Worth the Risk

by Lindsay Paige

  There’s a tension in the air back home as I cook dinner for us, giving Raelynn time to snuggle with Jackson. Bree is on my hip. She’s talking her little heart out and trying to rip my necklace off.

  “When is my princess walking for me? Hmm?” I ask her. She’s close; I can feel it. I just hope it doesn’t happen while I’m not here. Dinner is ready, so over Bree’s ramblings, I call for Raelynn and Jackson. Bree wiggles against me, wanting to get down and go to Jackson if her shout of Ja-Ja means anything.

  “Help her walk to me, Mr. EJ.”

  I set her down on her feet, hold her hands, and help her walk to Jackson.

  “Good job, Bree!” he congratulates her. I let go of her hands since she can stand fairly well on her own and I swear to you, they awkwardly fist bump. That’s something Jackson has surely taught her. Bree claps as Jackson praises her some more. It’s not only sweet to see him with her, but it’s great to see her interact with another kid, even if he is older than her.

  With Raelynn right next to Jackson, I take a step away to grab my bottle of water from next to the stove. “Try walking over here now, Bree,” I hear Jackson say.

  I glance down to see that Raelynn now crouches behind Bree and Jackson stands next to me. Bree looks between us and then back at Raelynn.

  “Come on, Bree. Walk to DaDa and Ja-Ja,” Jackson encourages her.

  I crouch down and hold my arms out to her. “Come here, princess.”

  Are we really doing this? Trying to get her to walk on her own, especially after the day we’ve had? My heart pounds in my chest like this is an important game and my ass is on the line. Bree takes one step forward. Holy shit. She takes another, giggles, and then with Raelynn on her heels, she wobbles with heavy steps right into my arms.

  “You did it!” Jackson shouts, his voice bubbly with excitement. “You did it, Bree! Good job!”

  I pick her up and hug her. “Good job indeed, princess.” I kiss her forehead. This is overwhelming. My little girl just walked! My gaze shifts to Raelynn who, I swear to it, looks just as much like a proud mom as I feel like a proud dad. Before she can protest and before I can change my mind, I pull her into my arms and hug her with Bree between us.

  “Elias,” she whispers after a few moments.

  I release her and bend to scoop up Jackson in my other arm. He hugs Bree and me both, but my eyes are on Raelynn. She’s uneasy in this moment. I can tell. She may think it’s because this is another milestone of Bree’s I’m sharing with them, but I disagree. Raelynn still isn’t used to her world expanding and every big moment she spends with Bree and me solidifies her place in our world. That is what makes her uneasy.

  What I want is to figure out her deal with Christmas, place myself in her and Jackson’s world as much as they’re in ours, and live happily ever after. Sounds simple to me. Well, maybe not simple, but completely possible. I don’t want to be a single dad forever. I want Bree to have a good female role model in her life as she grows up. I want someone who’ll watch movies with me and when they’re having a bad day, I want to be the one who cheers them up.

  Hell, I want a true relationship with someone. The kind where I can count on my woman for support just as surely as she knows she can count on me. The kind where I’ll always love her, even during the struggles. I want to settle down and be happy, sad, angry, excited, scared, and all the other emotions we feel with someone else.

  And I’m pretty damn certain I can do all of those things with Raelynn.

  “Tell me what you said to him before I call him,” she says to me later once the kids are in bed for the night.

  She sits next to me on the couch, which isn’t good enough. I grab her hips, lift, and place her in my lap, which does nothing but cause her to frown at me over her shoulder. That quickly disappears when I begin massaging her shoulders.

  “Relax, Raelynn.”

  “This isn’t a situation that calls for being relaxed,” she points out.

  “I know. I also don’t care.” That earns me a glare, but she sighs as I knead her muscles some more. I wait until she’s resting her back against my chest, completely relaxed, before I spill any details. “He texted you, but it failed to send. He knows he fucked up and he’s worried you’ll try to keep Jackson from him.”

  Raelynn tries to sit up, but my arms are now around her waist and chest, so I keep her against me. “I would never do that to Jackson so long as Henry’s trying and he’s being a decent human being. And he still should’ve waited for an answer. Let me go so I can call him.”

  “What are you going to say to him?” She’s all tense again, my hard work for nothing.

  “That he’s a pain in my ass.”

  I laugh, totally not expecting that. “Okay, Little Grizzly, maybe you shouldn’t start with that.”

  She twists in my arms. “Little Grizzly?” she questions with a hint of a smile.

  “You’re a momma bear, Raelynn, but you’re small.” I squeeze her hips to prove my point. “Hence, Little Grizzly. It makes perfect sense to me.”

  I don’t know what it is about what I said, but Raelynn wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me like I just professed my love for her and proposed marriage. My entire body reacts to this kiss. I pull her closer, though surely she can hear the rapid acceleration of my heart, and then I lay us down on the couch. Her fingertips trail lightly up my arms as if she’s tracing over my tattoos. That shit drives me crazy, especially since she can’t see them. The moment my hand sneaks underneath her shirt, her phone rings.

  Henry.

  Fucking Henry!

  Guess he doesn’t want to wait for Raelynn to call him. I sigh, my breath hitting Raelynn’s cheek. She smiles. I don’t know why. She kisses my cheek before pushing me away and grabbing her phone as we sit up. She surprises me again because I’d think this is a conversation she’d want to have in private, but she leans into my side, tucking her feet up next to her thighs.

  “Yes, Henry, but...”

  Guess he wants to make sure he fully apologizes and makes his promises before she can lay into him for what he did.

  “You want to do what?” Raelynn asks quietly, her body solidifying next to me. “Well, of course that makes sense, but...” She reaches up and begins twirling her hair around her finger. “I don’t know, Henry. It sounds like a long, complicated, and expensive process.” Her shoulders slump a fraction. “I know that, and I swear if you imply I’m not doing what’s best for Jackson one more time, I’ll hurt you. You have to give me time on this. Unlike you, I don’t have a lawyer on standby.” She’s quiet for a moment. “I don’t think you’re in a position to be asking more of me right now. Thursday won’t work for us; sorry. I’ll talk to you this weekend.” She hangs up the moment the last word is out of her mouth.

  “What happened?” I ask.

  “He apologized, but then came at me with a list of demands. I swear, he’s his daddy through and through. He might be down here, trying to be in Jackson’s life and to get away from his parents, but he’s still just like his daddy.” Raelynn huffs. “He thinks it’ll make me feel better if we just go ahead and make ‘custody arrangements.’” She does the air-quotes with her fingers. “Which means I need to get a lawyer, which will cost god only knows how much, and I doubt my lawyer will be as good as his. He can say this will be smooth as much as he wants, but if he thinks he’s getting anything other than visitation, he’s lost his fucking mind.

  “Then, he said he wanted Jackson to go to his house Thursday since he hasn’t been there yet. I feel relieved I could legit say no since you’ll be away and I’ll have Bree. I don’t know if you’d be okay with her going over there with us, but either way, I’m not taking her right now, even if you are okay with it. It feels like he’s stealing my power and I don’t like that.”

  I pull her back in my lap, but make her straddle me this time. My hands cup her face and I rest my forehead against hers. “Repeat after me.”

  “Elias,” she starts, thinking I’m not being s
erious.

  “Repeat after me,” I say more firmly. “Jackson isn’t going anywhere except for visits because I’m Little Grizzly and the best parent he could possibly have.”

  Raelynn rolls her eyes, but it’s with a smile on her face.

  “Say it, Raelynn.”

  “Jackson isn’t going anywhere except for visits because I’m Little Grizzly and the best parent he could possibly have.”

  “And I’m going to let EJ help me find the best lawyer to ensure everything happens the way I want.”

  She frowns. “Elias...”

  “Say it.”

  “And I will unhappily and reluctantly let Elias help me find the best lawyer to ensure everything happens the way I want, but only because it’s ultimately for Jackson. Anything else?”

  “No, but I’ll let you know if I change my mind.”

  Raelynn shakes her head. “Let’s watch a movie while you give me another massage.”

  Sounds like the perfect idea to me.

  “DaDa!” Bree grins and reaches for the phone where Elias’s face appears on the screen. He’s been talking to her for ten minutes already and that’s probably the thirtieth time she’s said his name.

  “Yes, princess, it’s me,” he says to her with a smile before focusing on me. “Raelynn, would you do something for me?”

  “Sure; what is it?”

  Elias grins. “You agree to things without knowing what it is?”

  I shrug. “I trust you.”

  That makes his smile brighten even more. “You remember Sylvia, right?” I nod. “She’s been on bedrest for a little while and will be until the baby comes. I was talking to Scotty and she’s extra restless today. Maybe you can take the kids over there and give her a fresh face to see.” He takes a deep breath. “You’d make her really happy if you’d give her some gossip,” he adds with a pointed look.

  “You mean...” Surely, he doesn’t.

  But he nods. “You don’t have to; you could tell her about Henry, but anything would cheer her up. Will you go see her?”

  The idea of hanging out with a woman I don’t know all that well and spilling my guts doesn’t sit well with me. However, she is stuck on bedrest and this is the first time Elias has asked a favor of me. I can do this for them both.

  “Of course. Text me her address and her phone number; I want to let her know I’m coming over.”

  “We’re going to see Mrs. Sylvia?” Jackson butts in. “Does that mean Stella and Stephanie will be there?”

  Elias laughs. “They live there with her, so I’m pretty sure you’ll run into them, J-man.”

  Jackson sighs, but I think it’s for show. He likes those girls, but he likes to act as if he doesn’t. He hops off the couch and runs up stairs as if he’s on a mission.

  “I miss you guys,” Elias admits when my gaze returns to the screen.

  “We miss you too. Good luck tonight.”

  “Thanks, Raelynn.”

  “Wey!” Bree giggles and my jaw drops as I look at her. That almost sounded like Rae. “No!” She actually started saying no earlier this week. She loves it almost as much as DaDa and Ja-Ja. But I can’t believe she just said my name! My eyes water before I can control my emotions.

  “Oh, Bree,” Elias starts in a teasing tone. “You’re in trouble now. She doesn’t like to be called Rae,” he says with a little laugh.

  “Bree can call me whatever she wants.”

  That makes him grin. “Wait up for me?” he asks. His mouth parts wider and he adds, “Oh! My family is coming in today! I forgot to tell you that. You don’t have to worry about picking them up. They’re getting a cab ride to the house.”

  “They’re coming today?” My heart pounds in overtime. We can’t check into the hotel until tomorrow.

  “Yeah, that’s okay, isn’t it?” Confusion clouds his face.

  “Yes, of course.” Bree starts to squirm a little and I use that as my excuse to get off the phone with him, never promising one way or the other to wait up for him.

  I get the kids together, text Sylvia, and then we’re on our way to her house. But only after I finish packing and loading the car. I can’t stay here tonight, whether Elias thinks I’m leaving tomorrow or not. The idea of spending Christmas with Elias and his family still scares the hell out of me. I’ll figure out another plan somehow.

  First, I have to spend some time with Sylvia Boyd.

  A woman I presume is her mother answers the door. “Sylvia said she was expecting guests,” she says with a smile. “Come on in. I’ll show you to her room.”

  We follow her to Sylvia’s bedroom and the moment she sees us, she shouts, “Raelynn! I’m so happy you’re here!” She pats the bed. “Jackson, you can play with the girls in their room, if you’d like. My mom can show you where their room is.”

  Jackson looks up at me. “Play nice, remember your manners, and don’t break anything,” I tell him. He nods and runs off without waiting for Sylvia’s mom to tell him where to go. I walk over to sit next to Sylvia, feeling slightly awkward to be in the same bed that Scott Boyd sleeps in.

  “Come here, Bree. Let me see this beautiful face,” she coos, holding out her arms as Bree unsteadily walks on the bed with my help toward Sylvia. “Please tell me something interesting is happening in your life,” Sylvia says to me.

  “My life definitely isn’t boring.”

  Her eyes light up as Bree plops down next to her and Sylvia rubs her stomach. “Tell me,” she demands.

  I decide to start small, get a feel for how it would be to spill my guts to her. “Well, as you can see, Bree is walking a little.” I hand Bree one of her toys before she can start crawling around. “She’s fluent in DaDa, Ja-Ja, no, and she said Wey today. Some other words slip here and there, too. Jackson seems to be coming out of his shell more and more each day.”

  Sylvia reaches over and puts her hand over mine. “If I wanted to know about the kids, I’d ask EJ myself,” she interrupts.

  “Oh, well...” Am I really about to divulge more? For her? For Elias?

  “Don’t feel pressured by me either, Raelynn. Make something up, if you’d rather, I don’t care. Just give me something.”

  For some reason, that’s what relaxes me. Bree makes her crying face and I realize she’s missing her nap right now. I pick her up, rest her on my chest, and rub her back. “Jackson’s father is in the picture for the first time. He moved down here once he tracked us down because he’s decided he wants to be in Jackson’s life now.”

  Sylvia’s eyes widen. “How is that going?”

  “Not so great. We’re probably about to go through the court system, which will reassure me but terrify me at the same time. I have quite a few irrational fears.” I explain more about the situation. Sylvia acts like she’s about to get up, but when I ask, “What are you doing?” she stops and huffs.

  “Right. Bedrest.” She looks down at her stomach. “I really love you, baby boy,” she whispers. With a sigh, she looks at me. “Before you leave, you need to get my wallet out of my purse. There’s a business card in there for a lawyer. He’s the best, I promise. Once the holidays are over, call and set up an appointment; mention that Scott and I referred you. He’ll look after you and Jackson.”

  “Thanks. How are you doing?” The only piece of gossip I have left for her is Elias and me.

  Sylvia rubs her belly once again. “I’m losing my mind, but it’s totally worth it. This is likely a once in a lifetime opportunity here and in a way, I’m cherishing bedrest, even though it’s driving me crazy. I’m ready to have this baby, so I can get back to taking care of my girls and my household instead of just sitting here and watching someone else do my job.” She sighs again, tears trailing down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Raelynn. I’m a mess lately. This baby boy is determined to make me cry at least twice a day until he comes, which means I cry every time I talk to Scott. I’m worrying my husband to death.” Before I can attempt to cheer her up, she takes a deep breath. “Tell me some more gossip.�
�

  I give her the one thing I know that will for sure brighten her day. “I’m dating Elias; no one really knows.” No need to tell her that Deanna knows, but other than that, no one knows.

  Her bright eyes widen and her jaw drops. “No way.”

  “Yep.”

  She pushes and prods for details, most of which I give her. The kids eventually run into the room as I get a call from Elias’s mother, Alice. The family has arrived.

  “I have to go, Sylvia.” She makes sure I get that lawyer’s business card before I leave. “Text me if you ever want me to visit again.”

  “Thanks for coming over, Raelynn.”

  “Any time.”

  It actually wasn’t that bad. I don’t know yet if she’ll be a friend like Deanna, but it was nice to cheer her up, especially with Christmas right around the corner.

  Alice is the first one we run into when we get home. She scoops Bree from my arms the moment she sees us. “Oh, look at my precious little granddaughter. I’ve missed you so much!” She kisses her on each cheek. “How have you been, Raelynn?”

  “Good. Thank you. I hope your flight went well.”

  Alice shrugs. “James! Nicole! Get in here and meet Elias James’s nanny and her son.” A moment later, a man and a girl younger than I am walk into the kitchen. “Raelynn, this is my husband, James, and my daughter, Nicole. This is Elias James’s nanny, Raelynn, and her son, Jackson.”

  “Nice to meet you.” At the arrival of new people, Jackson wraps his arms around my thighs, but doesn’t hide behind them. He even offers his own hello that makes my heart proud. There’s a brief moment of silence as we all stand slightly awkwardly in the kitchen. My heart begins to pound in my chest. Elias won’t be back until late tonight. I can’t stay here with his family. My throat already closes with the awkwardness I feel. “Are you all settled in? Is there anything I need to help you with?”