Good Morning Heartache

by Audrey Dacey

  Jimmy had obviously been using Riley for her money. This is why the Conner sisters had to be extra careful about who they let into their lives. If they didn’t guard their hearts, people were likely to take advantage of all their money had to offer without offering anything real in return.

  “What do you want to do about it?” Alexis asked. Then she offered, “We could throw him in prison with Richard.” She was primed to go into the city, kick some ass, and then call the cops and have him charged with statutory rape and anything else she could pin on him.

  Riley’s answer was the only part of the conversation that surprised Alexis. “Nothing,” she stated plainly. “I don’t want to talk about him, talk to him, or see him ever again.”

  “I could have him in jail, or at least in a cast, by dinner.”

  “No. No more about him.” There was a pause as the sisters finished off their coffees, and Alexis poured more into each mug. “Could you do one thing for me though?”

  “Anything. Name it.”

  “Could you thank your friend for me? I never did, and I feel bad. He was really nice about last night.”

  “Definitely.”

  Riley looked straight at Alexis with a serious face. “Now… I want to know what happened.”

  Alexis turned her mouth up into a half smile, “I know.” Her eyes never left her coffee. “But let’s do it on the way to the hospital. The paramedics said that splint was only temporary. Maybe on the way we can hit Friendly’s and have some ice cream for breakfast.”

  “Deal, but don’t think that you are getting out of telling me what happened.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  §

  “We need you back in New York immediately,” commanded the voice over the phone.

  “I’m just wrapping up this project, and I’ll be back on Monday,” Ryan responded to his boss’s mandate. Steve Lipenski was a hard ass when it came to business, and Ryan didn’t like him all that much. He was annoyed that the guy would call on a Saturday, knowing Ryan was several hours away, and demand that he come into the office right away. Plus, they would probably waste at least two hours going over Steve’s various sexual exploits since Ryan was gone, and he didn’t care to hear about another woman that let Steve subject her to complete humiliation. It was girls like that who turned Ryan off to the dating scene in New York; none of them had any self-respect. Once he got back to the city, he’d take a break from women altogether.

  Even though Alexis was everything he thought a woman couldn’t be, she managed to complicate things anyway. Though, maybe he was the one complicating things.

  “We just got a big account from the Taggarts,” Lipenski continued as though he hadn’t heard Ryan, “and I need a project manager. Miller’s a damned idiot. We never should have promoted him. Get back here now before I decide I’ve made a mistake.” Click.

  That guy is the definition of a jerk, Ryan thought as he shoved his phone into his back pocket. He hadn’t planned on leaving until the next morning, but he didn’t have any reason to stay longer. The project was done, sans a few minor details. There was some touch up painting, and someone had to move the furniture back into the rooms, but they didn’t need an architect around to do that. Daniel managed to get everything done right on schedule. There was nothing holding him here, and that bugged the crap out of him because he was looking for any reason to be held back.

  He tried to convince himself it was best that he was leaving as he began filling his bags with clothes.

  “Going somewhere?”

  Ryan looked at his best friend, unsmiling. “I just got a call from Steve. I have to get back to New York.”

  “You don’t have to. You could stay here. Be your own boss. We could create a business that blows Pontus out of the water, and that prick will be working for you.”

  Ryan zipped up his duffle bag. “I got the promotion. They’re putting me in charge of the Taggart project. It couldn’t get any better than that.”

  Daniel leaned against the door frame. “Then why don’t you seem happy about it?”

  Ryan was silent. He didn’t want to admit anything because he knew that if he stayed it would be the wrong decision. Alexis wouldn’t have him, and his career would be over.

  He didn’t want to go back to Pontus, to the hustle of the city and work, but it was the only thing he actually had. Everything else was a fairy tale waiting for an ending. Now, as much as he suddenly wanted to take it, Daniel’s offer was completely out of the question. He got the promotion he wanted, and that was better than being close to a love he could never have.

  “You don’t have to tell me, but I know that it has everything to do with that fat lip you have and a petite brunette.” Daniel said. “I’ll tell you what I think. I think that you’re too scared to go after the one woman that you’ve ever let yourself fall in love with. I think that you fell in love against your will and now you’re not man enough to own it. I think that you’d rather live alone with a broken heart than find out how she feels. I think you’re a coward.”

  Ryan zipped his duffle and pulled his bags off the bed. “I think it’s none of your business.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. You’re my friend, which makes it my business. You can’t just leave without talking to her first.”

  “What’s the point? I know exactly what she is going to say. She knows I love her. There’s no way that she wouldn’t have figured it out by now. She probably doesn’t want to see me again. It’s better if I just go back to my life and try to forget I ever set foot in Maple Field, Massachusetts.”

  “It’s not better if you are throwing away a great opportunity that you want to take and going back to a life that you don’t want anymore. I know that you thought being a life-long bachelor was what you wanted, but people change.”

  Ryan smiled half-heartedly. “It seems to me that no matter what I do, things always end up being the same. Turns out I’m just like my dad, and even the woman I thought was unlike any other woman is exactly like my mother. If I leave now and go back to work, she won’t have the opportunity to abandon any children and I can keep myself out of the bottle. But if I take this any further, if I pretend that this means anything to her, we’ll be no different from my parents.”

  Ryan pushed past Daniel and began walking down the hallway.

  “Talk to her. I dare you.”

  Ryan stopped, turned, and looked at his friend. “Sorry, I’m not in fourth grade anymore. Lock the place up before you all leave. I like the people that live here, and I doubt they would forgive me if their house was ransacked when they came home from their honeymoon.”

  Ryan dug into his pocket and tossed the keys to Daniel. “I’ll keep in touch.” With all of his strength, he dragged himself out of the house to his Lincoln, stuffed the bags into his trunk, and drove out of the long driveway.

  He dialed Lipenski’s cell. “I’ll be there in four hours. Give me the rundown so I can start brainstorming.”

  §

  Alexis parked the Volvo in front of the garage, and for the first time in two weeks Caitlyn’s house was nearly quiet. This is good, she thought. She needed to be alone with Ryan when she talked to him. She didn’t know exactly want she wanted from him, but she did know she wanted something. It would be difficult for her to do even without a house full of construction workers.

  Her friend was going to be pleased. The house was whole again—roof and all, and Alexis was sure Ryan added at least 1,000 square-feet to the formerly cozy split-level. Apparently, babies take up a lot of space.

  Alexis walked through the front door into the cool air of the stair landing. Her stomach twisted into knots. This was foreign territory for her, and she knew that he wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship—she wasn’t sure that she wanted that either—but maybe they could figure something else out. Something unique to their situation.

  Alexis was closing the door when she heard a deep voice behind her. “He’s not here.”

  Spi
nning around, she found Daniel standing at the top of the stairs. She smiled and let out a disappointed “oh” then added, “Will he be back soon? I don’t mind waiting for him.”

  Alexis began climbing the stairs, and Daniel disappeared into the living room.

  When she reached the top, he motioned for her to sit down on the couch. “I’m afraid that Ryan isn’t coming back. He was called back to New York about an hour ago, so he gathered his stuff and left.”

  Alexis tried to maintain her smile but could hear her teeth chattering with resistance. “I guess there is no reason for me to sit down then.”

  Daniel planted himself in an arm chair. “I think you should sit for a couple of minutes.”

  Too confused to do anything else, Alexis sat on the edge of the couch. Ryan was gone, he left without saying goodbye to her, and she felt like she’d just been hit with a bat in the gut. She was wrong about him. He was exactly what he said he would be and nothing else. All that weirdness—the lovemaking—was her addition to their fling, not his.

  She put her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. How did she let this happen to her again? She started falling for a guy for the first time in close to a decade, and he takes off for a job without a proper end to their affair. She gritted her teeth together to keep from shouting, crying, or vomiting.

  As much as she wanted to, Alexis couldn’t find it in herself to blame him. This was their deal, and he was the one who followed through. He was a man, and this is what men did.

  “Ryan’s mother left when he was thirteen. It was a dark, damp winter day. According to Ryan, she was always worse in the winter.

  “Ryan and his father were watching a football game when his mother stormed out of the kitchen and called her husband a ‘no good, rotten son of a bitch,’ before she slammed the front door, never to come back. Jackson Webb just sat there, his eyes never left the television screen.” Alexis looked up at the man who looked too large and masculine for the wingback chair he was sitting in.

  “From that point on, Ryan had to take care of his father. It wasn't too hard to do that; as long as there was beer in the fridge, his old man didn't complain. It was taking care of everything else that wore Ryan down. Grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, landscaping, paying bills all fell under Ryan's new duties. It didn’t take him long before he realized that both of his parents were low-lifes.

  Before the age of fifteen, he had a job, dealt with creditors, managed to get the electricity back on four times, and pumped water out of the basement twice. The saddest part of the story is that Jackson never stopped loving Rebecca. Ever. And while he hated his father for letting love reduce him to a worthless, drunken slob, he resented his mother more.

  “Ryan has no idea if his mother is alive or dead. The last time he heard from her was a few days after his fourteenth birthday. She called to scream at him for not sending her a present. She was, after all, the one who did all the work that day and deserved something for giving him life. Ryan having no idea where she was wasn’t an acceptable excuse.

  “I met him about ten years ago, and he’s spent every holiday with my family since. He’s never brought a date, and as far as I know, you’re the most serious relationship he’s had in all that time.”

  “What are you trying to say?” Alexis asked, clutching her hands together.

  “Just making conversation.”

  But Alexis felt ashamed, like he was blaming her for something. Regardless, she had no reason to be here anymore, so she stood up. “I should go. Next time you see Ryan, would you tell him thank you for saving my life?”

  Daniel narrowed his eyes at her as he reached into his back pocket. “I’m starting a business in the state.” He handed her a dark blue business card. “If you want to make any changes in your life, give me a call.”

  Alexis slid her fingers over the smooth, stiff card before putting it into her purse. “Thanks,” she said, “but I like my house the way it is.”

  “There’s always room for improvement. Just call the number on the card when you decide what you want.” Alexis nodded her head, slid the card into her purse, and walked to the stairs.

  When she was seated behind the wheel of the Volvo, she took a deep breath and stared into the forest surrounding the property. This was the way it was supposed to be, so why did it hurt like hell?

  Chapter 18

  “Have you seen this?” Caitlyn pointed to the espresso machine on her kitchen counter. “This is top of the line. I didn’t have one this nice in the coffee shop, and Ryan put one in my kitchen. And the oven! I will definitely be baking dozens of cookies in that sucker. You wouldn’t believe the little touches Ryan added to the bedroom. It’s gorgeous.” Alexis’s best friend had returned from her honeymoon with more of a glow than she left with and a little bit more of a stomach. It wouldn’t be long before she had to tell people that she was pregnant. “Did you get to meet Ryan at all? He’s a workaholic, so it’s possible that you missed him completely.”

  “Yeah. We met.” Alexis averted her eyes down to the new tile floor. She wasn’t really in the mood to talk about it. He was all she had thought about since she found out he was gone three days earlier, and she was sick of thinking about him. Alexis hadn’t eaten much since Ryan left; her stomach couldn’t handle much more than coffee and water. She tried to attribute it to nerves because of a meeting with her professor and the editor the next day, but when she was honest with herself, she knew that wasn’t all.

  Alexis had managed to convince Dr. Lehrer to set up another meeting later in the week. She of course had to explain everything to her from her sister disappearing to being held hostage, and after a day’s worth of deliberation and faxed police reports as proof—a good professor always needed documented proof to excuse an absence—she told Alexis to be in New York on Thursday under any circumstances, or her career as a writer be damned.

  She looked up at her best friend whose eyes were narrowing on her. She hadn’t fooled her. Not a bit.

  “What happened?”

  “It’s the same old story. We had fun; he left.” She took a sip of the dark liquid. It was a beautiful blend of rich chocolate and bitter espresso. “I really missed the magic you make behind that counter. My coffee maker is a little stressed out at having to be the sole provider for my caffeine addiction for two straight weeks. You can’t leave again for that long.”

  “You’re avoiding the subject,” Caitlyn commented with interest.

  “Of course I am. I don’t want to talk about it.” Alexis hoped that she was harsh enough to get her to drop it, but not so much that the hormones would reduce Caitlyn to a puddle.

  She failed.

  “Why don’t you want to talk about it?”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. It wasn’t any different than it usually is. It was a fling for the exact span of time that he was here. He’s gone, so it’s over.”

  “I see,” Caitlyn said and then sipped her iced tea through a blue straw.

  “What do you mean ‘I see’?”

  “You’re rationalizing this. Alexis Conner doesn’t have flings for two weeks. She has brief encounters to scratch an itch that never goes away. I think you actually like him, as a person and not just as someone to dispose of in the morning.”

  Alexis sighed. “No, I don’t like him, Caitlyn,” she said slowly and carefully. “I think I love him.”

  Caitlyn slammed her glass on the table top, and a bit of her herbal tea splashed out. Alexis grabbed a napkin and began cleaning up the table. Caitlyn’s hand covered Alexis’s hand to stop her from cleaning up her mess.

  “Does it hurt?”

  “Like hell.”

  “Then it’s probably love. How did this happen?”

  Alexis told her everything, leaving out only the most explicit details, but nothing else. Caitlyn took it all in on the edge of her seat, mouth wide open, stopping to ask questions every once in a while. Alexis promised to buy Caitlyn new sheets for the waterbed because she didn’t bel
ieve that she didn’t have “hot, sweaty sex” on it. Alexis also took the opportunity to question the purchase of a waterbed for a guest room, but she only got vague answers and a finger pointed at the husband.

  Caitlyn also tried to convince Alexis to press charges on Jimmy, but Alexis explained that she and her sister talked about it, and she doubted that either one would ever bring it up again.

  Alexis ended with an exasperated, “And there’s nothing I can do to fix it. He’s gone.”

  “I have his office address,” Caitlyn offered.

  “What am I supposed to say?”

  “You’re pretty good at telling the truth. Start with that and see what happens.”

  “I can’t do that. That would make me too vulnerable. Right now, I’m the only one who can break my heart. If I put myself out there, he can break it. I don’t think I can handle a broken heart. Not from him. Besides, once he got back to his apartment and job in New York he probably forgot all about the little fling he had in Massachusetts.”

  “You don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re pretty difficult to forget. Richard Dunn is proof enough of that. I think that you should try. He said he loved you. He’s not just going to forget that in a couple of days.”

  Alexis wanted her to be right. She wanted to jump in her car and drive straight to his apartment and apologize. “No, he said he loved me to Richard to try and provoke him. He didn’t tell me that he loved me.”

  Caitlyn went over to her computer, scanned through it, and then wrote something down on the back of a receipt. “You’re going into New York tomorrow anyway. Here’s the address. Go see for yourself.” She slid the napkin across the table and to Alexis.

  After a long pause, Alexis picked up the napkin, crumbled it into a ball and threw it into the remainder of her coffee. The ink spread as the paper became saturated with mocha. “I can’t do it. It’s over. It’s better this way.”