A Dream of Home: Hearts of the Lancaster Grand Hotel: Book Three

by Amy Clipston

  Through the door’s windowpane, he could see Madeleine enter the mudroom. She was clad in tight black running pants that stopped at just above her ankles and a snug-fitting pink, long-sleeve, athletic-looking shirt that accentuated her thin but healthy body.

  “Good morning,” she said after she wrenched the door open.

  Her lips formed a smile, but the sentiment didn’t reach her sad eyes. He hesitated just a moment as she quickly slipped on a matching windbreaker and zipped it, and he noticed her hair was pulled back in a thick ponytail that flittered around her shoulder as she moved. As his eyes took in her beautiful face and fit body, he felt his resolve crumbling. He needed a distraction before he broke his vow to stay away from her.

  “Hello.” Saul moved past her and placed the toolbox on the floor of the kitchen. “I’m going to get started installing the cabinets tomorrow.” He kept his back to her and began pulling out tools. “Today I’ll paint and then let it dry overnight. Tomorrow I’ll work on getting the walls ready for the installation, and then I’ll load up the cabinets and bring them over.”

  “That’s fine. I have a bag of new paintbrushes and other painting supplies in the spare room. I’m going for a run. There are drinks in the refrigerator if you get thirsty.” Madeleine stepped back to the still-open back door. “See you later.”

  “Ya,” he said, turning toward her. “See you.”

  She headed out, closing the door hard and letting the storm door slam shut behind her with a loud bang.

  Saul shook his head. Why was it this difficult for him to maintain his composure when she was around? But looking into her dark eyes nearly melted his restraint. She was beautiful, more beautiful than any woman he’d ever met. If he was reading her expressions correctly, she felt an attraction too.

  Saul had spent more than an hour last night lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and contemplating Madeleine. He remembered the spark of electricity when they’d accidentally brushed against each other yesterday. He analyzed the emotion in her eyes when they’d said good-bye last night. He mulled over the phone call he’d overheard. Was she going to California for the sole purpose of getting away from him? He couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving. He wanted to be with her, but it was impossible. He longed to be her friend. At least her friend.

  I’m a mess. I need help, and only God can provide the help I need, he thought. He needed to pray more and listen for God’s responses.

  As he headed to the spare room to find the painting supplies, he sent up a silent prayer to God, begging him to help keep his emotions in check and guide him. He needed God to help him stay true to his beliefs.

  Madeleine’s feet pounded the pavement as she pushed her body to run, run as fast as she could away from her house. She’d hoped to be gone from the house before he’d arrived this morning, but things didn’t work out the way she’d planned. Instead, she’d had to be civil and then exit as quickly as she could.

  She followed her usual path through Paradise, jogging past the beautiful farms that were a part of the place she considered home. As she rounded a corner, she saw the sign for the Heart of Paradise Bed-and-Breakfast. Madeleine had run into Hannah a few times at the market, and she had promised to visit her. She wondered if Hannah was busy or if she could take some time to talk with her this morning.

  Madeleine picked up speed and headed toward the bed-and-breakfast. A black sedan sat in the driveway. Hopefully Hannah was home. She climbed the front steps and rang the doorbell. A few moments later, the door opened, and Trey greeted her as he swung open the storm door.

  “Hi, Madeleine.”

  “Hi, Trey. I wasn’t sure if you’d remember me.”

  “Oh, of course I do. How are you doing?”

  “I’m fine, thanks.” Madeleine worked to catch her breath. “I was wondering if Hannah is home.”

  “She is. Come on in. Hannah will be happy to see you.”

  “Thank you.” Madeleine followed him through a small sitting area decorated with poinsettias, holly, ivy garland, and red-and-green candles. A porcelain nativity scene sat on a bookshelf.

  “Hannah,” Trey called. “You have a visitor.”

  Hannah hurried in from the hallway. “Madeleine! It’s good to see you. I’ve been thinking of you. I’m so glad you came by.”

  “Hi, Hannah.” Madeleine gave her a little wave.

  Trey turned toward Madeleine. “It was nice seeing you. I’m going to head into town.” He grinned at Hannah. “I need to do some Christmas shopping.”

  Hannah wagged a finger at him as she gave him a facetious smile. “Don’t spend too much money.”

  “I can’t make any promises.” He kissed her cheek. “I’ll be back soon. Enjoy your visit,” he called back as he headed out through the kitchen.

  “I hope this isn’t an inconvenient time,” Madeleine said. “I’m sorry to just stop in, but I was literally jogging by.” She glanced down at her outfit. “You must think I don’t own any presentable clothing.”

  “Don’t be silly.” Hannah motioned toward the kitchen. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

  “That would be wonderful.” Madeleine pointed toward the nativity scene. “I love your Christmas decorations. They’re lovely.”

  “Thank you.” Hannah glanced around the room. “Trey wants me to put up a tree, but I’m not sure about it. We never put up Christmas trees in the Amish tradition, and I have mixed feelings. We’re still learning how to best blend our cultures.”

  Madeleine considered that observation as she followed Hannah into the kitchen. “Blending your cultures must be a challenge.”

  “We’ve hit a few snags, but we’re both willing to compromise.” Hannah filled a measuring cup with water, added two tea bags, and then put the measuring cup in the microwave. “Christmas shopping is a good example. I’m used to being thrifty and only buying small, practical gifts, while Trey wants to spoil me with jewelry, expensive clothes, and what I think are unnecessary appliances. Neither one of us is right or wrong. It’s just a different way of thinking and living.” She pulled a box of donuts out of a cabinet. “Would you like one?”

  “Yes, please,” Madeleine said. “Thank you. I didn’t expect you to feed me.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind.” Hannah brought the box to the table. “I always have food around for our guests. We had two couples leave this morning, so it’s nice to have a little break. Another couple is arriving Saturday.”

  “It’s wonderful that you’re staying busy. May I grab some mugs or cups for you?”

  “Yes, please.” Hannah pointed toward a cabinet. “You can find mugs in that cabinet next to the sink.”

  Madeleine took out two mugs and then found spoons in a nearby drawer. She placed the mugs and spoons on the table and sat down.

  “How have you been?” Hannah asked as she brought sweetener and creamer to the table. “It was nice to see you when we were at the market at the same time last week.”

  “Well, I want to talk to you about something.” Madeleine tugged a paper napkin from the holder at the center of the table and began to fray the edges. “It’s interesting that you brought up the differences between the Amish and English cultures.” Her voice became thick. “An issue has come up with my Amish neighbor.”

  Hannah studied Madeleine. “Are you okay? You look upset about something.”

  “I don’t know if you know that my house is located by Saul Beiler’s property. He’s a widower, and he has a daughter,” Madeleine said. “His daughter used to come to see me frequently, and we cooked together.”

  “That’s nice. I know who Saul and Emma are from church services, when I was still a part of the community. I’m sure she appreciated that with her mother being gone.” The microwave beeped, and Hannah brought the tea to the table. She filled the mugs and then placed the measuring cup on the counter. “How old is his daughter again?” she asked as she sat across from Madeleine.

  “She’s eleven.” Madeleine mixed in sweetener and cream as she tal
ked. “She’s a really special young girl. I got to know Saul and Emma very well, and they even invited me to join them for Thanksgiving at his best friend’s house.”

  “Oh.” Hannah looked surprised. “That’s very nice.”

  “But then everything changed after Thanksgiving.” Madeleine shared Sylvia’s warning on Thanksgiving and then how cold Saul had been at the church service. “He told me not to spend time with Emma, and he’s been standoffish while working on my kitchen cabinets. It’s as if he changed overnight.”

  Hannah frowned as she chose a donut from the box in the middle of the table. “I think I understand how he feels.”

  “You do? Could you please explain it to me?” Madeleine asked before sipping her tea.

  “Madeleine, do you have feelings for Saul? You can be honest with me. I won’t judge you or tell you how wrong you are to feel something for an Amish man.”

  Madeleine nodded as her eyes filled with tears. “They were like my surrogate family.”

  Hannah touched Madeleine’s hand. “You know the position he’s in, right?”

  “That’s why he’s pushing me away.” Madeleine plucked a cream-filled donut from the box, even though her appetite had disappeared when Saul told her he couldn’t be her friend. She thought she might have even lost some weight.

  “Absolutely.” Hannah’s expression was serious. “He knows if he crosses the line, he’ll be excommunicated until he confesses his sins and repents.”

  Madeleine stared down at the donut. “I’ve been doing my best to avoid him ever since he told me he can’t be my friend. But he’s at my house right now working on installing new cabinets, which is why I made a point of going for a run this morning. Yesterday I came home from work and found him in the kitchen, and I hid in my room until I thought he’d left. Everything is so awkward now.”

  “I’m sorry.” Hannah broke her glazed donut in half.

  “I actually asked for unpaid time off work and made a flight reservation to go home to California for Christmas. I’m running away to avoid sitting in my house alone on Christmas Day, staring across the field toward his house. I left my mother a message yesterday and told her I’m coming. She called me back last night, and she was almost in tears because she was so delighted. I couldn’t bear to tell her the truth—that I’m really spending Christmas with her and my stepdad just to avoid feeling sorry for myself here.”

  Madeleine cradled the warm mug in her hands. “You were talking about being thrifty at Christmastime. Well, booking a trip to avoid seeing someone is probably the biggest waste of money you’ve ever heard of.”

  Hannah shook her head. “I’m not judging you. At least you’ll be with your family, right?”

  “Yes, that’s true.” Madeleine sipped her tea again and then took a bite of her donut. Although it was filled with sweet, smooth cream, the taste did little to brighten her sour mood.

  “Saul probably received a warning from a friend. You mentioned that you had Thanksgiving at his best friend, Marcus’s, house. Maybe Marcus said something to him?” Hannah lifted her mug. “If his wife said something to you, then she must have discussed it with Marcus before you visited them.”

  “I’m sure that’s it.” Madeleine wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Saul has to obey certain rules, but I had hoped we could be friends. I moved around most of my life, but this place represents the best parts of my childhood. After I met Saul and Emma, I felt as if this was going to be my permanent home. That’s why I’m investing in the cabinets. Now that I’ve lost their friendship, I don’t want to give up, but I don’t feel secure.”

  “Why don’t you feel secure?” Hannah asked.

  Madeleine explained about her nightmares and how she lost Travis. “Now that Saul has pulled away from me, my nightmares and sleeplessness have returned. I’m back to grieving for Travis constantly. It’s as if I’ve lost Travis all over again. I feel like I’m losing what I’ve loved about this place—that feeling of home.”

  “Oh dear.” Hannah shook her head. “Please don’t give up on Paradise. You love other things here, right? You have other friends. You have Carolyn, Linda, Ruth, and me. And you have the house you love. I’m sure memories of your grandparents give you comfort.”

  “Yes, that’s very true.” Madeleine considered Saul and his sad eyes. “I just don’t know how to get over this pain I feel when Saul is around.” She heaved a sigh. “I hope he’s done with the cabinets by the time I get back from California. After that I won’t have to see him much—unless I go to church service with Carolyn and Ruth again.” Tears trickled down her cheeks. “My emotions are a mess.”

  “I know that feeling well,” Hannah said. “That’s how it was when I met Trey. I wanted to see him, but I also prayed for God to remove that longing out of my heart because I knew it was going to put me in such a difficult position with my community. Falling in love with Trey was both the most wonderful and the most challenging emotion I ever had to sort through.”

  Madeleine sniffed and wiped her eyes with a tissue from the pocket in her windbreaker. “I wonder if that’s how Saul feels. He shields his emotions behind his stony expression. But I also see sadness in his eyes.”

  “He probably knows how to hide his sadness after losing his wife.” Hannah broke another piece off the donut. “I did the same thing after I lost my first husband.”

  “How did you decide to leave the community for Trey?”

  “It wasn’t easy, and it’s still not easy. I left everything I’d ever known, but I believe that’s the path God wanted me to choose. I prayed a lot, and I’m still praying my daughter Lillian will forgive me and become a part of my new family.” Hannah patted her abdomen. “I’m going to have a new family member in the spring.”

  “Oh, Hannah.” Madeleine smiled. “That’s a beautiful blessing from God.”

  “You’re right.” Hannah’s green eyes glistened with tears. “God has wonderful days in store for you too. Just pray and be patient.”

  “I will,” Madeleine promised.

  Hannah’s advice rang through Madeleine’s mind while she jogged back to her house. When she came in the back door, Saul was painting the walls, and the aroma of paint filled her nose. She stood in the kitchen doorway while he worked, enjoying the view of both the crisp white wall and the self-assured way he worked.

  He looked over his shoulder at her, and his expression softened slightly.

  “It looks nice,” she said as she pulled off her windbreaker. “The kitchen really needed a new coat of paint.”

  “Danki.” Saul raked his hand through his dark brown hair. “How was your run?”

  The thoughtful question caught her off guard for a brief moment. “It was fine.” She moved to the table and picked up her shopping list, the one she’d made as an excuse to leave the house again. “I’m going to the store now. Did you and Emma need anything?”

  “No, danki.” His eyes lingered on her for a moment, and then he moved back to painting the wall.

  “Oh, by the way, I’m going to California for Christmas. Do you want me to give you a check for the remaining balance before I leave?”

  “That won’t be necessary,” he said without looking back at her. “You can pay me when you get back.”

  “Okay. You can keep working while I’m gone. Would you mind bringing in the mail for me?”

  “That won’t be a problem.” He kept his back to her. “I’ll watch out for your haus and leave your mail on the kitchen table.”

  The sight of his back caused her frustration to flare. Why couldn’t he look at her? Did he find her that revolting? Or was sidestepping her stare another coping mechanism to avoid facing the feelings he had for her?

  “Would you ask Emma to look after the cats in my barn too?” she asked.

  “Ya.” He nodded.

  “Thank you.” She folded up the shopping list and shoved it into her purse. “I’m flying back to Pennsylvania on December 29. Do you think you’ll be done by then?”

 
“Ya,” he repeated. “I should be finishing up by then. I’ll be sure my mess is all cleaned up too.”

  “Great.” She moved past him and stepped into the hallway. “I’m going to get changed and then head to the market.”

  He grunted a response as she moved down the hallway. After a stop to wash up in the bathroom, she moved into her bedroom, closed the door, and leaned against it.

  “Lord, give me strength,” she whispered.

  As she stripped off her running clothes, Madeleine considered how she could show Saul that he and Emma still meant a lot to her. An idea popped into her head while she pulled on her jeans. She would leave special Christmas presents on the table the day she headed out to California. In keeping with the Amish tradition, she would find something meaningful but not extravagant. She pulled on her shirt while pondering what the gifts would be. She’d find something special, and maybe then Saul would be convinced to be her friend.

  The idea was superb! Now she just had to find the perfect gifts.

  TWENTY

  Saul shivered as he and Emma headed to Madeleine’s house the following Monday morning. Flurries danced through the air, and Emma lunged and laughed while trying to catch them in her mouth. He shook his head and suppressed a smile. His mother’s favorite winter saying echoed through his mind: “God created snow for the kinner.”

  “You need to stop playing around, Emma,” he warned her. “You’re going to be late for school.”

  “I have to feed the cats, and I want to come into Maddie’s haus with you and see the cabinets.” She raced ahead of him and up Madeleine’s porch steps. “You said I could come and see them after she left for her trip.” She frowned. “I still don’t understand why I can’t watch you work when she’s home. I promised I wouldn’t cook with her anymore, even though I miss it.”

  “We’ve been through this nearly a hundred times.” He pulled the house key from his pocket. “It’s inappropriate for you to spend time with her—”

  “Because she’s English,” Emma finished the statement while scowling. “Jesus told us to love one another and love our neighbors as ourselves. She’s our neighbor, and I love her.”