A Dream of Home: Hearts of the Lancaster Grand Hotel: Book Three

by Amy Clipston

  “I want to help you search for her,” Saul said, his eyes shining with worry. “Someone else can stay here and talk to the police.”

  “I’ll stay,” an older man said. “I’ll sit on the porch and wait for the police. I’ll also call for Emma.”

  “Danki,” Saul told him.

  “I’ll help you go door-to-door,” Madeleine said.

  “No, you should drive your truck around and shine your headlights into the fields,” Marcus said. “We’ll go door-to-door.”

  Madeleine glanced at Saul, who nodded in agreement. “I’ll do it,” she said.

  “Let’s go. It’s getting colder, and the snow isn’t letting up at all.” Marcus gestured for the group of men to follow him toward the road.

  She stepped over to Saul and took his cold hands in hers. She wished they both had gloves, but that didn’t matter as much as finding Emma.

  “We’ll find her, Saul. I promise you.”

  “Danki.” His eyes filled with tears.

  Unable to speak, Madeleine nodded and then hurried toward her truck.

  For more than two hours, Madeleine drove around the surrounding area in search of Emma. The hum of the windshield wipers was the only sound she heard as she combed the dark roads, struggling to see past the glare of her headlights reflecting off the snow. She prayed constantly, begging God to bring Emma home safely. She prayed for him to give Saul strength and to help Emma accept her mother’s actions without allowing them to break her heart.

  After Madeleine had driven through Paradise three times, she turned around and steered her truck toward her house. She parked in the driveway and then jogged up the driveway toward Saul’s house. She found two Amish men standing on the porch and talking to a police officer.

  “Did she come home?” Madeleine clasped her hands together.

  The same older Amish man shook his head. “We haven’t seen her.”

  Madeleine’s heart sank. “Where’s Saul?”

  “He’s still out searching,” the older man said.

  “What can I do to help?” Madeleine asked. “I’ve driven through Paradise three times.”

  “Miss, I think you’ve done all you can do,” the officer said. “We’re handling things now.”

  Madeleine frowned. “Please let me know when you’ve found her.” She pointed toward her house. “I live right there.”

  “We will,” the officer promised.

  Madeleine walked through the raging snow toward her house. She put a kettle of water on the stove, wrapped herself in a blanket, and stared out her window toward Saul’s house while she continued to silently pray for Emma.

  After drinking a cup of tea, she read her Bible and then climbed into bed fully clothed, the best way to keep warm on a night like this. Her thoughts were still with Emma and Saul as, despite her efforts not to do so, she was drifting off to sleep.

  A thought hit her, and Madeleine bolted up.

  “The kittens in my barn!” She leaped out of bed.

  TWENTY-TWO

  Madeleine hurriedly pulled on her coat, scarf, and boots and then grabbed her flashlight before rushing outside to her barn. When she got there, she climbed up into the loft and found Emma asleep and curled up on the quilt Maddie had left next to the mother cat and kittens. Her heart melted at the sight of the little girl snuggled next to the animals.

  She slowly sank into the hay and brushed Emma’s hair back from her face. Emma sighed and rolled over onto her back, and Madeleine could see tearstains on her pink cheeks.

  “Emma,” Madeleine whispered. “Emma, wake up. Emma?”

  Her eyes fluttered open. “Maddie?” She rubbed her eyes.

  “Everyone is looking for you. The whole community and the police are searching.” Madeleine continued to run her fingers through the hair that had fallen out from underneath Emma’s prayer covering. “You’ve scared us all to death.”

  Emma sat up, and her lip quivered. “I had to come here to be alone. I found out mei mamm didn’t die when I was four. She left me.” Tears flooded her pale blue eyes, and Madeleine pulled her into her arms.

  “It’s okay to cry,” Madeleine murmured against Emma’s prayer covering. “Let it all out, sweetie.”

  “I always thought mei mamm died because she was sick. Now I know she left because she hated me, and she wanted a better life without me.”

  “No, no,” Madeleine said while rocking her. “That’s not true. She didn’t hate you.”

  “Ya, she did.” Emma sniffed. “If she didn’t hate me, then she wouldn’t have left. Instead of staying and being mei mamm, she moved away and went on boat rides with a man named Timothy. That’s all she cared about. She never cared about me.”

  “Now, I need you to listen to me, and then we have to go tell everyone you’re safe.” Madeleine rubbed Emma’s back. “Your mother didn’t hate you. But some people in this world don’t know how to be parents. Your mom was one of those people. My father was like that too. My mother told me a long time ago that my father didn’t know how to be a daddy, and that’s why he left. I used to think he hated me, but my mother told me he didn’t. He just was too selfish to be a father. It takes a very special person to be a good parent.”

  Emma sniffed again.

  Madeleine looked down at Emma. “Your father is a very good dat. He loves you with all of his heart. I can tell by the way he talks to you and by the way he takes care of you. Has your dat given you everything you needed?” She lifted Emma to her feet as she spoke.

  Emma nodded. “Ya, he always has taken care of me.”

  “He gives you food, and he provides your clothes. He keeps you safe, right?” Now Madeleine was preparing to take steps toward the ladder, ready to lead Emma with her arms still around the little girl’s shoulders. She had to let Saul know his daughter was safe.

  Emma wiped her eyes with her fingertips. “Ya, he’s always been there for me.”

  “Exactly. Your dat loves you enough for a mamm and a dat.” Madeleine pointed to the mother cat. “It’s sort of like a mamm cat. She makes sure her babies are fed and warm. We give them some food, but they’re really getting all they need from their mama. The food we give them is keeping their mama healthy so they can nurse from her. She’s keeping them safe up here, away from other animals and the cold snow.”

  Emma reached down and stroked one of the kittens. “I just don’t understand why mei mamm would leave me. Why didn’t she ever call me or write me? Did she wonder how I was? Did she want to know what I look like?” Fresh tears glistened in her eyes. “Did she even care that I have her eyes and her hair?”

  Madeleine’s heart splintered at the sadness in Emma’s eyes. Keeping her arms tight around the little girl’s shoulders, she gently steered her toward the ladder. “I don’t know the answer to that. I used to wonder why my father didn’t want to get to know me too. I used to think that someday he’d come back to see me, and he’d be a part of my wedding or spend time with my children. I eventually gave up that dream because he never reached out to me. He paid child support to my mother until I turned eighteen, but we never heard from him. He would just mail the checks.”

  She rubbed Emma’s arm and then guided her down the ladder as she continued. “I know it hurts, sweetie, but you have to listen to me. Many, many people love you. Sylvia and Esther love you. I’m certain Marcus loves you too. My grandparents loved you, and the rest of the community loves you. They love you to the moon and back, as my mother used to say.”

  When they’d both landed on the barn floor, Emma smiled at Madeleine and wiped her eyes.

  “And I love you too, Emma,” Madeleine went on as she pushed another lock of hair away from Emma’s face. “I love you very much.”

  “I love you too, Maddie. But you’re not Amish.” Emma frowned. “Mei dat doesn’t want me to get too attached to you. He’s probably afraid that you’ll leave me just like mei mamm did. My teacher even told me not to get too close to you because you might leave.”

  Madeleine sho
ok her head. “No, they’re both wrong about me, Emma. I promise you with my heart that I won’t leave you.”

  “Prove to me that you won’t leave.” Emma’s expression was serious.

  “All right.” Madeleine nodded slowly. “I’ll find a way to prove to you that I won’t ever leave you.”

  “Danki.” Emma hugged her again, and she shivered as Madeleine wrapped her in her arms and walked them to the barn door.

  “We need to get you home. Your dad is so scared.” Madeleine took Emma’s hand and led her out into the snow.

  They hurried across the field toward Saul’s house. She could see the same group of Amish men standing with the police officer. Even with little light, she could see that Saul was there too.

  “Saul!” Madeleine yelled. “Saul! I found her!”

  “Dat!” Emma yelled. “Dat!”

  Saul broke into a run and met them halfway through the field. He lifted Emma into his arms and spun her around. “I’ve been worried sick about you. Where were you?”

  “In Maddie’s barn.” Emma pointed to Madeleine. “She found me.”

  “She was asleep with the kittens.” Madeleine hugged her coat to her body. “I was falling asleep when I realized we hadn’t checked the barn.”

  “Danki.” Saul’s voice was thin and shaky. “I can’t thank you enough.”

  “You’re welcome.” Madeleine studied his eyes, wishing they were friends again. She longed to hug him and console him. It was going to be hard for him to answer all Emma’s questions.

  The Amish men and police officer hurried over and surrounded Saul and Emma. Madeleine slowly backed away from the group and walked home.

  As she put on pajamas and climbed back into her bed, she contemplated her conversation with Emma. She wanted to prove to the girl that she would be a part of her life, but she also wanted to finally have roots in a place she could call home. She closed her eyes and prayed, asking God to lead her to the right decision in her life. How could she become a part of Emma’s community?

  And then the answer appeared in her mind—she could become Amish.

  Madeleine loved everything about the Amish culture—the simplicity, the focus on God and family, the community. The answer was right there before her, clear as a cloudless blue sky. It was as if God was speaking to her and directing her thoughts. For the first time since she’d lost Travis, she felt God’s presence holding her and comforting her. This was the answer she’d been searching for. This was where God had been leading her all along, but she couldn’t see past her own insecurities to see the answer that was right before her eyes. She was supposed to come to Amish Country and start again. She was finally home.

  The thought settled comfortably in Madeleine’s mind, and she fell asleep with a content and warm feeling in her heart. She slept soundly without any nightmares. And she dreamed of her baptism.

  After everyone else had left, Saul tucked Emma into bed. Although he was now furious that she had run away, he was thankful she was home and safe again.

  “I’m sorry for running away.” Emma pulled the quilt up to her chin. “And I’m sorry for scaring you.”

  “I forgive you, but you can’t ever do that again.” Saul touched her pink cheek. “The whole community was worried about you.”

  “I know.” Emma nodded. “Maddie told me everyone was scared. Especially you.”

  Saul’s heart turned over in his chest at the mention of Madeleine’s name. “I’m grateful she thought to look in the barn. I was so frantic that I never thought to check with the kittens.”

  “I went there to think. I like going to see the kittens and thinking by myself.” Emma frowned. “I told Maddie I was upset and that I thought mei mamm hated me. Maddie explained that Mamm didn’t hate me. She said that some people aren’t gut at being parents. She said her dat was the same way. He left before she was born, but he didn’t hate her. He just didn’t know how to be her dat.”

  Saul nodded slowly, overwhelmed by Madeleine’s wisdom.

  “Maddie said you love me enough for two parents, and the community loves me too,” Emma continued. “And Maddie said she loves me, and she’ll never leave me.”

  Tears filled Saul’s eyes, and he couldn’t speak. Instead, he leaned down and hugged her.

  “Ich liebe dich, Dat,” Emma said. “Thank you for being my dat and taking such good care of me.”

  Tears flowed from Saul’s eyes as he held on to her.

  “Are you okay, Dat?” Emma asked.

  “Ya.” He sat up and wiped his eyes. “We’re both tired. I think we need to get some rest. We’ll talk in the morning.” He kissed her forehead. “Ich liebe dich. Gut nacht.”

  “Gut nacht.” Emma rolled over onto her side and extinguished the lantern on her nightstand.

  Saul sauntered to his bedroom and sank onto the edge of the bed. He placed his lantern on the nightstand and then stared up at the ceiling. How had the evening taken such an emotional turn? Not only had Emma learned the truth, but Madeleine had helped her sort through it so quickly. It was all so surreal.

  His feelings for Madeleine were stronger than ever, and he didn’t know how to stop them from growing. He needed God’s help to sort through all the confusing emotions surging through him.

  He closed his eyes and prayed. God, thank you for delivering my dochder back to me safely. Thank you for the wonderful members of my community who surrounded me and helped me search for her. Thank you also for Madeleine, who found Emma and brought her home.

  Lord, I’m confused. I know I need to stay true to my baptism vows, but I can’t stop how I feel about Madeleine. She was there for Emma and me in our time of need, and she even helped Emma cope with the truth about her mother. How do I stop feeling close to someone who has done so much for my dochder and me? I’ve asked you repeatedly to help me sort through all of these confusing feelings, and I’m not hearing your answers.

  Are you listening to me, God? I know I need to wait for your perfect timing, but these feelings are getting stronger by the day. I need your help now, Lord. Are you hearing me? Why aren’t you answering? Please help me stay true to my beliefs. Please lead me to your perfect path. I can’t do this alone.

  Saul stripped off his clothes and pulled on his pajamas before climbing into bed. As he fell asleep, his thoughts turned to Madeleine and how thankful he was that she saved Emma—in more ways than one.

  Madeleine awoke refreshed the following morning. Now her decision to become Amish had settled not just in her mind but in her heart, and she couldn’t wait to talk to a friend about it. She was thankful she had already scheduled a personal day from work.

  She ate a quick breakfast and then dialed Carolyn’s number, hoping Carolyn would be somewhere near where they kept their phone so she wouldn’t have to leave a message. After several rings, Carolyn answered her phone.

  “Carolyn,” Madeleine gushed into the phone. “It’s Madeleine. Would it be all right if I came to visit you today?”

  “Ya, that would be fine.” Carolyn’s voice was tentative. “It’s Tuesday, though. Don’t you have to go to work?”

  “I took the day off.”

  “Oh. I’d love to see you. Come by anytime.”

  “Wonderful,” Madeleine said. “I’ll be right over.”

  Thirty minutes later, Madeleine was sitting in Carolyn’s kitchen and sipping coffee with her.

  “I heard what happened with Emma Beiler last night.” Carolyn shook her head. “That is scary. I’m thankful she’s okay.”

  “Yes, it was scary.” Madeleine shivered as she remembered how worried she’d been. “I drove around searching for her for more than two hours. It didn’t occur to me until I climbed into bed that Emma might be in my barn because she likes to visit the cats there. I don’t know why I didn’t think of that earlier.”

  “I think sometimes when we’re panicking the most obvious solutions don’t occur to us.” Carolyn lifted her mug. “How have you been?”

  “I’m doing well.” Made
leine took a deep breath. “I’ve made a decision, and I want you to be the first person I share it with.”

  “Oh?” Carolyn raised her eyebrows. “What is it?”

  “I want to become Amish.” At saying the words aloud for the first time, she smiled. The decision felt so right that it warmed her soul. She no longer felt alone, and the tight grip of grief that had strangled her heart was slowly letting go. The Lord had spoken to her, and she heard his words loud and clear. This decision was certainly divine.

  Carolyn’s eyes widened. “Are you certain?”

  “I’m positively certain. I’ve wanted to find a home, and I believe God has been leading me here all along. What do I need to do?”

  “Well, you’ll need to meet with the bishop. He’s a very kind man, and I know he’ll be more than willing to talk to you.” Carolyn smiled. “And you’ll need a proper dress, apron, and prayer covering. I can help you make those.”

  “When can we get started sewing?” Madeleine asked.

  “How about right now?” Carolyn stood. “I have plenty of fabric in my sewing room. We can start on a dress and apron this afternoon.”

  “Thank you very much. I’ll pay you for it.” Madeleine clapped her hands together. “I can’t wait to get started.”

  By the time Madeleine left later that afternoon, she had a dress and apron half made. That evening she searched through her grandmother’s sewing room and found fabric to make more dresses and aprons. She also found two of her grandmother’s prayer coverings.

  Madeleine worked late into the night, finishing the dress and the apron and then starting on another dress. She spent the next day sewing and finished the second dress too. While she sewed, she thought about her grandparents and her happy memories of being with them. She wondered what they would think if they were alive and knew about her decision to become Amish. The thought warmed her heart. She knew her grandparents would be happy for her. She wondered how her friends at work would take the news.

  Madeleine found Ruth and Linda eating in the break room at lunchtime on Thursday. She sat down at the table and unpacked her bag.