by J. H. Croix
“Sounds like he was just trying to be an ass.”
Rowan’s voice was dry. “He succeeded. He’s got problems with the law, and he doesn't want to be in more trouble than he already is, so here’s hoping he stays away from her. I'm pretty sure she didn't see him again after that.”
“All you can do is hope for the best. I know I would’ve been pissed off if someone ordered me around about some guy when I was a teenager.”
“Oh, she had that covered, all right.” A laugh rustled in his throat.
I squeezed his hand where it rested on my thigh. “Did you have a good Thanksgiving meal?”
“I did, and it was good to see the rest of my family. Tell me how your Thanksgiving was.”
“It was small—just my parents and me—but it was nice. I missed you.”
“I'm home for Christmas.”
Hearing him describe Willow Brook as home set my heart to pounding in my chest. I didn't know why, but I was nervous. This was a lot. My feelings about Rowan felt almost too big. We’d known each other so well before when we were friends, and then it all blew up. Now, all the emotions I’d felt before were bombarding me. They were big and deep.
As if he sensed my internal tumult, he squeezed my hand. “Willow Brook is starting to feel like home. But more than that, you're here. And honestly, Mae, home is wherever you are to me.”
Oh. My. God. I almost melted right there in the car, but I forced myself to focus. It was snowing out, and I needed to pay attention. We fell into a more relaxed conversation for the rest of the drive.
“Are you tired?” I asked as I turned down the road that led to both of our places.
“I’m tired but wired. That’s what travel does to me.”
“Do you want me to drop you off at your apartment?”
“Hell no,” he said flatly. “Unless for some reason you want to drop me off there.”
I shook my head quickly. “Absolutely not.”
A few minutes later, we were walking into my house. I was finally starting to call it my house. Sassafras actually came over and greeted Rowan, circling his feet.
“She even let me scratch under her chin,” Rowan commented as he glanced over at me.
“I think she likes you.”
Rowan cast me a lopsided grin as he straightened and shrugged out of his jacket. “I'll take whatever I can get from her.”
“Did you eat on the plane?” I asked as I hung up my coat and toed off my boots.
“I did, but I’m still hungry. Airplane food isn’t amazing.”
I smiled. “That's why I have a pizza for you. I picked it up earlier and stuck it in the fridge. I figured this way we could just heat it up.”
I started to turn toward the kitchen, but he caught my hand and reeled me to him. “This is why I love you,” he murmured as he brushed his lips over mine.
My belly shimmied, and my heart pounded hard and fast. “Because I got pizza for you?”
“Yes.”
“What do you mean?”
He smoothed a loose lock of hair away from my forehead, tucking it behind my ear and sending shivers chasing down that side of my body. “It's the pizza, but it's not the pizza. It's that you wondered if I would be hungry. It's kind of a small thing, but also a big thing.”
“I understand,” I whispered right before he kissed me again.
When he lifted his head, his gaze coasted over my face. “Can we have pizza after?” His question came in that low voice, the one that never failed to send butterflies twirling in my belly and liquid need spinning in my veins.
“After what?”
“After this.”
He laid another kiss on me, and I forgot about the pizza.
Chapter Thirty
Rowan
I told myself on the flight home that I would savor Mae and take my time. I was going to have to take a rain check on the savoring because instead, I had her up against the door shuddering as I sank into her silky, clenching core only minutes after we walked inside.
My jeans were shoved down around my hips, and she still had her shirt on. We’d ditched her jeans simply because that was the only way for me to be buried inside her. I held still, resting my forehead against hers for a moment as I took several deep breaths and clung to my control.
“Look at me, sweetheart,” I murmured against her lips.
I dragged my eyes open and lifted my head just enough to see her. Her big ginger eyes blinked open, and I could feel the beat of her heart thumping against my chest. We stared at each other. My heart felt so full I thought it might burst.
I loved Mae so much. We didn't say a word. Everything was communicated with our eyes. Her breath hitched in her throat, and I finally drew back, adjusting her in my arms before I filled her again and again and again. Then she was trembling all over, her hips bucking against me. My release took me by surprise, hitting me so hard I let out a rough shout as lightning sizzled through me.
After we disentangled, we changed into more comfortable clothes, and Mae reheated the pizza. We ate in her bed with the TV on in the background. I looked over at her.
“I meant to be smooth about that. It was going to be a whole seduction,” I said between bites of pizza.
She grinned. “Seriously?” At my nod, she added, “Okay, I'll hold you to that next time.”
I chuckled. I made good on my promise in the sleepy darkness.
When I woke the next morning, Mae was already up. After a quick shower, I found her in the kitchen. She had her laptop open on the kitchen table, and she looked worried. She had that little furrow between her brows, and her nose was scrunched up. She was also tapping her thumb on the counter. That was the giveaway. Back in our college days, she’d tap her thumb when she was worried about an exam.
“What is it?” I asked after I'd gotten some coffee and sat down across from her.
Her eyes swung to mine as she took a quick breath as if bracing herself. “Chet emailed me.”
I’d been lifting my mug, and it froze in the air. Anger sliced through me like a hot blade. “What?”
She cleared her throat, her face a little pale as she repeated, “Chet emailed me.”
I lowered my mug to the table. “About what? How does he even have your email?”
She shrugged. “I don't know. It's just a subject line. It says, ‘So, I heard you told someone what happened.’ How does he even know I talked to anyone?”
I took a slow breath. “Can I see the email?”
Mae turned her laptop toward me at the table. She stood from her chair, appearing much calmer than me about this. “Don't open it. Just look at it in the preview pane.”
My fury had nowhere to go. I wanted to smash her laptop, but that wouldn't do a damn thing to Chet. I wanted to call him and scream, and I had his number. I read the subject line, that hot jolt of fury settling in my gut and churning. She returned to the table a moment later, nudging my mug closer. “Have a sip. It’ll help.”
I took a quick swallow, the bitter flavor not even doing justice to my mood. “Mae, why didn't you tell me about this? This was days ago.”
She lifted a shoulder in a light shrug as she sat down. “What were you going to do? I didn't want to mess up your trip. You had other things to deal with.”
I took another gulp of coffee and closed her laptop. “I talked to an attorney.”
“What? About this?” She tapped her thumb on the edge of her mug handle.
“Yeah.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Rowan, I don't want you to do anything. There's nothing to do.”
“Mae, the statute of limitations has not expired,” I pressed.
“I know, but it's not a good case. If the attorney told you anything other than that, they’re no good. Is that why he's emailing me? When did you talk to the attorney?” She stood from the table abruptly, wrapping her arms around her waist and pacing in a circle in the kitchen.
“Mae, you look more upset about this than the email from Chet.” I gestured pointle
ssly at her closed laptop.
“Because I trusted you.”
“Hey, I swear I didn't talk to Chet. I have his number, but I promise he hasn’t heard anything from me. I talked to my dad, who put me in contact with a friend of his who handles criminal cases.”
She uncurled her arms from her waist, running her hand through her hair and tucking it behind her ears. “I have to get ready for work,” she muttered quickly as she glanced up at the clock over the stove.
She didn't even kiss me goodbye. I had a bad feeling, and I had to get to the station. I should’ve asked her before I talked to anyone. I’d let my own frustration, my need to somehow help, get in the way. I had screwed up.
Chapter Thirty-One
Mae
I kept opening the email on my phone and staring at that stupid subject line. The little red dot was constantly bright on my screen all because of that one email. I was afraid.
Rowan had opened a door I never wanted to open again. I honestly didn't want to pursue anything around this legally. The process alone would eat me alive.
My day was busy at work, but I had plenty of time to think, so I made a decision. I didn't know what to do, but I needed some space. I wasn't blaming Rowan for Chet emailing me, but this was my situation to deal with. I did not want anyone else involved. I just needed to come to my own peace with it. I didn’t think closure was possible, if only because the concept was fucking obnoxious for traumatic events.
I was tempted to be a coward and tell Rowan I needed some time via text. But that just didn't feel right. That night, I drove past my house to his apartment, which I'd only been to a few times. We’d fallen into the habit of him mostly staying with me during our short relationship. I was relieved to see his SUV there. We hadn't texted about what we were doing tonight.
My heart gave a sharp twist. Because that was how far and fast we’d fallen into this place of comfort. Now, it felt all blown up emotionally. I didn't need him nosing into this situation. It had been enough for me to share what happened.
I jogged up the stairs on the side and knocked lightly on the door. It swung open only seconds later.
Rowan’s alert gaze skated over my face with a searching look. “Hey,” he said.
“Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
He stepped back and gestured for me to pass by. “I was about to text you and see if you wanted me to come over.” His tone was light and casual, although it felt slightly forced.
I stared at him for a long moment. “I'm really upset,” I said quietly as I walked past him and stuffed my hands in my pockets.
It said a lot that I didn’t even need to explain further. “Mae, I was just trying to help—”
I cut in. “You want to help somehow? I don't need help.”
“Oka-aay,” he said slowly.
He started to step closer, but I took a step back. “Please don't talk to anybody else about this. Promise me you won’t.”
“I promise. I won’t.”
My throat ached, and my chest literally hurt. “I'm afraid, and I need a little time.”
“Mae, please,” he began, his voice roughened. “Please don't tell me you're going to let this blow us apart. Please. You know I love you.”
“I know you do. I love you too, but I just need a few days. That's all.”
I didn't even know how to vocalize what I was feeling. This entire situation had somehow shattered the fragile peace I had started to find. There was Rowan and how he connected to my memories of that night long ago that had ripped through my life and sent pieces of me scattering. Then there was the sheer enormity of my feelings for him.
I swallowed and took a shallow breath. “I'll call you when I'm ready.”
Turning, I fled back out into the cold darkness. In the few minutes I’d been in his apartment, the snow that had been spitting periodically on my drive home from Anchorage had shifted into an icy sleet. It struck against my cheeks, and I almost welcomed the stinging pain. I couldn't feel the hot tears through it and drove home in a blur.
By the time I got home, there were already several texts from Rowan. I replied with one.
I just need a little time. That's all I'm asking.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Rowan
“Dude, you look fucking miserable,” Remy commented as I walked into the locker room at the station.
I sank onto the bench in front of the lockers. I’d just finished a punishing workout. “I am,” I replied with a shrug.
“What gives?” he asked, sitting down across from me.
“I think I fucked up.”
“This about Mae?”
I nodded.
“What the hell happened? I thought things were good with y’all.”
I took a deep breath, snagging the towel I'd set on the bench beside me and dragging it over my sweaty face.
“Mae wants some time. She's mad at me because—” I paused abruptly, realizing I couldn't even explain the whole situation to Remy. I forged ahead. “I got overprotective, and she didn’t appreciate it.”
Remy studied me quietly. “I understand that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Rachel's ex was really controlling. She's good now, but it was dicey.”
“What?” My head whipped up.
He nodded slowly. “Oh, yeah. It's not a secret around town, but it's been a while. She's good, we’re good. But I had to learn that it's her past, it's her story. She sets the boundaries on how she manages it. He did jail time, and he's not in town anymore, which makes it a hell of a lot easier. I don't know, though. It would be hard for me if he was around.” He eyed me for a long moment. “Is it an ex of hers? He around?”
I shook my head quickly. “Nah, nobody from here. It's college. She asked me not to talk about it. So…”
He dipped his chin. “You have to respect that. I get it. In the end, the details don't matter. You know?”
I shook my head. “What do you mean?”
“As long as she's safe, and she's okay. It's your job to respect whatever boundary she sets around it and be there. It might be different, and she might want you to be more involved if she wasn't safe.”
I absorbed that. “What if somebody from her past emailed her out of the blue?”
“Are they here?”
I shook my head quickly.
“Well then, ask her what she wants you to do about it and then do that.”
I practically got skid marks from biting my tongue. I wanted to push and ask why, but I knew that wasn’t my place. “It's not fucking right that people can do shit and get away with it.”
“No, dude, it's not. But it's her world, her past, her story. Not yours. And, trust me, the legal system isn't always an answer. If you want to ask Rachel about it, go for it. Court fucking sucks, and it's brutal. I think it's different when safety is an issue, though. I'm not saying it's your job to call the shots then, but it's a different dynamic, different dialogue.”
I took in a deep breath and let it out, leaning back against the lockers. “This fucking sucks. I didn't even know Rachel went through anything like that.”
Remy’s gaze darkened for a beat. “Oh yeah, her ex knocked her around.”
“And he lived right here in town?”
“He doesn't anymore.”
“I don't like how many women go through things like that,” I finally said.
“Yeah, you and every guy who doesn’t think that shit is cool. We’ve got a long way to go in our world. I don't know the details, and I'm not asking because…” Pausing, he hitched his brows.
I answered his silent prompt. “It’s her story.”
“Yep.”
I let out a sigh. “How was Thanksgiving in NC?” he asked. “Rachel and I are headed there for Christmas. You going back again?”
“Nah. I figure one holiday a year, plus I'm hoping to spend Christmas with Mae.”
Remy gave me a considering look. “Well, then you're gonna have to give her
that time she asked for.”
“I know.” I stood from the bench. “I'm gonna go shower.”
He clapped me on the shoulder as I walked by. I let the steaming water pound down over my tired muscles, wondering what to do. I was an action guy. Waiting didn't sit well with me. Chet’s phone number was burning a hole in my phone, but I knew doing anything about that would only make things worse.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Mae
Phoebe studied me from across the table at Firehouse Café. “What's up?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.
“I told Rowan I needed some time, and I'm cranky about it,” I said honestly.
“What for? You two were all lovey-dovey.”
“I know.”
I thought for a minute about whether I wanted to tell her the whole messy story. I decided I might as well confide in someone because the few people who knew what actually happened aside from Rowan were my college friends. I’d shoved it down into the memory banks after that.
“Did I ever tell you why we stopped being friends to begin with?” I asked, even though I knew the answer.
Phoebe shook her head slowly. “You were pretty vague.”
“I kind of freaked after I became a statistic.”
“A statistic?”
“Yep. Rowan’s roommate spiked my drink and raped me. I couldn't deal, so I just cut off all contact. I’m a college sexual assault stat.”
Phoebe's hand flew to her chest, her eyes going wide with her gasp. “Oh, my god, Mae. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?”
I felt strangely calm, just as I had when I told my mother. Although, my body felt a little tingly, almost like static. “Yeah. I think so.”
“What does this have to do with you and Rowan now? He didn’t take that guy’s side or anything?” A look of horror crossed her face.
“Oh, god, no! I didn’t even tell him back then. They weren’t close. None of the guys liked him, so Rowan and his other friends got another place after that semester.”
