The No Where Apocalypse (Book 4): Searching No Where

by E A Lake

  She shook away my thought. “I just know it from somewhere. But I can’t place it.”

  Stuffing my supplies back into my pack, I signaled her to follow. “Come on,” I urged. “It’ll come to you eventually. And when it does, it will most likely be from back home.” I pointed to the low cloud deck overhead. “Let’s keep moving before any rain comes.”

  She followed, but when I looked back, her face was still twisted in concern.

  Day 1,171 - continued

  A fine mist ended our day a little earlier than I would have preferred. I also didn’t want to get wet and have a repeat of drying clothing over a roaring fire again. So when Violet complained she felt damp, we set up camp for the evening.

  Under the tarp, I watched moisture collect into drops and run down the sides of the blue material. Violet pulled apart some kind of mystery meat and cheese, handing me bits between her bites.

  “Are you going to start a fire?” she whined. “I’m kind of chilly.”

  That was one of the worst parts of being so close to a major body of water, at least this body of water. Rain could move in at any given time. That hadn’t been my experience living in Chicagoland with Lake Michigan nearby. Oh, Superior, how I loath thee, I thought.

  Sticking my hand beyond the tarp, I waited for the drizzle to wet my skin. “Maybe if it lets up a little,” I replied, wiping my hand on my pants. “I’m afraid I couldn’t keep it going if it gets much heavier.”

  She pulled her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knees. “Okay,” she whispered, “whatever you think is best.”

  I glanced at Violet. Her mood swings were starting to worry me. Perhaps she was getting sick. Or maybe…shit, no!

  “Say,” I started in a non-threatening way. No sense in getting her all riled up with a simple question. “When was the last time you…?” I smiled her way, hoping I wouldn’t have to say to aloud.

  Violet glared at me. “What?”

  I smiled more, as if that helped. “You know…” Please don’t make me say it, I pleaded internally.

  She opened her palms skyward. “No,” she spat. “I don’t have the slightest clue what you’re asking.”

  Delicate, Bob, be delicate, I coaxed myself. “You’re not pregnant, are you?” I finally spattered bluntly.

  Rolling her eyes, she shot me a disgusted look. “I don’t think so. Why would you ask me such a stupid question?”

  She rose before I could answer and hovered above me. “Oh, I get it. You’re such a stud that one night with you and any able-bodied woman is bound to be with child.” Turning away, she flipped a hand at me. “You’re an idiot, but I’m sure you’re too full of testosterone to realize that.”

  Not really a yes, or the sort of response I was hoping for, but it would have to do. “It’s just, you’ve been a little…moody lately.” Her scowl intensified. “Okay, you’ve had some massive mood swings lately. That’s all.”

  She went back to her sulking pose. “I’ve just got some stuff on my mind. But I don’t want to talk about it right now, okay?”

  I went back to staring at the drizzle. “Sure,” I replied. “Whenever you want to talk, just let me know.”

  That was about the dumbest thing I’d ever said in my life. This young woman didn’t have an issue with holding back when it came to what was on her mind. I doubted her silence would last too long.

  I awoke the next morning to a similar putrid odor, much like the day before. Only this time, it wasn’t as intense. I could tell by Violet’s face that she too caught a whiff of it.

  “Do dead animals follow you around or do you just need a bath that bad?” she ranted. Nice to see her mood had stayed the same overnight. I’d hate to have to wake up guessing which Violet would be waiting for me in the morning.

  “I just bathed, thank you” I replied, grabbing both our packs again. Not bothering to wait for her, I started towards the trail. From the sound of her footsteps in the brush, she wasn’t far behind.

  Settling into a meandering pace, I waited until she was next to me to pick up on any stimulating conversation that might ensue. I didn’t have to wait long for her to begin.

  “Do you suppose people are killing animals and gutting them by the trail?” she wondered aloud, peeking over her shoulder at the path behind us. “That’s really rude if they’re doing that. The least they could do is be a little more considerate of other people.”

  What she said made sense. But given that we had been warned that this part of the shoreline was inhabited by mostly ruffians and thieves, I didn’t think they were the kind of people who spent much time thinking of other people.

  Gazing up at the sky, I noticed the gray clouds from the previous day were gone, replaced by a clear blue sky with high, thin, wispy white clouds. Maybe the good weather would hold until we made it back to Ontonagon, I hoped.

  We marched up a steep incline where the rains had left the ground rutty and rocky. I turned and offered Violet my hand as she made her way behind me.

  Cresting the hill, we came to another flat section of the trail. Though equally wooded as the rest of our path, I could see the going was flat and easy for the foreseeable distance.

  “Can I ask you a question?” Violet stated, still clutching my hand in hers. “And you promise not to get mad?”

  I grinned, shaking my head at her. “I don’t get mad, Violet. Even so, I promise not to act anything but pleasant.”

  We stopped and she took hold of my other hand as well. “You promise?”

  Her voice was soft and sweet, her expression sincere. How could I get upset with a face like that?

  “Shoot,” I replied. “Ask away.”

  “When you snuck out of the tent the other night and had your rendezvous with that woman, Rachel, was it good? Was she a good lover?”

  I felt my mouth drop open. Where the hell did she dream this up?

  Day 1,172

  I stared at Violet, expecting her face to break into a huge “gotcha” smile at any moment. When she didn’t, I tried to pull my hands away from her, but she dug her nails into my palms.

  “Just answer the question, Robert,” she continued. “Did you enjoy sex with her?” Surprisingly, Violet didn’t seem upset.

  Me on the other hand? I felt my face flush with anger. “You are absolutely insane,” I replied, not holding back on any emotion. “You’ve lost what’s left of your mind.”

  She frowned and dug deeper into my hands.

  “I felt you get up and leave. I know you went to meet her.” Again, she was calm, and that worried me greatly.

  “I got up to go to the outhouse, Violet. The cheese upset my stomach. I didn’t rendezvous with anyone.”

  Finally, she let go of my hands and I jerked them away, concerned I’d find blood, but they were just red. Perhaps I was being a little dramatic.

  She stroked my forearms. “You don’t have to lie to me. I know you were quite taken by her. That big, wet, sloppy kiss you two shared told me that much.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose, squeezing my eyes shut. “Listen to me,” I replied in a calm tone. “I’m sorry I kissed her like that in front of you. But I was just excited about what she told me about Daisy. Nothing more happened between us.”

  Violet nodded, frowning deeper. “You’re kind of a man-whore, you know. I don’t think Daisy would like that.”

  What I wanted to do was to reach out and shake the little shit until she came back to her senses. But three deep breaths and I managed to calm myself a little.

  “I thought you said you didn’t get jealous,” I stated evenly. “This kind of sounds like petty jealousy to me.”

  A small grin formed on her lips. Something good was coming, something she’d been dreaming up the last two days.

  “You were married to Shelly for how long before you got stuck here, three years?”

  I didn’t like where this was headed, but I felt the need to insert the honest truth. “Almost four.”

  “And while you admit you
weren’t exactly happy and madly in love with one another,” Violet added, “you weren’t in the process of splitting up or anything when you left home, right?”

  I glared at her, not that it seemed to bother her at all. “Where are you heading with this, Violet?”

  “So still married and partially happy, when Daisy arrived and you cheated on your long-lost wife with another woman.” She placed her hands on her hips and waited for an answer, the bitch.

  “I think we both can agree it wasn’t cheating,” I replied, getting a little worked up at that point. “I was never getting home to Shelly.”

  “And Daisy was alive and well, living with you in No Where when you left to hunt down mean old Clyde Barster. And of course, you knew how I felt about you when you left. And then you cheated on us with some woman you knew for a day or two; like neither Daisy nor I meant anything at all to you.”

  She began to pace, her cheeks turning more and more crimson with every few strides. “Even though you had no reason to believe that Daisy and I wouldn’t be there waiting for you when you came back, you had to go and screw a complete stranger!” Violet turned and rushed me, shoving my chest. “Just like you did the other night with that Rachel slut. My God Bob, can’t you control yourself at all?”

  It struck me like a bolt from above. “This is about Jean, not Rachel,” I stated, pointing at Violet with an accusatory finger. “This has nothing to do with your made-up story about the other night. You’re pissed about what I did with Jean.”

  Violet grabbed at my shirt, striking me in the chest with a closed fist. “Of course I am!” she shrieked. “You couldn’t be faithful to your wife or Daisy. And I know for a fact you’ll never be faithful to me. And I’m the one who deserves it the most.”

  “You said it didn’t matter!” I shouted. “You said you forgave me.”

  Violet attacked me again, slapping my raised arms. “Oh grow up, Bob. I lied,” she yelled. “Of course it mattered to me. You intentionally hurt me and then bragged about it to Wilson. How do you think that made me feel?”

  I tried to slow her wrath but failed miserably. When I finally got ahold of her skinny wrists, I had to hold them in a vice grip. “I confessed my sin to Wilson,” I explained in a calm voice. “And you know that wasn’t meant for your ears. We talked about this. And you know there is no “us”. You’ve even said so. Otherwise, why would you help me look for Daisy?”

  Her eyes went wild and she went at my hand with her teeth. “No us?! No us?!” She pulled away and began swinging again. “You sure could’ve fooled me about 10 days ago when you were on top of me, acting all hot to trot. No us?! You’re the crazy one here, Bob, not me.”

  I had to slow this down, her rant, her tirade. I needed her help. I needed Violet on my side. Mostly because I couldn’t just leave her in the middle of the woods.

  “I told you I loved you long before you met Jean,” she continued, beginning to tear up. “You told me you loved me, too. And even though I knew you probably didn’t mean it, I still held out hope in a tiny little piece of my heart that you might love me if I gave it enough time. I have everything you need. I gave you what Daisy couldn’t. Then you run off and sleep with another woman.”

  Something she said caused me to release her wrists and glower at her. Maybe it was the sad, injured tone she used. Or perhaps it was the words, “…what Daisy couldn’t.”

  Day 1,172 - continued

  Immediately I saw the remorse on her face. Her head shook wildly, her mouth dropping open but with no sound. She’d said something she wasn’t supposed to.

  “What exactly does that mean?” I asked, stepping towards her as she backed away. “What did you give me that Daisy couldn’t?”

  Violet raised her quivering hands, placing them lightly on my chest. “I misspoke,” she stammered. “I didn’t mean anything.”

  I felt my face harden around the edges; my eyes and lips tightened with each breath. I slapped her hands off my chest.

  “Tell me,” I raved. Her head shook more, causing her hair to swing wildly. “Tell me, damn it!”

  She inched closer to my face. “It’s no big deal, Bob. Please, just forget about it and let’s keep moving. The sooner we get to Ontonagon, the better.”

  Reaching behind my back, I pulled my 45 from my waistband. Letting it hang by my side, I locked into a glare with Violet. “Tell me what you know,” I said quietly. “Tell me what you’re hiding.”

  She took a small step back, cowering away from me. Staring at the gun for a moment, I watched as she straightened her posture. “You won’t shoot me.” Her eyes met mine. “I know you won’t.”

  I pulled the hammer back and slowly raised the weapon. When my movements stopped, the gun was pointed at my right temple.

  Violet’s mouth hung agape as she shook her head. Her wide, open eyes begged me to stop. “Please no!” she begged. “Put the gun down, I’ll tell you. Please, just put the gun down.”

  I waited a heartbeat or two before answering, just to show her I was serious, “You first. Tell me your big secret, and then I’ll lower the gun.”

  She blew out several shallow breaths through pursed lips before taking a deep breath. “A child,” she finally said in a hushed voice.

  I must have grinned because Violet looked pained. “So what?” I answered. “Daisy could have given me a child. What makes you so special?”

  Tears formed in the corners of Violet’s eyes and she tried to wipe them away before they streaked her cheeks. “She couldn’t,” she whispered.

  “She couldn’t what?”

  Again her head shook before she answered. “She couldn’t have any more children. She said something about a complication after her son was born. They had to remove her ovaries.”

  I lowered the gun and Violet looked relieved, but only for a moment. “You’re lying,” I spat, thrusting my free hand her direction. “I never said I wanted to have children. So I know you’re lying.”

  Her hand shot up to her face, trying to muffle her gasping sob. “But you did,” she cried. “After Hope was born—”

  It hit me as my own words boomeranged back from earlier in the year. “I said I always wanted a child to call my own,” I gasped. “I said it would be nice to have a son, an heir.” I watched Violet collapse onto a rock, sobbing at the truth. My truth.

  “I wanted,” I said. “I never said it would make my life complete, or that I needed a child.” I fell back onto a log, dropping my gun in the leaves. “It was just in the moment, you know. Hope was so tiny and precious. It just felt like the thing to say.”

  “She knew you most likely didn’t mean anything,” Violet stated, looking at me from several feet away with tears pouring down her face. “But it got her thinking.”

  “I drove her away. She was willing to go and leave you in her place because you could give me what she thought I wanted. She wanted me to be happy…” I glanced at Violet, “but that wasn’t possible without her there.”

  I wondered how many times I had gone on and on about having kids. Certainly more than just once. Did each time chip away a small piece of Daisy’s heart, even if unintentionally?

  “She agreed to go with the Weston’s because she knew I could be happy with you. You were supposed to take her place,” I solemnly continued. “I hurt her and drove her off, and then came back and did the same thing to you.”

  Leaning forward, I pulled at my hair. How stupid could one man be? How could he have everything, even in the middle of a time where the world offered nothing, and manage to lose it all? I had cheated death many times, survived when I had no right to, and still managed to ruin the little bit of happiness that had found me.

  “You haven’t driven me away, Bob,” Violet whispered, hovering over me. “And we can still find Daisy. And once you talk to her, you can clear this whole silly misunderstanding up. I know you can. I’ll help you. I won’t leave your side. Not until you tell me to.”

  I felt her hand on my shoulder, but couldn’t manage to lo
ok up at her. “I don’t deserve Daisy. And I certainly don’t deserve you. Not after everything I’ve put you through. Maybe we should just go back home and go our separate ways. Maybe that’s what would be best.”

  She hugged me as I began to cry. “I don’t think that’s what Daisy would want,” Violet said in an understanding tone. “And I know it’s not what I want.”

  Sitting beside me, Violet wrapped her thin arms around my waist. Together, we sat without speaking for a long time.

  Day 1,172 - continued

  When I’d finally sufficiently flushed out my self-loathing, I looked up and stared at the lake for a while. The calm, blue waters made me feel better. Not whole again, but better.

  Beside me, Violet stroked my back. Never leaving my side — just as she promised. I didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve anyone. Not Shelly, not Daisy, not Jean, and certainly not Violet.

  I heard her sniff several times. When I turned, I expected to find tears. Instead, her nose was tilted up, sniffing the air.

  The rancid odor hit me just before I asked what she smelled. I stood and searched the immediate area for the source of the smell.

  “I swear we can’t get away from these gut piles,” Violet spewed. “Someone is making everyone else’s life a living hell. Let’s get out of here so we don’t die from inhaling those fumes.”

  I stood motionless, staring at the trail to our rear. Something about the smell was familiar, but I just couldn’t place it. Maybe it was animal entrails like we both assumed. But somewhere, the smell registered as familiar in my mind.

  I shrugged away my thoughts, turning to face Violet. I chuckled seeing that she had plugged her nose again with her fingers. The smell was bad, but she did have a flair for the over-dramatic.

  “Okay, partner,” I said in a cheery voice. “Let’s get moving. At least we won’t have to deal with the smell that way.”