A Dream of Home: Hearts of the Lancaster Grand Hotel: Book Three

by Amy Clipston

  Madeleine visited with Carolyn until it started to get dark and then thanked her for the meal and headed home. She parked next to her house and headed up the back porch steps.

  When she reached the back door, she stopped and looked out toward Saul Beiler’s farm and noticed light spilling out from the largest barn near his house. Her heart ached for this stranger, knowing that he’d lost his wife and was raising his daughter alone. She decided to keep them both in her prayers. She glanced up at the clear evening sky and whispered a prayer right then.

  “God, I know you’re still there, but I haven’t felt your presence since I lost Travis. Help me find my way back to you. Please take away my nightmares and heal the hole in my heart Travis left after he died. I should’ve been there for Travis when he needed me. I should have protected him, but I failed him. I know I’m not worthy of your love, Lord, but I need you now. Make me feel whole again. In Jesus’ holy name, amen.”

  She walked into her house, hoping she could somehow enjoy a full night’s sleep.

  Saul continued to sand the cabinet door that was part of an Englisher’s order for his brand-new house. He was thankful that his business was booming, but he was also starting to feel overwhelmed by so many orders. He desperately needed an assistant. Or possibly even an apprentice who could learn the trade and help him keep up with the volume of requests.

  He had always loved the work, and though his father had taught him a lot about woodworking, he was grateful that his uncle, now deceased like Saul’s parents, had taken him under his wing at a young age and taught him the craft of fine cabinetmaking. When he’d married Annie, he’d hoped that she’d give him a son who would want to follow in his footsteps. Although he adored Emma, he’d also prayed that she’d one day have a brother, but that wasn’t in God’s plan for him. At least not with Annie.

  He considered his life while he worked. He’d never imagined he’d wind up divorced with a four-year-old, and it was against his beliefs for him to remarry while Annie was still alive. However, that all changed when Saul received the letter from her new husband telling him Annie had died.

  The idea of remarrying was frightening because he couldn’t even remember how to date. He’d thought he’d gotten the hang of it when he started visiting with Carolyn Lapp, but he’d failed miserably. Yet he wasn’t going to give up. Emma deserved a mother, and he’d do his best to find her one—with God’s help, of course. And maybe he’d even find a wife who’d want to try to give him a son. At the same time, he wondered if he could trust another woman. Would another wife also abandon him and Emma?

  He finished sanding the door and then glanced at the clock on the wall. He had to get Emma into bed and then go to bed himself. The evening was passing too quickly. He’d get busy on his current cabinet project again tomorrow morning.

  He flipped off the four battery-powered lanterns he used to light his shop and then picked up another one to guide his journey back to the house. Would the Lord see fit for him to marry again? He didn’t know if he’d ever remarry, but he did know one thing for sure—some days he grew weary of being both mother and father to Emma and raising her all alone.

  THREE

  The following morning, Madeleine awoke with another nightmare. Only this time, with the roar of the C-130 closing in on her, she was giving CPR to a soldier who’d been injured in a land mine blast. And as she often did in these dreams, she wound up trying to revive Travis in the ER. Although the dream had left her shaking, she was grateful she’d slept until nearly seven, which was a new accomplishment. She changed into her running clothes and then set off jogging her usual route around Paradise. Once she hit her stride, she let her mind go, releasing all the stress that plagued her dreams.

  As she rounded the bend, the Heart of Paradise Bed-and-Breakfast came into view. She slowed to a brisk walk as she approached the three-story, clapboard house. It had a large wraparound porch with a swing, and it was peppered with rocking chairs. A wooden sign with old-fashioned letters boasted the name of the establishment.

  She remembered hearing Hannah’s story. Hannah had left the Amish community and opened the bed-and-breakfast with her new husband. It made Madeleine think of her own mother, who would never discuss why she left her Amish life behind, saying the life just wasn’t for her. Madeleine’s grandmother also didn’t want to discuss losing her daughter to the modern world, but Madeleine always saw tears in her eyes whenever she asked her about it.

  Madeleine hoped to meet Hannah soon and find out more about her life and her decision to leave the Amish.

  Madeleine stepped into the break room at the hotel later that day and found her coworkers, Carolyn Lapp, Linda Zook, and Ruth Ebersol, already sitting around the table and unpacking their lunches.

  “Hello.” Madeleine retrieved her lunch bag from the refrigerator and sat beside Carolyn. “I was running behind on my rooms. Several of them were a real mess. It looked like the guests had thrown a few parties.”

  “Ach no.” Linda, a petite brunette in her early thirties, sighed. “That’s terrible.”

  “I heard a sports team checked in a few days ago.” Ruth polished a bright red apple with a paper napkin as she spoke. “Gregg mentioned they were loud last night, and a few of the guests complained about the noise.”

  “That’s awful.” Carolyn shook her head as she lifted her cup of water. “How could they leave such a mess? You should’ve called me. I would’ve come to help you.”

  “I would’ve helped you too,” Linda offered. “My rooms were fairly easy this morning.”

  “It’s fine, but thank you. I got it all done.” Madeleine pulled out her turkey sandwich. “I went for a run this morning and passed Hannah Peterson’s house. Do you think she’d want to talk to me sometime?”

  As if on cue, Carolyn, Linda, and Ruth all nodded.

  “Oh ya. Hannah is a sweet person. She’d love to meet you,” Ruth replied, her graying hair peeking out from under her prayer covering. “I haven’t visited her in a while, but I’ve been thinking of her.”

  “I wonder how she’s adjusting to her new life.” Madeleine tilted her head askance. “She’s shunned, right?”

  Linda frowned. “Ya, she is.”

  “Are you allowed to be friends with her even though she’s shunned?” Madeleine bit into her sandwich while waiting for a response.

  “Ya, we can still be her friend,” Carolyn chimed in. “But we can’t eat at the same table with her, and she can’t shop at an Amish store.”

  “She also can’t attend worship with us unless she confesses in front of the congregation first.” Linda continued to look sad. “I miss seeing her at services, but I’m glad she’s happy with her new life. I know it was a difficult decision for her.”

  “I wonder how her relationship is with her daughter Lillian,” Ruth said. “Last I heard their relationship was still strained.”

  “That’s so sad.” Madeleine pulled a small bag of baby carrots out of her bag. “I hope she can work things out with her daughter. That has to be heartbreaking.”

  “I hope so too.” Carolyn paused for a moment. “I’d like to invite Hannah to my wedding.” She turned to Ruth. “Do you think it would be too painful for her?”

  Ruth shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess you would need to ask her. I’m certain Joshua would want his nieces and nephew there. It wouldn’t be right to not invite her too.”

  “Ya, that’s what I was thinking.” Carolyn pushed an errant lock of blonde hair back from her face and back under her prayer covering. “I’ll discuss it with Joshua. Hannah never had a good relationship with Joshua’s mother, but she’s still part of the family.”

  “My mother left when she was eighteen, but she hadn’t joined the church yet,” Madeleine said.

  “That means she wasn’t shunned.” Linda finished Madeleine’s thought.

  “Exactly.” Madeleine lifted a carrot from the bag. “But I think it was still difficult for her.”

  “It’s always hard.” Ruth’
s gaze was trained on her sandwich as she spoke. “You never get over it when a child leaves the community behind. It’s heartbreaking.”

  Carolyn’s smile faded as she placed a hand on Ruth’s arm. “I know you miss Aaron. I’m sorry, Ruth.”

  “I miss him every day.” Ruth cleared her throat. “I always wonder how he is.”

  “I’m sorry, Ruth. I never meant to bring up a subject so painful for you.” Guilt washed over Madeleine.

  “Oh no, no.” Ruth shook her head. “It’s not your fault. I always think of Aaron. It wasn’t anything you said.”

  Madeleine took a bite of her sandwich and thought about how Ruth must feel.

  “I hope you hear from Aaron someday soon.” Carolyn sliced a piece of homemade bread. “I’m certain God will bring him back to you.”

  “I don’t know. It’s been a long time.” Ruth met Madeleine’s gaze. “Aaron was only fifteen when he went off on his own. He said the Amish life was too restrictive. It’s been almost seventeen years now.”

  “I’m sorry.” Madeleine racked her brain for something positive and encouraging to say. “Maybe things will have changed if he has a family. My mother worked things out with my grandparents after I was born.”

  “Ya.” Carolyn’s expression brightened. “That’s a good point. A baby always changes people.”

  “Usually it does.” Linda continued to scowl. “Sometimes people can’t find a way to warm their hearts, no matter what happens.”

  “Don’t give up hope.” Madeleine made a mental note to add Ruth and Aaron to her prayer list.

  FOUR

  Carolyn hugged her cloak to her body as she moved the porch swing back and forth. The early evening air was brisk as she glanced over at Joshua and smiled. “I’m glad you came for supper tonight. I was hoping you would.”

  “I hadn’t seen you in two days. It had been too long.” He rubbed her arm.

  “I was thinking the same thing.” She shivered as a breeze seemed to cut right through her cloak.

  “You’re cold. Take my coat.” He pulled off his coat and draped it over her shoulders. “You need this more than I do.”

  “Danki.” She hugged the coat to her body, breathing in his scent of soap mixed with earth.

  “Just think,” he said as he covered her hand with his warm fingers, “in less than a month we’ll be married. You’ll be Carolyn Glick.”

  “Ya.” Carolyn rested her head on his shoulder and smiled. “I’m very thankful.”

  “That brings up an important issue.” Joshua’s expression became serious. “You and I will be Glicks, but Ben will still be a Lapp. That may be confusing.”

  Carolyn’s eyes widened as excitement filled her. Was he going to ask what she’d hoped he would?

  “How would you feel about me adopting Ben?” Joshua’s expression turned hopeful. “I’d like to give him my name, really be his father.”

  “I would love that.” Tears filled Carolyn’s eyes. “We should ask Benjamin, but I know he’ll say yes.”

  “Gut.” Joshua nodded. “I’ll ask him before I leave tonight.”

  “This is more than I could have ever truly hoped for. Danki, Josh.” She’d finally found someone who would accept both her and her son and love them completely. She gazed up into his blue eyes, and the question that had been haunting her all day surfaced in her mind. “Josh, I have something I want to ask you.”

  “You can ask me anything.” He brushed his fingertip down her cheekbone.

  “How would you feel about inviting Hannah to our wedding?” She held her breath in anticipation of his answer.

  He hesitated, and she felt the urge to fill the silence.

  “Hannah’s my friend,” she said. “Plus, we want the kinner there, and it wouldn’t be right to invite the kinner and not Hannah. I know she’d want to come. It’s only right to invite the whole family.”

  Joshua rubbed his chin as he stared toward her brother’s house. “I don’t know how mei mamm would take seeing her.”

  “But how would you feel about seeing Hannah again?”

  “I’m fine with seeing her.” He looped his arm around her shoulders. “I just don’t know how others would react because she’s shunned. People are still upset about it.”

  “Are you thinking of Lillian?” She leaned into his embrace.

  “Not only Lillian . . . ,” he began. “But if it will make you froh, then you should invite Hannah.”

  “Ya?” She smiled up at him. “You mean that?”

  “Ya.” He nodded. “I’ll talk to mei mamm and ask her to remember to be civil. It’s our day, not hers.”

  “Right.”

  “Have you started thinking about how you want to decorate the haus?”

  “Decorate the haus?” Carolyn tilted her head in question as she looked up at Joshua. “You want to change it?”

  “I want it to feel like a cozy home. After Hannah moved out, when she married Trey and I moved in, there wasn’t much of a woman’s touch left.” He pulled her closer. “My haus will be complete when you and Ben move in. It will be more than just the place where I sleep.”

  “I’ll definitely try to think of a few touches to make it ours.”

  “Have you thought any more about quitting the hotel?” His voice was tentative as if he knew he was treading on uneven ground.

  “Josh,” she began with impatience radiating in her voice, “we’ve already discussed this. You know I enjoy my job. I look forward to seeing my friends, and I like contributing to my family financially. I’m going to want to contribute to our family too.”

  “You will contribute, just in other ways. You can take care of the house and the garden, as well as the books for me. I’ll be able to expand the business with your help. We’ll grow it together.” Joshua angled his body toward her. “We’re going to be partners, and that means I need your help running our business.”

  “I realize that, but you have to understand that this job means a lot to me.”

  “Does it mean more than our new life together?”

  “No.” Carolyn shook her head as frustration gripped her. “That’s not fair to say. You know I’m looking forward to our life together.”

  “You want a family, right?” Joshua asked. “You want more kinner?”

  “Of course I do. I want as many kinner as God sees fit to give us.”

  “Gut.” Joshua’s expression softened. “Let’s not argue.”

  Carolyn heaved a heavy sigh. “Okay. We won’t argue, but we’ll discuss this more later.”

  Benjamin approached them from the barn, holding a lantern in his hand. Although he was quickly approaching sixteen, he was short and thin for his age. “You’re still here, Josh. I thought you’d gone home already.”

  “Your mamm and I were just talking.” Joshua patted the rocking chair beside the swing. “Have a seat for a minute. There’s something I want to discuss with you.”

  Joshua pulled his arm back to his side, and Carolyn sat up straight.

  “What did you want to talk about?” Benjamin lowered his body into the rocking chair.

  “Your mamm and I were just discussing what’s going to happen after our wedding next month. You’re both going to move into the house on the farm.” Joshua glanced at Carolyn, and she smiled. “Your mamm is going to be Carolyn Glick.”

  “I know.” Benjamin gave Carolyn a confused look. “That’s pretty standard when someone gets married.”

  “How would you feel about becoming a Glick too?” Joshua asked.

  Benjamin continued to look perplexed. “I don’t understand.”

  “Ben, I’d like your permission to adopt you.” Joshua’s voice was thick with emotion. “I’d like to be your dat.”

  Benjamin’s brown eyes widened. “Really?”

  “Ya, really.” Joshua patted Benjamin’s shoulder. “I’d like us to be a family by name too—all of us. What do you think?”

  Carolyn’s eyes filled with tears as her most fervent prayer came true.
/>   “I think it’s a great plan.” Benjamin nodded with emphasis. “I’d like that.”

  “Gut.” Joshua turned toward Carolyn. “That’s settled.”

  Carolyn wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

  “Are you okay, Mamm?” Benjamin asked.

  “Ya.” Carolyn cleared her throat in an attempt to temper her emotions.

  “Wunderbaar.” Joshua stood. “I better get home.”

  “Gut nacht,” Benjamin said as he stood. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He disappeared into the house.

  Carolyn followed Joshua down the steps. She handed him his coat when they reached his buggy. “Danki for your warm coat.”

  “Gern gschehne.” He pulled the coat on. He opened his arms, and she stepped into his embrace. “Danki for supper.”

  “You know you’re always welcome here.” Carolyn rested her cheek on his chest. “It means the world to me that you want to adopt Ben.”

  “I can only pray that I can make you as happy as you and Ben have made me.” He kissed the top of her head.

  Carolyn looked up at him. “I better let you go. It’s getting late.”

  “Gut nacht, mei Carolyn.” He kissed her cheek. “Sleep well.” He climbed into the buggy.

  “Be safe going home.” Carolyn waved as his buggy rattled its way down the rock driveway toward the road. She glanced up at the clear night sky and silently thanked God for blessing her and Benjamin by leading them to Joshua Glick.

  Saul was sanding a cabinet when he heard the shop door squeak open, allowing a crisp breeze to penetrate the shop.

  Emma stepped into the doorway. “Dat? Are you coming in? It’s getting late.”

  “Is it?” Saul glanced at the clock on the wall and shook his head. “I didn’t realize it was almost seven. I was trying to finish this one cabinet.”

  “You can finish it tomorrow.” She placed her hand on her small hip, and he bit back a smile. At times she seemed like a little wife instead of a daughter.

  “You’re right, Emma.” He placed the sanding block on his long workbench and then turned off the surrounding lanterns.