“Working for you or being in your bed?”
“Being my lover.”
She shivered. It was one thing for her to say the “L” word out loud, but quite another for it to come from him. “I want to be there,” she answered honestly.
He sucked in his breath. “You lay it all on the line, don’t you? I admire that about you, even though it terrifies me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I know. That’s part of your appeal.” He took a step toward her and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Work for me as long as you would like. I won’t ask you to stay past your deadline, even though I want to. You’ve been more than kind in accommodating me and I don’t have the right to mess with your life more than I have. As for having you in my bed, it would be my honor and privilege. But I want you to think about it a little longer. I want you to be sure this is what you want. When you leave, I want all the memories of your time here to be good ones.”
“All right, I’ll think about it,” she told him, because that was what he wanted to hear. She didn’t have to think. She already knew. But it would probably look better if she waited a couple of days before she walked into his room, ripped off her clothes and begged him to take her.
Then, when her month was up, she would walk away. Because if she couldn’t have Ryan, she would have the next best thing—a life of her own.
* * *
RYAN POURED A drink for himself, then for Arizona. Chloe was out in the kitchen with her sister, and Sasha was down for the night. This was the second time he and Cassie had had someone from her family over for dinner, with Cassie’s Aunt Charity being the first. He found he liked being the host and had looked forward to the evening. Unfortunately now that it was here, he couldn’t concentrate on what Arizona was saying.
“I’ve gotten boring in my old age,” Arizona said as he sat on the couch and sipped his Scotch.
“Not at all.” Ryan took the wing chair opposite the sofa. “I apologize for not paying attention. I have a lot on my mind these days. I’m still putting my late brother’s affairs in order. Then there’s Sasha. She’s a handful. I also have to decide if I’m going to stay here in Bradley or go back to San Jose.”
Time was ticking away. Already a week of Cassie’s month was gone. If he stayed here, he would have to relocate his business. If he left… He shook his head. He couldn’t think about leaving. Not yet. Bradley was the only place he’d ever felt he belonged. Besides, if he left he would never see Cassie again. He had to see her. She was— He swore silently. He didn’t know what she was to him, but he couldn’t imagine living without her.
“That’s not all,” Arizona told him. “There’s also the issue of Cassie.”
Ryan thought about denying it, but figured there was no point. “There is that,” he admitted.
He didn’t understand what was going on. For one thing, she was handling their relationship a lot better than he was. For the past four nights, she’d stayed in his room. They’d made love until dawn, then she’d quietly crept away. He told himself he had it all—great day care for his niece and an incredible lover in his bed. What man was lucky enough to find a woman as special as Cassie, who would be with him, then at the end of a month, walk away without a second thought?
At first he’d thought she was kidding about her offer, but she was keeping to it with no apparent problem. Not once had she hinted about taking their relationship to the next level. She seemed very content to take care of Sasha during the day and him at night. She’d never once mentioned emotional entanglement.
Ryan took a swallow of his drink. He was a first-class jerk. He didn’t deserve Cassie, and if he had any kind of moral character, he would break things off with her instantly. Except he couldn’t imagine a world without her. Not that he was falling for her. He didn’t know how to love anyone, nor did he want to learn. Love meant being vulnerable. He didn’t trust emotion. Now hard work he could depend on.
“You’ve got it bad,” Arizona said. “I recognize that fierce look.”
Ryan glanced up. He’d completely forgotten the other man was in the room. “I don’t have anything,” he said quickly. “Cassie and I work together.”
“Sure you do. And Chloe was just some reporter doing an interview.” He leaned back in the sofa and rested one ankle on the opposite knee. “I’d spent my whole life going from place to place, never spending more than a few weeks under any one roof. I couldn’t imagine settling down, having children. Roots didn’t matter to me. Then I met Chloe and everything changed. I couldn’t see it at first. All I knew was that I felt different around her. Suddenly it wasn’t so easy to imagine my life the way it had been before we’d met. I told myself I didn’t believe in love, and that happily-ever-after only happened in books and movies.”
Arizona looked up. Ryan heard the light footsteps, too. Chloe came in with a tray of dip and crackers. “This is to keep your strength up until dinner is ready.”
She placed the food on the coffee table, flashed her husband a quick smile and left.
Ryan stared after her. At nearly seven months pregnant, she glowed. “You make her very happy,” he told the other man.
“She does the same for me. I never had anyone I could depend on in my life. It took me a while to realize that’s what I’d been searching for all along. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize the truth.”
“I’m not in love with Cassie,” Ryan said flatly. “If that’s what you and Chloe want, I’m sorry. It’s not going to happen.”
Arizona grinned. “Famous last words.”
Ryan didn’t know how to answer. Cassie wasn’t part of his plan. He wanted— He paused and realized he didn’t know what he wanted anymore. Too much was different.
“I need time to figure this out,” Ryan said.
“So take it. Cassie’s not going anywhere.”
But Arizona was wrong. In three weeks Cassie would be leaving. Ryan didn’t doubt her intention to keep to her plan. She was strong and bound by her word. Unless he found some way to keep her, she was going to walk out of his life. He told himself he would be fine, but in his heart, he was starting not to believe it.
* * *
CHLOE CLOSED THE door to the kitchen. “I took them food. That will keep them quiet long enough for you to tell me what exactly is going on.”
Cassie checked on the roast and the scalloped potatoes, then leaned against the counter. “I’ve told you I broke up with Joel,” she said.
“I thought you two had a fight. I didn’t know he was already engaged to some woman from his store.” Chloe looked furious. She crossed her arms above her swelling belly. “They’re going everywhere together, which is surprising considering they can’t keep their hands off each other. They should just stay home and not subject others to their displays of affection.”
“I distinctly remember you and Arizona going through a stage like that, not too long ago. In fact, it sort of explains your pregnancy.”
“That was different. Joel was involved with you for nine years. Now he’s rubbing your nose in the fact that he’s marrying someone else. I want him to stop.”
Cassie walked over to stand next to her sister. She touched her shoulder. “I appreciate the show of support. Really, it’s very sweet. But it’s not necessary. I don’t care about Joel in that way. I wish you would believe me. I’m not hurt by anything he’s doing. He’s not rubbing my nose in anything—he can’t. I broke up with him.”
“I’m worried about you,” Chloe admitted. “How can this not bother you?”
“It just doesn’t.” Cassie got down two glasses. She poured her sister some juice, and wine for herself, then led the way to the table.
“I’ll admit to feeling a little strange,” she said when they were both settled. “Joel and I were involved for years. Sometimes I think I should miss him more, but I don�
��t. I’m genuinely happy for him. I wish him and Alice the best of everything.”
She stared at her sister’s familiar face. “I should have listened to you when you told me I was settling. I see that now. I wanted so much to belong to someone that I stayed in a relationship that didn’t have a future. I was afraid to ask for it all. I thought if I kept my hopes and dreams small enough that they would have a chance of coming true, but that if I wanted too much, I would lose everything.”
Chloe leaned forward. Her long red curls tumbled over her shoulder and brushed against her forearms. “You do belong. You’re a very special member of our family. Just because you’re adopted doesn’t mean you don’t belong.”
“It’s not the same, Chloe. I have you and I have Aunt Charity. I know you both love me very much. But I wanted something of my own. I wanted to start building a history. I wanted to be married and have a family. I still want that. The difference is I’ve finally learned I have to take a chance on my heart’s desire. I’m not going to settle again.”
Chloe searched her face. “That all sounds good. So why do you look so sad?”
Cassie drew in a deep breath. She hadn’t decided if she was going to tell her sister everything that was going on, but now she realized she needed the advice.
“I’m in love with Ryan.”
Chloe smiled. “No big surprise there. Your crush evolved as you got to know him. He seems great. He’s smart, a hard worker, Aunt Charity says he’s devoted to Sasha, which means he’ll be a good father. There’s a slight age difference, but that shouldn’t matter. What’s the problem?”
“He doesn’t love me back.” She told Chloe about the kiss and Ryan’s reaction when she broke up with Joel. “He panicked. He thought I was going to lay claim on him. It got worse when he invited Joel over for a reconciliation dinner and Joel sprang the news about his engagement to Alice.” She took a sip of wine. “Ryan’s never been in love. I think the emotion scares him to death.”
“So there’s nothing between you?”
“Not exactly.” She felt herself flushing. “We’re lovers.” She explained how that had come to be and that she’d given herself one month with Ryan. “Then I’m leaving. I have to. If I don’t go while I can, I could waste my life here. I refuse to do that again. While having Ryan love me back would be wonderful, working for him and sleeping with him without any kind of commitment is just settling.”
“Do you think he’ll let you go?”
The question surprised Cassie. “Of course he will. Why wouldn’t he?”
“The man shows all the symptoms of someone who has it bad.”
“You’re mistaken,” Cassie told her sister. “He likes me well enough, and I’m convenient, but I don’t fool myself into thinking he wants more.”
“I think you’re selling yourself short. I don’t think Ryan is going to give you up as easily as you think. You’re everything he could possibly want in a woman. You’re intelligent, you’re funny, you’re great with kids, and I’m going to assume the sex is amazing.”
Cassie ducked her head and nodded. “I like it.”
“Then he would be a fool to lose you and Ryan isn’t a fool.”
Cassie looked at Chloe. “I don’t think he wants to love me—or anyone.”
“People don’t always get a choice in the matter. Sometimes love just happens. Don’t be so quick to write him off. I agree that if nothing changes, you have to stick to your plan.” Chloe gave her sister a quick hug. “I admire your ability to stand up for what you believe. I’ll support you in any way I can. But don’t be surprised if things start to happen. Ryan is confused right now, but I’m betting he’s going to get it figured out in time.”
“I can barely stand to think about that,” Cassie said. “I want to hope, but I’m so afraid he’s going to let me go. I know I’ll survive without him, but I would rather not.”
“Have faith. You’re due for some good fortune.”
Cassie smiled. “You’re right. And if nothing else, there’s always the nightgown. It’s practically my twenty-fifth birthday. Maybe I’ll dream about someone wonderful.”
She rose to her feet and went to check on dinner. Chloe changed the subject, but Cassie was still thinking about Ryan. It was nearly her birthday and she would wear the nightgown, hoping the family legend would work for her. But in her heart of hearts the only man she wanted to dream about, the only man she wanted to be with, was Ryan.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
THEY CALLED OUT their last goodbyes and closed the door behind their guests. Cassie gave Ryan a big smile. “That was a lot of fun. Thanks for suggesting we invite my sister and Arizona for dinner.”
Without thinking, he put his arm around her and pulled her close. “You’re welcome. I had a good time, too.”
Cassie slipped easily into his embrace. She was warm and willing as she leaned against him. Already he could feel the passion igniting inside of him. He didn’t have to be around her very long before he found himself wanting her. He kissed the top of her head, then led them both up the stairs.
“I’m really enjoying Chloe’s pregnancy,” Cassie was saying. “It’s a first time for both of us. I like hearing about all the details without actually experiencing it.”
“Preparation for when it’s your turn?”
“Something like that.”
He tensed slightly. It was the perfect opening for her. Now she could casually mention something about the future, or ask if he wanted a child of his own. But she didn’t. Instead she walked down the hall and checked on Sasha.
Ryan trailed after her. If Cassie were a different kind of woman, he might think that she was playing a game with him. Except that wasn’t her style. She was simply being herself. She could talk about Chloe’s pregnancy, or her future life, or any number of potentially awkward topics and not give it a moment’s thought. She’d told him what she wanted from him and she wasn’t pushing for anything more.
As she disappeared into the darkness of his niece’s room, Ryan stopped in the center of the hall. Maybe the reason Cassie wasn’t pushing for more with him was because she didn’t want more. Maybe she wasn’t interested in him for more than something temporary.
He was glad he was standing there alone because he was sure he had a stunned look on his face. All this time he’d been worried about her coming on to him when in fact she might not find him the least bit desirable. Oh, sure, she was willing to sleep with him, but was he the kind of man a woman like her would want to marry? He had no history of making relationships work. At first he hadn’t wanted anything to do with his niece. While he and Cassie got along, and he was reasonably confident that she liked him, liking wasn’t the same as respecting…or loving.
Cassie stepped back into the hall. “She’s fine. Sleeping like the angel she is.” She walked up and wrapped her arms around his waist. “What about you, Ryan? Are you tired or would you like some company?”
He stared at her, then touched her face. Less than ten days ago she’d been a virgin. Now she was asking if he wanted her in his bed. It wasn’t that Cassie was arrogant or pushy, she simply had a strong sense of self. He admired that about her. He admired so many things.
“You have an odd look on your face,” she said. “Did I say something I shouldn’t have?”
“Not at all.” He kissed her. “I was just thinking how perfect you are.”
She wrinkled her nose. “That’s not true, but thanks for the compliment.” She took his hand and led him toward his bedroom. “I was reading an article in this women’s magazine and they mentioned something I thought we could try.”
“Like what?”
She gave him a coy smile over her shoulder. “You’ll just have to wait and see.”
Two hours later, Cassie lay sleeping in his arms. His body was sated and pleasantly tired, but his mind wou
ldn’t let him rest. He couldn’t stop thinking about Cassie…and about what she wanted. Realizing that it might not be him had changed everything.
He stroked her short, dark hair and wondered how he was supposed to figure out what was right for either of them. He knew that in three weeks she was going to leave him and that he didn’t want her to go. That much had become clear. But did he have the right to keep her? He wanted what was best for her. Could he be that? Was he capable? Or would it be kinder to simply walk away and get over her. Except he didn’t think he could.
No other woman had changed him the way she had. No one else understood him or made him happy. But it wasn’t all about him, either. He’d never thought about someone the way he thought about her. He wanted to make her happy. He wanted to help her achieve whatever she wanted in love. He wanted…
He wanted to love her.
Ryan stared into the darkness and knew he’d found a truth. He wanted to love Cassie the way she loved everyone in her world. He wanted to feel those emotions and be able to express them. But he didn’t know how to love or to tell her that he loved her. He didn’t know how to be a good husband or father. He was better with machines than people. Didn’t Cassie deserve more than him?
He ran the thoughts over and over in his mind until near dawn, then he finally slept. His dreams taunted him with visions of a future he wasn’t sure he could ever have.
* * *
“CATCH ME! Catch me!” Sasha cried as she ran around the backyard.
Ryan walked after her, careful to stay close enough to keep her safe, but not so close that he could reach her.
They’d been playing tag for nearly an hour and the toddler showed little sign of getting tired. Ryan couldn’t say the same for himself. He hadn’t gotten much sleep in the past couple of nights. He’d been too busy trying to figure out how he was going to tell Cassie all he’d been thinking about. He wanted her in his life. Of that much he was sure. The question was how did he say it? How did he make the offer so desirable that she couldn’t turn him down? So far he hadn’t come up with the perfect combination of words, but he was working on it.
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