Bree takes a step closer to Jackson, but stumbles. She falls on her bottom, tears well in her eyes, and Jackson takes her hand. “Falling is okay, Bree,” he tells her. “It means you’re trying.”
My chest tightens at him repeating words I’ve said to him to my own daughter. Bree grabs his hands and between the two of them, she manages to stand again. This time, she walks to him and plops into his lap, laughing.
“Good job, Bree,” he tells her, offering another fist bump. She slaps his hand this time, giggling. Jackson suddenly hugs her and kisses her cheek before releasing his hold on her, except for a hand on her back in case she starts leaning backward.
“Ja-Ja!” Bree shouts, adding in some other words.
Jackson nods like he completely understands her. “I missed you too, Bree.” He looks at Raelynn. “Are we making cookies, Momma? Can Bree help?”
“She’s too little.” Raelynn stands, picks up Bree, hands her to me, and then holds out a hand to Jackson. “Let’s bake cookies.” They leave the room without a second glance.
I don’t even know if I have the ingredients to make cookies. I stand, give Bree to my mom since she holds out her arms for her, and walk to the kitchen. When I see the ingredients for cookies on the counter, even cookie cutters, I tilt my head. “How do I have all of this stuff?”
Raelynn jumps, not realizing I came into the room. “I buy your groceries.” She shrugs and then adds, “You’d want to leave cookies out for Santa, too, even if we weren’t here. I made sure you were stocked on the necessary ingredients.”
Derek walks in as I pick Jackson up to sit on the counter. I’m not sure how she lets him help, but he’ll need to reach the counter at some point, I’m sure.
“So you’re the famous Raelynn,” he says.
Raelynn glances at me. “I guess so.” She hands a measuring cup to Jackson to dump into a mixing bowl.
“Do you play hockey like Mr. EJ?” Jackson asks him.
“Yeah. I play on a different team, though. He played against us around Thanksgiving.”
Jackson looks at me. “Did you beat him?” I love how he formed this question. Not did the Rebels beat his team or did the Rebels win, but did I beat Derek?
“Yep.” I grin and that causes Jackson to smile. He even sticks his tongue out at Derek.
“Don’t tell me that EJ is your favorite player?” Derek asks with a horrified gasp. When Jackson nods, Derek shakes his head. “Oh, Jackson. Buddy, we have to teach you more about hockey and introduce you to more players. Like me.”
Jackson basically ignores that comment. “I like Mr. Brayden too. He gave me a puck one time. He threwed it right over the glass!”
Derek sighs. “Well, what do I have to do to make your list of favorites?”
Jackson shrugs.
“What about your mom? Does she have a favorite player?” Derek asks with a quick glance at me. I glare at him. What is he trying to do?
Jackson focuses on his mom. “Maybe Mr. EJ or Mr. Collin.”
I frown. Collin? Why the hell would he think her favorite player is Collin Kessy?
“I don’t have a favorite player, Jackson,” Raelynn corrects him. “Although, Mr. EJ and Mr. Collin are good choices. Help me stir.” She hands him a spatula to help her stir the mixture they’ve concocted.
“What’s your favorite thing about living here, Jackson?” Derek asks. Why is he grilling the kid? I expected him to ask Raelynn questions, not Jackson. There doesn’t seem to be any harm in them, but I almost want to kick his ass and tell him to go away for being so nosy in this way.
“Bree, even if she is a baby.” He glances at me. “And Mr. EJ,” he adds as an afterthought. I smile at him, my heart almost unable to take the fact that we’re his favorite things about living here.
“You’re one of my favorite things about living here, too, J-man.”
Jackson grins, thrilled to hear this.
Raelynn begins getting the dough ready for them to cut out shapes. I think she’s making sugar cookies. To keep Derek from asking another question, I ask Jackson how it was to see Stella and Stephanie yesterday. He talks about playing with them until the cookies are in the oven.
“Okay, Jackson, let’s get you in the bath while they bake.”
“When are we making the fort?” he asks.
“Uh, I don’t know if we are. Derek or Nicole is sleeping in your room and Elias’s parents are sleeping in my room. So, we’re camping out in Mr. EJ’s room tonight. He may not want a fort in his room.”
Jackson turns to me with big, hopeful eyes. “Momma says we always have a Christmas fort. Please, Mr. EJ?” Before I can answer, he looks at Raelynn. “Why can’t we sleep in the living room instead? Santa won’t wake me up.”
“What’s a Christmas fort, Raelynn?”
“A regular fort but with Christmas lights inside. I did my entire living room last year, but I can do a small one this time.”
“Why don’t I help Jackson with his bath while you build the fort? You can have free rein in my room.”
“I’ll help you, Raelynn,” Derek offers.
She looks like she wants to say no, but she nods. We walk upstairs and head our separate ways. I wish I knew what was being said between them in my room. Derek better not make Raelynn uncomfortable or make her wish she was still at Henry’s. I’ve never kicked anyone out of my house before, but that might make me do it.
“Mr. EJ? Do we have to move?” Jackson asks. He stands before me with his towel wrapped around him and a frown planted firmly on his face.
My first instinct is to frown, but I manage to keep my face passive. “Why would you ask me that?”
“People are sleeping in our rooms.” His eyes well with big fat tears. “I don’t want to move again. I like it here. Why did you give our rooms away? And why doesn’t my dad like you?”
Fuck, this kid is killing me. Where’s Raelynn? Jackson wipes away a tear that betrayed him by falling and I grab his shoulders.
“You aren’t moving, Jackson. Unless your mom decides it’s best for you two to move, you are staying right here with Bree and me. You’ll have your room back soon. My family is only here for Christmas and then they are going home. You are not moving,” I repeat so he believes me. Jackson nods. “Now,” on to the topic I really don’t want to address without Raelynn, “why do you think your dad doesn’t like me?”
Jackson drops his head, staring down at his feet where one slightly rests on top of the other. His voice is barely above a whisper. “Sometimes, he looks mad when you’re around, and today, he called you and Momma names.” Jackson looks up at me. “I don’t like him anymore. I don’t want to go there tomorrow. I want to stay here with you and Bree.”
My heart both breaks for him and fills with rage that he feels this way. “What did he say?”
His eyes widen in horror. “I can’t say those words, Mr. EJ! I’ll get in trouble!”
“You can just this once.”
He seems conflicted for a moment before he leans forward and whispers, “While you were outside talking to Momma, he said, ‘He’s a prick and she’s a liar.’” Jackson steps away, his eyes all watery again. “I don’t want to go tomorrow. He’s mean!” He wraps his arms around my neck and cries.
That is when Raelynn walks in.
What in the world? Jackson is still only in his towel from his shower, but that isn’t what has my heart in a panic attack. My son is in Elias’s arms, crying. What happened?
“What’s wrong?” I ask. “Jackson, baby, what’s the matter?” I crouch down just in time for him to barrel into me, leaving Elias in a second.
“Dad’s mean! I don’t like him anymore!”
Huh? I don’t understand.
“I don’t want to see him tomorrow,” he adds, hiccuping with his tears.
“What? Why? What happened?” He was only supposed to get clean; what could’ve happened with Henry when he isn’t even here?
“Jackson overheard Henry call us both some names and he�
�s upset,” Elias tells me. Damn it, Henry. I squeeze my eyes closed and bear hug Jackson. “He was also momentarily worried about having to move because someone else is staying in your rooms, but I told him not to worry about that.”
“Thanks,” I say to him. I pull away from Jackson and wipe his tears. “Jackson, baby, listen to me. I’ll talk to your dad. In the meantime, we need to decorate those cookies before you go to bed, okay?”
“Do we have to go tomorrow?”
“Let me think about it, okay?” He’ll hate me tomorrow when we see Henry anyway. I don’t know yet what Henry called us, but if we don’t do anything else while we’re over there tomorrow, he will be apologizing to my son.
Jackson nods. I hand him his clothes, item by item, so he can dress himself in his pajamas. Jackson’s mood lightens bit by bit as we head downstairs and decorate cookies; this time it’s only Elias, Jackson, and me.
“Shoo, Elias.” I hold up a butterknife with icing on it as if I might fling the icing at him. It’s maybe the third time I’ve said something in efforts to get him out of the kitchen.
He raises an eyebrow, as if daring me to follow through on my idle threat. “Why are you trying to get rid of me, Raelynn?”
“Because your family is here and ever since we’ve been home, you’ve been with us.” That was another reason why I didn’t want to spend Christmas here. As an afterthought, I whisper, “And it’s past Bree’s bedtime.”
He glances at the clock on the oven and frowns. “Okay, you have a point. J-man, I need you to finish this one for me.” He slides the cookie he was working on over to Jackson and a moment later, it’s just the two of us in the kitchen.
Soon, Jackson and I leave out a plate of cookies for Santa, say goodnight to everyone in the living room, and then head upstairs to bed. Elias’s bed was made to be a fort, especially a Christmas fort. Derek helped me wrap and string lights on the headboard and footboard as well as the tall bedposts. While his questions to Jackson irked me because I felt like he was spying on me in a way, the questions he directed at me while we hung the lights and draped blankets and sheets over Elias’s bed were almost casual and friendly.
He also tried to tell me that I was Elias’s perfect type, but failed to elaborate. Derek thinks his friend is head over heels in love with me already and he said I better not hurt him. I’m not so sure about that, but I do know things are definitely serious. Far more serious than it may be if kids weren’t involved.
And maybe it’s risky, but I decide to slide into the middle of the bed with Jackson to my left. This way I get to sleep next to Elias, too, instead of only Jackson. Jackson cuddles against my side and whispers about how he loves Christmas forts the best. Also part of our tradition is me reading a few Christmas books. I love these moments with him.
Each year, he gets bigger, older, and soon, he’ll start complaining about these traditions, I’m sure. I cherish every year he eagerly cuddles with me and waits for me to read him a book. Or when he wants to build a blanket fort and play underneath it for hours rather than watching TV. Practically any moment where he needs me or wants to spend time with me because one day, he’ll grow up and those moments will come less frequently.
I’m lightly dozing off when the bed dips and a kiss is pressed to my cheek. Elias sits up next to me with a smile.
“This is magical,” he whispers.
“That’s why it’s a Christmas fort.”
“Santa is here. Where are...?” He nods toward Jackson.
“That heavy bag you carried in?”
“Got it. You stay. I’ll take care of it. Don’t want to wake him if you move.”
“Thanks.”
Elias kisses me one more time before disappearing to place Jackson’s gifts from Santa underneath the tree. Jackson rolls away from me while he’s gone. After a little while, Elias returns and scoots as close to me as possible, taking my hand in his.
“Do you know what Henry said?” I whisper.
“I’m a prick and you’re a liar. He said it while we were outside and Jackson heard him.”
I sigh. So far, Henry has done more harm than good. If he can’t get his act together, he can just go away. Henry still has some growing up to do. He needs to think. He’s making stupid mistakes and he’s not thinking about how his choices affect Jackson.
Elias pulls me into his arms.
“Elias,” I say, about to argue.
“Don’t even think about it. It’s been a rough day. You need the comfort I can give you. Jackson will be okay.”
I don’t really want to argue either. I chose to sleep in the middle of the bed for a reason, didn’t I? With a deep breath, I relax against him.
“I have a request,” Elias whispers a few minutes later.
“What is it?”
“If it’s okay with you, I’d like to be just EJ to Jackson. No more mister. Think about it.”
Oh, wow. Elias is asking a lot of me tonight. Taking away the mister, the formality, is a big deal. He’s getting even closer to my son by taking that away. He’s removing another one of our layers, damn it.
“I’m okay with it,” I whisper. How can I say no? I’m currently in his bed, in his arms, with my son on the other side and it’s all on Christmas Eve. Elias doesn’t ask for much; he can have this. “I know it probably doesn’t seem like it all the time, but I am glad I’m here and with you.”
“Does this mean I get a good night kiss?”
Smiling, I lift my head and press a chaste kiss to his lips. Elias pulls me even closer and soon, I’m drifting to sleep.
When I wake up in the morning, Jackson’s head is on my chest and his little body is turned sideways, his feet hanging off the side of the bed. But what I notice is how hot his forehead feels against my chest and the fact that Elias’s arm is around my waist. I move his arm with one hand and with my other, feel Jackson’s forehead.
Oh, no.
He’s burning up. Jackson moans as he wakes up. “Momma,” he whines. He shifts and crawls over my body, hugging me and burying his face in my neck.
“Do you feel bad?” I ask and he nods into my neck.
“What’s the matter?” Elias grumbles as he rouses awake.
“Jackson’s sick. Pretty sure he has a fever. You might want to get away while you can.”
Elias rubs Jackson’s back. “What’s wrong, J-man?”
“My throat hurts,” he mumbles.
Great. He probably has strep. I nudge Elias with my elbow. “Go. He’s likely contagious. You don’t need it and you don’t need to spread it. We’ll hang in here today.”
Elias frowns. “It’s Christmas.”
“And he’s sick.”
Although he doesn’t look like he wants to, he gets out of bed and leaves us to get ready for the day. I’m tempted to check on Bree, but her baby monitor is quiet; she might still be asleep. Plus, I need to follow my own advice and keep Jackson’s germs to myself.
Jackson falls back asleep in my arms. I rub his back and run my fingers through his hair, hoping it soothes him. But then, I hear sounds from Bree’s baby monitor. At first, it sounds like Elias’s mom, Alice, talking to Bree. There’s nothing wrong with that. If she’s in there, then Derek must already be awake and downstairs.
“What do you think about our son dating his nanny, James?” Alice says. “I don’t like it.”
My body stiffens. There’s a brief pause and James says, “It’s none of our business.”
“It will be when they break up and I have to move down here again because he’s without a nanny. This is a disaster waiting to happen, James. I like her, I do, but this blurs the lines, and if something goes wrong, I have to come back. Not that I don’t love my granddaughter and wouldn’t do it, but it’s not the ideal situation. And we both know Elias James doesn’t always do well with picking a good woman. Just look at what happened with Bree’s mom.”
“It’s none of our business,” James repeats. “EJ is happy. She does her job well. That’s all we need to
worry about.”
It’s decided. I like James better than Alice, although I worry about the same things she does. I hear Elias step out of his bathroom at the same time we hear Alice’s voice again. “I’m not so sure I like them together is all.”
Elias peeks into the fort. For a moment, I’m completely distracted by his body because he only has a towel wrapped around his waist. “Is she talking about us?”
I nod. “Has been for the past few minutes.”
Without another word, he storms out of his bedroom and his voice filters through the baby monitor. “Ma. We can hear you.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry,” she replies. “But you can understand why we’re worried—”
“Yeah. I’m sure for the same reasons we’ve already thought of, but it’s not stopping us, so keep it to yourself. The last thing I need is for you to get into Raelynn’s head and cause her to change her mind.”
Silence emits and a few seconds later, I hear Elias step back into his room. He doesn’t acknowledge me as he finds something to wear. I feel like I should say something to him, but I’m not sure what. Awkwardness settles into the air. It’s probably all one-sided, too. I don’t think Elias ever feels awkwardness.
“Do you want me to bring breakfast up to you?” he asks as he sits on the edge of the bed, now fully dressed and ready to face the day.
“No. I’ll wait until he’s ready to eat. Thank you, though.”
He nods. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.” That might be one of the first times I’ve said that and meant it. All because Elias is right. We have thought about what Alice is worried about. I wouldn’t leave him hanging either. Although it’s odd to say, I’m okay with his mother being upset about this because it’s totally understandable and she’s on the same page as we are with the exception of being upset and wishing we wouldn’t see each other because of it.
Elias glances down at Jackson and pushes some of his hair away from his eyes. The action is so endearing and sweet, I nearly burst into tears. “Are you sure you want to stay in here all day?”
“I don’t want anyone else to get sick, and look at him. He’s sleeping on me. I can’t exactly get around like this.”
Worth the Risk Page 15
