“Not going to happen.” I kneel to be eye level. He’s dealing with things no one should ever have to deal with. His dad’s cancer. His mom’s cheating. The accident. Now being locked out of the only thing he loves as much as Emma. But this will only make it worse. I’m not about to let that happen. Despite needing him as my partner, my lifeline when I’m in the field, I also need him as my friend. “Listen, buddy. I know it seems like the world is taking a shit on you right now, but you know this isn’t the answer. Come on, man. You’re smart. Think this through.”
His entire body deflates. It’s like he’s run out of whatever hate fuel he’s been using to keep himself going. We sit there in silence for several minutes. I’m not about to leave him alone, not like this. He’s not thinking straight. He’s brilliant. I wouldn’t put it past him to jack a phone and hack into TREX. “I just want some sense of normalcy.”
God, don’t I know that story. I hesitate to talk to him about Kayla, but I don’t have anyone else to talk to, and something tells me he’d welcome the distraction. “I haven’t had normal since Kayla got our old apartment building condemned.”
“Looks like that worked out in your favor.” When I don’t answer, he narrows his eyes. “Didn’t it?”
“Yeah. Hell, yeah.”
He continues to stare at me, like he’s about to call me on my bullshit. Only I’m not bullshitting. “What is it?”
“Nothing.”
“Jake, I may not know you that well on a personal level, but I know you on the surface. I know your facial expressions. I know how you look off to the right when you’re searching for the words to say that’ll get you the results you’re after. Whether that’s getting a target to hand over his phone so you can clone it or getting a girl to come home with you. You’re doing it right now.”
Holy shit. I do that?
“Don’t tell me what you think I want to hear. Tell me what you want to say.”
“How’d you get to be so damn perceptive?”
“I’m a nerd,” he admits without hesitation, without shame. “It comes with the title.”
“I, uh…” I hesitate. How do I admit something so personal to someone I have no personal relationship with? I’m in love and it freaks me out that I’ll do something to screw things up. I’m not good enough for Kayla and it terrifies me she’ll realize that, and walk away. I’m never going to be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company and it worries me I won’t be able to provide the life Kayla deserves. I can’t admit any of that, not to Ryan. Not to anyone.
“I get it.”
There he goes again. He’s smart, too damn smart. With his brain and family’s money, he’s going to be president someday. With my brain and lack of money, I’ll be lucky to not have to work after I retire. “What is it you think you get?”
“You think you and Kayla are on different playing fields.” He sets his jaw as his expression turns to stone. Damn, he’s really gotten better at that look. “Let me tell you something. She’s not a zero, and being with you does not make you the hero. She’s more than good enough to be with you. You aren’t doing her a favor by being with her.”
“Whoa, dude. You have that backward.”
He blinks. “I do?”
“Guess you don’t know me as well as you thought.” I straighten and debate leaving it at that. Something stops me. Ryan isn’t trying to piss me off. He’s trying to put me in my place. He’s lecturing me, looking out for and protecting the underdog. “She can do so much better than me.”
“You’re right.”
“Seriously?”
“What?” He chuckles, goddamn him. I’m bearing parts of my soul here, and he thinks it’s funny. “I’ve had to deal with guys like you my entire life. My brother. The head of my old house. You.”
“Me?”
“Yes, Jake. You. You’re a total player. A complete tool. I’m surprised you’re not a Delta.”
It’s not for lack of want. I pledged and didn’t make the cut. Apparently being in the Delta house requires a hefty donation to the charity or foundation of the house’s choice.
“You’re also not what I expected. You’re actually a good person. Believe it or not, you’re the only one who insisted I go see my dad. Not even Emma made me do that. You stick by me, make me pull my head out of my ass when I’m about to do something stupid, and I uh… I’m, uh…” He blows out a breath. “I’m glad we’re partners.”
“I’m glad we’re friends.” I pat him on his good shoulder.
“Me, too.” We clear our throats as the moment grows awkward. “Do you really think Kayla can do better?”
“Yeah, I do.” And that sucks.
“Then be the guy she deserves.”
“I’m trying.” I shake my head and admit my biggest fear. “I don’t know how to be better than I am.”
“What’s something she loves more than anything?”
I immediately think of the necklace. “She lost her grandmother’s necklace somewhere in her old apartment. We couldn’t find it when we moved. It’s the only thing she has from her grandmother. She won’t let me buy her a new one.”
“Find it,” he states, like it’s that easy. “We’re TREX. Tactical retrieval experts. We find things. It’s what we do. Find that necklace for her.”
“If I can’t?”
He grins. “That doesn’t sound like the TREX field agent I know. You can and will.”
“I can and will. The building has been condemned, so it’s not like anyone’s going in there anytime soon. I don’t work Saturday. I’ll do it then.” I glance around and notice a car sitting across the street. Why does it look familiar? When it comes to me, I stiffen. It’s the same car that nearly clipped me last week. Am I being followed?
Ryan picks up on my body language. “What is it?”
“That car.” I nod. “Do you recognize it?”
“No.” He brings up his phone and snaps a picture. The car pulls away from the curb and speeds off. “Maybe we should go back inside.”
“Yeah, good idea.” I grab the handles and turn the chair toward the door. TREX will want to know about this. “Make sure you get that pic to Bailey.”
“Already sent. It could be nothing.”
“That, it could.” We both know better. Someone has been following me. It doesn’t take a trained intel agent to figure out who.
Murphy must be checking up on me. I’m not sure how I feel about that. He’s either making sure his protégé doesn’t have any skeletons in his closet, or he’s got something else planned.
I really hope it’s the first one.
32
{Kayla}
Since I don’t have a car, Mel offers to pick me up for our GNO. I could easily take the bus, but she insists. Every time. I know why. My friends think I’ll cancel on them at the last minute. Mel capturing me is her way of ensuring I’ll go through with our plans.
I’m now trapped in Mel’s little bug as we make our way to the club. I don’t blame them for doubting me and taking me hostage. Truth is, I had the phone in hand, the text ready to send, when she showed up half an hour early. This is our first time going out since that fateful night of the boyfriend bonfire.
What a difference a couple weeks makes. I started that night pining over a player I’d never call mine. I start this night in love with the guy and worried every moment will be our last. I’m chewing off my nails in worry as I listen to the scanner he set up in the kitchen. I used to find it interesting listening in to the detail of every call. Now I find myself inhaling sharply every time the damn thing goes off. Each call could be the one that takes Jake from me forever.
I have to get out of my head. I’m my own worst enemy. Why do I immediately jump to the negative? Why can’t I stay positive like every other normal person? Then again, I’ve never been accused of being normal. At least he’s not on shift tonight. When I told him about my GNO, he disappeared, saying he had plans. He didn’t say and I didn’t ask. We’re entitled to time away from each other, even
though I already miss him and want to text him just to say hi.
Mel’s voice breaks me out of my thoughts. “You need this, Kayla.”
Whether I do or not isn’t the issue. My most trusted friends made a deal with the puppy-eyed devil. I’m not about to let them forget that. “You told him to have sex with me on a truck.”
She squeals. “Did you? Was it awesome? Tell me everything.”
It really was awesome. Some of the best sex of my life, blindfolded sex aside. Considering everything, that’s saying something. I felt him in my heart that day on the truck, which then scared the shit out of me and caused me to ruin the day with my ridiculous meltdown. I’ve been melting down ever since. Jesus, what is the matter with me? How’d a guy I didn’t even like get me to fall for him? How’d he go from my annoying man-whore of a neighbor to the only one I want? To the one I love?
What a disaster. Even though they made this deal out of love, I can’t stop myself from asking, “Do you all hate me? Is that why you did this?”
“Oh, don’t play the victim here. You needed this, which is why I told him to have sex with you on not just any truck, but a firetruck. Oh my God. That’s like shit dreams are made of. Please tell me he made your siren go off.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
I laugh despite my mood. My friends only want what’s best for me and I know that. It doesn’t help with the panic attack that’s been constantly hovering right under the surface. I lose my smile and swallow thickly.
“Kay, what is it?”
“He said I’m the reason for my own misery.”
“Well, duh.”
“Mel!”
“What? He’s right.”
I want to cry. “Some friend you are.”
“Boy, you’re a mess. You aren’t pregnant, are you?”
“No.” I know that for a fact, but the timing does explain why I’m so damn emotional. And puffy. “He drops the L-bomb, like, a lot.”
“During sex?”
“During. Before. After. When we say good-bye. When we say hello.”
“Don’t say another word until we’re all together. That number of L-bombs is serious shit.”
We listen to the radio and avoid talking until we’re at the same bar we were at when we came up with the brilliant idea to have a boyfriend burning in my apartment. That night started it all and now here we are, having another GNO that would, no doubt, result in something just as stupid, bringing everything full circle.
Mel drags me over to the premium table Ciara and Shannon snagged. When we sit, Shannon starts in. “You won’t believe what Ciara did to get us this table.”
This I’ve got to hear. It’s a welcome distraction. “Well?”
Ciara shrugs like it’s no big deal. That means the story is going to be even better than what I’m making up in my head right now. Her wild side is already out. “There were two little men sitting here, scoping out the place like predators hunting for their next victim. This is a hangout for BU students, not a place for sex offenders. They were creeping me out.”
“What’d you do?”
“I told them I was DEA and asked if they’d seen two men scoping the place, looking for women to drug. I said this was a known hangout for the perps. They quickly blew me off, then raced out of here like their shit was on fire.”
Apparently, her prelaw degree is paying off. I love her touch of crazy. Thank God she’s on our side. “They could have been real criminals, Ciara.”
“I called a guy. They didn’t get far.”
I’m still not ready to get into the dirty details of the shit show I call my life, so I find something else to talk about. “Are you all done with your finals?”
“Nice try.” Mel pats my shoulder. “Tell them what you told me.”
It’s time. After all, they’re my support group. This is a friendervention if ever there was one. “Okay, guys. Here it is. Jake told me he loves me. Like, said he was in love with me.”
They all shout their favorite curse word of choice as they lean back at the same time. I just dropped the atomic bomb of girl code. It renders them into shocked silence until their brains can process it.
“I knew daily orgasms were too much,” Shannon says with a shake of her head. “This is all my fault.”
“I should have never had him have sex with her on the firetruck,” Mel adds. “It made it too personal. It’s my fault.”
“Did he grant you mine?” Ciara asks and leans in.
I’m still not over what she asked him to do. “No. We both agreed that request crossed the line.” Instead of Ciara being disappointed, she relaxes in her chair and even smiles triumphantly. To my shock and dismay, the rest of them all nod as if they’re in on her wish. I want to throw a drink into their faces, but alas, I’m empty-handed. “Are you all in on this? You wanted me to have sex with two guys at the same time?”
“No.” Shannon puts her hands up. “I was never okay with that.”
“Me, either,” Mel adds.
I turn my venom on Ciara. “This is all on you. What kind of friend does that? What the hell were you thinking? What the hell were any of you thinking putting Jake up to those stupid wishes?” I jump to my feet and storm to the bar. I need a drink and try to catch the bartender’s eye. It’s Mike, so I scan the bar for Britt, but don’t see her. I wonder if they broke up again. He’s too busy flirting with a group of seriously hot and ridiculously perky girls at the end of the bar to notice me.
“Unless you have double Ds and look like a young Marilyn Monroe, he’s not going to notice you.” Emma sits down next to me.
I hug her and smile. She’s healing nicely. Her bruises are hardly noticeable, especially in this light. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be home tending to Ryan?”
“He threatened to spike my coffee with Oxy to make me sleep if I didn’t leave him alone. He actually told me there’s only a single letter between mothering and smothering. The ass.”
No, no, no. Emma and Ryan can’t be having issues. “Everything is okay, right?”
“It’s fine. We just don’t need to spend every waking moment together.” She shouts at the bartender. “Yo, Mike. We’ve got boobs, too.”
“Don’t give me shit, Emma.” He leans on the bar in front of us. “It’s like this every last week of school. I’m not used to this many customers.”
“Aw, darn it. That means you’ll have to actually pay attention to everyone instead of picking one to take home with you.”
“You’re a brutal bitch,” he tells her. “Just like your friend.”
“Hey!” I bunch my hands into fists, unsure why. It’s not like I’m going to hit the guy.
“Not you.” He brings up his hands. “Britt.”
Ah, the lovebirds must have parted ways. Emma chimes in, “Here’s a tip. Next time Britt wants to get back together, run the other way. She’s not a one-man girl. Don’t look at me like that, Mike. You and I both know it’s true.” She then carries on like she didn’t just emasculate the guy by telling him he wasn’t enough. “I’ll have a maraschino martini.”
He set his jaw and turns his attention to me. “More tequila shots?”
“A glass of Pinot Noir.” I’ll never do another tequila shot, not when it makes me take guys home from the bar.
“And for your friends?”
“They can order their own.” The rest of the group can fend for themselves right now, I’m that pissed they all knew Ciara wanted Jake to phone a friend. Once Mike delivers our drinks and rushes off to serve another group screaming at him, I turn to Emma. “How are you doing really?”
She sips her martini. “I’m still pissed Ryan almost killed himself to protect me, but I can’t change what he did.”
“It’s pretty amazing if you ask me.”
“It was stupid. Careless. Reckless. Don’t get me going. I love the guy, but if he ever does anything so dumb again, I’ll kick his ass. That’s nothing compared to what his handler said she’d do if he ever did something like that a
gain.”
“His handler?”
“Every cadet has one.” She does the neck-swivel to make sure no one else is listening in. “TREX requires it for the first year.”
“Who’s his handler?”
“Her name is Bailey McKoy. She’s head of some intel something. I tuned out as soon as he geeked out. Do you know which is Jake’s handler?”
“Which one?” I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“It’s either Jason or Jackson. My money is on Jackson Banks. There’s something about him. He looks like Wolverine without the claws.”
I don’t care what his handler looks like. “How much did Ryan tell you about the agency?”
“Let me put it this way. He’s not the only one who can’t keep a secret to save his life.” We both laugh. “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about any of that. I know what’s got you so freaked out. It’s Jake, right?”
Even though I’m beyond mad at my friends, it’s ultimately Jake’s fault. He should have never… Well, he went and… My heart sinks when I realize he’s done nothing wrong. It’s all on me. My misery is my own fault, just like he said. That makes me feel even worse.
“You know,” Emma picks the peanuts out of the bar mix in the wicker basket between us. “It’s all about finding a way to cut through the bullshit and making it work, despite the odds stacked against you.”
“I don’t think it’s the same thing with Jake and me.”
“Sure, it is.” She sets her drink on the bar. “The number one person against us was me. I was so scared to be happy I did everything I could to stop it from happening. Lucky for me my BFF talked Ryan into coming after me.”
My entire world is crashing around me. My heart hurts. I’m so mad at my friends I can barely see straight. I’m even madder at Jake for doing nothing wrong. Why can’t anything be simple? To top it off, I don’t have a BFF to talk to Jake for me. Defeated, I admit that to Emma. “I don’t have a Britt.”
The Heat Is On (TREX Rookies Book 2) Page 29
