Toxic

by A. C. Bextor

  “Shame, damn it, don’t tell her that shit. Sadey, just do as Mom tells you. If you need anything, you need to call me, and I can come get you and bring you home.”

  I laugh at Hem’s request. The only people who are looking forward to leaving are the girls, and with all the shit they have packed into that coupe, it doesn’t appear that they intend on ever coming back.

  “You’re gonna miss me aren’t you, Hem?” Sadey is fishing in an empty pond as she walks to him slowly, looking him up and down. Hem loves her, there’s no doubt, but only as a sister. She has tried all summer to gain his attention in any way, but he’s not folding.

  I watch him pull her to him, and it’s not until he sighs heavily, and I see his eyes close, that I realize I could possibly be wrong. He’s holding her close with no signs of letting her go. She keeps the embrace short, though, to avoid changing her mind and staying here. One word from Hem is all it would take for her to become a college dropout before the first day of class.

  “Shame?”

  Mace is already on her side of the car getting ready to get in, with her keys in hand. A heartbroken Lynda has turned around to head back into the house, most likely to grab another drink.

  I haven’t moved from the sidewalk. No idea what I’m supposed to say, since I’ve never had to say goodbye to her for more than a damn day since we met. There have been times throughout the years I haven’t seen her for maybe a couple weeks, but this feels absolute.

  I need to play it casual though, not to give away with words what my heart is dying to release out loud.

  Please don’t leave me alone.

  “Yeah, what’s up?”

  Dropping the visual hold she had on me, she looks down in study of her feet. “Nothing, never mind.”

  She won’t ask for this goodbye, so if I want it, I need to get it from her before she drives off to start her new life - without us.

  Walking towards the car, I notice she’s still fidgeting. Her arms are crossed under her chest, and she’s playing with a stray rock on the ground.

  This is reality, and it sucks ass.

  I don’t say anything as I grab her, forcing her into me, and wrapping my arms around her. Thankfully, she moves her arms and wraps them around my waist. A grown man with a large lump in his throat is being completely ridiculous and emotional - that’s how I define myself. I’m being ridiculous. I will see her next month, but I want to see her tomorrow and the next day…

  As I shift my head back to look into her eyes, I smile at her as she lets her tears fall. “Mace, don’t fuckin’ cry. If you cry, Sadey’s gonna start, and fuck it’ll take forever to put her back together.”

  She pulls me to her again and buries her head in my neck and shoulder. She’s straining to reach me, using her tip toes to gain the height she needs.

  “Get going, damn it. Text me when you get there. Go learn something, will ya?”

  Stepping back and resting on the balls of her feet, she looks at me, and with a completely serious tone, propels me into an absolute no comfort zone. “What do you want me to learn?”

  “What?”

  “It’s college, Shame. I can learn a lot. My major is English, but I like Communications. I haven’t looked into any electives for next semester though. Maybe you want me to learn something specific. Maybe how to love and keep a man? Now that you’re not around I suppose I have a shot of finding one I actually can keep. You can’t run them off anymore, being that you’re two hundred miles away.”

  I actually hear myself let out a menacing growl. “Mace.” She’s baiting my ass. She doesn’t know how much I don’t like to think of anyone touching her, even if I can’t keep her for myself.

  “Just asking, I mean you started it. Telling me to ‘learn.’ You gotta be specific, Shame.”

  “Shut up, sweetheart.”

  “Not that you’re in any danger of ‘love’. Calm down. You have no heart. You’re just some old man, living alone, forever and…”

  I grab the back of her neck in an attempt to intimidate her, but she’ll never fear me. “Woman, get in the car.”

  My direct tone never shuts her down; this time is no different. “Sadey and I feel bad leaving you and an aging Hem all alone. It’s always been up to us to keep you guys from acting your real age.”

  I hear Hem laughing at me as he stands with Sadey, telling me within that laugh that I’m falling for her shit again. Mace is smiling, challenging me to respond, but I won’t. Let her have it. If I had my way, we would be alone right now, and she wouldn’t be talking because I’d be on top of her, filling her mouth with my own.

  “Go, Mace.”

  “Well, alright then, if that’s all you got.” She shrugs but starts to move.

  Fuckin’ finally.

  She steps into her car, and already a glass pane stands between us. Soon it will be miles, then classes, then eventually she will find the man she’ll marry and spend forever with. That’s the path she’s on, and that’s where I need her to be, so she’s far away from me, and living the good life she deserves.

  I knock on the window until she looks back at me, and I whisper. “Love your face, babe.” She doesn’t hear the words, but she knows I’ve said them, because she wipes one single tear as she looks at me, then starts the car. In order to distract herself, she yells for Sadey to wrap shit up with Hem so they can get going.

  ~~~~~

  That was the last time I knew Mace Cash as a young adult. From then on out, my life with her was sweet torture. It was a barrage of torment at every meeting. Eventually, I learned to tell myself I didn’t want her, but that didn’t keep every part of me from craving her. I’ve never needed anyone in my entire life, except Hem and maybe Lynda. The way I needed Mace, though, scared the shit out of me. It was powerful, raw, and was the one thing in my life that wasn’t tainted with the poisons of my past.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.”

  - Albert Camus

  Glancing at my watch … fuck it’s late. I start the truck and head out of the cemetery. I can’t ask for Lynda’s forgiveness for the years I spent lusting after her only daughter. If she were here, she would have kicked my ass, and then probably hugged me and told me she was sorry.

  I make my way through town, still waiting for this weight inside me to stop pressing down on my chest.

  Everything I’ve ever wanted, I’m getting today. Not only have I waited years to have Mace, I’ve waded through a bunch of shit to get her.

  Greyson Fuckin’ Meyer, the only person I ever wanted to kill - other than my father. He was such as bastard.

  ~~~~~

  “Sadey, I can’t wait for you to meet him. He’s perfect.”

  “Perfect? Mace, I’ve never heard you use that word regarding another human being. You say he’s ‘perfect’, does this mean he’s hot?”

  What the fuck am I hearing? I’m standing in the doorway, watching Sadey and Mace as they sit at the kitchen table. I thought they were just catching up after spring break, before they head back to school, but this isn’t what I want to hear.

  “Yep, he’s hot in a ‘let me pull out your chair’ and ‘let me feed you strawberries dipped in chocolate’ kind of way. Hot. Sadey, you’re going to love him.”

  No more, Mace. Stop talking. Son of a bitch.

  I knew she would meet someone, but I never really thought of him touching her, and certainly never wanted to give any thought to him romancing her.

  Hem comes up behind me and slaps my back, exposing my eavesdropping escapade. “Hey, buddy, whaddya doin’ here? You comin’ to dinner, too?”

  The girls look from the table to me, now that Hem has given away my presence. Sadey blushes as she watches Hem walk to her, bending down to kiss the top of her head. Then he turns to Mace, and putting his hands up to his face, he acts like a boxer as she jabs his ribs with a soft punch.<
br />
  Mace turns to me, looking a little flustered since I haven’t been able to move my feet from my spot. My mind is still hearing her explain to Sadey how ‘hot’ this new man of hers is.

  “Yeah, maybe I will join you for dinner. Where we going?”

  Now Mace looks downright panicked. “No, Shame, you have things to do.” Yes, she’s nervous.

  This is an opportunity for me to hang out with my people without life getting in the way. I want to spend time with them together - like we used to. “No, sweetheart, I don’t, and come to think of it, I’m a bit hungry. What time?”

  Hem looks to Sadey in confusion. They both sense Mace’s unease and have no idea why she looks scared. Neither do I, so I raise my eyebrows in question.

  “We’re going to Pellegrino at eight to meet Mace’s new ‘man,’ so bring a date. I’m going solo since my date cancelled last minute. So, Sadey girl, that means you get me as your escort tonight.”

  What? No. No. No. Fuck no. My chest tightens. Apparently, I get to meet Mr. Wonderful and judge for myself his level of hotness. Fuckin’ hell.

  Sadey looks miffed. “Hem, how do you know I don’t already have a date?”

  “Well then, I guess if you do you, you don’t anymore, woman. If you happen to have someone lined up and ready to go, then you cancel. You’re going with me. See how easy that was?”

  She blushes at Hem, and I can see the wheels in her head spinning in hopes that this is a date. It’s not, and I feel bad for not sayin’ anything to correct her crazy idea, but my own wheels are spinning as I think about meeting the first grown man that Mace has ever brought home.

  I don’t like this. Not one fuckin’ bit.

  I walk to Mace, who is still sitting at the table, picking at her fingernail to avoid looking at me as I stand near her - my angry presence is enveloping the room.

  Her hair is in a high pony tail; it’s grown since I’ve last seen her. They’ve only been home about a week, but with the schedule at the club and making my way through the women, trying to release frustration of not having who I want, that I haven’t been to see the girls since they’ve been home this trip.

  I pull her hair, resting my free hand on the other side of her, forcing her to look up at me, and when I do, I see her eyes are laced with lust. Without being certain, I would like to assume that look is for me, but then she opens her mouth and speaks, ruining my hopes. “Fine, Shame, you can go tonight, but you better be nice. I’ve never had a real boyfriend, thanks to you and Hem, and I like him. I mean, I really like him, so you have to be … nice.”

  I yank a bit harder, and hear Sadey gasp, and Hem sigh in exasperation. I lean into her ear and get a brief scent of her perfume and shampoo, bringing my cock to attention under my leathers. Her V neck sweater moved as I tilted her head with her hair, and I can see the outline of her deep burgundy bra … son of a fuckin’ bitch, this man needs to go away, hot or not.

  Holding her head to me, I whisper in her ear so only she can hear me. “I can play ‘nice’, Mace. I will play very ‘nice’ if you let me. The last couple years, you haven’t been around much to see just how ‘nice’ I can be, but now that I get to spend time with you and your new guy, you can see how much nicer I’ve become.”

  She closes her eyes and exhales her breath as I let go and walk away. I need a fuckin’ date. No way am I going to that dinner alone, only to watch Mace look at another man the way she should be looking at me.

  Knowing I need someone who’s easy, and I won’t have to work to fuck later, I know exactly who I need to call.

  ~~~~~

  Once Ginger agreed to go with me, I called Hem to make sure he thought it was alright. The last time he saw her, it was my twenty first birthday, and I threw her ass out of Doc’s place when she pissed me off, talking to Mace the way she did. He didn’t give a fuck who I brought; he’s still pissed his date cancelled last minute.

  Whiney ass.

  Ginger and I, though, we’ve met up several times since that night. I didn’t forgive her, fuck, I don’t even like the woman, but she’s a good piece of ass. Even if she’s not exactly available when I call, she makes the time for me, and right now I need her.

  During the drive to the restaurant, I’m restless. Ginger looks hot, thank fuck for that. She’s still bitchy, but her skirt is short, and her lips are ready, so I don’t give a shit about her disposition. I can reign her in. This is all good, considering I need to get laid.

  “Shame, how old are the little girls now, anyway?”

  I feel her tone, she’s about to say something about the night she was a raging bitch to them. “Don’t start, wench, or you can excuse yourself from my ride right now.”

  “No, I’m not tryin’ to come off that way. I’m asking ‘cause I’m curious. I remember them. They were so little. How old are they now?”

  “Twenty. ‘They’ have names. Sadey and Mace. Don’t start any shit tonight if you want to finish the date after dinner.”

  Ginger doesn’t say anything. She knows Mace is a touchy subject, and she’s just pissed me off with her reference of both girls being ‘little’. In a form of apology, she rubs my leathers until my cock is at full attention as I’m driving. Knowing I have to walk in the restaurant in a few minutes I should stop her, but fuck it feels good.

  When I’ve parked the truck, I reach to her, grabbing her hair and bringing her face to mine as her hand stills. “You looking for something, sweetheart?”

  “You know I am, Shame. I remember you and what it was like…”

  Before she finishes, I shut my eyes to block out her face, and move into her mouth with my tongue to silence her. All I see is Mace. Under my hands, I feel Mace’s hair, and the smell of it surrounds me. I want Mace to be here.

  Once I release my hold on Ginger, she starts to unbutton my jeans and leathers. We’re in a busy parking lot. The sun has yet to set, so the evening shade is not able to blanket us completely, but thank fuck, my truck sits high enough no one can see us.

  As she fists my cock, I lay my head back against the headrest and resume my emotionally torturous visions of Mace. Fuck, this feels good. “Suck it, woman.”

  She takes well to instruction, because in just a few seconds, I feel her mouth surround me. My hand goes to her hair, and I gently caress her cheek with my other hand, keeping my eyes shut to avoid losing my visual guide to Mace.

  Mace.

  Luckily, it doesn’t take long until I’m coming down her throat, and after she takes her time licking me clean, she sits up and smiles. She wants to be congratulated. She hasn’t changed. She still thinks she can lead me around by my dick. That’s not going to happen.

  Being that it’s a date, I’m civil enough to open the truck door and help her out of it. Her backless, short, black dress doesn’t leave much to the imagination, and I can feel every man in the room stare at her as we make our way to the table. Not one part of me yearns to beat their eyes away. I don’t fucking care if they look at her. She’s not who I want.

  Mace and her asshat are already here. Once he looks up from her neck, which was what he was apparently feasting on, his eyes lock with mine, and I realize I didn’t like him before I met him, but now I fuckin’ hate him.

  He has beady eyes and perfect hair. He’s dressed in a suit that is so starched, I could most likely bounce a nickel off it. He’s clean shaven, and his hands look like he has a standing weekly manicure appointment. Pretty boy – I’ve never met one that I didn’t question.

  “Shame?” Mace is puzzled; she is attempting to place where she’s seen my date before. I smile at her confusion, but before I have a chance to explain to her where they met, Hem and Sadey come from behind, and Hem breaks the ice while leaving a stunned Mace to drown in its coldest depth.

  “Ginger, good to see you again. How are you? It’s been a long time.”

  Mace struggles to hold her tongue, and I can see she’s stirring in her mind a way to rid the world of all Gingers. This makes me a dick, but it’s fun to wat
ch her light up with jealousy.

  Ginger looks Hem up and down, like the slut she is, and smiles wide at the sight of him. “I’m wonderful, Hem. Thank you. You look … well.”

  Ignoring Ginger’s blatant attempt to flirt with what isn’t hers, Hem pulls out Sadey’s chair, but doesn’t sit. He pulls out Gingers for her as well, and after she takes her seat, he comes to stand by me and whispers. “Brother, you’re looking a little red in the face, what’s up?”

  My response isn’t whispered. I look directly at Mace with my answer. “Just had my dick sucked. Has it been that long you don’t remember the look after being in a woman’s mouth?”

  “Shame!” Mace is horrified. Hem laughs and Sadey puts her head down to hide her embarrassment. Greyson hisses and acts out his disgust at the same time, grabbing Mace’s hand as it sits near her glass at the table.

  I know I said it loud, fuck, I’m so pissed off I could have shouted it, but that was me reigning in my control.

  Greyson finally stands, placing his hand on Mace’s shoulders to calm her. That gesture may calm her, but it pisses me the fuck off. “Shame, is it? Nice to meet you, I’m Greyson.” He holds his hand out to me, and to avoid ending the night with a verbal assault from Mace I take it, but I grip it so tightly I see his eyes flinch. Then once I let go, the fucker wipes it off with his napkin and sits back down next to Mace and puts his arm on the back of her chair.

  Surprisingly, Sadey hasn’t said a word since she got here. She and I lock eyes, and she gives me a wink and nod. What the ever loving fuck is this shit? She smiles at my returned stare. Generally, she plays off as if she’s oblivious to all, but the way she’s looking at me now tells me she can see right through my tough facade, and it’s then I know I’ve been caught.

  Women see too much for their own good.

  Fuck.

  “So, Mace and Sadey, you’ve grown up. I can’t believe it’s been eleven years since I’ve seen you. How’s that dog you had? What was his name again? Whiskers? Max? I can’t remember.”