[Sins and Secrets 01.0] Damaged

by Willow Winters

  The motion brings a cold breeze with it that sends goosebumps down my shoulder and spine. A chill I can’t ignore.

  The bartender’s ass doesn’t even touch the chair. Whoever it is has his full attention.

  As I lean down to reach for the cardigan laying on top of my purse, he puts up a finger and mouths, “One second.”

  The smile on my face is for him, but it falters when I hear the voice behind me.

  Everything goes quiet as the door shuts and I listen to them talking. My body tenses and my breath leaves me. Frozen in place, I can’t even slip on the cardigan as my blood runs cold.

  My heart skips one beat and then another as a rough laugh rises above the background noise of the small bar.

  “Yeah, I’ll take an ale, something local,” I hear Daniel say before he slips into view. I know it’s him. That voice haunted me for years. His strides are confident and strong, just like I remember them. And as he passes me to take a seat by the bar, I can’t take my eyes off of him.

  He’s taller and he looks older, but the slight resemblance to Tyler is still there. As my heart learns its rhythm again, I notice his sharp cheekbones and my gaze drifts to his hard jaw, covered with a five o’clock shadow. I’d always thought of him as tall and handsome, albeit in a dark and brooding way. And that’s still true.

  He could fool you with his charm, but there’s a darkness that never leaves his eyes.

  His fingers spear through his hair as he checks out the beer options written in chalk on the board behind the bar. His hair’s longer on top than it is on the sides, and I can’t help but to imagine what it would feel like to grab on to it. It’s a fantasy I’ve always had.

  The timbre in his voice makes my body shudder.

  And then heat.

  I watch his throat as he talks, I notice the little movements as he pulls out a chair in the corner of the bar across from me. If only he would look my way, he’d see me.

  Breathe. Just breathe.

  My tongue darts out to lick my lips and I try to avert my eyes, but I can’t.

  I can’t do a damn thing but wait for him to notice me.

  I almost whisper the command, look at me. I think it so loud I’m sure it can be heard by every soul in this bar.

  And finally, as if hearing the silent plea, he looks my way. His knuckles rap the table as he waits for his beer, but they stop mid-motion when his gaze reaches mine.

  There’s a heat, a spark of recognition. So intense and so raw that my body lights, every nerve ending alive with awareness.

  And then it vanishes. Replaced with a bitter chill as he turns away. Casually. As if there was nothing there. As if he doesn’t even recognize me.

  I used to think it was all in my mind back then. Five years ago when we’d share a glance and that same feeling would ignite within me.

  But this just happened. I know it did.

  And I know he knows who I am.

  With anger beginning to rise, my lips part to say his name, but it’s caught in my throat. It smothers the sadness that’s rising just as quickly. Slowly my fingers curl, forming a fist until my nails dig into my skin.

  I don’t stop staring at him, willing him to look at me and at least give me the courtesy of acknowledging me.

  I know he can feel my eyes on him. He’s stopped rapping his knuckles on the table and the smile on his face has faded.

  Maybe the crushing feeling in my chest is shared by both of us.

  Maybe I’m only a reminder to him. A reminder he ran away from too.

  I don’t know what I expected. I’ve dreamed of running into Daniel so many nights. Brushing shoulders on the way into a coffee shop. Meeting each other again through new friends. Every time I wound up back home, if you can even call it that, I always checked out every person passing me by, secretly wishing one would be him. Just so I’d have a reason to say his name.

  Winding up at the same bar on a lonely Tuesday night hours away from the town we grew up in … that was one of those daydreams too. But it didn’t go like this in my head.

  “Daniel.” I say his name before I can stop myself. It comes out like a croak and he reluctantly turns his head as the bartender sets down the beer on the wooden table.

  I swear it’s so quiet, I can hear the foam fizzing as it settles in the glass.

  His lips part just slightly, as if he’s about to speak. And then he visibly inhales. It’s a sharp breath and matches the gaze he gives me. First it’s one of confusion, then anger … and then nothing.

  I have to remind my lungs to do their job as I clear my throat to correct myself, but both efforts are in vain.

  He looks past me as if it wasn’t me who was trying to get his attention.

  “Jake,” he speaks up, licking his lips and stretching his back. “I actually can’t stay,” he bellows from his spot to where the bartender, apparently named Jake, is chucking ice into a large glass. The music seems to get louder as the crushing weight of being so obviously dismissed and rejected settles in me.

  I’m struck by how cold he is as he gets up. I can’t stand to look at him as he readies to leave, but his name leaves me again. This time with bite.

  His back stiffens as he shrugs his thin jacket around his shoulders and slowly turns to look at me.

  I can feel his eyes on me, commanding me to look back at him and I do. I dare to look him in the eyes and say, “It’s good to see you.” It’s surprising how even the words come out. How I can appear to be so calm when inside I’m burning with both anger and … something else I don’t care to admit. What a lie those words are.

  I hate how he gets to me. How I never had a choice.

  With a hint of a nod, Daniel barely acknowledges me. His smile is tight, practically nonexistent, and then he’s gone.

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  Sneak Peek at It’s Our Secret

  Prequel to Little Liar

  In one day, a life can change. Or more than one.

  Sometimes it’s a single moment that alters everything in existence.

  Sometimes it’s the fall of dominoes, lined up in a pretty little row and designed so that each one will cause more and more pain.

  In a single day, it’s all changed, and there’s no way to take it back.

  I didn't know what would happen. But secrets and lies change everything.

  Preface

  Allison

  One night changed my world forever.

  Only a single night. It made me pray harder. But God never answered my prayers.

  It’s true. In one day, a life can change. Or more than one.

  Sometimes it’s a single moment that alters everything in existence.

  Sometimes it’s the fall of dominoes, lined up in a pretty little row and designed so that each one will cause more and more pain.

  In a single day, it’s all changed, and there’s no way to take it back.

  Those are the moments that define you.

  As I stand outside of the house I’ve rented two blocks from the university’s dorms, the one night that made me who I am keeps coming back to me.

  And that one night five years ago is what brought me here.

  Chapter 1

  Dean

  Five years ago

  “’Suck my dick?’” Principal Talbot asks as she stares at me with a serious expression. “Did you really tell Mrs. Pearson to suck your dick?” She’s pissed, and that makes her question all the more thrilling.

  Not that I wanted to cause problems, but come on, is it really that serious? They’re just words.

  She slams the window down in her office, hushing the sounds of the students walking just outside the room. The bell rang only a minute ago, but everyone’s already running from class and eager to get the hell away from Stewart High, a private school on the east side of town.

  My fingers itch to be out there too, so I can sneak in a smoke before I have to go home. Everyone says it’s so damn bad for you, but it’s the only break I get. If I hav
e to keep on going through the motions, I’d rather do it stoned.

  My lips twitch with the threat of a smirk but I make sure I keep a passive expression. I shrug and lean back in my chair as I glance over my shoulder and toward her office door.

  “Do you think this is funny?” she asks me, her nostrils flaring as she stands up from her desk. She slams both hands down on her desk and leans over it to glare at me. “Do you think this is some sort of game?” With every word, her voice gets louder.

  My spine stiffens and I feel the anger rising. But it’s not for her. Or Mrs. Pearson. It’s just that I’m so used to being screamed at. My body’s ready for what’s next.

  I scratch my shoulder blade and try not to show anything but a relaxed posture. I won’t let any of them get to me.

  “It’s school, Miss Talbot. School is certainly not a game,” I answer her and square my shoulders, folding my hands in my lap although my foot taps on the floor anxiously. Maybe I’m baiting her, but then again, maybe I don’t give a fuck.

  It’s only a matter of time until my mother or stepfather comes through the door. I anticipate it swinging open, but at the same time, I’m not sure if they’ll even bother to show.

  “Three schools this year, Dean. You’ve already been kicked out of two and now you’re on your way to being kicked out of your third. Are you looking to set a record?” the principal asks me.

  I don’t answer her. It’s rhetorical anyway.

  I’m sure she has a speech prepared and I’d just hate to interrupt her.

  I like being quiet anyway. Pops used to say if you’re quiet long enough, the words you finally say have more impact. Sometimes I think he only told me that so I’d shut up.

  She takes her seat again and angrily clicks on her mouse as she reads through the offenses. “Aggravated assault and drug possession, resulting in expulsion from Hamilton.”

  It was just pot and that fucker Darrell knew he was going to get his ass beat. That’s what happens when you try to steal from someone. Even if it was just fifty bucks for pot. He had it coming but decided to be a little bitch and rat.

  Darrell can go fuck himself, Hamilton too.

  She pauses to glance at me for my reaction before scrolling down what must be my school record.

  I don’t react and just wait for the rest of the list.

  “Destruction of public property and public indecency,” she says and then purses her lips.

  The last one makes me crack a smile and I have to hide it with my hand, covering my mouth, but it doesn’t fool her.

  “I’ll ask you again. Do you think this is funny?” She has a pinched expression on her face and I have to roll my eyes.

  “I was just showing my ass,” I tell her even though I know it’s going to piss her off. It doesn’t matter what I say right now anyway. The end result is the same.

  “And was it funny when you told Mrs. Pearson to suck your dick?” she asks and then slips off her thin-rimmed glasses, folding them and calmly setting them down on the desk.

  I rest my elbow on the chair and prop my chin up to look at her. “I didn’t think she’d hear it,” I admit. And that’s the truth.

  Her brow shoots up slightly. “So, it’d be okay if she hadn’t heard it?”

  “Not really,” I answer, feeling my defenses raise. “But it’s not okay to call someone a failure and a waste of space,” I say and my words are pushed through clenched teeth as I try to remember what my math teacher said. I know she said failure at least. I know for a fact she did. All because I couldn’t remember a stupid formula.

  “This is about your repeated offenses, Dean,” the principal says but there’s a hint of hesitation in her response. She unfolds her glasses and gently puts them back on.

  “You’re only a freshman and your options for both public and private schools are dwindling. Do you think acting like this is going to help you deal with your issues?”

  My mouth slams shut at the last word. The air between us tenses and I can see her expression change. It’s a look of victory; she’s finally found something that gets to me.

  Principal Talbot shakes her head, the look of disappointment clearly forced. “You have no idea how much you’re hurting yourself,” she tells me as if she really cares.

  I scoff at her and look back to the closed door.

  None of them care. They just want me gone so I’m not their problem to deal with anymore.

  “I can’t have this type of behavior here, and quite frankly, this was a favor to your mother.” She looks me in the eyes as she says, “Who, I’m sure, is going to be very disappointed in you.”

  Her voice is stern, but that’s not what gets to me. It’s not what makes me rip my eyes away from hers and pick at the fuzz on the red fabric covering the arms of the chair I’m sitting in. It’s the fact that my mother won’t give a damn. Maybe she’ll say she does. Maybe she’ll even stand there next to that prick she married while he cusses me out for wasting his time. But does she really care? Not about me she doesn’t.

  “So, what now?” I ask and look Principal Talbot in the eyes.

  “We wait for your parents to get here-”

  “Parent,” I correct her and hold her gaze as she narrows her eyes at me. “I only have one parent.” My voice almost catches. I almost let my true feelings show. But thankfully they’re hidden, still buried where they belong.

  “Your mother and stepfather then,” she corrects herself.

  I huff and focus on the fuzz at the edge of the chair cushion, picking up the little pieces between my thumb and forefinger.

  She’d better get comfortable. The last time this happened they never even bothered to show up.

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  About W Winters

  Thank you so much for reading my romances. I’m just a stay at home mom and avid reader turned author and I couldn’t be happier.

  I hope you love my books as much as I do!

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