Of Curses and Kisses

by Sandhya Menon

  She emerged onto the mountaintop and looked around among the boulders and rocks, her pulse thundering in her ears. At first she thought he’d decided not to come after all, and her heart sank. But then she saw him, unfolding himself slowly from where he’d been sitting against a giant boulder that was topped with snow. His red jacket, too, was covered.

  “Hi,” she said, walking up to him. Beyond them, the town of St. Rosetta looked like one of those little idyllic winter villages you could buy in department stores around the holidays.

  He regarded her with expressionless blue eyes, so reminiscent of when they’d first met. Jaya felt a deep ache in her bones, knowing that she’d done this to him. She’d sent him back to how he used to be.

  “DE said you wanted to speak to me,” he said, as if he were reading a grocery list.

  “Yes.” Jaya brushed a few snowflakes from her hair. “Thank you for meeting me.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “How are you, Grey?” she said, searching his eyes. “It’s almost sunrise. I was thinking about you.”

  “I’m fine,” he said shortly, but his eyes flickered to where he must know the pendant sat, safe behind her winter coat, warm against her skin. He didn’t trust her anymore; he wouldn’t tell her how afraid he was.

  Jaya unzipped her coat just low enough to pull the pendant out, so he could see. She knew he liked to keep an eye on it, like you might a snake that had slithered in your open window. His face paled a little at the sight of the solitary ruby, sitting precariously in its socket. Still, he said nothing.

  Swallowing, Jaya said, “I know we spoke last night, but… but I didn’t say everything I wanted to say then.”

  Grey didn’t speak or show any emotion; his arms hung loosely by his sides, his hair windblown and peppered with snow.

  “There’s no excuse for what I wanted to do to you when I first got to St. Rosetta’s, Grey. None. It was a horrible thing, born from my rage and my pain. But I want you to know that after our fight in Aspen, I gave up on that plan completely. And this engagement with Kiran? I only agreed to it because I need to protect my sister and my family name. It’s what I need to do. The night we kissed in the snow, my father called to tell me we were in trouble. I didn’t tell you any of it because I wanted you to be able to move on. If you thought of me as callous, as evil, you would be able to forget me. I kept it from you, not to be deceitful, but to help you let go of me. You’re…” She stopped, her voice catching, and blinked away her tears. She needed to say this without going to pieces. “I’ve never met anyone like you before. You bring so much light and warmth wherever you go. You’ve completely changed me, you know. You’ve helped bring me closer to my sister.” She sniffed and kept going. “Grey, what your father’s told you… it doesn’t have to be the end. Your mother… You don’t have to believe what he believes. You… you deserve to be happy.” She put a finger under her eye to catch a tear. “Even if it’s without me, Grey, I want you to be happy.”

  Grey studied her for a moment, then nodded once. His face was still distant, remote. She hadn’t gotten through to him at all.

  Jaya could feel the tears coming to her eyes. “Can I sit with you? So you don’t have to be by yourself when the sun comes up?”

  But he turned away, looking out over the edge of the mountain, a brief flash of torment lighting up his face before it went blank once more.

  Grey

  If he had any heart left, it would’ve broken again, splintered into unrecognizable pieces. Ironically enough, Jaya had accomplished her mission after all.

  As he watched her go, climb back down the way she’d come, her shoulders shaking, Grey understood that this was it. This was the memory he’d have with him as his life ended. He looked up at the sky. There was light creeping in at the edges, day slowly erasing night. His heart began to pound.

  It’s okay, he told himself. It was okay because he’d been prepared for this his entire life. Maybe he should thank his father for that. There was a distant comfort in knowing that, no matter what you did, life worked out the way it was meant to. There was no point thrashing against the hands of fate. Grey sat back down on the boulder to wait.

  Jaya

  Tears flowing unstoppably down her face, Jaya stumbled a little bit farther down Mount Sama, her breath hitching. The only sound she heard was the crunching of her own boots and nothing else. He’d given up on her. And maybe that was what she deserved. But worst of all, she had the sinking feeling that he’d given up on himself.

  She walked to a small boulder and sat on it, not even bothering to sweep the snow off. Everything felt raw and painful; it felt like the entire world was on fire.

  It was over. She couldn’t believe it; it was over. Grey was waiting so fearfully for the sun to rise, for whatever fate had in store for him, and she wasn’t even with him. He didn’t want her with him.

  “Jaya?”

  She blinked and looked up, through her tears, to see her sister’s concerned face peeking out of the hood of her parka. Isha was walking up to her, her hands buried in her pockets. “What are you doing here? I thought you and Daph left.”

  “Daph did,” Isha said, looking over her shoulder down at the path below them. “But I couldn’t. I wanted to wait for you, just in case…” She let her words trail off, her face anguished. “He didn’t listen?”

  Jaya shook her head and bit her lip, and tears coursed down her face. “It’s what I expected,” she said bravely, but her voice broke, betraying her.

  Isha sat next to her on the boulder and put her arm around Jaya’s shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

  They sat together for a long minute, feeling the wind whip around them. Then Isha said, “Are you…? The engagement’s still on?”

  Jaya wiped her face and frowned at her sister. “Of course it is. Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “I just thought, after talking with Grey…” Isha shrugged.

  Jaya straightened her shoulders. “No. Nothing’s changed. I still need to do this.”

  “Jaya.” Isha waited until she met her eye, her brown eyes glimmering in the muted light of a new day. “Is that what you want for me, too?”

  Jaya shook her head. “What?”

  “In two years, do you want me to get engaged to, I don’t know, Venkat Samagood?”

  Jaya frowned, trying to remember who that was. Her brow clearing, she said, “That kid who tries to look down your shirt at every palace event? Why on earth would you—”

  “If it was good for the family,” Isha said, raising her eyebrows. “If something really beneficial would come from that union. Would you want me to?”

  Jaya spluttered. “Of course not! You’re much too good for him! You deserve to be with someone you love!”

  Isha waited, her eyebrows still raised.

  Jaya sighed and pushed her hair back. The pine trees around them shuddered in the brisk breeze. “It’s not the same.”

  “Of course it is!” Isha said, frustrated. “There’s not a single difference!”

  “The difference is I’m your big sister!” Jaya said, throwing her hands up. “I’ve always known it’s my duty, not just to protect the kingdom, but to protect you!” Oh, bollocks. She hadn’t meant to say that last part.

  Isha frowned and dug the toe of her boot into the snowy ground. “What do you mean, protect me? What does you and Kiran getting engaged have to do with me?”

  “Nothing,” Jaya said quickly, smoothing out her jacket. “I just meant, in general, that—”

  “Jaya, please. I’m not a dummy.”

  Jaya looked into her little sister’s face and knew she couldn’t lie to her. Not anymore. Not after all they’d been through, not after how far they’d come. “I… Appa called me. He said there was another article in the paper about you.”

  Isha’s face paled to match the taupe scarf around her neck. “What did it say?”

  “That you…” Jaya cleared her throat and put her hand on Isha’s. “It was stupid.”

&nb
sp; “Please tell me.”

  “It said that we came here, to St. Rosetta’s, because you were pregnant. The entire city was in an uproar. We were losing political standing, our reputation was in shreds. The Hegdes said they’d stick by us, but Appa didn’t think that would be the case for much longer.”

  Understanding dawned on Isha’s face. Up in the trees, a chickadee called. “And if you and Kiran got engaged, it would show the people that the Hegdes still believed in our family.”

  Jaya nodded. “It’d also get people focusing on something else. A royal engagement is pretty big news.”

  Isha took a moment, her face lost in thought as she gazed into the woods below them. Then she looked at Jaya. “No.”

  “No…?”

  “No, you still can’t do this.”

  “Isha, it’s too late—”

  “You cannot sacrifice yourself for me or Appa or the kingdom or our people or anyone else, Jaya. No.”

  Jaya opened her mouth to respond, but Isha spoke again.

  “This is my problem. For far too long, you’ve taken on all my worries as your own, and it’s time to stop.”

  Jaya pressed her hands into the cold, unyielding surface of the boulder underneath her. “Isha, you’re my little sister. I don’t know how to stop.”

  “Try,” Isha said, fire in her eyes. “How do you think I’ll feel, seeing you in an unhappy marriage, knowing that it was because of me? Do you think I’ll be able to live a happy life, Jaya? I’ll feel so guilty, I’ll probably marry some rich, powerful asshat just to make myself feel better.”

  “You wouldn’t,” Jaya said. “You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

  Isha smiled a little. “You can’t tell me how to feel, Jaya.”

  Jaya studied her sister’s expression, her heart pounding. If Isha would feel guilty all her life, if this decision would oblige her into an unhappy marriage of her own down the road… “But Appa,” Jaya said weakly. She ran a hand over her numb face. “I already promised him I’d do this.”

  “If there’s one thing I know about our father,” Isha said, “it’s that nothing’s more important to him than the happiness of his girls.”

  Jaya stared at her little sister in the blue light of near dawn, her thoughts whirling, tumbling in a dizzying dance through her mind. Was Isha…? Was Isha right?

  “So, what are you thinking?” Isha asked, her eyes searching Jaya’s face after a long moment of silence. “What are you going to do?”

  Jaya gazed upward, at the clouds scuttling across the slate-gray sky. “I think I need to make a phone call.”

  Once Isha kissed her on the cheek and walked off back down the path, Jaya reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, feeling a sudden surge of energy, of purpose, of fury.

  She video-called Kiran and waited. When he answered, a haughty smile on his face, anger spiked in her blood, a potent elixir against the despair she felt.

  “Don’t you cry now, Jaya,” he said. “I’ve cleaned up your mess for you.”

  She stared at him. “Cleaned up my mess? Are you completely deluded?” The self-satisfied look fell off his face. She took a deep breath. “The engagement is off,” she said, with as much calm authority as she could gather. She felt a brief stab of guilt at doing this to her father, at taking away the one neat solution they’d arrived upon. But Isha’s words rang in her ear: If there’s one thing I know about our father, it’s that nothing’s more important to him than the happiness of his girls.

  Feeling bolstered, Jaya continued. “I don’t want to be with you, Kiran. I don’t want anything to do with you, in fact.”

  “You don’t know what you want,” he said coldly. “You forget yourself, Jaya. We’re meant to be married.”

  “We were meant to be married,” Jaya corrected, still speaking calmly, in spite of the adrenaline that was making her hands tremble. She pressed her free hand into the boulder, felt its steadying presence soothe her. “I made a mistake. I thought I had to sacrifice my own happiness for the longevity and reputation of my family, but I was wrong. We’ll find a way to persevere without making a trade of my heart and my values.”

  “Is this about that Emerson boy?” Kiran asked.

  Jaya shook her head. “Leave him out of this. You’ve done enough.”

  Kiran’s nostrils flared. “If you back out of this alliance now, I will make sure that the newspapers destroy the Rao name. The Hegde dynasty isn’t a plaything for you to toy with. Give us what you promised, or be prepared to suffer.”

  Jaya narrowed her eyes. “Do not threaten my family.”

  Kiran looked like he might explode with impotent fury. “Everything I have done, I have done for my title. The same cannot be said of you and your sister, Jaya.” He paused, then said, “You know what? I’m pleased the papers ran that story on Isha. The Raos needed to be brought down a peg or two, letting their daughters get drunk and hang all over filthy garage mechanics, letting them run around in T-shirts that support anarchy and feminism. It’s a disgrace!”

  Jaya sat up straighter, her blood cooling as his words hooked into her brain. The way he said them, the way he was looking at her… defiance mixed with so much anger. How had she never seen the anger? “The picture never showed Isha’s T-shirt,” Jaya said slowly. “None of the papers showed her T-shirt. How do you know what she was wearing that day, Kiran?”

  He met her eyes. There was a long pause, as if he were assessing what to say next. “Yes, it was I who fed them the picture. I took it with my phone,” he said finally, his tone a touch boastful. “It was the only way to protect the Hegdes’ political position in Karnataka. I was thinking of my family, as any good heir should.”

  It was astounding; he actually still believed he was in the right. That his actions were acceptable. Jaya shook her head, her rage so great, everything in her body went silent and still. “You were the ‘male heir’ the journalist was talking about. And you kept leaking the rumors after we were gone, just in case they began to die down. You were the one who told them Isha was pregnant.”

  He stared back at her.

  “Incredible,” Jaya whispered, tugging her hair back against the wind. “So you broke my sister’s heart, nearly destroyed my family’s reputation and my parents’ peace of mind, but that wasn’t enough for you. Because of your obsession with power, you’ve now come after the man I love. I knew you were an asshole, Kiran, but I had no idea you were so bloody evil.”

  He opened his mouth to speak, but Jaya continued. “You will call the newspapers immediately and issue an apology to my family. You’ll confess what you did—both the initial scandal and the pregnancy rumors—and say you had no right to go after a young girl, that you’ve made mistakes of your own, and that the Rao family name is still imbued with honor and dignity as far as you’re concerned.”

  Kiran scoffed. “Why would I do that?”

  “Because I’ve recorded this conversation,” Jaya said simply. “I’ll send it to every newspaper in India. I imagine every journalist who might be interested in—how did you put it? Oh yes—taking the Hegde family down a peg or two would clamor for this clip. Don’t you think so?” She smiled a little. “Plus, once I send this to my father, I imagine he’s going to have a few political moves up his sleeve that likely won’t benefit the Hegdes. As I recall, the Raos are still very much the most powerful royal family in Karnataka. No thanks to you, of course. I imagine your father won’t be too pleased with whatever punishment Appa metes out.”

  Kiran’s face was absolutely furious. “You wouldn’t do that. Isha was still at fault for those pictures. I didn’t force her to do anything!”

  “Maybe, but she was fourteen. And besides, she’s not the heiress to the throne. What’s your excuse, Kiran?”

  They stared at each other, unsmiling for a long moment. Finally, Kiran said shortly, “Very well. I’ll release a statement.”

  “I’ll send you the exact wordage via email,” Jaya said serenely. “Just so you’re clear on what to say.”
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  He kept staring at her. “Fine.”

  “Goodbye, Kiran,” Jaya said, and pressed “end.”

  Dawn was fast encroaching. The sky was now a faded purple, and a chorus of birds began to sing. The world was waking up, bit by bit.

  Grey

  He’d heard everything. Grey didn’t know whether it was a weird wind pattern or if he was sitting in some kind of sound tunnel, but every word Jaya and Isha, and then Jaya and Kiran, had said had floated up to him, as if they were speaking into microphones. Jaya had ended things with Kiran. She’d told him she believed she didn’t have to sacrifice herself for her family anymore. For the first time since the night before, Grey felt the stirrings of doubt. This didn’t sound like an act, not at all. And then, right on the heels of that doubt came blinding, searing, painful hope.

  Could it be? Could it be that these last few minutes before the sun rose could be spent with Jaya after all? That she truly felt that Grey was worth more than the traditions and values she held dear? That she really had changed, like she’d told him? Before his brain could catch up, his body had unfolded itself from the boulder. Grey was crashing down the mountain, toward Jaya’s voice. He wasn’t thinking of what he’d say when he got there. He just knew he had to get there.

  Jaya

  The sun had begun its gradual ascent. Dawn was only minutes away. Jaya slipped her phone into her pocket, jerking her head up at the sudden sounds of branches snapping and thundering footfalls hurtling down the mountain toward her. It was Grey.