Of Curses and Kisses

by Sandhya Menon

  Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Setting her book on her dresser, Jaya pulled the phone from her pocket. It was Kiran, trying to video-chat her. She answered. “Hi.”

  “Hello, Jaya,” he said formally, his face lamplit. She could see a window behind him, and a dark sky beyond. “Are you finished with your exams?”

  “I have three more after lunch,” she explained, “which is where I was just headed.”

  “And then the Homegoing dance is tomorrow.” Kiran’s eyes were watchful.

  Jaya cocked her head. “How did you know about Homegoing?”

  “You told me before,” Kiran said. “Don’t you remember?”

  “No,” Jaya replied, but it was possible she had. Things had been a little hectic the past couple of weeks. “Anyway, I was thinking about skipping it, but Daphne Elizabeth is forcing me to go. It’s our last big event before the winter break, so I acquiesced.” She thought about how Grey had asked if she was going, and felt a spark of something like anticipation struggling to catch. She stomped it out immediately.

  “I see.” Kiran smiled, but it was a grim, flat line. “I heard about one of the students there. The Emerson boy.”

  Jaya stiffened. This was the first time Kiran had ever mentioned Grey. And calling him a “boy”? They were the same age, for God’s sake, and Grey was twice his size. “Oh yes?” she said, keeping her voice disinterestedly neutral, though her heart was beginning to pound. Had Caterina said something else to Kiran?

  “I heard he had… ideas… about the two of you.”

  Jaya felt the blood drain from her face. “Kiran—”

  “Don’t worry. I know how to take care of people like that. People who can’t take a hint. Is he still bothering you?”

  “No,” she said quickly, her grip on the phone tightening. Out in the hallway, someone called out to a friend. “Kiran, just leave him alone, okay? He’s immaterial to us, to the engagement. I’ve already made my decision, and I choose this. I choose the alliance between our families, our estates.” What if Kiran talked to Grey and found out that he and Jaya had kissed right before the engagement announcement? What if he decided Jaya was too wayward for his tastes and called off the engagement? Everything she was working toward would be gone. The Raos would be finished.

  Kiran studied her, his eyes glinting. “You’re right, Jaya,” he said finally. “He’s immaterial.”

  Jaya let out a breath. “Okay. Well, I should get going. I don’t want to be late.”

  “No,” Kiran said. “You don’t. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  Things were getting untenable. Jaya pressed “end” and squeezed her eyes shut for a long moment before gathering her books. As she closed the dorm room door behind her, she realized Kiran hadn’t agreed to leave things alone.

  * * *

  Jaya made her way down the hallway to the elevator, passing Caterina’s closed door. Ever since the gala, Caterina had been walking the grounds and buildings like a wraith, thinner and paler than usual. She had the flu, she told everyone. She ate meals in her room. She didn’t go out with her friends. When she did emerge from her room, she and Alaric argued incessantly. Someone had even reported her behavior to the school psychologist, but Caterina had flounced into her office and then flounced right back out again, a small smile on her face as if she’d played a marvelous trick and gotten away with it.

  Jaya had gone up to her one day when they passed each other on the way to classes. “Caterina. Do you want to talk?”

  Caterina had looked at her blankly. “About what?”

  “Come on. What happened at your party. You know.”

  “Talk?” Caterina had said, huffing a laugh. “Are you serious?”

  Jaya had looked at her, not understanding.

  “You betrayed me,” Caterina had said slowly, as if explaining a difficult concept to a toddler. “You knew the whole time that Daphne Elizabeth and Alaric were making a giant fool of me, and you chose to do nothing. Even though I asked you to intervene, you decided you’d rather take their side.”

  Jaya had felt her cheeks burn. “I’m really sorry,” she’d said sincerely. “That was absolutely the wrong thing to do.”

  Caterina had let out a slow, steady breath, as if she was trying not to combust. And then she’d walked off before Jaya could respond, her head held high.

  It was just more evidence of how deeply she’d hurt Caterina by withholding the truth. Caterina was the kind of person who surrounded herself with “friends,” but was still, for all intents and purposes, alone. She trusted rarely; she thought everyone was out to get her. She’d seen something in Jaya, and in her eyes, Jaya had taken advantage of that. All of what had transpired must have reinforced to her that she was right to keep everyone at bay. And that, if nothing else, seemed like the worst tragedy of all.

  * * *

  Jaya sat down at her table in the dining hall with her veggie wrap and fruit smoothie. Grey was at the library, studying. Jaya always asked Daphne Elizabeth in advance what Grey’s plans were; if he was at the table, she made herself scarce. When he was gone, she joined Daph and the others. It hurt her heart that this was what things had come to, but she could see no other way to help both of them along to that clean break she was after.

  “Hey, Daph,” she said now, eyeing the other girl with concern. “How are you?”

  Daph looked tortured; her eyes had dark circles under them and her lips were dry and bloodless. “Fine. No, not fine. Crushed with guilt and remorse.” She tossed a look over her shoulder at Alaric. He sat grinning around the table at his old friends, his arm slung casually around a new girl. “What was I thinking?”

  “You were likely caught up in a fog of lust,” Rahul said after chewing and swallowing his mouthful of chicken sandwich. “I saw in a documentary that falling in love can feel like snorting cocaine. It produces a similar high based on dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and norepinephrine. Young people are especially susceptible.”

  Daph gave him a withering look.

  “You made a mistake,” Jaya said gently, drawing Daph’s attention back to her. “It happens.”

  Daph’s nervous finger shredded a napkin into fine confetti. “I know Caterina’s going to come after me. And Alaric, but who cares about him? I feel like I’m waiting for a trained assassin to take me out at any moment.”

  Jaya sipped her smoothie. “Maybe all of this will die a natural death over winter break. Homegoing is tomorrow. The semester’s almost over.”

  Daph laughed a mirthless laugh, stabbing her fork listlessly into her salad. “If anything, Caterina will probably just nourish her anger over the break. Come up with something really good.”

  “That’ll be her decision, then,” Jaya said. “There’s no point in worrying about something you can’t control.”

  “That is absolutely right,” Leo said, setting his pizza down and taking a seat. “You are taking the high road, DE, which is the best road of all.”

  Daph sighed. “I’m just glad you’re going to Homegoing with me tomorrow,” she said, tossing Jaya a grateful look. “I wouldn’t have the courage to face them otherwise.”

  Jaya forced a smile, even though the thought of Homegoing made her want to curl up into a ball. “Of course.”

  “You’re going to descend with me, right?” Daph continued. “Down the stairs? Rahul’s going to be waiting for me at the bottom. You can descend even if you don’t have a partner.”

  It was a St. Rosetta’s Homegoing tradition that one of the dates would wait in the grand foyer downstairs while the other descended with great ceremony from the staircase (if you didn’t have a date, you could pair up with a friend and you still got to choose whether you wanted to be a descender or a waiter). In straight relationships, it was mostly guys who waited in the foyer and girls who did the descending, but not always.

  Jaya made a face. She hadn’t asked anyone to escort her to Homegoing; not going with Grey would be painful enough without having the added burden of having to entertain a da
te. “I wasn’t planning on it…” But seeing Daph’s crestfallen expression, knowing that her friend needed to pretend that everything was special and magical even if she and Alaric weren’t together anymore, she acquiesced. “Oh, all right.”

  Daph’s eyes shone, and she looked genuinely happy again. “Thanks, Jaya. You’re a good friend.”

  “Yes, she is.” Leo glanced over at Jaya, his eyes going wide. “Merde! Your pendant. Almost all of the stones are gone!”

  Jaya forced a smile and caressed the rose that had been steadily losing its petals. “Yeah, I know. It’s, erm, old.”

  Three more rubies remained. Jaya knew what Grey would say if he were here—one for each day until his eighteenth birthday. She looked out across the dining hall to the big windows on the far end and wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling right then.

  * * *

  “You look beautiful.” Penelope’s voice held a hushed reverence as she took in Jaya’s outfit.

  The next evening, with finals and exams and studying behind them, they were all getting dressed for the final bash of the semester—the Homegoing dance. Although she could barely muster enough energy to get dressed, Jaya smiled affectionately at all the girls clustered in her room. It warmed her heart to see them happy.

  Eons ago, she, Penelope, Daph, Isha, and Isha’s (best) friend Raina had all decided to get ready together here, in Jaya’s dorm room. None of them had thought it through—the fact that five girls with all their dresses, makeup, shoes, and handbags couldn’t fit comfortably into Jaya’s suite had completely escaped them. Daph was currently behind the bed getting changed, and Jaya could hear Isha and Raina squealing and chattering away in the bathroom together.

  Jaya turned back to the mirror and smoothed down the skirt of her peacock-blue ball gown. It was an Alexander McQueen, and she’d been besotted with it in the store a few months ago, when she’d been planning to go to Homegoing with the intention of faux-wooing Grey. The thought made her heart hurt; she muscled past it. Looking at herself in the full-length mirror now, she felt… foolish. Like someone who’d once been naive enough to have plans to wear this dress with confidence. Someone who’d thought she could be just another teenager at a dance. Jaya adjusted the rose pendant at her throat. Two rubies were still hanging on.

  Her thoughts automatically went to Grey, and her stomach flipped nervously. Now, more than ever, after what Kiran had said on the phone, she hoped Grey would keep his distance. She’d consider staying here, in her room, if Daph wouldn’t pitch a fit.

  Jaya mustered a smile for Penelope. “Thank you,” Jaya said, squeezing her hand. “You look stunning too. Are there any boys you’re hoping to ask to dance?”

  “Well,” Penelope said, her cheeks getting pinker. “Not exactly… not boys. I want to ask Trinity.”

  Trinity Damilus was the tall, extremely statuesque senior Penelope had sat next to on the bus ride into Aspen. Trinity’s mother was the world-famous Haitian interior designer, Stéphanie Damilus. “I’m sorry, Penelope,” Jaya said. “I shouldn’t make assumptions like that.”

  “Thanks.” Penelope smiled. “I’m excited. We’ve been flirting all semester. We’re in the same music theories class.”

  “Then she’s definitely going to say yes,” Jaya said. “Not that you need it, but here’s something that might help.” She rummaged in her drawer and pulled out a pink diamond necklace. “I got this in Mexico a few years ago. It’ll hang really nicely with your neckline. And rumor has it, it used to belong to the dukes of Moctezuma de Tultengo—an old royal family in that region.”

  Penelope took it, her eyes dancing. “Wow, this is stunning. Thank you.”

  Jaya waved a hand. “Don’t mention it. I hardly ever wear it, and it deserves better.” Was she just ensuring other people were happy since she had no hope of that herself? Glancing at her somewhat-haggard reflection in the mirror, Jaya decided not to look too deeply into her motivations.

  Daph swished over in a strapless turquoise gown that really set off her red hair. It hugged her slim figure and fell to her feet in a silky waterfall. She and Rahul were going as friends, but as she’d put it, “that doesn’t mean I should dress like some basic bitch.”

  Isha and Raina came out of the bathroom then, Isha dressed in a burnt-orange gown and Raina in a black one that made her look much older.

  “You look gorgeous,” Raina said, looking at Jaya.

  Jaya gathered the strength for yet another smile. She didn’t want Isha to see the depths of her fatigue, her despair. “So do the both of you.” She got her little embroidered purse out of the closet. “Who’s ready for the big night?” Jaya couldn’t help but notice that her words fell flat, as if she were announcing the weather rather than a dance.

  * * *

  Jaya, Daph, Isha, Raina, and Penelope all approached the grand staircase and waited to descend one at a time. There were mostly girls at the top and boys at the bottom of the stairs, though it was hard to see or hear individual people in the glittering, boisterous mass of privileged children of billionaires, politicians, and movie stars.

  The curving oak balustrade had been festooned with blue-and-silver velvet and silk ribbons and glittering flowers. Taller in her heels, Jaya could barely make out Leo waiting at the bottom, watching with glee as Samantha Wickers descended, wearing a spectacular golden gown with a sheer, flowing train. Her blue eyes looked fierce behind her eyeliner. So Sam had said yes. Jaya felt a touch of dim happiness for Leo.

  Rahul was at the bottom too, standing off to the side until Daph descended, as if he were just waiting for the whole thing to be over. Jaya noticed he kept looking at Caterina (who was going with a senior boy Jaya couldn’t remember the name of) at the top of the stairs and looking away, his ears pink.

  Dr. Waverly, Coach Stratton, and Ms. Rivard, the psychology teacher, as well as a few other adults fixed hair clips and bow ties and zippers. Jaya kept her distance, not wanting to be fussed over.

  Of their group, Penelope went down first, looking pretty and shy (Trinity was already at the bottom, waiting with a cluster of her friends. She didn’t have eyes for anyone except Penelope). Then a few other girls descended, followed by two guys, and then Isha.

  Jaya watched dully as Elliot waited at the bottom, looking up at Isha with what could only be described as naked adoration. All she could see was the back of Isha’s head, of course, but the way her little sister held her body, shoulders back, head high, Jaya could tell she was just as smitten. What was the point? What was the point of any of it? Isha and Elliot would never work, just as she and… No. She didn’t want to finish that thought.

  Daph went next. Rahul waited for her at the bottom, completely unsmiling. But when she got to the bottom, he took her hand and placed it securely in the crook of his arm.

  Caterina went after her. She swept down the stairs, beautiful and dangerous in her dark green Valentino, the one she’d modeled for all her friends and Jaya at the start of the school year so long ago. Jaya watched as Caterina’s date, the senior boy with blond hair and an alarmingly square jaw, met her at the bottom and planted a deep kiss on her mouth. Caterina leaned in at first, but then muscled him away after a few seconds to see if Alaric had been watching. When she saw him deep in conversation with Portia, a senior girl, her face iced over, all emotion leaching from it at once, and she led her date off to the side.

  Jaya felt her heart twinge with pain for Caterina. It wasn’t her fault how things had all played out. She may be an ice queen, but underneath, she was just as soft, just as hurt, just as vulnerable as anyone else. But Jaya couldn’t dwell on it, because then it was time for her own partner-less descent. Let’s get it over with.

  She put one foot on the first marble step, her eyes sweeping the hall below, which had been decorated as if for a celebrity wedding. Waterford crystal vases filled with silver branches and pale blue orchids the exact color of the silk ribbons on the stairs covered every available surface, from the credenza by the window to the sma
ll table by the door. The crystal chandelier overhead had been draped with more silk ribbons and clusters of large silk flowers.

  When Jaya’s gaze dropped from the chandelier, she saw him for the first time.

  Grey stood in the center of a group of people, all of whom were chattering excitedly to each other, giddy with expectation and the smell of perfume. But Grey—Grey only watched her. His face was serious, but his blue eyes shone. If Elliot had had naked adoration on his face, Grey’s was full of pride and respect and heartache and maybe even the beginnings of love.

  Holding her breath, willing herself to not feel a single iota of any of the hundreds of emotions swirling through her like a tempest—heartbreak, misery, yearning, anguish—Jaya descended the stairs.

  Grey

  Watching her glide down the stairs, Grey knew. He’d made the right decision. Fighting for Jaya, telling her he wasn’t going to give up so easily, would be the best decision he’d ever made. As soon as she was done descending, she was swallowed up by a small crowd of people, all eager to talk to her.

  Grey smiled when her eyes met his, before turning away. He could wait. He didn’t have all the time in the world, but he had all night. Perhaps he should feel more anxious, more fearful, that his birthday was tomorrow. He’d caught a glimpse of Jaya’s pendant; he’d seen there were only two rubies remaining. But he didn’t feel anxious, and he didn’t feel scared. Because, whatever his future held, he knew that it also held Jaya.

  Jaya

  The school had arranged for transportation to take them to the ballroom so they wouldn’t have to walk in the snow with their expensive shoes and clothes. Jaya looked out the window when the van holding her and a few other students (but not Grey; she’d lost track of him, and hoped to continue avoiding him the rest of the night. Seeing him, those blue eyes, was just too painful) pulled up to the entrance of the ballroom.