Worth the Risk

by Lindsay Paige

  The goalie doesn’t stand a chance.

  Then I skate by Derek with a big fat grin on my face.

  We end up winning the game two to one.

  Henry looks uncomfortable as fuck as he sticks one foot onto the ice. For one blissful second, I relish in his unease. Then, I banish that because I don’t need to have those kinds of feelings toward Jackson’s father. I’m almost surprised he’s here. He even got off work early, so we wouldn’t have to come later than we originally planned.

  “Do you want Mr. EJ to hold your hand and help you?” Jackson asks him.

  Holding back my grin is nearly impossible.

  “I’m okay, kiddo.”

  Jackson frowns, and he surprises me when he says, “I don’t like that.”

  Henry is now on the ice and holding on to the boards. He glances over at Jackson with surprise. “What?”

  “Kiddo,” Jackson spits the name like it tastes disgusting. “My name is Jackson.” He pauses and then adds, “Well, Momma calls me baby sometimes and Mr. EJ calls me J-man. But I don’t like kiddo.” His nose wrinkles.

  “Okay,” Henry says with a nod. “I won’t call you that anymore.”

  Jackson nods curtly in satisfaction. He holds out his hand to Henry, which he takes. I listen as Jackson repeats the instructions I gave him when I first brought him. Pride swells my chest that he remembered so clearly. At the end of the day, though, I hope this will make him more comfortable around Henry. I’ve noticed Jackson has yet to refer to Henry as dad, Henry, Mr. Henry, or any sort of name. Raelynn and I always refer to him as ‘your dad’ when we talk to Jackson, but he’s not calling Henry anything yet.

  We slowly skate around the rink, Henry more wobbly than Jackson. Henry talks to Jackson about school, learning about his teacher and the things he likes and dislikes. I worry my plan is going to shit when Jackson very obviously pulls his hand away from Henry’s. He looks up at me.

  “Can I try skating on my own like last time?” he asks.

  “Sure thing, J-man.” I move in front of him and crouch. He holds both his arms out in front of him and my hands hover under his so I can grab them if needed. He moves his feet, but he’s more hesitant this time. I wonder if Henry makes him nervous. “Be confident, Jackson,” I tell him. “You can do it.”

  “Yep,” he says more to himself than to anyone else. Jackson pumps his legs, wanting to go faster. I don’t think he’s ready for that. I skate backward to give him room and the moment I do, he loses his concentration and his balance. My hands clasp around his before he can think about falling.

  “Why are you frowning?” I ask him.

  “I almost fell. That didn’t happen last time.”

  “You’re still learning, J-man. And falling is okay. It means you’re trying. Plus, you know what?”

  “What?” He looks at me with big hopeful eyes.

  “You went further this time.”

  His eyes light up. “Really?”

  I nod and release one of his hands so he can fist bump me. He turns to Henry. “Did you hear that? I went further this time!”

  Henry smiles, but I can’t tell if it’s forced or not. “I heard. That’s awesome, Jackson.”

  The rink begins to crowd and I have to crush Jackson’s spirits. “Time to go, J-man.”

  “Already?” He frowns. “When can we come back?”

  “Maybe next week. I’ll have to look at my schedule.”

  Jackson nods and I help the both of them off the ice. Outside, I get Jackson into his booster seat and close the door once Henry has said his goodbye.

  “How old do you have to be to start lessons?”

  My heart stutters. No. Skating gear and lessons is supposed to be my gift to Jackson for Christmas. Henry can’t usurp me. “He’s old enough, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  He nods. “Do you think Raelynn would let him?”

  No. Not from you. Damn it. This is killing me more than I thought it would. I decide to be honest with him. “I don’t know. I’m planning to surprise him with skates and lessons for Christmas.” Henry’s shoulders fall with defeat. “But maybe we can split it? One of us gets him the skates, the other pays for the lessons.”

  “You’d do that?”

  “Yeah.” It was my idea first, but Henry is Jackson’s father and he needs to build a relationship with him more than I do. This might help.

  “You get the skates then. Do we need to ask Raelynn?”

  “Are you willing to help her take him to the lessons?” I ask. If he isn’t, then I’m about to rethink this.

  He nods. “Of course.”

  “I wasn’t planning to ask her, but that’s because I thought she might say it’s too much from me and say no. If you’re halving it with me, then she probably won’t protest too much. Plus, Jackson’s going to love this. I’ll test the waters with her and if she doesn’t object too much, then don’t worry about it.”

  “Okay. Thanks for letting me do this.”

  “No problem.” I start to turn away from him and even open my door, but I stop. “Hey, do you know who Raelynn plans to spend Christmas with? She said she’s going to see an old friend, but if you’re seeing Jackson on Christmas...” My voice trails off. Raelynn never said she wasn’t going to see her friend, so she still isn’t supposed to be at the house over Christmas.

  Henry frowns. “Raelynn doesn’t have old friends anymore. She would never go back home either. She told me she would come to my house on Christmas Day for me to see Jackson.”

  What? “Maybe she changed her mind then. See you later, Henry.”

  Raelynn is keeping something from me. If there’s one thing I learned from my relationship with Vicky, it’s that I didn’t really know her. Not only that, but while I was with her, I was okay with not pushing to learn more about her. If I had, I’d have known about the drugs. Had I cared enough, I would’ve paid attention, period. Going forward, I worry about not knowing as much as possible about the person I’m with. About secrets and being blindsided like I was with Vicky, both with the drugs and with Bree. I don’t want the person I’m in a relationship with keeping things from me.

  And it sounds like Raelynn is.

  My gut tells me she is.

  Damn it!

  Just when I think I’m making progress on the woman and getting her to open up to me more, something like this happens. But why would she lie about this?

  “Mr. EJ?”

  “Yeah, Jackson?”

  “Why are we sitting in the garage?”

  I realize we’ve made it home and we’re now in the garage, car off, but the door to the garage still open. “Sorry.” We get out and head inside. Raelynn has the table set and she’s feeding Bree.

  “DaDa! Ja-Ja!” she shouts with a grin. A few more words tumble out, but I can’t make sense of those. My heart bursts with love every time I see her. Now that she’s talking a little, it’s just getting worse, in the best possible way.

  “Hey, princess.” I walk over and kiss her forehead.

  “Did you have fun, baby?” Raelynn asks Jackson.

  Jackson launches into his recap while I take us over to the sink to wash our hands. My mind lingers on the fact that Raelynn has made two different plans for Christmas, but I don’t know which one is the real plan, or why she’s making secret plans to start with. I can’t ask outright because then she’ll know I mentioned it to Henry, and whatever happens, it can’t look like I’m going behind her back or taking Henry’s side in any way.

  “You’re quiet.”

  My eyes flit to Raelynn. We’re at the table now, eating, and I’ve been lost in my thoughts. “Thinking about Christmas.” That’s partially honest.

  Raelynn stiffens slightly. “Has something happened? Everyone is still coming, aren’t they?”

  “Yes. I was thinking of what presents I have left to buy.”

  Her shoulders relax. “You better get on that before it’s too late.”

  What I better to do is find out what she’s hi
ding. That is the one thing I can’t do. That I don’t want to do. Not again.

  I crouch in front of Jackson where he sits on the couch. “J-man, I need you to listen to me for a second.” His eyes slide away from the TV to focus on me. He didn’t seem bothered that Deanna and Brayden showed up, but now, I have to tell them why they’re here. I would let Raelynn handle this, but she hasn’t come downstairs yet and after I tell him, we have to go or we’ll be late for our reservations. I don’t want her to get hung up with Jackson. “Ms. Deanna and Mr. Brayden are staying with you and Bree while your mom and I go to dinner.”

  His gaze flits to my friends. “Who’s tucking me in?”

  “We’ll be back in time for your mom to tuck you in,” I promise. It’s one reason why I made early reservations. Jackson didn’t like the switch to me last time and I had a feeling he wouldn’t like Deanna or Brayden being the ones to do it this time. I’d rather eat early and come home in time to tuck him in than worry the kid.

  “I can’t go?” His inhale is shaky, and fuck, I don’t want him nervous. I thought he’d be fine. He went to a game with Deanna not too long ago, but maybe it’s different with his mom leaving him instead.

  “Not this time,” I reluctantly tell him.

  “EJ says you know how to build a fort,” Brayden says from behind me, causing Jackson’s eyes to widen in shock. “I’ve never built one before, so I was hoping you’d show me. Think you can do that while they go to dinner?”

  “Are girls allowed in your forts, Jackson?” Deanna asks him.

  Jackson nods. “Bree likes them a lot. I’ll show you.” He looks back at me. “Momma will tuck me in?”

  “I promise she will.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good man, Jackson.” I hold out my fist and he fist bumps me. With that, I stand and take the stairs two at a time. She’s been in her room for hours. Okay, so maybe only two. Either way, it’s time to go. I rap my knuckles on her door.

  “One second!” she squeaks.

  “Raelynn, we have to go. I just promised Jackson you’d be back in time to tuck him in and if we don’t leave right now, you’ll make me break—” The door swings open. My gaze travels up and down her body at least five times in a second. Her black dress hugs her frame and shows off a little cleavage. No. That’s not right. That dress takes her breasts, pushes them together, and places them on clear display, yet somehow doesn’t reveal too much.

  “You’re supposed to look me in the eyes,” Raelynn teases.

  But I can’t. Because fuck. She’s wearing heels. She’s at least three inches taller now. I step aside, confusing her, but she steps out of her room and walks past me. Holy hell, her ass looks sweet in that dress, too.

  Raelynn glances back at me as I clear my throat.

  “I have words, but they’re curses,” I say, causing her to grin. “You’re beautiful.”

  “Thank you,” she whispers. She holds out her hand, but then it falls to her side at the sound of Jackson’s laughter. Just because we’re going out to dinner doesn’t mean we can have any PDA going on. The times I have touched Raelynn around Jackson before I kissed her, they were more subtle. I doubt he saw them.

  I take her hand anyway. Before she can tug it away, I say, “You hold Jackson’s hand. I can hold yours. Maybe I’m making sure you don’t fall in those heels.”

  She laughs. “I wouldn’t wear them if I couldn’t walk in them.”

  And she can walk in them too. Fuck me.

  After a quick goodbye to Jackson, Bree, and our babysitters for the night, I whisk her to the garage and to my car. As I drive, I rest our interlocked hands on my thigh. I’m itching to bring up Christmas, but I don’t want to ruin tonight by making Raelynn uncomfortable, especially when I already know she’s hiding something. The ride to the restaurant is silent.

  “Nervous?” I finally ask once we’re seated in a small booth at a fancy restaurant. It’s one of the most upscale ones I’ve ever been in. I wanted to treat Raelynn more than anything, and I thought maybe she’d like this.

  “Not with you.” When I arch an eyebrow, she adds, “Not usually.”

  “Then what was taking you so long?”

  She laughs. “I said not usually.” She glances down at herself. “I’m not used to this. Any of it.” She looks around the restaurant again. “It’s a little nerve-wracking.”

  “You just said you weren’t nervous.”

  “To be on a date with you, I’m not. To be in this dress in this restaurant, I am.”

  That makes no sense. “Would you rather go elsewhere?”

  Horror fills her eyes, much like they would Jackson’s if he made a mistake and he thought he was in big trouble. “No, not at all. Just because I’m a little nervous doesn’t mean I’m not excited.”

  I nod in acceptance and we take a few minutes to look over the menu. My plan tonight is to learn more about Raelynn. To learn as much as she’ll let me. And then, we’ll go home. Tuck Jackson in, read him a book, and I’ll hold my princess for a bit. After that, Raelynn is coming to my room where that dress is coming off. That’s my plan and it’s time to get started.

  Every few seconds, I peer up from my menu to gaze at Elias. He looks freaking delicious in his simple suit. I still can’t believe we’re in a place this nice. It makes me feel self-conscious, but at the same time, I’m relaxed because I’m with Elias. Then again, I can’t believe I’m here with him. On a date. How crazy is that? I haven’t thought about dating or relationships in so long. That part of life has been sitting in the very back of a closet in the dark recesses of my mind ever since Henry left me.

  Yet here I am.

  With a handsome, hunky hockey player who is sweet, fantastic in bed, and a wonderful father.

  “Do you know what you want yet?” Elias asks me as the waitress walks up to our table.

  My cheeks heat for a moment. “I haven’t really looked,” I admit with a touch of embarrassment.

  “Want a steak like me? Just pick your sides if you do.” He places his order while I quickly look over the sides, so I can get the same meal. When the waitress walks away, he asks, “When do you graduate?”

  “In the spring, actually. I can’t believe I only have one semester left. It would’ve been next fall, but working with you, I’ve been able to add a few extra classes next semester so I can finish. I’m pretty sure I can manage Jackson, Bree, and a completely full course load.”

  The corners of Elias’s mouth dip. “Will you hunt for a job or stay on as Bree’s nanny for a while?”

  Oh. I hadn’t thought about what comes after graduation. “I don’t know what to do with my degree yet, so unless something miraculously comes to mind, I’m all yours for the foreseeable future,” he begins to smile, “unless you get rid of me.” His smile disappears.

  “I don’t plan to get rid of you. You’re perfect with my princess.”

  I smile. “She’s an amazing little girl.”

  “You really don’t know what you want to do? You didn’t have any dreams before Jackson came along and changed things up?”

  “I didn’t know before then, no.” I laugh a little. “The future wasn’t something I thought about that much back in high school. I was completely living in the here and now. And when Jackson was born, my life became all about him and making sure I could take care of him.” I frown. “I almost feel like I chose the wrong degree, but I didn’t know what else to do and I knew I needed a degree to make good money one day.”

  Elias rests his elbows on the table and leans forward. “What are you passionate about? Curious about?”

  I shrug, almost wishing he’d change the topic. “I love my son. That pretty much covers it. Maybe I’ll work for you forever,” I joke, but secretly serious. I’m not sure what kind of role model that makes me for Jackson, but I do love what I do for Elias and considering I have no clue what else I’d want to do, it sounds like a mostly solid plan.

  Elias smiles. “I have no problem with that.”

 
“What about you? What will you do when your playing career is over?”

  “I want to become a coach, but for kids. I knew I wanted to still be in the sport somehow, and maybe in the coaching aspect, but since having Bree and especially since taking Jackson, I know that’s exactly what I want to do when I’m done playing. Plus, I learned something from all of my coaches growing up. They were some of my biggest influences and role models, aside from my parents, and I think it would be awesome to be in that position for other kids.”

  Jealousy rises within me. He has a plan. He has his life figured out. I couldn’t figure my life out if my next breath depended on it.

  “Would you ever consider reconciling things with your parents?”

  “No.” The harsh answer snaps out of my mouth before I can think twice about it. “I don’t think they could change, or would. I’d have to see serious change. It’s been five years and I haven’t heard a peep from them. You couldn’t pay me to go back home.”

  Confusion scrunches Elias’s face. “Then where exactly are you spending Christmas?”

  Oh, shit. I did say I was going to see an old friend, so it makes sense that he’d think I’d go back home for that.

  Before I can offer a response, he adds, “You know you are more than welcome to stay with us still. Jackson can stay in Bree’s room. You can stay in mine.” My heart catapults out of my chest and lands somewhere across the room. “Is Jackson seeing Henry? Don’t you want him to? Wouldn’t it make more sense to spend Christmas at my house then?”

  “Elias, stop,” I blurt out. “I’m not spending Christmas at your house. My friend no longer lives back home. She’s close enough that we’ll be able to stop by Henry’s on Christmas Day.”

  He eyes me for a moment as if he knows I’m lying, but he can’t pinpoint what the exact lie is. It takes everything I have not to squirm in my seat under his stare. “When do you want to exchange gifts then? Before you leave or once you get back?” When I shrug, not really sure it matters, he makes the executive decision, “After.”