Sold Out

by Melody Carlson

  Then finally Allie gives this honest-to-goodness altar call, only it’s really sweet and from the heart (not pushy at all), and I’m not kidding, about a hundred kids come up to the stage-maybe more. Tony and Willy and several other elders from our church were on hand to talk with the kids afterward. Allie and I did too, but the whole thing was totally amazing. Tony even had some little pamphlets ready to share that explained some basic things about the Bible. He must’ve known something like this was going to happen. So anyway, in spite of all this sadness about what’s happened to Redemption, I’m really glad God used us last night. Even if it was our last night. And maybe that’s what it was all about—just that one big night.

  Thinking about that possibility makes me feel better—like it wasn’t all for nothing. I need to remember that despite how things look, God is really at work. And even when it seems as though things are going sideways, if we can just trust Him, I think it’ll all come out okay in the end. So that’s what I’m going to believe.

  PERSPECTIVES

  what’s upside down to me

  is right side up for You

  there’s so much i can’t see

  and so much You can do

  even when i’m spinning

  reeling round and round

  God, i know You’re winning

  You’re my solid ground

  cm

  Monday, May 5

  Now I may not have mentioned that most of Laura’s friends go to church with her, including LaDonna and Mercedes. But none of them seem to be quite as devout as Laura. In fact, it was LaDonna who first approached me this morning.

  “Your concert was so rad, Chloe!” She slapped palms with me. “Way to go, girl.”

  “Thanks.” I glanced to see if Laura was nearby. “Actually, I’m kind of surprised you went.”

  She made a face. “You mean ol’ Pastor Rawlins? Well, I don’t let him get to me like Laura does. Man, she takes everything so seriously. Fact is, I’m thinking about leaving that church altogether. It’s not as if my folks go there anyway. I can go wherever I want.” She grinned. “I might even check out your church now.”

  Well, I forced what probably looked like a goofy smile, but I was thinking, oh, great, I wonder what Pastor Rawlins will have to say about that? “Well, you know you’d be welcome at my church, LaDonna. But I don’t want it to seem as though we’re trying to lure people away from their own church.”

  “Shoot, I’ve been thinking about leaving that church ever since that ol’ Rawlins first started preaching there.”

  “How long ago was that?”

  “About a year, I think.” She frowned. “There used to be this real nice preacher there before Rawlins. And he never yelled and carried on like ol’ Rawlins does. But I guess he was about eighty years old, and they made him retire, and we got stuck with ol’ grumpy.” She nodded over to Mercedes who was just coming over. “Both of us have been thinking about bailing lately.”

  “Hey, great concert, Chloe.” Mercedes glanced down the hallway where Laura was slowly walking this way. “Better not let Laura catch me saying that.” She rolled her eyes. “Or talking to you.”

  LaDonna shook her head. “Miss Laura isn’t our boss, you know.”

  But Laura ignored us. Keeping her head down like she was seriously counting the tiles in the floor, she just kept going straight toward English class. But what LaDonna said about how things had changed since Rawlins came made me start thinking that maybe this heavy-handed pastor was actually holding his church hostage.

  Laura pretty much avoided Allie and me for the entire day. For that matter, she seemed to avoid everyone. Or maybe they were avoiding her; I’m still not sure. But Laura looks completely miserable. And I cannot see how God would make a person live like that—so bound by fear and confusion and what seems to be nothing more than a modern-day slavery of the mind, not to mention the spirit. And Laura is such a good person. Really. She has the best heart, she’s loving and kind, and she’s a loyal friend. And yet right now, it seems as if she’s in some sort of prison—like she’s a victim.

  But at the same time I know that Laura has a free choice in all this. I mean, it’s all fine and dandy for me to think that Pastor Rawlins is the bad man holding his whole church hostage, but the fact is, they can leave if they want. He’s not armed and there are no interior locks on those doors. And it’s even starting to appear as if some more of his “lambs” are getting ready to bolt. I just don’t understand why Laura’s being so thickheaded about it. But I will be praying harder than ever. Of course, I realize it’s entirely possible that I’m the one being judgmental now, because I’m sitting here thinking how Pastor Rawlins is like the devil. I mean it. I really think the man is evil. And yet he claims to be a Christian. He claims to be serving God. And so do I. And yet we are so completely and diametrically opposed. Oh, why is this so confusing?

  HOW TO KNOW

  who is right?

  who is mad?

  which is good?

  which is bad?

  is it feeling?

  is it fact?

  somehide wrong

  in careful tact

  use your heart

  or use your mind

  where to start?

  what to find?

  help me know

  what’s from above

  wrapped in grace

  bound with love

  amen

  Seven

  Wednesday, May 7

  I guess I haven’t been as concerned with Laura the past couple days because it’s like something major—I mean major—is happening at our school. A lot of the kids who were at the concert last weekend have been coming up to Allie and me and asking us questions. Some of these kids are the ones who came forward to make a commitment that night, and others are just curious about our faith in general. Anyway, it’s been extremely cool.

  But the coolest thing by far is what’s happened with Cesar. I hadn’t really noticed him at the concert that night. Probably a good thing too, since I might’ve been distracted by him. But Allie said she saw him there. Still, he wasn’t in the bunch that came forward at her altar call. But I had noticed how he seemed more quiet than usual these past couple days, but then so much has been happening too. Then just this morning, he comes up to me in the hallway and says, “Well, I guess I went and did it.”

  “Huh?” I’m looking at him as if he’s about to tell me he lost his virginity or something else I really don’t want to hear about.

  “Like Allie said last Saturday night after the concert.” He was grinning now.

  “You mean you made a commitment to God?” I’m sure my eyes were bugged out like a crazed frog just then. “Really, Cesar? You’re not trying to put something over on me?”

  He nodded. “It’s for real. After work last night, I was walking across the parking lot like I always do, but for some reason—I don’t even know why—I stopped and looked up at the sky. Man, you should’ve seen the sky last night, Chloe. It was like every star was so unbelievably bright. And I had this exact same feeling again. Remember I told you about the time in church, all by myself? It was just like that, only way more so. And I really felt as if it was God just telling me to give my life to Him. So I did. Right there in the Home Depot parking lot.”

  To my amazement I threw my arms around Cesar and hugged him. I’m sure I had tears in my eyes. “That is so awesome!” I stepped away feeling sort of embarrassed and silly, but I could tell he didn’t mind the hug.

  He smiled. “And today it’s like I feel, oh, how do you describe it? Well, like I’m a whole person or something. Like before there was something missing.”

  “Like God.”

  “Yeah. Like God.”

  I told Allie about it, and when she saw Cesar at lunch, she nearly tackled him giving him an even bigger hug than I’d done.

  “Hey, can I get some of that too?” asked Jake with a sly grin.

  Allie laughed. “Aw, sure. I’m feeling so good I could probab
ly even hug you right now.” She threw her arms around Jake, and even though he’d asked for it, I could see he was a little embarrassed when all was said and done.

  “So what’s up with all this huggy-kissy stuff?” he asked as he sat down. “It’s like we’re back in the sixties and everyone’s wanting to have a great big love-in or something.”

  “Sounds good to me,” said Spencer as he sat his tray down next to Marissa. “You girls interested in a little love-in?” He nudged her with his elbow and raised his eyebrows suggestively.

  “In your dreams, Spencer!”

  “Hey, you can’t blame a guy for trying. Besides, I feel kinda left out.”

  “Well, if it’s any comfort, I’m not getting any either!” Marissa jammed her straw into her drink.

  “Not getting any loving?” asked Jake in a syrupy voice. “Well, come on over here to Big Daddy, and I’ll show you what I got.”

  “Shut up!” Marissa scowled down at her tray. “I swear you’ve all gone flippin’ crazy. Everyone at this whacked-out school is totally bonkers these days. It’s like they’re all getting religion now, and it’s really making me want to just puke. Seriously!” She made a face like she was about to hurl.

  “Sorry,” said Cesar as he sat beside her. “I guess this is partly my fault.”

  “Your fault?” Her voice softened slightly, and she looked at him with wide eyes. “How could it be your fault?”

  “Because I’ve gone and done it too. Allie was hugging me just now because she’s happy that I’ve given my life to God.”

  “Oh, man!” Marissa shook her head. “I don’t want to hear another word about God. I just cannot take this!”

  “Well, then at least hear me out,” continued Cesar.

  I glanced at Jake and Spencer. Would they make fun of him too? But they were both silent. Stunned, I think. Then Cesar proceeded to tell them pretty much what he’d told me in the hall. “The thing is,” he finished up, “I know that this is real.”

  Spencer made a face. “How can you know it’s real, man? I mean, it’s not like you can see God or anything.”

  “Sometimes seeing isn’t as good as feeling it inside here.” Cesar tapped his chest. “And I can tell something’s changed inside of me.”

  Jake and Spencer quickly shoved down their lunch and then dashed outside to, I’m guessing, smoke some weed and dull the truth that they’d just been exposed to. But Marissa remained at the table with us. As a result, she was forced to listen to the conversation among Cesar and Allie and me, as well as the others who dropped by to say hi or ask questions and make comments about their own personal faith journeys.

  But by the time the warning bell rang, it looked as if Marissa might really be sick after all. Her face was pale and tight and I could tell she was overwhelmed and perhaps even angry. I had this feeling that if I didn’t reconnect with her, she might never speak to any of us again. So I made a point to follow her to the door.

  “Hey, Mariss,” I said in a lowered voice. “I think I know how you feel.”

  She looked at me curiously. “I don’t see how you possibly could.”

  I nodded. “Really, I think I do. I’m sure I’ve felt the same way. Honestly, I used to want to rip the face off of anyone who had the audacity to talk about religion to me. It would make me totally furious. Really.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, you should’ve known me back then. I was one hard chick.”

  She smiled ever so slightly, then gave a tug on my studded black leather belt. “You still look pretty tough, Chloe.”

  “Yeah, but that’s just on the outside. I’m a different person on the inside now. A whole lot happier too.”

  She shrugged. “Well, maybe you guys should respect that some of us heathens are just fine and dandy with the way we are. Not everyone has to get religious, you know.”

  “I know. And honestly, we’re not going to shove anything down your throat either. You just let us be who we are, and we’ll let you be who you are too. Deal?”

  She seemed to think about this for a moment. “Deal.”

  FOR MARISSA

  there’s a hard shell

  ‘round a soft heart

  she’s a hard sell

  and a slow start

  God, You can melt

  though she’s ice cold

  the hurt she has felt

  will not take hold

  when Your love breaks

  through her sad past

  filled with mistakes

  pain that won’t last

  once her heart knows

  Your love breaks through

  Your mercy flows

  and she’ll love You

  cm

  Friday, May 9

  As soon as I found Allie this morning, I told her my plan. It may be lame, but it’s better than nothing. “We cannot let this thing with Laura just keep going like this. She looks so miserable. We’ve got to help her.”

  “Yeah. I know.” Allie slammed her locker shut and turned and looked at me. “So what’s the answer?”

  “We need to talk to her parents.”

  “Huh?”

  “We need to ask them where they stand with this Pastor Rawlins thing. We need to find out if they know how much this is hurting Laura.”

  Her eyebrows shot up. “We? As in you and me?”

  “Yeah. It’s like we’re representing the band, sort of.”

  “Hey, I might be able to stand up and talk to a crowd—I mean, like when God is leading me to—but I’m totally lousy when it comes to one-on-one confrontations involving adults, especially with parental types. You’ve seen me. Sometimes I even freeze up around your parents.”

  “My parents have that effect on people.”

  “Really, Chloe. I’m no good at this. I mean, I’m willing to go with you and back you up, like for moral support, but that’s where I draw the line.”

  I patted her on the back. “Fine. That’s good enough for me. I’m going to call Laura’s mom and see if we can drop by this evening. I’ll pick you up.”

  “Are you going to warn Laura?” “I don’t see what good it’ll do. I think this is going to be kind of like an intervention.” “What’s that?”

  “You know, when someone’s on drugs or something harmful to themselves, and all the loved ones come around and talk them into getting some help.”

  “Are you going to have anyone else come along?”

  “You know that’s not a bad idea. Maybe I’ll ask LaDonna and Mercedes since they’re actually part of the congregation.”

  And that is how the “intervention/insurrection” was begun.

  I borrowed Mom’s car then drove around picking everyone up. Allie still thinks it’s unfair that I get to drive even though I’m only a freshman, but back in grade school I thought it was unfair getting held back because I was so sick that year. I guess life just balances out sometimes.

  Anyway, I’d added some incentive by promising to treat everyone who was willing to come to free pizza beforehand. It wasn’t a bribe exactly, just a way for us all to have a chance to sit around and discuss what we planned to do. And before we left the pizza place, we all bowed our heads and prayed for God to lead us. I knew that Laura’s dad was a deacon in the church and that what we were about to do must be handled carefully—prayerfully. I also knew it could totally blow up in our faces and that Laura might never speak to any of us again—not as if that would be much different than it is now. But we were all aware of these possibilities, and we all agreed to give this thing our best shot. So at seven o’clock sharp we all stood on her porch, and I pressed the doorbell.

  “Oh, my,” said Mrs. Mitchell as she surveyed the crowd. “There’s quite a group of you.” She glanced over her shoulder then spoke quietly. “I did like you asked, Chloe. I didn’t tell Laura you were coming. Is this supposed to be a surprise party or something?”

  “Not exactly. It’s like I said on the phone. We want to talk to you and Mr. Mitchell and Laura.”<
br />
  “Is it all right if James sits in? He’s curious.”

  I heard someone giggle and remembered that Laura had told me how LaDonna has had a huge crush on her brother for years now. “Sure, he might as well hear what we have to say too.”

  Soon we were all seated in the living room. And Laura looked totally stunned to see us. I know she wondered what in the world I was up to. Avoiding her eyes, I began. “We’re here tonight because we’re worried about Laura. But it’s not just Laura. We don’t understand what’s going on at your church.” I’m sure Mr. Mitchell’s eyebrows shot up about an inch just then.

  “And we don’t mean to be disrespectful,” I continued, “but we’re really trying to figure this thing out. It’s not easy to explain. You see, I went to visit Pastor Rawlins by myself, and he pretty much didn’t listen to what I was trying to say—or maybe he’d already made up his mind that I was an evil influence on Laura. So I didn’t get anywhere. So now we’re coming to you for help. I’m sure you know that Pastor Rawlins has forbidden Laura to play in our band or even associate with Allie and me. His reason for this is because he thinks that we are corrupting her with false doctrine that’s being taught in my church. But when I invited him to visit my pastor, he refused. So I don’t understand how he can judge me—”

  “Yeah!” interrupted LaDonna. “And I want to know just who he thinks he is to go round yelling at his congregation all the time. Just last week he told me my skirt was too short—”

  “And I’m not going to church there anymore,” said Mercedes. “Unless he starts being a whole lot nicer. He scares me when he shouts—”

  “Hey, you guys.” I waved my arms to get their attention. This was exactly what I’d asked them NOT to do. “We didn’t come to-”

  Mr. Mitchell loudly cleared his throat and stood. By now I halfway expected him to throw us all out of his house. “Why did you come, Chloe?”

  I stood and looked him in the eye, ready to speak the truth. “Because it’s not right, Mr. Mitchell. God is about love and forgiveness. He’s not some mean taskmaster who wants to make our lives miserable. And the songs we sing in Redemption are about God and what He’s done in our lives. And my church doesn’t teach false doctrine. You can call my pastor and ask him for yourself—”