his house. But he’d never noticed she was a woman.

  It just went to show what bad shape he was in, he thought as he stared at the faint color on her smooth cheeks and the generous curves of her breasts. Tonight she wore a long-sleeved cream-colored dress with high heels. Heart-shaped earrings dangled from her ears. He vaguely recalled that she’d worn a dress on their first meeting and jeans ever since. He’d catalogued her presence, the sound of her voice, her competence, but he’d never seen her. Dear Lord, there was an attractive young woman living in his house. She’d been there an entire week and he’d just got the message.

  “Who are you?” he asked without thinking. “Where are you from?”

  Her smile widened. “Practicing your skills on me? The questions are a little complicated for your niece.”

  Perhaps, he thought, but he wasn’t interested in Sasha’s answers. He already knew those. He wanted to know about Cassie Wright. How old was she? She’d told him, he remembered that. Twenty-three, maybe? Twenty-four? How could he not have been paying attention? Maybe it was because she was so different from all the other women in his world. Those he worked with he acknowledged as female, but only in the most superficial way. Long ago he’d found life much easier if he viewed all his colleagues the same way. The women he dated were usually smooth, sophisticated career types who wanted the same things he did and clearly understood how it was all to be played. Cassie didn’t even know there was a game in progress.

  Her smiled faded. “That was all I had to talk about,” she said. “I don’t want to keep you from your work.”

  She was going to leave. He stiffened as he realized he didn’t want her to. He searched his mind for some excuse to keep her sitting in place. “Where are you off to tonight?” he asked.

  “Joel and I are going to a movie.”

  Joel? Ah, the boyfriend. His gaze strayed to the slender band on her left hand. Joel of the diamond-lint promise ring.

  “Tell me about Joel.”

  “Joel is, well, Joel.” She frowned slightly as if not sure what kind of information to share. “He works long hours. You two have that in common.”

  At least Joel dated, he thought grimly as he tried to remember the last time he’d been out with one of his female friends. It had been months. Lately he’d spent all his time at the office. Maybe because most of the women of his acquaintance had started to all sound the same.

  “What does he do?”

  “He’s the assistant manager of Bradley Discount Store.” She fingered the promise ring. “His is a very responsible position. He’s going to be manage
r in a couple of years, and when that happens he’ll be their youngest manager ever. He’s worked there since he was sixteen.”

  “Sounds like they appreciate him,” he said, wondering why he’d thought Cassie would be dating a lawyer or a doctor.

  She nodded. “He’s done well. He takes management classes at the community college. One day he’ll be able to transfer to the university.” She paused, then added, “He’s very nice.”

  “I’m sure he is.”

  “He’s nothing like you, of course.” Her voice sounded defensive.

  He raised his eyebrows. “Because I’m not nice?”

  Cassie opened her mouth, then snapped it shut and closed her eyes. A bright flush swept up her cheeks. “I didn’t mean that the way it came out,” she mumbled.

  He’d been interested before, but now he was intrigued. Not only by Cassie and her faux pas, but by the differences between himself and Joel. “So Joel and I don’t have much in common?” he asked in an attempt to rescue her.

  She shot him a look of gratitude. “Not really. He’s lived in Bradley all his life. You’re a lot more sophisticated. Then there’s the age difference. He’s only a year older than me. We’re just the country mice here, while you’ve been all over.”

  He thought about telling her that the big world beyond Bradley wasn’t as wonderful as she made it out to be, but doubted she would believe him. “How long have you two been dating?”

  “Nine years.”

  He blinked…twice. “I’m sorry, did you say nine years?”

  Some of the color had faded from her cheeks. It returned now, although she didn’t turn from his incredulous gaze. “Yes. I started dating Joel when I was in high school.”

  “And you’re not married?”

  “No.”

  “You’re not officially engaged?”