Searching For Who I Am: Book 1 (The Searching Trilogy)

by Paige Orr

  “Thank you Lucien, I appreciate it.” He guides me out of his office and back into the waiting room. Gem looks up from her phone noticing me, she jumps to her feet rushing towards me. She takes me into her arms giving me one of her special hugs. “Are you okay babe? You don't look too great.”

  “Yeah, I will be. I just need to get out of here to think.” I turn to Lucien who has worry lining his eyes. “Thank you Lucien, I’ll get a hold of you tonight and let you know my decision.” Gem takes my hand as we walk out of the office making sure I’m going the right direction through my daze. As we head home I can’t help thinking about what I’m going to do now?

  Lilith

  We arrive at a coffee shop just down the street from the lawyer's office. The walk here has been a blur and I can't think straight with so many questions running rampant in my mind.

  Why did he have to wait until he died? I was in more danger living with my mother than with him. Why couldn't he see that? If he was always in the background of my life he must have known that he had plenty of opportunities to introduce himself to me. Plenty of chances at a relationship with me and now it's impossible! I wish he had just reached out, I would have done anything for a relationship with him and now I'll never have that chance.

  The really sad thing about it is that he made me hope. I really thought that maybe, just maybe I had someone apart from Gem out there who had actually cared about what happened to me. I should have known that I was just fooling myself with such thoughts. He wasn’t trying to protect me! He was just too much of a coward at the thought of being rejected.

  I sit down at a window seat, thankful that the place is rather empty, I don't know if I could handle all the people at the moment. Gem gives me one of those looks that sees right through my bullshit then turns around and walks to the counter to place our order.

  While I wait for her to return I stare out the window unable to take in anything other than the pain that I feel. I really need to get a grip I've dealt with being without a dad for years. What makes now any different? Of course I know the answer to that, the difference is that he’s dead now and I'll never get the chance to know him.

  I sigh as Gem walks back to our table. She puts a drink down in front of me and I take a small sip without checking it and a smile covers my face as I realize she got me hot chocolate with marshmallows and cream. She always knows exactly what I need. That's how I know she loves me as much as I love her. “Thanks Gem, I needed that.” She looks at me with a soft smile on her face.

  “Well, I'm not your best bitch for nothing. Plus you’re white as a sheet, that usually means you’re stressed the fuck out and hot chocolate makes everything better even if it’s only for a little while.” I can't hold back the weak laugh that escapes me, I can always trust my girl to put a smile on my face no matter how bad I’m feeling. “Still thanks, I needed something normal right now.”

  “Well you know I won't force you to talk about it, but I'm here when you need me.” I give her a grateful look and reach across the tabletop taking hold of her hand.

  “Bish you know I can't not tell you. At least you'll be sane enough to help me try to make sense of it all. I just need a few minutes to get my shit together.”

  “Take all the time you need chica, I ain't going anywhere.” She squeezes my hand and it's so comforting that I can feel the tension start to drain from my shoulders. This is why I love this girl. She gets that sometimes I just need her company and time to work through my crazy thoughts, sitting in silence and knowing someone is there if you need them is sometimes the best thing. Sipping on my hot chocolate I feel myself calming down as I can finally take a full breath.

  After around five minutes I take a deep breath, looking up to Gem. “Okay so, it turns out Lucien is my dad's lawyer. He's dead Gem.” I can feel the tears forming in my eyes as I see the emotions roll across Gem's face. “Fuck, that's really not what I was expecting you to say. Why is he getting in touch with you when your dad was never there though?”

  “Well that's the thing, he has left everything to me, a company and partnership in the firm. As well as all of his money and a house. He asked Lucien to let me know my mother was lying about him all my life. I mean sure finding out she’s a liar isn’t much of a surprise but even when I got away from her he still stayed away all these years. Fucking hell Gem, I've got absolutely no goddamn clue what to do about all this and I feel like my brain has been put through a mincer. Lucien also said that my dad used to go to my school plays and shit which means he was supposedly right there yet he didn't even try to say anything to me.”

  She’s looking at me with wide eyes and I chuckle, at least I'm not the only one completely baffled by all this. “Shit Lil, so you’re saying he left you everything he had and expects you to just accept it? Also, you have to believe some cock and bull story about him watching over you like some sort of fucked up guardian angel. Is he for real?” I giggle already feeling lighter. This girl can always make me laugh, it's like a fucking superpower.

  “Well simply put, yeah that's what I was told. I just can't get my head around the fact that if I accept this then I'm going to be a business and home-owner and if I don't, what the hell happens to it all? To be honest I've got no idea what to do. If you were me what would you do?”

  “Well babe, the man left you to that fucking bitch of a mother for years and never even tried to stop her, so the way I see it he goddamn owes you. If that means you get a nice little money maker and a cozy home to live in then so fucking be it. Only last night you kept telling me how you need a fresh start, well maybe this is your sign that everything's looking up. So take what he’s left to you and make something of your life that you'll be proud of.”

  Dammit she's always so optimistic. I see her point though, if I do this right it could set me up for life and I wouldn't have to keep worrying. I could even ask Gem if she wants to work with me I owe her so much for everything she has done for me through the years, the more I think about it the more it makes perfect sense. I beam at her probably looking like the fucking crazy bitch I am but I just don't care enough to stop. Finally it looks like things are looking up for me.

  “You’re right this could be perfect but I don't know shit about this company. I never even thought to ask about it which means I've got no fucking idea what type of company it actually is. I was just so shocked about everything but I know for sure that I want you to come work with me, it’s the least you deserve after being such an amazing friend! What do you say?”

  “You know I've got your back and bitch I know business. If this is really what you want to do then I'm with you all the way.” I start to pack my things away in excitement now that I’ve made up my mind about all this shit I’m more than eager to get started.

  “Yeah I think I need to do this! Now that I've actually spoke about it, it feels right. I just have to make the call once we get back to your flat since in my rush I forgot my phone.” We quickly leave the coffee shop after cleaning up our table. Finally things are going right for me, let's just hope my luck lasts.

  Unknown

  I watch as she leaves the coffee shop across the street from my flat. Now having my rest disturbed doesn't seem so bad. I've never seen anyone quite so beautiful as the lovely woman that's drawn my eye. Even though I'm a distance away I can feel the power emanating from her and I know that she's absolutely perfect, exactly what I've been searching for.

  She's strong, that's for sure but she's also new. I've never felt her presence before and I know that power like hers would be hard to miss. I've been waiting for someone this powerful to come along for a long time and finally I have my chance. She's exactly what I need for my plan and I'm devious enough to take what I want. That's why the clan answers to me and no one else. Well, it looks like it's my lucky day. The weakest from the clan are being disposed of right now so that we don’t have anyone that could let us down. Now I've finally found my perfect source, my own little fountain of power.

  I can't stop the
grin covering my face knowing that soon she'll be mine and with her power, no one will be able to stop me. I'm coming for you little girl!

  Samuel

  I've been staring at my computer screens for what feels like days and yet I still can't seem to find anything. The rest of the guys sit with me as I work but I can see them becoming frustrated by my lack of results. It's understandable but their fidgeting is keeping me distracted from what I need to do. With Asmo gone and us being the strongest demons in the city we're the ones left in charge of his duties until Lilith is ready to take over, if she ever is. You could say that we police the supernatural part of the city, keeping an eye on those who enter or leave and all the mischief they get themselves up to.

  Being as good as I am with computers I managed to create a programme that basically does the work for us. It's rather smart if I do say so myself. Demons run a higher body temperature than humans and other supernaturals, so it's all about monitoring different heat signals. So my brothers and I connected heat sensors to the CCTV all over the city to monitor the heat signatures of demons and alert us where each individual is. Not only that but because each demon's heat signature has slight differences I’m able to keep a log of all the registered demons that live in the city. Any new signatures are investigated and the demons they're connected to are logged in the system and the list keeping everything up to date.

  As I'm running through another part of the city on screen double checking my system hasn't missed anything, the phone rings and from the corner of my eye I can see the others looking at me expectantly. I roll my eyes at their inability to move, I get I'm the tech guy but it wouldn't kill them to answer the goddamn phone so I can get on with my work. I reach over answering it without checking the caller ID but I'm not surprised to hear who's on the other end, I've been expecting his call. I'm just surprised it didn't come sooner. “Hello, Sam speaking. What is it?”

  “Hey Sam, it's Lucien, just thought I'd let you guys know that Lilith just called me. I was starting to think she wasn't going to bother seeing how late it is.”

  “Alright so what did she say? Is she going to accept everything?” The guys all look at me and thank god I know them so well or I would be shitting my fucking pants at how intense their stares are. I swear they look like they're about to tear me limb from bloody limb and if I was anyone else I'd be running for the hills right now. I gulp involuntarily as I try to listen to the Incubus on the phone while turning my gaze back to my screens and trying to ignore the eyes burning a hole in the back of my skull.

  “Yes, she's accepting it but as you know that’s the easiest part. Now we have to hope that whatever Asmo wrote to her in his letter won't make her completely freak out. You know he was never great at breaking news gently. He should have let us deal with this, he never did know how to explain things properly, especially to someone who has spent their whole life thinking they're human. Also, I forgot to mention earlier that she's coming into her powers rather quickly for a half breed who hasn’t fully completed her awakening yet. She had a bit of meltdown in my office when I brought up Asmo and the power that came from her caused what I can only describe as an earthquake. Thankfully it was contained to my office and the rest of the firm are none the wiser.”

  “Well, shit! don't you think you should have started with that, this is really going to complicate things. We will have to find a way to move up the timetable on her training so she doesn't continue to lose control of her power otherwise it puts us all in danger. We don't want her to make a run for it when she finds out what she truly is. Why don't you accompany her to the house so that you'll be there for damage control? Hopefully it won't be too bad, and if it is at least you'll be able to show her some proof that's not as extreme as some of our options. When will she be collecting the keys and signing the paperwork?”

  “I've asked her to come in tomorrow. After taking her to the house, I'll explain as best as I can what will be required of her. She's rather nervous dealing with me, so having all four of you in there with us might be too much for her to handle this soon. If any of you need to meet her right away then maybe you could ask Tae to do it, seeing how he's able to keep control in different situations so well.”

  “Yeah I'll speak to him and let you know what he says when you call to let us know how everything goes with Lilith. Thanks Lucien we’ll talk more tomorrow.”

  I hang up, which is rather rude for me but I've got a lot on my plate right now, rubbing my hands down my face. I turn to the others waiting for their questions and as I expected Gale is the first to speak up with his usual barrage of questions.

  “So has she accepted? What did Lucien say she's like? Will we be meeting her soon? Does she know what she is? Is she ho-” I interrupt him cutting my hand through the air as I look at him in exasperation. Fucking hell, this boy really knows how to push my buttons and I really can't be fucked dealing with his shit today.

  “Goddamnit Gale chill the fuck out with all of the bloody questions! And were you seriously asking if she's hot? In case you've forgotten, we have a mate which means no more fucking around. To answer your questions though as I'm sure the others would like to hear my answers as well yes she has accepted even though she's extremely nervous about the whole situation. So that means we won't all be meeting her as soon as we had hoped. Lucien would prefer Tae to be the first to meet her as he thinks he'll fit the situation best and I've got to agree and no she doesn't know what she is yet but I'm pretty sure that's one of the things that Asmo has covered in his letter to her. Now that I've answered all that are there any questions from the rest of you?”

  The others laugh at Gale's shocked face as Tae turns to me, his face becoming serious. “What was it that he should have told you first that had you’re so pissed at him? I swear that Incubus loves playing with us. Also why the fuck would he pick me to meet her first, I ain't exactly the best choice for making a nervous woman feel at ease. You know they all seem to sense danger from me.”

  “Well, it turns out that she's coming into her powers faster than normal and they seem to be heavily attached to her emotions. She kind of freaked out and caused a mini earthquake in his office and all that before she's even fully awakened. So we have to be even more careful. We can't afford for her to expose that kind of power to unsuspecting humans or other supes, you know how dangerous that could be for her. He thinks you're the best one for the situation because of the authority that you have over other people and he's hoping that with you being there you can help control the situation. I think his idea has merit seeing how you're able to stop D from killing Gale on an almost daily basis.”

  We all crack up except Gale who looks at me with mischief in his eyes. Well, it looks like I'm going to have to deal with this little shit and his tricks. Dammit, this is why you shouldn’t tease a Kitsune. As we all calm down I watch as the others begin to get lost in thought when suddenly my body is wracked with excruciating pain. Shit, it's happening again! I watch through blurry vision as my brothers hit the floor groaning in agony.

  It takes longer for the pain to subside this time and we're all out of breath once it does. Struggling to straighten up, I check on the others and see the only other one sitting up is Tae.

  “Tae it's getting worse, how much longer do you think we have to find our mate? I don’t think we can all handle this getting much worse.” He looks at me and I can see the sweat running down his forehead.

  “I don't know but what I do know is we have to find her soon. How the hell are we supposed to keep our promise to Asmo like this. We can't train his daughter when we can't even stay on our own two feet because of the pain.”

  “Shit, that's a good point. Although I'm pretty sure she would prefer for us to use her name instead of Asmo's daughter, it's Lilith by the way, just in case you forgot. I'm going to try to get back to work because the sooner we find our mate the better. I suggest you get those two to their rooms they need to rest.”

  He nods and stands on shaky legs walking over to our b
rothers and helping them to their feet. He leads them from the room and I slowly turn back to my computers. We're running out of time and I've got nothing to go on I need to sort my fucking head out and get on with what has to be done. It's going to be a long few days.

  Lilith

  Next Day

  I get up early to head over to Lucien's office but I can't stop the nerves coursing through me. In a couple of hours I'll go from being dirt poor without a job or place to live to owning a house, a company and a decent amount of money. I'm pretty sure I'm still in shock but seeing how I'm about to be a business woman I've decided to dress a little nicer. I put on my white dress pants with a baby pink blouse and a white blazer going for that classy bitch look.

  Feeling a little more put together I decided to leave early, writing Gem a note telling her where I'll be and to lock up behind me. I luckily have time to pop into the coffee shop to get my first cup of the day, I swear I’m fucking brain dead until I get my coffee.

  I take a leisurely walk since it's a beautiful day, with the sun splitting the sky, barely a cloud to be seen. I feel my mood lifting straight away and I’m feeling really positive that today is going to be a good day. That is until I'm about a block away from the coffee shop. When I feel a sudden chill run down my spine, I swear I can feel eyes on me so I stop to look around. Probably not the smartest idea, it's not like whoever it is will be holding a neon sign to help me pinpoint them but I can’t stop myself from trying to find what is causing this unsettling feeling.

  Okay maybe I'm just a bit nervous, there's no one actually looking at me. I just need to chill the fuck out and stop being so paranoid, hopefully it's just the stress talking. Even as I think this to myself continuing my walk I feel more and more like I'm being watched. I'm really starting to freak out now, what if it’s someone dangerous? Lucien did say that my father was murdered. What if they've found out that he had a daughter? Thankfully I can see the coffee shop just up the street so I pick up my pace trying to not look too suspicious and rush inside.