Deep Dark Secrets (The Spiritwalkers Book 1)

by Sarra Cannon

  “Fine. If you want to know, I’ve been dreaming about you,” I said.

  His eyes widened, and he seemed to freeze in place.

  “Well, not you. Not exactly.” I put my good hand to my forehead and tried to find the right words to explain this without sounding like a crazy person. “Someone who looks like you, but is maybe a few years older, I think? I don’t know. All I know is that someone who looks strikingly similar to you showed up in my dreams after the accident. Someone I could swear I’ve never seen in my life. And then I finally come back to school and here you are, enrolled in my class and constantly giving me the side-eye.”

  All the anger drained from his face, leaving something tender in its place. Vulnerable and scared.

  “This person in your dreams. What does he do? Does he talk to you?” he asked.

  I shook my head and backed up a couple steps. I couldn’t think straight with him so close to me.

  “He rarely talks to me,” I said. “There are a few different versions of the dream. Sometimes, I’m soaking wet and scared. I think I’m dying. Drowning maybe. But then he appears, like some kind of angel. He pulls me toward the banks of the river and places me on the rocks.”

  I moved to the edge of the bridge and pointed down to the rocky riverbank below.

  “There,” I said.

  Jordan moved to stand beside me. His arm brushed against mine, so warm I wanted to lean into him. How could he be so warm when I was still shivering?

  He stared down at the rocks below. “Is that where they found you?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said. “They haven’t exactly been forthcoming on a lot of the details. I think they’d all rather just forget it happened and move on.”

  “I get that from my family a lot, too,” he mumbled.

  I looked over at him, surprised. “You do?”

  His eyes met mine and for some reason, I just knew he was telling the truth. Whatever sadness I had in my heart from losing my friend was reflected there in his eyes. He’d lost someone, too.

  “You know who he is, don’t you?” I asked, struggling to catch my breath. “He’s real?”

  But he didn’t answer me. Instead, he took off, walking to the end of the bridge and making his way slowly down the edge of the embankment toward the water.

  “Hey, wait up,” I called.

  I wasn’t exactly in the mood for a trek down a steep, rocky hill, but I couldn’t just stand there on the bridge by myself. I nearly fell twice on my way down.

  Both times, Jordan grabbed my arm to steady me.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled the second time before pulling away.

  Wow, he really was warm. His hands were nearly feverish.

  When he reached the rocky bank of the river, he bent down and placed a hand in the rushing water. He moved some leaves and debris around, as if he were searching for something, though I couldn’t imagine what.

  “The accident was over a year ago,” I said. “Even if this is where they found me, anything that would have been there is long gone now.”

  He stood and walked around the area, kicking loose rocks out of the way and sometimes bending over to get a closer look at something. I stood still, well away from the edge of the water. Now that we were down here next to the strong rush of it, I was openly shaking.

  God, I’d almost fallen into that. Willingly. What exactly had just happened to me?

  I backed another foot away and sat down on a large boulder. I wrapped my arms around my middle, wishing I’d brought a jacket with me. I hadn’t expected to be here very long, and it was still August, but up here in the mountains, weather was unpredictable this time of year.

  I wasn’t wearing a watch, but it had to be after two in the morning by now.

  “What exactly are you looking for?” I asked. I had to raise my voice to be heard over the sound of the water rushing against the rocks.

  He slowly made his way back toward me and shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “Some kind of sign that he was here.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “Who is he?” I asked again. “Please, I need to understand what happened that night.”

  “The guy in your dream, does he have a tattoo here?” He slid a fingertip over the side of his neck, leading down into his black t-shirt.

  I could hardly breathe. I nodded. “I can never tell exactly what it is,” I said.

  Jordan’s eyes grew darker for a moment, but then he seemed to collect himself and regain control. He cleared his throat.

  “I don’t think what you’re seeing is a dream,” he said. “I think it’s a memory. Or a message. Maybe both.”

  I stood. “What?”

  “I’ve done some research on your accident,” he said. “And what they reported in the papers doesn’t add up. The fall from that bridge is too far for you to have survived. The current is too strong and your system was full of drugs that would have made it difficult for you to react fast enough to swim to shore like they say.”

  “You’re saying I should have died?”

  “I’m saying there was someone else here that night,” he said. “Someone who was watching out for you or trying to protect you from something far more dangerous than a car accident.”

  I wanted to throw up. I’d already been through so much tonight, I wasn’t sure how much more I could take in. I either needed to trust this guy and tell him everything, or I needed to get the hell out of here.

  “There was someone else here,” I said, glancing up at the bridge. “Or something. I can’t explain it.”

  “Try,” he said, sitting next to me on the boulder.

  The warmth of his arm pressed against mine, which was both distracting and comforting at the same time.

  I didn’t know anything about this guy. Could I really trust him with my darkest secrets?

  Did I have a choice?

  “I came out here tonight to try to make sense of everything that’s been going on,” I said. “I wanted to force the memories to come back, and I think it worked.”

  “What did you remember, Marayah?”

  I stared at him. I didn’t know he even knew my name. It sounded different on his lips, somehow.

  “Tell me,” he said softly. “Maybe I can help.”

  He placed his hand on mine, and I knew in that moment that I could trust him. And right now, I could use all the help I could get. I had been so alone in all this.

  “There was someone standing on the bridge when we got here,” I said. “Hailey was driving, and I could swear there were black tears falling from her eyes. Not like mascara or whatever my doctor tried to tell me it must have been. It was like oil, thick and dark.”

  “Tell me about the person standing on the bridge,” he urged.

  “It wasn’t a person. Not exactly,” I said. “It was more like a shadow in the form of a person, if that makes sense. It was darkness itself.”

  I wrapped my arms around my middle again, unable to control the shivering. Jordan leaned closer and put his arm around me. It felt strange to be sitting so close to someone I barely knew, but at the same time, I needed him right now and he seemed to know that.

  “It was difficult to see through the rain, but I thought we were going to hit it,” I said. “But then the dark figure pointed to the right, like it was commanding Hailey to go that way.”

  I looked up at him, sure he must think I was losing my mind. But Jordan’s eyes were locked on my face, his lips parted slightly and his body rigid.

  “And that’s what she did, right?” he asked. “She turned the car in that direction suddenly, as if she couldn’t control herself?”

  I nodded, feeling like I could cry, but I had no tears left. “She told me she was sorry, and then she crashed into the bridge deliberately. It wasn’t an accident, Jordan. But I don’t think she wanted to do it, either. How can that be possible?”

  Now that I had said it out loud, I realized just how terrifying it was. Someone—or something—had been cont
rolling Hailey. It had forced her to kill herself. Commanded her to do it, just like it had commanded me to jump.

  “What’s happening?” I asked. “Please tell me this is just a nightmare.”

  I leaned against him, wanting to curl into his warmth and fall asleep, only to wake and find that this whole thing had been imagined. There was no such thing as a dark figure who could make you kill yourself. It couldn’t be real.

  “I’m afraid this is very real,” he said, as if he could read my thoughts. “You’re in danger, Marayah. What happened up on that bridge tonight wasn’t an accident, either, was it? Did something tell you to jump?”

  I hid my face inside the crook of his arm. I didn’t want to admit that he was right. I didn’t want it to be true.

  He cursed and pulled away, standing to pace at the edge of the woods.

  “This is much more serious than I expected,” he said.

  “Then you know what it is?” I asked. “The dark figure? The voice in my head?”

  “I’m not sure,” he said. “But I think I know someone who can help us figure it out. I need to reach out to them this weekend. Do you think you can meet me Monday after school? I want to take you somewhere. There’s something I need to show you.”

  I nodded. I would have to come up with some kind of excuse to get my mom to lift the afternoon curfew, but I would do anything at this point to find some answers.

  Jordan started making his way back up the side of the rocky hill, and I followed him.

  When we reached the top, I grabbed his arm.

  “You have to tell me how you’re connected to all of this,” I said. “How do you know about the dark figure? And why are you so sure the guy from my dreams was really here that night? At least tell me that.”

  Jordan turned to me, his face half-shadow, half-moonlight.

  “I know he was here, because the guy you’re describing disappeared almost exactly a year ago somewhere in these mountains,” he said. “His name was Ethan Greycloud, and he was my brother.”

  28

  You And Me

  Jordan’s answer caught me completely off-guard. All this time, I’d thought the guy in my dreams was just someone my brain had made up to protect me from the terror of that night.

  Dr. Millner had told me as much when I’d first mentioned him.

  But Jordan was right. I should have died that night, just like Hailey. There was no explanation for how I’d survived.

  And something deep inside had told me he was real all along. Jordan was telling the truth. That was why he looked so much like him.

  “What happened to him?” I asked. “And what was he doing here in the first place?”

  I had more questions than my brain could even put words to.

  “That’s why I’m here,” Jordan said. “I’ve been trying to track him down for months. Earlier this summer, I finally tracked him here, to Twin Rivers, but that’s where the trail ended. I had no idea what he was doing here or why he disappeared, but the minute I read about your accident, I had a strong feeling he was somehow connected to it. Until I met you, though, I couldn’t prove it.”

  “That’s why you’ve been following me,” I said.

  “I haven’t been following you.”

  “Really? Because ever since I got back, I could swear I’ve seen you around everywhere I go,” I said. “Sitting close to me in the cafeteria, watching me with those dark, broody eyes of yours. Watching me when I walk down the hall. Standing a bit too close every time I’m trying to have a private conversation. Or am I wrong?”

  “Okay, so maybe I’ve been keeping an eye on you,” he said. “Which tonight turned out to be a good thing.”

  I wanted to argue with him, but I couldn’t. He was right. If he hadn’t been here…

  I shuddered.

  “Thank you,” I said softly.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” he said, stepping closer.

  I avoided his eyes and stared down at my injured hand. It had mostly stopped bleeding now, but it was going to leave a nasty scar.

  “Let me take a look at that,” he said.

  He stepped forward and reached for my hand. I pulled away, not sure I could handle the feel of his warm skin against mine right now.

  “Don’t be such a baby,” he said, laughing. “Just let me see how bad it is.”

  “I’m not a baby,” I said, pouting.

  He took my hand and turned it over in his. “This is pretty deep,” he said. “Hold still and close your eyes.”

  I eyed him curiously. What exactly was he planning to do to me?

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” I said. “I’ll just throw some peroxide on it when I get home and wrap it up. If I go to the hospital, they’ll call my parents, and I’m still hoping I can sneak back in without them ever knowing I was gone.”

  “Just trust me,” he said. “Close your eyes.”

  Nervous, I gave him my hand and closed my eyes. “Be gentle,” I said.

  “Always.”

  He placed his palm on top of my bloodied hand and whispered something so low, I couldn’t make it out over the sound of the river beneath us. My hand grew warmer until it almost burned. I pulled back out of a natural reflex, yanking my hand away from him.

  “Better?” he asked.

  I stared down at my injured hand, my eyes widening as I saw that the wound was mostly closed now, barely a wound at all anymore.

  “How did you do that?” I asked, my voice a whisper.

  “I’ll show you Monday,” he said, smiling. “Meet you by your car after school?”

  “Okay,” I said. “I need to get home now, though. If my parents find out I’m gone, they’ll freak.”

  “Is this something you do a lot?” he asked. “Sneak out of the house this late on a school night?”

  I challenged him with an icy stare. “I don’t know. You tell me, since you’ve been watching me so closely.”

  “Fair enough,” he said. “From what I’ve seen so far, you seem to be more of a rule follower than a sneaking-out kind of girl.”

  I bit my lower lip and looked away.

  “I’m not sure who I am anymore,” I said. I glanced back at the bridge, shaking my head.

  A hard wind blew my hair into my face, but before I could reach to brush it out of the way, Jordan stepped closer and ran a finger down the side of my cheek, tucking my hair behind my ear. His hand lingered there at the base of my neck.

  He ran a finger along the black rope and touched the silver medallion.

  “This was Ethan’s,” he said. “When I first heard about your accident, I thought maybe you were part of the reason he disappeared. But when I saw you that day at the gym, I noticed his necklace, and I knew he was trying to protect you.”

  Breathless, I stared up at him. He made no sense to me at all.

  I reached up to take it off, but he stopped me.

  “No, it’s yours now,” he said. “Ethan wanted you to have it. You should never take it off, Marayah. It’s important.”

  I nodded. I didn’t want to take it off, but I was glad to finally know who had given it to me, even if I didn’t yet understand why.

  “We’re going to figure this out,” he said. “You and me.”

  “I hope so.” Even though I didn’t know this guy, there was comfort in the thought of having someone around that I could talk to. That I could trust.

  “There are a lot of things I still need to tell you,” he said. “Things that might be difficult for you to believe or understand. But I think you’ve had enough excitement for one night.”

  He smiled down at me, and for the first time since I’d woken up, my body broken and every inch of me screaming in pain, I felt something other than completely and utterly alone.

  This had been one of the strangest nights of my life.

  “You better get going, right?” he asked.

  I took a deep breath. I didn’t want to leave him, which was totally strange. Before tonight, I’d almost been afraid of him.r />
  “Do you need a ride?” I asked. I glanced around and didn’t see his truck, so I wasn’t sure how he’d gotten out here.

  “Nah, I’m going to run,” he said. “It’s a nice night out.”

  “Run?” I shook my head. “And everyone around here thinks I’m the crazy one.”

  He started toward the woods, but kept his eyes on me until I was safely in my car. I turned the car around and headed back toward town, and as I passed him, he lifted a single hand in a wave before he disappeared into the darkness of the forest.

  29

  Not A Good Sign

  I groaned when my alarm went off Monday morning. I’d gotten home after three in the morning after my trip to the bridge, and it had taken all day Saturday to recover. At least I hadn’t come home to find police cars sitting in the driveway, so that was a plus.

  I’d cancelled my plans to work on the school project with Nicole and spent the entire weekend resting and looking up demonic possession on the internet.

  So far, all I’d really found was some seriously scary stuff about mental illness. I’d stayed up half the night last night reading about it, and it had taken a few hours for my brain to wind down enough for me to sleep.

  I really hoped that whatever Jordan was planning to show me today would finally give me answers about what was going on. Since I had no idea how long we would be out, I needed to convince my parents to lift my afternoon curfew and let me stay out a little bit longer today.

  I was already on such thin ice with Mom, but I had to find a way to get a little bit of freedom.

  Which meant I was going to have to lie to her. There was no freaking way she would willingly let me hang out with some strange guy who was new in town and rumored to be a drug dealer.

  Um, yeah. Wasn’t going to happen.

  “You’re up early this morning,” Mom said when I appeared in the kitchen. But when she caught a look at me, she frowned.

  Crap, I must not have done a good enough job covering the dark circles under my eyes with makeup.