Full Surrender

by Joanne Rock

  “If you keep this up, I’m going to have a more important appetite to feed.” She nipped his jaw, liking the feel of his hard body all too well.

  He stepped back. “A gentleman wouldn’t let that happen. I need to keep your strength up for the next round, after all.”

  Pleasure hummed through her at the thought. She wanted more days like this whenever they could have them. He was a man worth waiting for, even if he was gone so much of each year.

  “Danny—”

  “But first—”

  They started at the same time.

  She carried the napkins and silverware over to the table. “Go ahead,” she insisted, savoring the happy warmth between them.

  “I just wanted to hold you to your end of the bargain today.” He flipped the eggs and salted them. “You’re going to fire the PR firm that’s handling your mail, right? Because I called the D.C. police to find out about their records of any threats—”

  “You what?” The silverware clanked to the table.

  “I double-checked with the local cops to be sure they had logged the threats against you.” He plated the eggs and brought them to the small bistro table.

  “You didn’t need to do that.” A chill descended over her happy mood as she realized that he hadn’t trusted her to take care of the threatening letters.

  That he’d stepped right into the situation and taken control.

  “I wanted to,” he clarified, returning the skillet to the stove top and pulling on a T-shirt that had been flung over the back of a chair. “I couldn’t sleep last night and woke up to read through the file you forwarded me. The emails were damn well disturbing enough to warrant some follow-through, so I checked in with your local police station.”

  “How did you even know which one was local?” She didn’t realize she held the napkins in a death grip until he stepped closer and pried them from her fingers. “You don’t even know where I live.”

  He tensed, no doubt picking up on her mood.

  “I looked up your photography business online. Your address is public record since you work out of your apartment—which, by the way, is a bad security risk.” He held out her chair for her, but she’d lost her appetite and remained on her feet.

  “And you did all this while I slept.” She couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that he’d woken her with kisses and carried her into the shower this morning, all the while having looked into her personal business and made calls on her behalf.

  “I was worried about you, Steph.” He tossed the napkins on the table and faced her again. “Doesn’t it concern you to know that PR firm hasn’t reported anything to the cops in all the time they’ve been working for you?”

  Had Josh lied? That did bother her. But damn it, that didn’t take away the fact that Danny had taken charge of her affairs without consulting her.

  “Yes,” she said tightly, realizing now she didn’t know him half as well as she’d thought. “But I don’t care to be muscled out of my own life so someone else can figure out what’s best for me.”

  “I’m not telling you what’s best for you.” His voice took on a remote aloofness that she’d never heard before and she wondered if she’d offended him half as much as he’d insulted her by handling her private concerns without asking. “I did some legwork to help you make an informed decision.”

  “But I told you I would take care of that today.” She felt weary from this battle even though she hadn’t waged it with him before. She’d fought it enough times with her mom to know she didn’t need it from anyone else in her life. “You didn’t give me a chance to even look into it.”

  Kind of like her mom hadn’t waited for her to call this morning even though Stephanie promised she would.

  He took a deep breath and frowned, almost as if he’d stopped himself from saying something. Then, he crossed his arms and started again.

  “You’ve had three years to look into it since these threats have been an ongoing problem. I assumed you would welcome some help since this situation has turned serious.”

  Three years? Obviously, he thought she’d been remiss in taking care of herself for quite some time. The hopefulness that had been taking root inside her withered.

  It was a good thing she’d had a lifetime to perfect the calm, rational tone she used with her mother when she was upset because she sure needed it to cover her heartache now.

  “I prefer to handle my own business,” she articulated clearly even though her heart raced with regret at how quickly things were falling apart. “I worked too hard to recover some independence after what happened to me overseas. I can’t allow anyone else to march into my life and say what’s best for me.”

  “You’re mad at me for helping you.” It was a statement, not a question, though his tone suggested he couldn’t quite believe it.

  “I don’t barrel into your life and take the reins. I don’t try to solve your problems without being asked. In turn, I wouldn’t expect you to do those things with me.”

  His eyebrows shot high.

  “Well, let me be more clear. You can expect that I will protect you if I feel that it is warranted.”

  “Why? Because I’m weak? Because you think I can’t take care of myself?” Old frustrations bubbled. He had made this a line-in-the-sand moment when he’d gone behind her back in the middle of the night. “I’m a survivor for a reason, you know, and I’ve confronted worse than a bunch of letter-writing hotheads. So I would appreciate it if you’d let me decide how to address this.”

  His jaw tightened. Flexed.

  “While you’re deciding, Steph, these threats are increasing.”

  “When you sail out of my life again at the end of the month, I’ll be right back to handling things alone. If anyone went to the police, it should have been me.”

  “I won’t regret doing whatever I can to keep you safe. Especially because I’ll be on a ship again in a few weeks.”

  He didn’t regret undermining her? And in the process hurting her, too?

  “Danny, I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect my independence.”

  He shook his head, his jaw dropping.

  “Do you honestly expect me to believe you want to be like that chick in the horror flick who goes into the dark with nothing but a baseball bat when there’s a psycho in the woods? Come on, Stephanie. We both know you’re a whole lot smarter than that. So is all this a smoke screen for what’s really going on? Is this your way of keeping me at arm’s length?”

  Stunned silent, her mouth snapped shut. Did he seriously believe that? What’s more...could there be any truth in it?

  “I know you wanted to keep things light,” he continued, clearly pushed past the point of agitation, “and I’ve overstepped that in a big way, haven’t I?”

  Still reeling with the shock of the accusation, she wasn’t sure how to respond. But apparently her hesitation spoke volumes to him because he cursed and headed for the door.

  “Fine. I’ll make it easy for you then. Once your security is in place, I’ll give you all the space you need.”

  The screen door banged behind him and he was out of sight before she even came close to gathering her wits.

  It wasn’t until she was all alone that she realized her heart had broken somewhere during the argument. It hurt now more than she would have ever thought possible, a gaping wound that caused her to put her hand on her chest where it ached.

  Now, more than ever, she recalled that her first impression of Danny as a laid-back guy was all wrong. What a time to realize she loved the intense military man far more than the rocker who had charmed her at first. She’d figured out he meant everything to her just in time to lose him.

  13

  “DAMN IT.” Danny barreled into his parents’ house, pissed off and cursing a blue streak.

  Thank God his mother wasn’t around.

  He banged through a back door on the lower floor, directly into the game room, which was mostly a male domain. His mother had her mom-cave
upstairs. The game room was dominated by a large-screen TV on the wall, a pool table and a bar. Already Keith and Jack were engaged in a contest at the foosball table. ESPN blared on the big screen.

  “Dude. There’s a lady present.” Keith pointed toward the bar, where Jack’s fiancée, Alicia, rose slowly from whatever she’d been doing beneath the counter.

  “Just me, Danny. And I’ve heard that tune a time or two before.” She winked at Jack and edged out from behind the bar. “I’ll excuse myself, though, so you don’t need to censor for my sake.”

  Danny managed a halfhearted apology, but his soon-to-be sister-in-law breezed toward him and patted his shoulder on the way past.

  “No worries. Maybe I’ll go take cover with Stephanie on the female side of the Murphy property.” She continued toward the door, her long blond hair swinging. A former champion swimmer, she was a beautiful woman. But she didn’t have the quirky smile or the spontaneity that made his eyes seek out Stephanie in any crowd.

  Then again, no woman had turned his head the way Stephanie had from the first instant he’d laid eyes on her.

  Jack followed Alicia just outside of the room to give her a real kiss that made Danny ache with regret over how thoroughly Stephanie had pushed him away.

  Keith turned the sound down on the TV as Jack came back into the room.

  “What gives?” Jack asked. “You guys looked pretty damn happy to me last night.”

  “She thinks I overstepped her boundaries by trying to keep her safe. But I know it’s just a B.S. smoke screen for whatever is really going on—trouble committing or something.” Would she think he was invading her privacy by sharing as much with his brothers, too?

  But he was too confused about his next move not to share. Not to mention, he only had a limited amount of time to figure this out before he shipped out again. He wasn’t normally a big family guy, but right now, he needed all the help he could get.

  “Is she in danger?” Keith straddled a bar stool, a sleek designer watch flashing on his wrist even though he sported a T-shirt and sweats.

  “She wrote a book about her captivity, remember?” His family knew the story well enough. They’d spent plenty of time working to help free her and Christina. “And apparently she’s developed a following of hate-mongers who don’t like the idea that she suggested peaceful communication might be a good balance to the war efforts.”

  “A stupid enemy is a dangerous enemy,” Jack muttered. “Has anyone made a direct threat?”

  Quickly, Danny related the gist of the emails she’d received, the fact that no one had reported the contents, and the news that she had no security system in place.

  “I thought I showed a whole lot of restraint not threatening to string up this ex-boyfriend of hers who hasn’t been doing his job.” Danny had thought about it and held his tongue.

  “And that was wise.” Keith clapped him on the back. “Good job on that.”

  “You did the right thing in the wrong way.” Jack pulled out a few bottles from under the bar and set them in a row. Whiskey, scotch and something unlabeled, which Danny happened to know was homemade Russian vodka from an eccentric friend of their father’s.

  “Meaning...?” Danny pointed to the vodka.

  Jack poured three glasses of the potent brew.

  “Whether it’s a smoke screen or not, she has to have a say in how things go down when they concern her.” Jack clinked his glass to the others. “I bought Alicia that bed-and-breakfast she wanted, but was she happy? No way. She was hurt that I’d robbed her of a chance to fulfill her dream of buying it herself. Even though I get that now, I was so freaking sure I was doing the right thing at the time, it never crossed my radar what she would want.”

  Keith lifted his glass and, like Jack, gently tapped it against the rest. “I sent out a press release that Josie and I were engaged before I asked her. Not only that, but I did it to solve a PR crisis for her that she had told me to stay out of.” He shook his head as if to ward off the memory. “I was close to losing her.”

  But he hadn’t. Both these guys were happy as hell and living the dream with their women. Meanwhile, he was pretty sure he’d made Stephanie cry, although she’d beat a hasty retreat out of the kitchen after she told him she’d been wrong to trust him with her heart.

  Damn. It.

  “This isn’t like that. I’m talking about her safety. Her physical well-being. Besides, I think she’s just using this as a way to leave because she just doesn’t want me in her life full-time.” He didn’t bother clinking glasses. He shot the vodka in one swallow and got up to leave, too edgy and frustrated to sit still.

  Behind him, he heard one of his brothers give a low whistle. As he banged out the door, he couldn’t be sure which one of them said, “Some guys learn the hard way, dude.”

  His brothers meant well, but their advice about letting Stephanie have some say in how he handled things with her security wasn’t going to solve the fact that she could be in danger.

  Again.

  And he wasn’t about to let anything happen to her a second time, even if that meant losing her forever.

  * * *

  WHEN A SOFT KNOCK came at the gatehouse door, Stephanie knew it couldn’t be Danny. He wouldn’t knock, for one thing. And if he did, it wouldn’t be softly. Still, her heart foolishly picked up speed.

  Just because her brain knew that things were going downhill fast for her and Danny didn’t mean that her heart had a clue. She felt as if she had a hole in her chest, the ache there so deep it went right through her.

  “Come in,” she called, raising her voice as she hurried down the stairs to open the screen door.

  An unseasonably warm breeze filtered into the living room as Jack’s fiancée, Alicia, let herself into the gatehouse. Fair-haired and beautiful, Alicia Le Blanc carried a small basket under one arm, a bright yellow tea towel covering whatever was inside. She wore jeans and an apricot-colored sweater that added to her healthy glow.

  “Hi.” She passed the offering to Stephanie just as her eyes went to the bistro table where the plates of untouched eggs still sat. “I brought you some breakfast, but it doesn’t look like you need it with the spread you have here.”

  Stephanie took the warm basket and peeked under the towel to find fresh blueberry muffins.

  “Thank you,” Stephanie managed to respond, too hurt inside to make small talk with someone she didn’t know very well, even though she recognized the thoughtfulness of the gesture. “Danny and I...” She didn’t know where to go from there, unsure where they stood or what had happened. “He left and—”

  When her voice broke, she didn’t bother trying to finish the sentence.

  “I’m sorry,” Alicia said into the silence, taking the muffin basket and setting it on a kitchen counter. “Maybe I shouldn’t have intruded. I just saw Danny moping around the main house and thought you could use a friend.”

  She reached a tentative hand to clutch Stephanie’s arm. It was as if the sympathetic pressure squeezed out the tears she’d been holding back and she had to wipe away the proof of her sadness.

  “That’s thoughtful of you, but I’ll be okay. I was just packing my things.” And feeling sorry for herself.

  “I don’t have any intention of prying, and I don’t know what happened,” Alicia began hesitantly, but her words picked up speed as she spoke. “But I wanted to share just a couple of insights about the guys in this family—things that might not sway your decision, but then again...”

  Stephanie was touched by Alicia’s uncertainty. Her mother gave advice without asking all the time. Instead, Alicia offered to shed light on the situation without preaching. A simple but refreshing twist on the way Stephanie was used to being approached.

  “I’m listening.” She gestured to the chairs at the counter. “Have a seat. I could at least get us some coffee. It’s already made.”

  “Let me.” Alicia waved her away from the coffeepot. “I’ll be less nervous if I have something to occupy m
y hands.” She smiled sheepishly. “I know it’s bold of me to march over here when we only just met yesterday. But I remember so well the way it hurt when Jack and I fought. Seeing Danny torn up this morning just made me want to run down here and give you a hug.”

  Stephanie reached for a napkin as another tear spilled down her cheek. Could Danny be hurting as much as her? Far from soothing her, the notion only made her sadder since her independence was one area she couldn’t cave on.

  Unless she really was just pushing him away? She hadn’t given much thought to his accusation yet, because she didn’t want to believe that about herself.

  “It just hurts so much because I was thinking about telling him how I feel this morning. Over breakfast, in fact.” She looked toward the uneaten eggs and wished she could wind back the clock on their relationship. “I was ready to be vulnerable to love. Ready to work around his career, which takes him away for so much of the year. But I won’t relegate control of my life to strong-arm tactics.”

  Alicia passed her a mug of coffee along with a dish of sweetener packets and creamer.

  “Of all the Murphys, Jack and Danny are most alike. That’s not just my observation, that’s generally accepted family wisdom.” Alicia stirred cream into her coffee as she spoke. “They’re less social. Quieter. Stubborn.”

  “I know they’re close.” She hadn’t seen Danny in many social settings after having dominated his time and attention at the party where they’d met. But he’d intimated last night that his family didn’t expect him to socialize much. “Jack joined the navy with Danny, right?”

  “Yes.” Alicia slid into a seat at the counter beside her, her beaded necklace clacking against the granite. “In fact, Jack and I were dating at the time, and he dumped me unceremoniously to go into the service.”

  “Really? I didn’t know the two of you had known each other that long.”

  “Well, I was out of the picture for a long time. And I was hurt about what he’d done. I only found out last year that one of the reasons he’d entered the navy was to support Danny, who was totally torn up and out of his mind with worry about you.”