Toxic

by A. C. Bextor

  “I love you. I’ve always loved you. No matter what happens in our lives that will never waiver. There will be days that you’ll hate me, Mace. I’m not crazy enough to believe you won’t, but stick with me as you always have, and I’ll give you enough happiness to shadow any fear or hurt that I’ll cause.”

  Her emotions are taking ahold of her, and I can feel her start to tremble in my arms. She’s swaying a bit, and losing focus on what we’re about to do. She’s searching me again, looking inside of all that I am. Once she finds what’s she’s looking for – the truth - she nuzzles her face into my chest as I hold her to me.

  Once she pulls herself away and has composed herself, she says something only Mace can say in a moment like this. “That’s your vow, Shame. All of this…” she moves her arms around the room, “is for everyone else. I love you, and believe it or not, I love how you love me – it’s hot, Shame.” Giving me a goofy smile, she winks at her own response.

  My girl. She doesn’t want to continue this discussion - I never had to say a word. She already knows how I feel about her. “C’mon, let’s go make an honest woman out of you, so I can continue to fill you with little versions of me and not feel as bad about it.”

  “Right, like you ever felt bad about it?”

  “Nope, not at all. You deserve all the flowers and chocolate though, so feast on it for about an hour, then life with me really starts. C’mon.”

  ~~~~~

  During the ceremony, Sadey is standing behind Mace and her expression is pained. She’s not crying, which is surprising considering she cries all the time, and I’m so nervous I could use her theatrical tears as a way to distract me. Hem keeps shuffling his feet behind me, and I’m waiting for him to disrupt my wedding to get to her. I can’t look at her closely for too long without wanting to laugh at her indignant expression.

  God, Sadey … you will never stop with your hunger and need for drama.

  Mace is looking up at me, holding my hands in hers. The tears that are streaming down her face are genuine, and those brown eyes have never looked more radiant than at this moment. In my search within them - I find all of us. Hem, Sadey, Mace and I - we’ve grown up into our own brand of dysfunction and, to me, there is no better kind of family to have.

  I’m not Catholic, but I believe in God. I’ve had enough talks with him to know that he’s what brought me here. I just wish Father Marcus would have gotten that memo, because Catholic weddings take for-fucking-ever and I’m ready to go.

  Once we’re finished, everyone heads back to the club for the party … Peril style.

  Epilogue

  “Live to the point of tears.”

  -Albert Camus

  “Sugar, would you stop with the whining already. I know you’re uncomfortable. Believe me, I know.” He rolls his eyes for added prop to his dramatic statement.

  “Jesus, Hem. I’m sorry. Are you carrying ten pounds of human inside your body? No? Then, stop talking to me about whining. This hurts. Your son is pummeling my insides right now.”

  Sadey needs a break. Between planning Mace’s wedding, taking care of Patrick, adjusting to life with Hem again, and her parents driving her bat shit crazy, she’s had a rough few months. Not to mention suffering through another pregnancy.

  “I need a drink. Can you grab me one when you go up?” Hem dismisses her immediately. Not because he doesn’t care, but he can’t stand to see Sadey in pain. She was worse with Patrick, but he wasn’t here to witness it.

  “Oh my god, Hem. You’re an ass.”

  That’s right, buddy … he most certainly can be.

  Hem gives up, and moves from his seat to get his own drink at the bar. Sadey plops down in the seat he just vacated and sighs with relief. She’s all boobs and belly.

  Mace comes up behind me, still wearing her wedding dress. She swears she’s uncomfortable wearing it, but most of us changed the moment pictures were over, before we even got back to the club. She’s enjoying this day and doesn’t want it to end.

  She’s holding me tight from behind, and as I hold her hands clutched in mine, she looks around the side of me to her full-bellied best friend. “Sadey, honey, are you alright? You look weird.”

  Sadey doesn’t say anything. She just stares at Mace for a beat then looks up to me. We’re standing directly in front of her, blocking everyone’s view, so she says quietly. “I just ruined Hem’s chair.”

  Mace looks to me and then we both look to Sadey and at the same time ask. “What?”

  “I just ruined Hem’s favorite chair. He’s gonna kill me.” Then she starts laughing … hysterically.

  What the fuck?

  Hem comes back from getting his drink – nothing for Sadey, ‘cause he’s a selfish and forgetful ass – and stops in his tracks upon seeing her sitting in his favorite leather chair … Doc’s chair. Sadey’s still laughing, as she holds her belly with one hand, and wipes her tears with the other.

  “Oh, my god, Hem…” Laugh. “you’re going … to be so…” Snort. “pissed.”

  “Sadey girl, what is wrong with you? You’re scaring the shit out of me.”

  Hem and I share a look, neither of us have any fuckin’ idea what the hell is wrong with Sadey.

  Mace breaks Hem and my silent discussion. “Sadey Marie Lyons, you did not just…” My new bride can’t finish her sentence because she’s now laughing into hysterics.

  Again, what the fuck?

  Hem’s losing patience. “Damn it, Sadey, what’s the joke?”

  The girls can’t stop laughing, but as soon as Gunner comes up behind us, and we catch the color of his face, he snaps. “Why is everyone standing around laughing? Sadey’s water just broke. Mace is out of control. Shame, you’re just standing there and Hem, you’re drinking?” He points to Hem’s glass of whiskey with an accusing motion.

  Reality hits both Hem and me, and our male panic takes hold. At this point, we’re worse than women. “Oh, Jesus, Sugar, we gotta go! What the fuck are you sitting there laughin’ for? Let’s get my boy out of there.”

  ~~~~~

  Sadey’s delivery was quick and nearly painless. She pushed when she was told, cried when it was over, and thanked God himself for giving Hem back.

  Hem, however, was a nut case. Every single time the doctor tried to touch Sadey in an area he wasn’t comfortable with, Hem went through the roof in anger. Of course, in usual form, it took Sadey, the person in pain delivering a child, to calm his ass down as only she can do. The baby is healthy and happy – a family of four.

  “Shame?”

  Mace and I are standing in the nursery watching over Deacon for Hem, who is with Sadey in recovery. He tells us these ‘damn nurses’ have a tendency to leave the children unattended. I didn’t question his already crazy state of mind, but Mace and I did as he asked, and now we’re babysitting his sleeping infant.

  The nurse continues to glare at us, since Mace is in a wedding dress, and I’m in my Peril cut. We probably look ridiculous, but I don’t give a flyin’ fuck. If it means people know she’s mine, she should just wear it every day and save me the energy of explaining it.

  “Yeah, babe?”

  She’s looking in the baby’s makeshift crib as he lays still and sleeping. “I want another one.”

  “Yeah? When you’re ready, you tell me. Just don’t forget…”

  She cuts me off by covering my mouth with her hand. “A boy, Shame. I know this.” She rolls her eyes and continues. “If you get girls you’re going to drown yourself, I get it. You can keep saying it, but I don’t have that kind of control.”

  She knows I’m serious, though. Sadey and Mace have driven me crazy for-fucking-ever and I don’t see that stopping, so she needs to really get me the two boys I need, because the older I get, the more backup I’m going to require. Ryder and I alone can’t handle Mace twenty four seven. Fuck, no one can. It’s not a request; it’s a demand. Three boys, Mace, and me … forever.

  Once she removes her hand from my face, she smiles whi
le looking up at me, holding onto each side of my body. “Go figure Sadey would have my new nephew on our wedding day.”

  “Go figure.”

  “It’s perfect, though.”

  “That it is.”

  Mace quiets and takes in our surroundings. Oddly, the room we’re standing in represents new life. These little lives are being born into something bigger than their tiny bodies can comprehend. They will rely on those that brought them into this world to love and guide them, making it a life full of opportunities and promises of many tomorrows that lay ahead in wait for them.

  I didn’t have that, until I found my real family – those not of blood, but of friendship, loyalty, and love. The storms I waited out were violent and unstable, but once finding them, I found the unconditional love that I’d yearned for in my search for them.

  It’s in this moment, among the sounds of monitors and babies crying, and the feel of Mace in my arms holding me tight, just as she always had, that I realize - I am finally well and truly home.

  “I love you,” Mace whispers, maneuvering her body further into mine.

  “I know, baby.” I tell her, as I move her long hair from her shoulders and her back, running my fingers through it. “I love you, too.”

  Standing on her tip toes, she leans into me, pulls my neck down with her arms, and gives me one hell of a wedding night kiss.

  This night has been the perfect start to our honeymoon. I’ve got my brother; he has his wife; Mace has her best friend, and I’ve fuckin’ finally got my girl.

  Time to go home and start making my baby boy number two.

  The End.

  Lights of Peril Playlist

  Shame -- So Far Away - Staind

  Hem -- Man That I Am – James Otto

  Sadey -- Make You Feel My Love – Adele

  Mace -- Where You Are – Gavin Degraw

  Ace -- Tryin’ Not To Love You - Nickelback

  Gunner -- I Am The Highway - Audioslave

  Honor -- Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd

  Hood -- Man Against The World - Survivor

  Peyton -- Barbie Girl - Aqua

  Cherry -- Lullaby – Nickelback

  April (Kegs) -- Pour Some Sugar On Me – Def Leppard

  Mace and Shame -- All Of Me – John Legend

  Sadey and Hem -- Kiss Me – Ed Sheeran