Of Curses and Kisses

by Sandhya Menon

  “Ah, here it is.”

  Grey held very still. “Who arranged it?”

  “It appears that your father’s secretary made a phone call the day before classes began to request that Jaya be put in your classes.” She glanced at him. “Due to the fact that your families are old friends and Princess Jaya was new.”

  Grey felt like he was witnessing every single moment a thousand times because time had slowed to a standstill. “My father’s secretary,” he repeated slowly, in a voice as heavy and colorless as lead.

  Mrs. Lucas turned back to her computer and tapped at a few keys. “Would you like me to connect you, Lord Northcliffe?”

  Grey nodded numbly.

  She dialed the number on her desk phone and handed the receiver to him, striding off to an interior office to give him privacy.

  Grey put the phone to his ear, his hand in an iron vise around it.

  It rang once.

  Twice.

  Three times.

  “Hello?”

  Jaya

  She sat next to Caterina, frowning. “Hello?” she said again. No one answered. “How odd,” she said to Caterina as she began to pull the phone away from her ear.

  Then he spoke.

  “Jaya,” Grey said, in a voice that didn’t sound much like his at all. “Could you meet me outside the ballroom in five minutes?”

  “Outside? Well, yes, but… why? What’s going on?” She paused, but no answer came. “Hello?”

  But he was already gone.

  Grey

  He plowed through the snow, back toward the ballroom. His heart pumped furiously in his chest, his blood surging with hot, pulsing anger. She’d lied to him. From the very first day they’d met, she’d been shamelessly, flagrantly lying. Why? Because he was an easy mark, so turned inward, so obviously damaged? Because he was an Emerson and that meant he was subhuman, not worth consideration?

  A brisk wind blew snow into his face, and Grey welcomed the stinging in his eyes, against his skin. While he’d been falling in love with her, she’d been someone else’s. When she kissed him, she’d probably been thinking of Kiran Hegde. And on the yacht, when she’d seemed so sad, just as lonely as him, it had all been an act. It was all an act, and he’d been thoroughly fooled. Well, now it was time for her to answer a few of his questions. It was the least Jaya Rao could do.

  He marched onward.

  Jaya

  Jaya turned to Caterina, an anguished look taking over her face even though she was trying to stop it. Caterina’s face was pale and thin and raw. She shouldn’t be left alone. “Caterina…”

  “Go,” Caterina said, her chin up. “I’m fine.”

  Chewing on her lip, Jaya regarded her worriedly. She was anything but fine. Caterina needed a fr— Slowly, Jaya turned to study Rahul, a few yards away. Slipping off the table, she walked over to where he was standing like a footman at attention, just slightly off the dance floor. She straightened his bow tie and Rahul looked at her in surprise. “Ask her to dance,” Jaya whispered to him.

  “Who?” he whispered back, completely oblivious.

  “Caterina,” Jaya said, gesturing over to the table where she sat alone.

  “Uh… no, I don’t think so,” Rahul said, and his golden-brown skin tinged bright pink.

  Jaya studied him. The way he was fidgeting with his cuffs, staring at his shoes, the way his upper lip was prickling with sweat—he really, really liked Caterina. “You should,” Jaya said, and before he could argue, she added hurriedly, “Not for yourself, but for her. She’s in a bad situation right now, and she could really use a friend. Please, Rahul. You’d be doing me a giant favor.”

  He looked at her, his brow clouding with doubt. Adjusting his glasses, he said, “Really?”

  “Really.” Jaya made sure her eyes were extra wide and earnest. “I really don’t want to leave her, but… Please?”

  “What are you two whispering about?” Caterina said, in what was meant to be a snarky voice, but really just sounded croaky and kind of wilted.

  Jaya raised her eyebrows at Rahul, and swallowing so his Adam’s apple bobbed nervously, he stepped around her. “Um, I was wondering if… that is, if you’re not otherwise engaged, if you’d like to dance?”

  He sounded so polished and… sweet. Not bad, Rahul. Not bad at all. Caterina, frowning lightly, looked from him to Jaya. Jaya nodded slightly, as if to say, Go on. What will it hurt? You’d be doing the poor guy a favor.

  Sighing, Caterina slid herself off the table. “Fine,” she said, swiping her gloved fingers under her eyes and adjusting her hair clip. Her cheeks were flushed; her shoulders just a bit straighter. Jaya knew her thought process exactly: Caterina could march back out onto the dance floor with a guy now. She could show Alaric she wasn’t just crumpled in a soggy heap somewhere, having been abandoned by not just Alaric but Connor, too. She was enjoying the Homegoing just as much as he was, thank you very much. She was choosing to dance with boys she’d never danced with before, to try things she’d never tried before. Alaric had done her a favor. “I suppose one dance won’t hurt.”

  Jaya watched them for a moment, smiling. Then, her smile fading, she walked toward the exit to find Grey. Why had he sounded the way he had? Why had he called her instead of just talking to her in person? She had no idea what he wanted to speak to her about, but a low thrumming panic in her chest told her it wasn’t anything good.

  * * *

  When Jaya walked outside and around the building, her eyes feasted on Grey, standing still in the cut-glass night. The snow had dusted his shoulders and hair before it stopped falling, and with his blue eyes, he looked like Jack Frost, commanding the winter.

  Jaya stepped through pools of starlight and around drifts of silver snow, watching Grey, who was looking at her. His gaze slipped to her pendant—probably noting the two rubies that remained—and then back up to her face. It was hard to read his expression in the muted light, but his blue eyes were unwavering, like he was studying her face for answers to questions he hadn’t asked yet.

  “Hi,” Jaya said as she reached him, but he didn’t return her greeting. Her heart thundered.

  Her eyes fell to something in his hand—his phone. “What’s going on?”

  “Just doing some reading,” Grey said in a voice like granite and ice. He held his phone out to her so she could more clearly see the screen. “Recognize this?”

  On the screen, she could make out an announcement. Her engagement announcement.

  Jaya looked up at him, opening her mouth, not a word escaping her lips. Her system had iced over from shock. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way. She’d tried to spare him this pain as soon as she’d known what she had to do.

  “How…,” Jaya began, not sure how to finish the question. “Who…? I…” She tried again, her heart beginning to pound furiously as the reality of the situation began to sink in. “I can explain.”

  But he was already stepping away from her.

  Grey

  “Such a lie.” Grey kept his voice low, but it reverberated in the silent night. He walked to a nearby pine tree and studied its snow-laden needles. “Such a profound lie.”

  Jaya’s dress rustled as she stepped forward, closer to him. Her voice was thick with tears. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I had to find out from Kiran Hegde that you were playing me.” Jaya opened her mouth, but Grey kept going, his fury like a demon, whispering in his ear. “Our classes together! Our friendship! The concern about the pendant! The kiss! Was any of it real?”

  She squeezed her eyes shut as if his words were causing her physical pain. “It was. I didn’t—”

  “You called Mrs. Lucas and pretended to be my dad’s secretary. So, right from the very first day, this was all a setup. Have you been reveling in my idiocy this entire time?” Grey said, his chilly smile kissing his lips with frost.

  A wind that smelled of more snow whipped around them. “No,” she whispered. “No, never.”

  “And what ab
out archery? Do you really have a trophy in it? Was all of the pretending to need my help just another lie?” He studied her, watched her face as it drained of color. “Right. Thought so. I have to hand it to you, though. You’re good; you’re very good. You really had me going, and that’s not an easy thing to do. If I’d known any of this, I would never have—” He swallowed. “I would never have let myself fall for you.”

  Jaya’s eyes filled with tears, almost brimming over. But she said nothing.

  Jaya

  There was nothing she could say. And nothing she should say. What would telling him that she’d come to execute revenge but then ended up falling for him do? What would telling him that the engagement was a last-ditch effort at saving her family’s name, her sister’s honor accomplish? Perhaps if he raged against her enough, perhaps if he let the anger crescendo and swallow him, he could begin to let her go. Perhaps he could begin to make peace with their parting. It was what she’d wanted for him all along.

  “What was the purpose?” he asked, his hair falling into his eyes. “Why did you do all this?”

  Grey

  Twin tears splattered on Jaya’s cheeks and ran down her face. “I came here with the intention of breaking your heart,” she said, her voice barely a whisper. “I was told a male Emerson heir was behind the leaked pictures of Isha; I thought that meant you. When I learned that you attended St. Rosetta’s, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get back at your family.” Grey’s heart squeezed in his chest as if a vengeful fist were bent on reducing it to pulp. So it was true. Everything Kiran had said was true. Jaya paused. “How did… how did Kiran find out about you and me? Was it Caterina?”

  Grey shook his head. “Alaric. That asshole was laughing at me every time he saw us together, wasn’t he?” He watched disbelief and anger cloud Jaya’s eyes, but he kept going before she could respond. He was asking the questions right now. Bracing himself, he said, “And it’s true that this engagement between you and Kiran has been in the works for years?”

  Something flitted across her face. Shock? Confusion? Anger? Then it was gone, and her face was back to being a blank mask, though rivers of tears ran down her cheeks. Her voice shaking, she said, “Yes.”

  He felt like someone had hit him with a concrete pole, right in the chest. He almost doubled over, panting in agony. She was almost engaged. The entire time, she was almost engaged. And he was the biggest fool in the world.

  He nodded at her, once. “I see.” He was surprised by how calm, how in control, he sounded. “Goodbye, Jaya.”

  Sidestepping her, he walked briskly away, cutting a path right through the piles of snow. He didn’t look back once.

  Jaya

  Jaya stumbled off at some point. Her entire body—actually, even her soul—felt completely, thoroughly dead. Kiran had lied to Grey. He’d made it seem like he and Jaya were laughing at Grey behind his back. She felt a brief jolt of anger, at the fact that he’d called Grey, that he’d tried to hurt him, that he’d lied. She’d told him to leave Grey alone and he’d completely flouted her wishes. But how could she ignore her own hand in this? If she hadn’t lied, if she hadn’t set up the house of cards for Kiran to knock over, they wouldn’t be in this situation at all. Jaya’s anger seeped out of her. Maybe this is for the best, she told herself. Grey can let you go now. He can go on with his life. This is all for the best. Perhaps Kiran had done her a favor.

  For a brief moment, she thought about Grey, watching the sunrise tomorrow by himself, afraid of the curse, filled with self-loathing, waiting for it all to end. The flare of agony she experienced was so great that she had to bury the thought immediately. She didn’t have the strength for that right now, on top of everything else.

  Jaya found herself back in the ballroom without remembering having made the decision to go back. People were slow-dancing or sitting at tables enjoying their custom mocktails, blissfully unaware of the smoking wreckage of her life. Jaya walked to an empty table and then stood there, her hands at her sides, thinking nothing, feeling nothing. After some time, she began walking toward the table on the other side of the ballroom where she and Caterina had sat before. That was the only place she could bear to be right then… hidden in the shadows, not forced to make eye contact and smile. The table was, thankfully, empty now—Rahul and Caterina were still on the ballroom floor.

  Suddenly, she realized Isha was in the dark corner with her. Her sister’s face was full of concern. How long had she been there? Where did she come from? “Jaya? What are you doing back here?”

  Jaya didn’t answer. She just wrapped her arms around Isha and held her close.

  Isha patted her back. “Are you all right?”

  When she pulled back to look at Isha, Jaya tried to smile and reassure her. But, almost of its own accord, her face crumpled and tears began to stream down her cheeks. “No,” she managed finally. “I’m not.”

  * * *

  “I’ll come by your room tomorrow, okay?” Isha said outside her dorm room door.

  “Sounds good,” Elliot replied. Jaya leaned back against Isha’s headboard and closed her eyes.

  A long, significant pause and then, “I should really get inside. My sister needs me.”

  “Yeah, sure. I’ll see you, Ish.”

  The door closed and Isha turned out the overhead lights, switching on a small lamp on her nightstand instead. She sat on the bed at Jaya’s feet, bouncing her a little. “Hi.”

  Jaya tried on a wan smile, but from Isha’s concerned face, she wasn’t sure she succeeded.

  “Something happened?” Isha ventured. “With… Grey?”

  Jaya blinked and sat up. Her beautiful dress was all crumpled and bunched around her, but she didn’t have the energy to straighten it out. “How did you know that?”

  Isha shrugged. “It’s not hard to figure out. You look heartbroken. And the way I see it, only one boy has your heart.”

  Jaya looked away. “He doesn’t. I’m getting engaged to Kiran.”

  “Did Grey find that out somehow?”

  Jaya nodded. “Kiran called him. He made it seem like I was playing with Grey’s heart the whole time.”

  “What?” Isha looked livid. “Why? That’s none of his business—”

  “Except it is,” Jaya said, leaning forward. “Don’t you see, Ish? Kiran will be my fiancé soon. I don’t have the luxury to be ‘heartbroken’ over an Emerson.” She tried to say it with vitriol, but her voice cracked.

  Kicking off her shoes, Isha put her hand on Jaya’s knee, pulling her legs up so she was sitting cross-legged. “Maybe you don’t have the luxury to,” she said quietly. “But you can’t tell your heart what to do.”

  Jaya blinked away her tears. “I’m marrying Kiran,” she said again, her voice high and tight. “It’s what’s best for the family.” Without quite meaning to, she found herself echoing Grey’s words from their first time in the dining hall. “It might not be easy, but it is that simple.”

  “Jaya, you don’t even like Kiran. What’s best for you?”

  Jaya shook her head and leaned back against the headboard once more. “Immaterial.”

  “Jaya—”

  “No. There’s nothing more to say about it.” Blinking, she added, “But I have to tell you something.”

  Isha nodded.

  “I’m sorry,” Jaya said, holding her sister’s gaze. “I’m sorry I’ve been pushing you so hard to be someone you’re not. I told you not to take robotics. I told you not to be with Elliot. I’ve been controlling and rigid and…” Caressing Isha’s cheek, she smiled a little, as much as she could. “You did nothing wrong kissing Talin. You did nothing wrong helping those other boys in the motorcycle shop. The problem’s not you. The problem’s the bloody messages we’re given, starting before we can even fully understand them. You’re perfect the way you are, Ish. People who don’t turn out how their parents or their society expects are the best people of all.” Her voice broke as she finished, and she cleared her throat to continue.
“So you be the best fucking robotics engineer you can be. And if people give you shit about it, give them hell. I know I will.”

  Isha stared at her, agog. “Jaya… You… you said ‘fuck.’ And ‘shit.’ ”

  Jaya stared back. “Damn right I did.”

  Isha laughed into the silence and leaped on Jaya. They hugged each other tight, both of them laughing, tears prickling Jaya’s eyes.

  Then Isha pulled back and studied Jaya’s face, her own lined with worry. “So… um… What are you going to do about Grey? Are you really just going to let him think you were messing with him this entire time?”

  “Grey,” Jaya whispered, feeling a stab of pain deep in her heart. “I don’t know. I wish I could explain to him that… that I wasn’t trying to be cruel. It could be my way of undoing some of the damage I’ve done, of making amends before we say goodbye. But he won’t even speak to me. I haven’t given him any reason to.”

  Isha studied her older sister, her jaw set. “Then I’ll have to give him one.”

  CHAPTER 18

  Grey

  He was on Mount Sama, standing at the very edge, looking down over the town, the sharp rock jutting into the soles of his shoes, hurting him. The wind shrieked, an angry demoness.

  Grey inched one foot forward and then the other.

  The rock under him crumbled, and he fell, tumbling, his stomach not in his throat, no longer even in his body, but somewhere above him, waiting to catch up.

  Grey grabbed the lip of the mountaintop with one hand, his fingers scrabbling for purchase. He couldn’t hang on too long. How was he supposed to get back up? He was going to die here, alone. His body would fall into the abyss below, never to be found.

  “Help!” Grey yelled, hoping someone would miraculously be walking up the path, that someone would hear him. “Help! I can’t do this much longer!”