Dream Wedding

by Susan Mallery

  His world had just gotten very complicated.

  He reminded himself that he didn’t want a commitment. Unfortunately, Cassie was the kind of woman men married, not the kind they had an affair with. There was also the issue of her engagement, not to mention her employment with him. He didn’t have a choice in the matter. He was going to have to apologize and promise that it would never happen again. That wouldn’t make it right, but it was the best he could do. Actually it was the best he was willing to do. After all, he could offer to terminate her so that she could get back to her regular life.

  But the thought of Cassie leaving was physically painful, and it wasn’t all about having to deal with Sasha on his own. He knew instinctively that it would be difficult for him to go through his day without seeing Cassie. He didn’t even want to think about what that meant.

  So instead he would apologize to Cassie in the morning and promise that she would always be safe from him. He would hide his wanting; he would stop thinking about her as much. He would attempt to go back to the man he had been before, even though he had a bad feeling it was going to be a nearly impossible task. He’d seen the light and he doubted he would willingly return to the darkness.

  * * *

  THE FIRST FINGERS of dawn crept around the closed drapes. Cassie pulled her knees more tightly to her chest and watched as the room slowly brightened. She’d been awake for much of the night, thinking about the kiss.

  It was such a simple act, she thought. A type of contact millions of people had every day. Family members kissed hello or goodbye, old friends often greeted each other with a kiss. She’d kissed her sister, her parents, her aunt and, of course, Joel. But nothing had prepared her for the impact of Ryan’s kiss. She was still surprised there weren’t scorch marks on her hands and face from the heat of their contact. She’d relived the kiss a hundred times in the long night and each time the memory had made her shiver with longing.

  Her body had come alive in his arms. She’d finally understood why lovers risked death to be together. She’d read once that when a woman truly bonds with a man that just the idea of being with a different man could physically make her sick to her stomach. Cassie had always thought that was a lot of nonsense, but now she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t know exactly what steps were necessary to bond a woman to a man. She suspected they first had to make love, to establish a biological as well as an emotional connection. But she understood the part about not wanting to be with anyone else. Just the thought of another man’s kiss made her flinch.

  The world had become a confusing place. On the one hand, Ryan’s kiss had explained so much to her. She felt as if she’d finally seen through a previously closed door. She had shared a common human experience.

  Cassie dropped her head to her knees and sighed. But on the other hand, what she’d done was wrong. There were no words to pretty up the truth. She had a commitment to Joel and she’d violated his trust in her. Maybe she’d been a little annoyed because he hadn’t been concerned about her living in Ryan’s house, but that didn’t give her the right to create a situation in which he would be concerned. She owed him her loyalty.

  Ryan was just a crush, she reminded herself once again. As such, she owed him nothing. He might be a flesh and blood man, but their worlds were so different, he might as well be a movie star. She had as much in common with him as she did with someone famous. Except…

  She raised her head and squeezed her eyes tightly closed. Except somewhere along the way, he’d become real to her. He wasn’t just the object of her affection. He was a normal person with moods and opinions. She’d talked with him and laughed with him. She’d watched him change from a distant stranger into a warm, caring man who was coming to love his niece. She’d seen that he cared about different things, that he was honorable and hardworking. She was still smitten with him, but she also liked and respected him.

  Now he’d taught her about wanting. He’d held her close and kissed her until everything had changed. Her body had come alive for him. Even this morning when she should be feeling guilty and horrible and figuring out a way to set things right, memories of their kiss intruded. If she thought about it for too long, she found herself getting warm. Her breasts would begin to ache, and that secret place between her legs would tingle and dampen. She didn’t know exactly what was happening to her, but she knew she liked it.

  However she wasn’t a fool. Here, in Bradley, with only his two-year-old niece for company, Ryan might think that she was great fun to be around. But she wouldn’t fit into his real world. She wasn’t the right kind of woman. He was older and more sophisticated, while she was just a preschool teacher. Maybe if she’d always wanted to be more they might have had a chance, but she didn’t. She loved living in Bradley. She’d only ever wanted to work with children. She didn’t care about wearing the right clothes or driving the right kind of car. Her idea of heaven would be a family—roots of her own.

  Cassie opened her eyes and stared around at the lovely guest room. The large dresser seemed to waver in the morning light. Then she realized there were tears in her eyes. At one time she’d thought she would find everything she’d ever wanted with Joel. They’d been in love once and they’d made plans for a future. But something had happened along the way. She couldn’t point to an exact date or incident, but they were different people now. The kiss between Ryan and her had been wrong, but it had forced her to face something she suspected she’d been avoiding for a long time. She had to end things with Joel.

  The thought should have terrified her, but it didn’t. She held her breath, waiting for the rush of disappointment or sadness, but there wasn’t much of anything. Maybe a little relief, which startled her. Should she have broken things off with Joel years ago? There was no way to get that answer, she realized, and no point in second-guessing herself. She would just have to go forward now and do the right thing.

  She brushed her cheek with the back of her hand and smiled. Wouldn’t it be lovely if she told Ryan what she was going to do and he was so happy he swept her up in his arms and told her he’d loved her from the first moment he’d met her? It was about as likely as winning the lottery, and she rarely bought a ticket. Unfortunately, Ryan wouldn’t think anything about her breaking up with Joel. Or if he did, he would most likely be worried that she would expect something from him.

  Cassie’s smile faded. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want Ryan to think she was going to pursue him. She would have to play it very cool. As if the kiss was no big deal. Maybe he would think this sort of thing happened to her every day.

  That was going to be her goal, to keep it casual. Ryan must never know how very much his kiss had rocked her world.

  * * *

  RYAN HURRIED THROUGH his shower, then shaved and dressed quickly. His hair was still damp when he left his bedroom and headed for the stairs. He wanted to catch Cassie before she got Sasha up.

  But when he stepped into the kitchen, the toddler was already sitting in her high chair with a cup of juice in front of her. She beamed when she saw him. “Unk Ryan. Me pincess.”

  He gave her a quick smile, taking in the fact that she was dressed in her Halloween costume. “So you are. And a very beautiful princess at that.”

  His gaze swept the room. Everything looked completely normal. Cassie stood at the stove preparing his niece’s hot cereal. Sunlight reflected off the linoleum floor. The smell of bacon and coffee filled the room. It was as if nothing had happened. For a second he thought maybe he’d imagined the whole incident. Then Cassie turned toward him.

  “I tried to convince her to wear something else, but she can be quite stubborn, as you know.” Her smile was just right, her eyes bright, her expression welcoming. There might have been a hint of weariness in the shadows under her eyes, but he wasn’t sure. Still it wasn’t Cassie’s reaction—or lack of reaction—that convinced him last night had been very real. Instead, i
t was his own.

  Desire slammed into him with the subtlety of a truck traveling at four hundred miles an hour. He half expected to be thrown into the wall and fall to the ground in a broken heap. He wanted her instantly. He wanted to pull her close and kiss her hard. He wanted to bury himself inside of her until they both—“Ryan? Are you all right?”

  “What?” He blinked and realized that Cassie was holding out his mug of coffee. He took it from her and tried to fake a smile. “Sure, I’m fine. Thanks.” He raised the mug in salute, then sipped the steaming liquid.

  “Have a seat. I thought you might be tired of cold cereal so I’m making pancakes.”

  “Great.” Except he wanted her too much to eat.

  He took his usual chair at the table. Sasha banged her spoon against her tray. “Me hungry.”

  “I’m sure you are.” Cassie crouched in front of the child. “You can tell me you’re hungry and that you want your breakfast, but you’re not allowed to bang on the table.”

  Sasha’s delicate brow furrowed as she struggled to understand the information. She raised her spoon to bang it again. Cassie shook her head.

  “No. Don’t bang.”

  Sasha stared, released her spoon. It clattered to the metal table. Cassie sighed. “I suppose that’s as much of a victory as I’m going to get this morning,” she said as she rose to her feet and returned to the stove. “Your cereal is just about ready, young lady. Give me thirty seconds.”

  Ryan sipped his coffee. This scene wasn’t playing out the way he’d pictured it last night and again this morning when he’d awakened before dawn. Somehow he’d thought Cassie would be more upset by what had happened between them. He stared at her. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong. Was she really all right or was she pretending?

  She filled a small, plastic bowl with warm cereal and placed it in front of Sasha. “Do you want a piece of bacon?” she asked the girl.

  Sasha nodded. “Peas.”

  Cassie shot him a grin. “One of these days I’m going to forget she has trouble with her L’s and actually hand her a bowl of peas. Imagine how shocked she’ll be.”

  He couldn’t stand it anymore. He pushed back his chair, rose to his feet and crossed to the stove. She had several strips of bacon frying in a pan. On the counter, the electric griddle heated for pancakes.

  “I’ll watch these,” he said, reaching for the pan.

  “Thanks.” She stepped to the side and stirred the batter. “You usually want four pancakes. Does that sound right for this morning?”

  “Sure. Whatever.” As if he cared about food. He stared at the rapidly crisping meat, then at his niece, who was happily eating, getting as much food on herself as in her mouth.

  “Are you all right?” he asked, his voice low enough not to carry across the room.

  Cassie poured pancakes onto the griddle, then looked at him. “Of course. Why do you ask?”

  “You’re many things, Cassie, but you’re not dumb. You know why I’m asking.”

  “Okay.” She turned her attention back to the pan. “I’m fine and I’m not just saying that.”

  “Really?” He wanted to believe her. Knowing that she wasn’t suffering any aftereffects would make his whole life easier.

  “Of course. You want the truth?” she asked, then continued without waiting for his response. “It was a very lovely kiss. One of the best I’ve had in a long time. But that’s all it was. We didn’t rewrite history or change the course of time. We kissed. I don’t really understand exactly how we got from chatting about our pasts to a passionate embrace, but this kind of thing happens. We’re two adults working in close proximity.”

  “This is not common practice in my line of work,” he said, a little surprised she was being so sensible. Somehow he’d expected her to be upset.

  “Mine either.” She grinned. “But then as a preschool teacher I would have many less opportunities than you.”

  “So you’re really okay with this?”

  “Sure.”

  She turned the pancakes, then nodded at his pan. The bacon was done. He scooped the pieces out onto a paper towel.

  “I’m realistic,” she told him. “Aside from Sasha, you and I have very little in common. We had a moment, now it’s over. No big deal.”

  Her attitude annoyed him, even though he knew he should be thrilled that she was so calm about everything.

  “We have more than Sasha in common,” he said. “We get along extremely well. We read the same kind of books, watch similar movies. We talk easily.”

  “I suppose.” She didn’t sound convinced.

  “We’re intelligent.” They were also great together when it came to kissing, but he didn’t think he should point that out to her. While he knew he was more experienced than she, he’d never felt the kind of instant fire before.

  “And funny,” she agreed. “But so what?” She put the cooked pancakes onto a plate, then poured four more circles of batter onto the griddle. “Face it, Ryan, we’re from different worlds. A man like you would never be interested in a woman like me.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I would be interested.”

  He’d spoken without thinking. Cassie glanced at him. “I don’t think so.”

  He cleared his throat. The conversation had gone a lot better when he’d had it alone in his shower. Somehow she wasn’t getting her lines right. “What I mean is that we have enough in common that differences in our living styles aren’t significant. I’m not making a play for you, I’m just pointing out that your logic is flawed.”

  “Thank you for sharing.”

  He saw the glint of humor in her eye and knew that she was laughing at him. He didn’t know whether to be offended or join in the joke. In the end, it was easier to ignore either option and plunge ahead.

  “My point is,” he said, moving closer and lowering his voice, “that you don’t have to worry that I’m going to attack you. You’re my employee working in my home. You are entitled to my respect and you have it. I promise I will never compromise your position or violate your trust again.”

  She flipped the pancakes. “Thanks, Ryan, but it never occurred to me that it would be otherwise. The kiss was a one-time thing. Not to worry.”

  Her casual dismissal made him want to shake her. Or kiss her again. Which showed him how far he’d gone over the line.

  “You’re safe here,” he said.

  “I know.”

  He gritted his teeth together. “Great. Just so we understand each other.”

  “We do. You can stop belaboring the point.”

  Her smile took the sting out of her words, but he couldn’t help feeling that he’d lost complete control of the situation. When and how had that happened? And why wasn’t he happy with everything she was saying? It was exactly what he’d wanted to hear.

  But he wasn’t happy. He wanted her to be…what? Afraid? He shook his head. That wasn’t right. Maybe it was that she’d put the situation out of her mind so easily, when he was finding it difficult not to pull her close and do it all again.

  “Everything is ready,” she told him. “Go sit down.”

  He did as she asked. As she put his breakfast in front of him, she spoke. “I have a couple of things I need to do this afternoon. I’ve checked with Aunt Charity. She can come by and baby-sit Sasha. I hope that’s all right.”

  “It’s fine. Take as long as you’d like.”

  Sasha claimed Cassie’s attention and Ryan was left feeling as if he’d missed something very important. Everything had gone his way, so why did it all feel so wrong?

  CHAPTER TEN

  CASSIE SAT AT a corner booth in the small fast-food restaurant at the back of the Bradley Discount Store. She resisted the urge to check her watch. After all, she’d looked at it about thirty secon
ds before, so she wasn’t likely to be surprised by the time.

  She glanced around at the plastic furniture and wished she could have met Joel somewhere other than here. From her seat she could see out into the store. There were too many people and not enough privacy, but when she’d called Joel that morning he’d said he couldn’t spare more than a few minutes for her. Her choice had been to come to the store, or put off their conversation. Cassie had agreed to come to him rather than wait another day.

  She took a sip of her soda and wondered what on earth she was going to say to him. She’d practiced several different approaches in the car, but each had sounded more stupid than the last. There was no easy way to do this, but it had to be done. She had to tell Joel the truth. She wanted to be as kind and gentle as possible, but she had to get the message across.

  She heard footsteps and glanced up. Joel crossed the black and white floor, moving toward the booth. He wore gray slacks and a pale blue shirt, along with a cartoon-print tie. His hair was neat, his face freshly shaved. He held a clipboard in one hand. He looked like what he was—a busy, albeit harried, manager.

  “Hi,” he said, sliding onto the plastic bench opposite hers. “Sorry I’m late. There were some problems in housewares.”

  “It’s fine. I’ve only been waiting a few minutes.” She paused. Now what? “Joel, I have something to tell you.”

  “Okay, sure.”

  But as she watched, his gaze strayed to the clipboard resting on the table. Trying not to show her annoyance, she reached out and turned it over so he couldn’t read it anymore. “This is important,” she told him.

  “Fine. I’m listening.”

  “I…” Her mind went blank. “It’s just…well…” Then the words came in a rush. “You didn’t touch me just now. Not even a kiss on the cheek.”

  His mouth tightened as his blue eyes narrowed. “Is that what this is about? Are we going to talk about our feelings again? I’m willing to do that, Cassie, but not now and not here. It’s the middle of my workday. We’re in my store. I’m not going to entertain my employees with a passionate embrace. If that bothers you, I’m sorry.”