Renegade

by Jeanne McDonald

  Jude turned his attention to Sarah. “You know, I kinda like you. Even though you're a pig. You speak your mind. Don’t let them steal that from you.”

  He jerked his head back to Ian, a sickening grin marring his handsome face. “Now, would you like to tell her or should I? The suspense is killing me.”

  “Tell me what?” I demanded.

  Jude clapped his hands together before Ian could say anything. “Welp. Time’s up, Prince Harry. I guess I get to be the lucky one to spill the beans.”

  “Stop!” Ian slammed his fist down on the table. “Leave us alone. She doesn’t deserve you being an arsehole.”

  Jude drummed his fingers over the back of the chair. “I tend to agree with you there.”

  An exasperated breath pushed out of my chest. “I don’t know what’s going on, but Jude, maybe you should leave.”

  “Not without you, baby girl.” Jude’s tone was almost deadly.

  “Over my dead body,” Ian growled.

  “That could be arranged,” Jude sneered.

  “Jude!” I scolded. “Ian!”

  Ian placed a hand over mine. The pained look that crossed Jude’s face struck me right in the heart. The idea of him being here was more than I could fathom. I was humiliated, hurt, and furious that he would barge into my life like this. He had no right, and no claims on me. I’d made that clear time and time again.

  “You want to come in here accusing me?” Ian licked his lips, a small smile forming at the corners of his mouth. “But what about you, mate? You claim you care about her, but have you told her the truth about you?”

  Jude’s cocky expression fell. And this time it was my turn to stiffen. How could Ian know anything about Jude aside from what I’d told him? Maybe that’s what he was referring to. All of the secrets I knew Jude was holding back from me.

  The stern expression on Ian’s face was one I’d never seen before. His forehead crinkled and his nose flared with every breath he took. He was rigid and on high alert. Not the usual laid back, sweet guy I was accustomed to. There was fire in him. Heat. Hatred.

  “What? Not so brazen now?” Ian templed his fingers beneath his chin. “How was it that you put it before? Should I tell her, or should you?”

  “Shut up,” Jude snapped.

  “It sucks when someone tries to create lies around you, doesn’t it?”

  Jude slammed his hands on the table. “Not lies.”

  “Right. All because I shagged her, but you think you own her?”

  “That’s not it and you know it,” Jude accused.

  I looked across the table to Sarah who appeared appalled by the whole situation. I silently pled for some sort of interference from my partner. No one seemed to be listening to me.

  “It’s eating you up inside that she’s with me and not you.”

  “Stop it,” Jude warned.

  “So, you fabricate lies to make her second guess me. I’m all for playing dirty, but that’s beneath even you.”

  Ian leaned in and whispered something to Jude that I couldn’t quite make out. Suddenly, Jude was up and out of his chair. His fist balled and his arm swung back. I realized what was happening, but it was too late. Jude’s fist made contact with Ian’s jaw.

  Everyone in the room cried out and screamed at the sudden outbreak of a fight.

  Ian recovered quickly but didn’t move. He wiped his jaw, checking for blood. When he found none, he lifted his face to meet Jude’s wild expression.

  “I could have you arrested for assault right now. But it’s not in either of our best interest to do so. Get out.”

  “Fight me, asshole!”

  “Enough!” Something about my tone stopped everyone in their tracks. “Enough!”

  I jumped up from my chair and stormed out of the restaurant, tears pooling in my eyes.

  Everyone was lying to me. Jude I could understand. He never told me the truth. But Sarah and Ian. I trusted them. I believed in them and they were lying to me.

  Air struggled to fill my lungs. I stared up into the dark clouds gathering around the afternoon sun, ready to scream. It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

  “Luce,” Jude’s soft voice whispered to me from behind. “I’m sorry.”

  I whipped around to face him. “Fuck you,” I hissed.

  “I deserve that. But I really am here to protect you. Ian isn’t who you think he is.”

  No shit, Sherlock! I’m capable of deducing that all on my own.

  I ripped my fingers through my hair, watching Sarah and Ian talk to one another at the table. My stomach curdled at their somewhat intimate exchange. “And you are?” I tossed back at Jude. “You want me to see you as the boy I fell in love with. The one who told me he love me all those years ago, before he abandoned me and left me with a man who could’ve easily hurt me. But you’re not that boy. You’re this… this…” I waved up and down his body, covered in ink and black clothes. “You’re this person who wouldn’t know the truth if it bit him in the ass.”

  “You’re right.”

  My face began to scrunch as I fought back the tears threatening to expose my emotions. “I just want to go home.”

  “I’ll take you,” Jude offered.

  “Absolutely not.”

  “I’ll take you, then,” Ian countered, as he approached us.

  “No!” I reiterated. “I’m not leaving with any of you.” I looked directly at Sarah when I said this. “Right now, I have no idea who or what to believe, and until I do, I don’t want any of you to contact me. Period.”

  “Please, don’t do this,” Ian pleaded.

  “Luce, I’m sorry, but that’s not a good idea. Really. We need to get you somewhere safe,” Jude demanded.

  “Would everyone just stop!”

  Ian extended a hand toward me before quickly pulling it back. His eyes dropped to the ground and he released a ragged sigh. “Lucy, I’m not trying to pressure you, but–”

  I raised a hand, stopping Ian from completing his sentence. “But nothing. Until one of you decides to tell me the truth about what the fuck is going on, I don’t want to see any of you. And that’s final!”

  I pivoted on my heel and walked away, thankful that no one tried to follow me.

  The truth was all I asked for. I deserved that much. And no matter what, I was going to hold to that.

  After walking aimlessly for miles, I finally got an Uber to take me to the precinct to collect my car.

  When I arrived, the house was dark, and the sun was beginning to set.

  Michael was probably at dinner with the rest of the Baxters, which was fine by me. I needed the alone time.

  I withdrew my keys, ready to open the door, but I couldn’t do it. I knew what awaited me in there. The darkness. It had a way of creeping up on me the instant I entered my empty abode. Now, that was before Michael had decorated my home, but I didn’t believe that would change the way I felt.

  With a sigh, I twirled my keys around my finger as I dashed off to my parked car. A feeling of relief surged through me as I started the engine and backed out of the space. I had no clue where I was going or why. All I knew is I needed to drive.

  Rain began to pour from the sky. The fresh smell of the rain seeped inside the vehicle through the air conditioning vent. The scent soothed my weary nerves. I started my windshield wipers but rolled down all the windows, not caring if the inside of my car got wet. The water pelting my skin created a sensation that made me feel alive. The storm raged outside the car and inside my chest. I had to follow the trajectory of the squall. It was dark, but inside the path there was light, leading me, guiding me. It was beautiful, serene, and peaceful, while dangerous, frightening, and all consuming.

  When the rain finally stopped, so did I.

  Much to my surprise, I found myself back at the boardwalk. It always came back to this place. Here was where light and dark met. Where past and future collided. This place was where my chaotic life became even more chaotic and spiraled out of control.

&nb
sp; I parked my car and got out, heading toward the dock. The shadows called me. Light pulsed in my veins, but the darkness demanded my heart. No, it desired more than that. It wanted my soul.

  The soles of my shoes thumped against the concrete, directing me to the wooden planks of the pier. The heaviness of the last few days, more like the last few months, buried me, taking my breath away. Each step I took drew me back to where I felt the shift of everything within me begin.

  As I approached the car bays by the pier, I cut my eyes to where I knew Ian’s car should be, but it was missing. As twisted as it might’ve sounded, I almost wished it had been there.

  I slipped my cellphone out of my pocket. Just as I’d suspected. There were countless calls and texts from Jude. However, there was only one text from Ian.

  Even though it was unlike him to text, it almost seemed as if he knew that’s exactly what I needed.

  Ian Clarke: You were right. We both behaved poorly. I know you have questions and I’m willing to give you answers when you’re ready to talk. Until then, know you’re on my mind.

  Simple. Sweet. Honest. It was all I wanted. Not the frantic messages from Jude wanting to know where I was, who I was with, and begging me to understand that all he was trying to do was protect me.

  Right? As if he really wanted to protect me. That’d be a first.

  I meandered along the dock, coming to the railing I knew so well. The rain had started once again. This time it came in as a slow trickle, rippling the puddles that covered the wooden planks of the pier. Practicality told me to avoid them, but my restless spirit pushed me through each patch of water, soaking my legs until I came to the end. There, I once again climbed up onto the railing, looking down into the ripples of the water. It called to me. Sang to me. And I became lulled by its siren song of peace.

  “I thought I might find you here.”

  The sound of Jude’s voice broke through my tranquility. I nearly fell backward but managed to steady myself. Jude, realizing he’d startled me, rushed to my aid. He halted when I threw up a hand. “What do you want, Jude?”

  He released a heavy sigh and held up his hands in surrender. “I told you before. I only want to protect you.”

  “By stalking me?”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.”

  I bounced off the rail and faced him, my hands on my hips. “Then how did you find me? I didn’t even know I was coming here.”

  Jude shrugged a shoulder. “I stopped by your house first. You weren’t there, so I headed to the station. Again, a bust. So, I went to The Yellow Submarine. When I didn’t find you there either, I figured you’d be back here. I was right.”

  “Good deduction, Sherlock.”

  Jude slowly lowered his hands. “Did you know that Sir Conan Doyle actually hated his Sherlock Holmes character? It’s why he initially killed him off.”

  I narrowed my eyes and furrowed my brow. “Really? You’re here to give me a literary history lesson?”

  Jude inched closer to me; his hands tucked away in his pockets. “No. I already told you why I’m here.”

  Frustrated, I flung my arms in the air. “To protect me. The last time I checked, Jude, I’m a cop. I don’t need your protection. I have the law on my side.”

  “The people coming after you don’t give two shits about the law or you being a cop. They’re ruthless, bloodthirsty animals who will stop at nothing.”

  Erected to my full height, I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Jude. “And you know this how?”

  Jude dropped his gaze. “I can’t tell you that…yet.”

  “Of course not. Because heaven forbid you be honest with me.”

  “Luce.” The tone of his voice, wounded and crushed, ripped through me. I held my ground.

  “No. You realize we talk about my life, but never yours. You refuse to have a real conversation about anything – past or present. I barely know anything about you. I’m not sure I ever knew anything about you.”

  “I want to tell you. I will tell you.”

  “Right. Sure you will.”

  Jude’s shoulders slumped forward; his expression full of anguish. “Tomorrow night. Midnight. Meet me here, at The Yellow Submarine. I’ll explain everything. Afterward, we can leave. Get away from this place. Where he can’t harm you.”

  “Who? Ian? Is this some sick joke to make me leave him? Because at this moment, I’m not with anyone. I can’t trust any of you. You’re all a bunch of goddamn liars!”

  “This isn’t a joke, Luce. He’s dangerous.”

  I turned away from him, staring back out to the water. Just yards from where we stood, Ian’s boat floated. Memories of our night on that yacht came flooding back. He was so sweet. Sensual. Tender. Yet, hot, wanton, and demanding. I couldn’t believe that was only last night, when it felt like years ago now.

  “I know you don’t believe me, but Luce, Ian was hired to kill you. And he will succeed unless you come with me.”

  “You’re right.”

  “I am?” Jude appeared surprised that I agreed with him.

  I pivoted around, facing him. “I don’t believe you.”

  In a split second, I watched a masquerade of emotions flit across Jude’s rugged features. He stumbled back as if he’d been slapped across the face. “I get it. But that night, on this very pier, his buddy Ringo was here to rough you up so Ian could swoop in and rescue you. It was all part of his master plan to get close to you.”

  “Why, Jude? Hmm. Why would anyone want me dead? I’m nobody. I’m nothing.” A hoarse laugh bubbled from my chest.

  Jude rushed toward me, wrapping his hands around my shoulders. “Never again do I want to hear you say something like that. You understand me? You’re everything.”

  I tried to shove away. “I’m not! You wouldn’t have left me if I was.”

  The flame in Jude’s eyes exploded into an inferno. “Dammit, Luce. I left to protect you, just as I’m trying to do now.”

  “You left me alone with that bastard!” Tears streamed down my cheeks. “I was lucky nothing happened other than a slap across the face after you and Klaus left. I saw how he looked at me.”

  Jude’s fingers dug into my skin. Anger rolled off of him in waves. “The night I left, he damn near killed me because I refused to let him in your room. I barred him from entering, claiming he’d have to go through me first.”

  I gasped. “No.”

  “Yes. It took Klaus ripping him off of me or he would’ve killed me. I went to the hospital after Klaus and I escaped, but they wanted to call Reed, so we ran from there, too. It’s why I refuse to go to hospitals. They ask too many questions.” Jude pulled me tight to his chest. “Every-fucking-thing I do is because of you. I never stopped loving you, Luce. Nothing could ever fill the hole you left in my heart.”

  “Why didn’t you take me with you?”

  Jude’s mouth rested next to my ear, his breath warm as he whispered, “Because you deserved a home like the one you found with the Baxters.”

  “I would’ve come with you.” My heart broke saying those words aloud.

  Jude pulled back, meeting my watery gaze. “I know.”

  His sincerity said it all. This was, indeed, the truth. All these years I thought he’d left me, abandoned me. But no. He saved me at the risk of his own life.

  His fingers slid under my chin, fanning out along my jawline. He lowered his face, and I didn’t feel the urge to back away. I needed this. I wanted it. His truth was my healing. His kiss would be the salve to take away the pain.

  The moment our lips touched the world ignited in flames. All of the longing I’d felt for Jude, the past, the hurt, the anguish, the love, exploded from me in such a way that it was an uncontrollable blaze.

  His lips were everything I remembered them to be. Soft. Tender. Heady. Strong.

  Passion coursed up through my body, alive and powerful. I closed my eyes and melted into his embrace. My whole body was consumed by this kiss, and I ached for more.

 
; Rain began to pour down from the heavens, soaking us to the core. Chills ran over my skin, formed by the burning fire inside of me.

  Our bodies pressed closer together, his hands splayed over my hip and along the nape of my neck. Every inch of my body was electrified by his touch.

  He pulled away, only slightly, allowing me to feel his heavy breath and the ghost of his lips against mine. “Tell me you want this. Tell me it’s not a dream, and you really do want me.”

  I cupped his face in my hands, forcing him to look me in the eye. “I want this, Jude. I want you.”

  He brushed his thumb along my cheekbone. “I believe you.”

  I smiled, pushing up on the tips of my toes to meet his lips once more. This kiss was gentler than before but just as powerful. When we pulled apart, I gasped for air as if I’d been underwater. He seemed to do the same.

  “Would you like to get out of here?” he murmured as his lips travelled down from my ear, along the length of my neck.

  Through the rain, I dared to look up at him, and smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  The whole drive to Jude’s place, I couldn’t believe what was happening. The euphoric high I felt being in the seat next to him, his hand rubbing my inner thigh, was almost orgasmic.

  Neither of us said a word as he drove. Nothing more needed to be said. While I didn’t know anything about Jude’s life as it was now, aside from the files I pulled on him, I did know about our past. That was a great start.

  The thought of Ian caused my chest to constrict with an indescribable ache. I cared deeply for Ian, but that was new. Something so new shouldn’t be burdened down with so much baggage already.

  My trust for him was gone. Not that I really believed everything Jude said about him. Something was amiss there. Jude believed what he said. That much I was certain of. But my gut told me while Ian was hiding something, wanting to kill me wasn’t it.

  When we pulled to the front of Jude’s home, I was a little surprised. I’d stereotyped him terribly, assuming he lived in a shabby, rundown place, but it was the complete opposite. The home he shared with Klaus was nice. Not fancy. But nice. Gray brick, two-story cookie-cutter-type residence you would expect a happily married couple with two kids and a dog to inhabit. Not two bachelors with a penchant for mischief.