Of Curses and Kisses

by Sandhya Menon

  “Do you need to get that?” Grey asked.

  She looked up at him for a long moment, her eyes searching his, weighing something. Then she slid to reject the call, slipped the phone back into her pocket, and stepped back into his arms.

  Grey’s heart leaped with a happiness he didn’t know was possible.

  Jaya

  Grey rested his forehead on hers. They stood there in the snow, letting the white flakes cover them like confetti. Jaya smiled. She felt strange, exhilarated and full of wonder and filled with helium somehow.

  “You know, when I first found out you were in all my classes, I thought it was a pretty weird coincidence. I was kind of suspicious, in fact.”

  Jaya’s pulse pounded. “Really?” she asked, gazing into his eyes.

  “Yeah, but now… now I think it was fate. If it was a sign, it was a sign of something really, really good.” He smiled so brilliantly, he lit up the dark.

  Jaya forced herself to smile back. How could she tell him the truth about why she was in all his classes and snatch his joy away? Was it really the most terrible thing in the world if he believed that it was all a sign from the universe? She leaned in and kissed him again, soft and slow, letting her body tell him everything she couldn’t—that although she’d come here with bad intentions, she genuinely, truly cared about him now. She let her mouth tell him how much she wanted him; she let her thudding heartbeat reiterate that she would never, ever hurt him.

  “So what now?” Grey asked when they broke apart, his voice barely more than a whisper. “Are we… dating?”

  Jaya looked up at him, to see his eyes shining blue in the dark. “I don’t know,” she said, and then she heard herself laugh softly. “I don’t know. How could I ever explain this to my father?” It was ridiculous! An Emerson and a Rao? Her parents would never understand. No one would. It was a terrible, terrible idea for so many reasons. And yet… yet somehow all she wanted to do right now was call everyone she knew and tell them how she felt about Grey.

  “I guess we don’t have to make any decisions right now,” Grey said, but he was smiling a smile made of hope and excitement, one that mirrored hers.

  “I guess for now we could just walk together,” Jaya said, taking his hand and leading him onto a fresh path through the trees.

  “Just walk together,” Grey said in wonderment. “That sounds good.”

  * * *

  Jaya lay in bed, smiling. She’d have to be up in an hour, and she’d only just gotten in from her walk with Grey, but she didn’t even care how tired she’d be for the rest of the day. That kiss, her first-ever kiss (and then her second and her third), kept replaying in her head. The way Grey had looked at her, his eyes so hungry, so languid. The way he’d pressed his hands against her lower back, pushing her against him, his mouth warm and perfect.

  It was ridiculous and bizarre and made as much sense as that leopard that had adopted an orphaned fawn as its own. Grey Emerson and Jaya Rao didn’t belong together. Not on paper, anyway. But somehow, over the last two months, she’d begun to see that in many ways, she and Grey had more in common than she had with most other people. In many ways, they were cut from the same odd cloth.

  But how on earth would she begin to tell people they wanted to date, not least of all her parents? What would the people of Mysuru think of their heiress running around with an Emerson? What about the alliance the Raos and the Hegdes had been counting on all these years? How could she ever be a revered ruler, one who appeared respectful of tradition, if she did something so outlandish? She couldn’t; it was madness.

  Jaya turned on her side, eyes gazing into the near darkness. On the heels of that thought, another, quieter one: But it could work, couldn’t it? This didn’t have to mean she was choosing Grey over loyalty to her family or over her responsibility to her kingdom. She could show her family what she saw, that he had nothing to do with the scandal. That he was innocent. Besides, Isha liked Grey.… Perhaps she could be Jaya’s “in” with their parents. And Jaya could show the people of Mysuru that she could date an Emerson and still be the heiress they needed. It would be difficult and challenging, but she wasn’t afraid of hard work. Jaya could pull it off; she was sure of it. Most of all, Grey needed her. And she needed him.

  Jaya laughed quietly in the dark, one hand going to her mouth, as if she were afraid someone might hear her joy and try to steal it. It was ludicrous and made her giddy and slightly dizzy, as if she were on the world’s fastest, highest, swoopiest roller coaster. She had no idea how this could work, only that she desperately, desperately wanted it to.

  On her nightstand, her phone buzzed to remind her she had an unheard voice mail. Oh, right. Appa had called her, hadn’t he? She felt a brief flare of guilt at the memory of having rejected his call to get back to kissing Grey. Calling her so early in the morning, too… that was unusual for him. He didn’t usually get the time zone so wrong. Picking up the phone, she hit the “listen” button.

  And grew still as her father’s rapidly spoken words filled her ear.

  When she was finished listening, she let the hand holding the phone drop slowly to her lap and sat staring in the lifting darkness of early morning. As the minutes drifted down on her, collecting by her feet, forming sandcastles of time, Jaya’s mind kept fighting what she’d heard. What her father had said. And what she was slowly coming to realize she had to do.

  There has to be a different way, her inner critic insisted, sallow and worried, pacing the length of Jaya’s mind. Something else you haven’t thought of, some workaround—

  But there wasn’t. Jaya turned her head to look out the window at the lightening sky wearing streaks of gold in its hair. There was only one right answer, and she had to be brave enough to choose it.

  Grey

  Grey stood on Mount Sama, watching Jaya make her way up the incline. He had a smile on his face that wouldn’t go away, just imagining taking her into his arms and kissing her again, like they had last night.

  His tie whipped over his shoulder in the wind and he tugged it back into place. What happened early this morning had been… a gift. Something he’d never dared picture for himself. Kissing a girl he really, really liked? He’d barely slept once he got back to his room, his mind turning over what had happened in brilliant color.

  Then Jaya had texted him an hour ago, just before their first class, to ask if he’d meet her somewhere to talk. He’d suggested going together, but she said she had some things to do. She probably wanted to discuss the logistics of their… of them. Grey knew his days were limited; his eighteenth birthday was a month away. But the idea of spending the remaining weeks with someone he really cared about felt… It felt indescribable. It felt like the universe was finally, finally letting him have a sliver of happiness. And a minuscule part of him, one that he was too afraid of fully tuning in to, wondered if the universe might give him a pass on the curse, too. What if his life didn’t end on his eighteenth birthday? What if Jaya was a signal of good things to come? Maybe it was just wishful thinking. But it was the first time in a long time Grey felt anything close to optimistic.

  Jaya walked out onto the plateau, breathing hard, and Grey walked forward, smiling. “Hey.”

  She didn’t smile back. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her hair wasn’t nearly as neatly done as it usually was. “Hello, Grey.”

  He frowned, concerned. “Are you okay?”

  Jaya huddled into her coat; it was zipped up to her throat, as usual, whereas Grey’s was unzipped. “Thank you for meeting me here.”

  Grey studied her expression, but it was hard to read. “Sure.” He didn’t say anything else; he could sense that she needed the time to gather her thoughts. Grey’s palms felt coated with ice.

  Jaya walked a few steps away and leaned against a giant granite boulder. There was more space between them now. He turned slowly to face her. “Grey…” She swallowed, looked away, looked back at him. “Grey, what happened early this morning can’t happen again.”<
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  His stomach dropped, as if he were falling from a very great height. “You… you changed your mind? About me?”

  She flinched as if his words had a physical force. “No—I—I can’t…” Taking a deep breath, Jaya spoke in a more controlled voice. “We can’t be together.”

  “Why not?” he heard himself ask, in a voice that was rough as the rock they stood on.

  Jaya

  Why not? There had never been a harder question in the history of the universe. And there had never been a simpler one.

  Ignoring her heart, which felt like it was turning to stone in her chest, Jaya said, “We come from different worlds, Grey. I was foolish to forget that. I lost my head a bit this morning, but…” She blinked a few times, hoping he’d think she’d stopped talking to gather her thoughts and not because she was as dangerously close to tears as she really was. When she had a hold on herself again, she continued. “I’ve had a bit of family news from home. And it made me realize that—that what we were doing was childish. It was selfish. You’re an Emerson. I’m a Rao. It couldn’t ever work.”

  “That’s it?” Grey said quietly. His blue eyes were searing, flaying her open, but she held steady. “You’re just going to give up on this because we’re from different worlds? Don’t you think we’re worth it, Jaya?”

  Though his words were said with his characteristic detachment, Jaya detected a tremor just underneath. She knew he was masking his pain just as she was masking hers, and it took every ounce of strength she had to not run over to him and bury her face in his chest. She looked out over the edge of the mountain at the town of St. Rosetta, metal and glass glinting in the sunlight. “I’m sorry,” she said. “My first duty is to my family and my people.”

  There was a long pause.

  “Right,” Grey said finally. When she looked at him, he was looking down at the town too, his jaw hard, his posture tense and stiff. He was shielding himself, she realized. He was shielding himself from her because she was hurting him. The thought made her want to scream. “Okay, then.” He turned back to her after another moment. “Well, thanks for the courtesy of letting me know.”

  Without waiting for a response, he began to make his way back down the path to the bottom of the mountain, away from her.

  “I’m sorry,” she said softly to his retreating back. But the wind snatched her words from her mouth and flung them over the edge of the mountain and into the empty sky.

  * * *

  Jaya called in sick to the rest of her classes that day. When she got back to her room on legs that felt like pillars of cement, she called her father.

  “Jaya,” Appa said, alert even though it was the middle of the night for him. He likely wasn’t sleeping much either. “Did you get my message?”

  “I did.” Jaya noticed remotely that her voice sounded robotic, as if she weren’t fully human at all. There was so much pain flooding every nerve fiber that it appeared her brain had responded by shutting down all feeling completely. Grey’s blue eyes, full of a deep hurt, full of rejection, flashed in her mind, and she turned away, toward the window, to stare at the rolling snow-covered hills with a focused intensity. It was impossible to believe where the day had taken her, where it had started. Her mind went blank again. “I’ve been thinking about everything you said. Sorry I didn’t call back sooner.”

  “I just don’t know what to do. The situation is—I’ve never seen it this bad before. That bloody journalist published another piece about Isha, about how she’s—she’s—”

  “Pregnant,” Jaya finished for him, in that robotic voice.

  “Yes.” Her father exhaled. “Supposedly that’s why I sent you girls away so suddenly. They just won’t let the story die! Why can’t they just let it be? Our people are so angry. The invitation Amma had to a major political event in Mumbai is being rescinded—Jaya, we’re losing footing.”

  “Yes, you said that,” Jaya said, a distant part of her concerned at just how stressed her father sounded. She’d never heard him this way, so on edge, so thrown. “And you’d mentioned the Hegdes. They’re getting cold feet?”

  “Yes, yes.” Her father took a shaky breath. “They say they’re still on board for an alliance, but I could see it in their eyes—it’s only a matter of time before they change their mind. And without their confidence in us, without their partnership… We stand to lose everything, Jaya. Our political position, everything generations of Raos have stood for, gone. Because of a complete lie.” He paused. “It is a lie…?”

  “Yes, of course it is,” Jaya said, shocked that Appa was even asking. Evidence, perhaps, of just how serious the accusations were.

  “The first story about her wasn’t,” Appa mused. He took a breath. “Anyway, I don’t mean to burden you with this while you’re away, but—”

  “But I’m the eldest daughter. The heiress.” Jaya nodded, putting one palm up against the cold pane of glass. “I know, Appa.”

  “You’re eighteen now,” he said. “I think it’s about time you took a more active part in what’s going on with the dynasty.”

  “I agree. And I think I have a solution.” Jaya’s heart pounded against her rib cage, as if in protest. She ignored it.

  “A solution?” Appa sounded more alert now. “What is it?”

  Jaya closed her eyes. “My engagement to Kiran Hegde.”

  Grey

  Grey paced the length of the West Wing tower, the cold seeping out of the stones and into his bones. On the school grounds in the distance, he saw students in colorful coats and jackets sprinkled across the snow-covered grass like confetti. Laughing, talking, going about their day. He stood above them, apart, alone, trying to understand what had just happened.

  He hadn’t been prepared for the pain. Grey had forgotten what it meant, to care about people, to let them have the power to hurt you. He’d let her in; he’d given her the keys to his heart and she’d tossed them carelessly over her shoulder and walked away.

  Grey screwed his eyes shut. Maybe he’d misunderstood. Maybe he’d let himself feel so deeply, but to her, it had always been a shallow dalliance. It was just a kiss. He was just a boy. Nothing more.

  Or perhaps she’d reconsidered, come to see just how damaged he really was. Perhaps she knew someone like him didn’t belong with someone like her.

  Roaring to release the valve on his agony, Grey slammed his fists into the indifferent stone walls. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have ever thought she could love someone like him? He was an animal, a beast, and he deserved to die as he had lived—alone.

  Jaya

  “Your engagement?” Appa said, sounding taken aback.

  “Yes. Announce that preparations for the engagement are underway. Let the papers talk about that, how lavish the engagement ceremony will be, what we’ll be wearing, how big the feast will be. Have one of the papers interview the Hegdes. People’ll get sidetracked. It’ll show everyone the Hegdes are very much still on board with allying with the Raos. And… and it’ll keep the Hegdes from changing their minds. The announcement for the upcoming engagement has to be immediate, or it won’t work.” She swallowed and began to pace her room again.

  “But, Jaya—you’re still in school!”

  “We won’t actually be engaged until June, after I graduate. We’ll need that long to get the palace ready anyway. But the buzz, the conversation, needs to happen now.”

  “I don’t want you rushing into anything,” Appa countered. “It’s too fast.”

  “It’s not too fast,” Jaya forced herself to say. “I’ve known Kiran and I were meant to get married for years now. We’re just speeding the timeline up a bit. It’s for our family, Appa. It’s for our kingdom. This is the right thing to do, and I want to do it. There’s no other solution. You know it as well as I do.”

  “Well… okay. If you’re sure, Jaya.” Already Appa sounded less stressed. He saw what she did—that a royal engagement, the Hegdes with the Raos, would immediately turn the tide. People would be
talking about the upcoming engagement and wedding, and nothing else, for the next couple of years. Isha’s scandal would get buried in the avalanche.

  “I’m sure,” she said. “I’ll call you soon to talk about the details.”

  Jaya ended the call and placed the phone on her dresser. To think that only a week ago she’d been concerned with bribing the journalist in Mysuru for more information, so she could continue to execute her revenge plan against whoever it was that had started all this. Jaya smirked. That was the least of her worries now. This was triage; she had to stem the blood, to revive her dynasty. Even if it meant binding herself to Kiran forever.

  She studied her reflection in the mirror, her bloodshot eyes, the dark half-moons under her eyes, the unruly hair falling out of its ponytail. It shocked her to see that she almost didn’t recognize the haggard, sallow young woman in the mirror. What weapons did she have at her disposal to protect her family from a crushing fate? Nothing at all, except her engagement to Kiran. Jaya blinked. She looked, she realized, utterly resigned to an end she didn’t want, like someone with a grave and incurable illness… like Grey had looked standing over her dresser, when she’d found him in her room.

  Jaya’s gaze drifted to the ruby pendant, nearly half emptied of its treasure now. Was this how the curse worked? Had she been pulled into its orbit because of how she felt about Grey? Was it real after all? She knew it was her broken heart, her bleak future that made her question this. But still, one truth she couldn’t deny: the rubies continued to fall. Only eight remained.

  Grey

  Somehow a week passed, even though each day felt like a cold, flat copy of the one before it. Grey had an image of colorless ice cubes in endless white trays and blinked it away.