And Maggie had fallen in love with it the moment she’d walked through the heavy, wooden front door with its stained-glass panels. Tall sash windows made every room light enough to see the patches of peeling paint on the ceilings and the deep scratches and marks from years of high-heeled shoes, dogs’ nails and probably children’s toys on the floorboards. The signs of a house that had been well lived in. A family home...
A big family home. The kind you could have fitted six children in before it had been divided into two apartments. The kind of home that Maggie could have imagined in those days of dreaming about a large family—right down to a dog or two.
‘You could have a dog,’ she found herself telling Joe. ‘How cool would that be?’
He didn’t look excited by the idea. ‘It’s not fair to keep a dog if you’re working full time,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t want the responsibility.’
Maggie turned away to look at the view from the enormous bay window in this huge sitting room. It was similar to the view that Cooper and Fizz had from their small villa, with a lovely glimpse of Wellington Harbour in the distance. She could actually see a helicopter gaining height as it came from the direction of the Aratika Rescue Base. Who was on board? she wondered. And what kind of adrenaline rush would the challenge produce? Would it be what she and Joe might consider a ‘hot’ one? She missed the intensity of that work. She even missed the long days and the sometimes exhausting physical challenges. Joe was right, though. You couldn’t do a job like that with its twelve-hour or more shifts and leave a dog at home alone.
But if a dog was a responsibility that Joe didn’t want, how did he really feel about a child being in his near future? It was still too early to feel this baby moving inside her, but Maggie put her hand on her belly anyway—her fingers spread a little as if she needed to protect it.
‘So this half of the house has the view. I have to say it’s one of the best I’ve seen in a very long time.’ The real estate agent had been enthusiastically drawing their attention to every detail of the house from the moment they’d entered. ‘I imagine you’d choose this half to live in and rent the other half out? I’ve got an estimate of the kind of income you could expect to make from doing that, if you want to look at it, Joe?’
‘Yes...thank you.’ Joe went to stand beside the agent to look at the clipboard she was holding.
‘It’s lucky that both apartments are empty at the moment. You could get possession very fast if your offer was acceptable. I understand you’re in a bit of a hurry?’
‘Mmm...’ Joe had flipped a page on the clipboard. ‘So these are the floor plans? The second apartment looks smaller.’
‘It still has two bedrooms and a good-sized sitting room that was originally another bedroom, I believe. Or maybe a library. You could easily knock through and take it back to its former glory as a large family home.’ The agent sent a smile in Maggie’s direction. ‘How perfect would that be for when you guys want to start your family?’
‘We’re not a couple,’ Maggie told her, surprising herself with a tone that was uncharacteristically rude. It wasn’t that the agent needed to know. It was more like a stab of disappointment that had prompted her to say something. She and Joe might be having a baby together but they weren’t starting any kind of ‘real’ family. It was more than disappointing. It felt heartbreaking enough to tell Maggie that her hormonal imbalance was nowhere near settling down. Good grief...there was something about the agent’s words, or this house-viewing business, that almost had her on the verge of tears.
‘We’re just friends,’ she added, trying to make her tone friendlier. ‘I’m here to provide a feminine viewpoint, that’s all.’
‘Oh... I beg your pardon...’ The agent’s cheeks went pink. ‘Well...how ’bout I leave you to have a look at the bedrooms and bathroom on this side and then I’ll meet you in the other apartment? That’ll give you a bit of time to talk about things.’
Maggie walked closer to the windows to stare down at the garden. There was a lovely patch of lawn before the slope merged into a grove of trees. She could see a path leading somewhere and an old tyre swing hanging from the large tree branch. She could also feel Joe moving towards her.
‘Just friends?’ he asked quietly.
Maggie swallowed hard. ‘What would you call us, then?’
‘I don’t know.’ Joe blew out a breath. ‘Definitely friends, but there’s something bigger now as well, don’t you think? We’re going to be parents together.’
‘Not exactly together.’
‘You know what I mean. We’re both going to be the parents of the same baby. It feels...more than “just friends”.’
‘Yeah...’ It was Maggie’s turn to sigh. ‘It’s certainly more complicated than it used to be.’
The silence felt awkward.
‘I love this house,’ Maggie said brightly, to try and change the subject. ‘It needs work but it feels like it would be a lovely place to live.’
‘I love it, too.’ Joe nodded. ‘And...you know what? It could be perfect—for both of us.’
Startled, Maggie turned her head swiftly, her eyes widening as she looked up at Joe. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘It’s just occurred to me that this could be the ideal solution.’
‘Solution to what?’
‘To being co-parents but not together.’
‘I still have no idea what you’re talking about.’
‘This house has two sides. Part of the same house but separate. Imagine if I lived on one side and you lived on the other?’
Her mind jumped to that scenario with remarkable ease. She would see Joe every day. They would be a part of each other’s lives. They could share meals together, maybe, and gardening chores. Almost like a real family. She could actually see herself out there in a couple of years, harvesting some vegetables from the garden, and she could see Joe push that tyre swing with a toddler sitting inside it, shrieking with glee. In the periphery of that flash of fantasy, Maggie could even see the waving tail of a happy dog. A golden retriever, perhaps...
But there was something else, too. Someone else? Joe’s latest girlfriend, probably. She would see him bringing new ones home. Ringing in the changes because they’d got too close and wanted more than he was prepared to give. He might tell her about it over a glass of wine in the evening—because she was his friend. A good friend. The mother of his child, in fact, but still only a friend.
She couldn’t do it. Because it would be nothing like a real family. She would be close to Joe but there was a very real possibility that she would feel even lonelier than she did at the moment. Wanting to be with him. Wanting to touch and be touched by Joe. Maggie could feel herself welling up with that new twinge of longing. Oh, boy... There was still no sign of the effects of these new hormones wearing off. If anything, they were getting more powerful.
‘You okay?’ Joe’s voice was concerned.
‘Mmm...’ Maggie fought for control, focussing on the view again.
‘You hate the idea, don’t you?’
‘I...um...think it might make things too difficult.’
‘I thought it would make things easier. As far as sharing the parenting, anyway.’
‘I’m sure it would,’ Maggie murmured. ‘But...it might be too close, you know?’
‘Not sure I do.’ Joe was frowning. ‘We’ve stopped seeing each other like that, haven’t we? It was a mistake to mess up our friendship with sex. And...you were very clear about not wanting to marry me and I agree that it needs more than a basis of friendship to make that kind of commitment, so...that’s the end of that, isn’t it?’
Maggie needed to agree with him. She tried to nod her head but it wasn’t quite working. She did tilt her head up to start the movement but all that did was let her gaze snag on Joe’s and she could see that he was thinking about exactly what she was thinking about.
>
‘Oh... Maggie...’
His voice was a low rumble laced with desire. He lifted his hand to lay his palm gently against her cheek and Maggie felt her eyes drifting shut as she leaned into the touch. She couldn’t see Joe’s head slowly dipping but she could feel the heat of his skin becoming more intense as he closed the distance between their faces. And then she was aware of only the electric tingle as his lips covered hers, moving over them so slowly, so tenderly, it was utterly heartbreaking.
‘Oh...don’t mind me...’
The cheerful voice of the real estate agent felt like someone was throwing a bucket of cold water in their direction. They both jerked apart.
‘I wondered what was taking you so long,’ the agent continued. The knowing smile on her face suggested that she knew any earlier embarrassment had been misplaced. ‘I see you are...um...pretty good friends.’
It was Maggie’s cheeks that had gone pink this time. She couldn’t meet the agent’s gaze. She couldn’t look at Joe, either.
‘So...do you want to look at the other apartment?’
Maggie could feel Joe’s gaze on her. Willing her to look up again. Wanting to know whether she was interested in the opportunity this house could provide of living so closely together while they co-parented their child.
She forced herself to look up. To meet his gaze and shake her head just enough to relay the information that she couldn’t do it. That the kiss they’d just shared had made things even more complicated and it wouldn’t be a good idea for anybody involved here.
It seemed that he understood. Given the swift way his gaze slid away from Maggie’s, it also seemed that he was either regretting that kiss or he was also feeling confused about how to define their relationship—or lack of it.
‘I don’t think we need to see the other apartment at the moment,’ he told the agent.
‘Oh...’ She sounded disappointed. ‘So you’re not interested in the house, then?’
‘On the contrary.’
Joe’s voice was clipped. He was going into his efficient mode, Maggie realised, sounding like he did when he had a patient in critical condition and it was a race against time to save a life. He was in charge and he was going to make something happen.
‘I love the house,’ Joe added, seeming to grow an inch or two taller as he straightened his spine. ‘I’ll come back tomorrow and bring someone who can assess the condition of the place properly but I’ll certainly be putting an offer in. As soon as possible.’
CHAPTER NINE
‘I HEAR YOU’VE gone and bought a house, Joe.’
‘Yep. The contract went unconditional yesterday. I take possession in a couple of weeks.’
Joe was restocking a drug roll, sliding ampoules into the row of tiny pockets. Fentanyl, ketamine, morphine... He itemised the drugs on the record sheet, signed his name against the entry and then handed the sheet to his partner for the additional signature. He was working with Tom Chapman today, the specialist consultant in the emergency department of the Royal who had begun working at Aratika when Fizz had had to give up her air rescue shifts.
‘Exciting.’ Tom nodded. ‘From what Andy said, it sounds like a big place.’
‘It’s an old house. Divided into two apartments. Hey...you’re not looking for somewhere new to live by any chance, are you?’
Tom laughed. ‘No. And I like my little apartment. Easy to clean and maintain. Boring but very practical.’ He shook his head, still grinning. ‘Bit like me, really.’
Joe chuckled. He hadn’t worked with Tom that often yet and knew nothing about his private life but he had always been impressed with this experienced doctor’s ability to stay calm in any emergency and deal with it in a confident and highly skilled manner. Okay, he didn’t smile that often and there was something very serious in his gaze a lot of the time but he had an absolute passion for his work and it was obvious that he cared very much for every patient he worked on.
‘Hmm.’ Joe continued gathering other supplies like the small, foil packages containing alcohol wipes, plastic packages with Luer plugs and a roll of tape, but he flicked Tom a sideways glance. ‘You’re not boring, mate, but you’re probably a lot more sensible than me. I may well find I’ve bitten off more than I can chew, house-wise. Don’t know what got into me.’
‘You must have fallen in love with the place.’
‘Nah...’ Joe shook his head. ‘I don’t fall in love with women so it’s not likely to happen with a house. It’s a good investment, that’s all.’
Except that a nice, practical little apartment like Tom had might have been an even better investment. Why had he made up his mind on the spot like that and then followed through with a second viewing and negotiating an agreed price? Because he had the thought lurking in the back of his mind that he might be able to persuade Maggie that the separate but close living arrangements could really work?
Or was it because it felt like a real home? A real family home. The kind where you could have a Sunday roast for lunch. He’d looked at that old swing in the tree in the garden and imagined what it would be like growing up in that house as a kid. A kid who felt wanted—the way he was determined that his child would always feel. The way he’d never felt himself, as a child. A kid with two parents, even, and it was a shock to realise that he could so easily see himself and Maggie as those loving parents. To imagine them loving each other as well as their child...
There were feelings being stirred that Joe had never wanted to revisit. Disturbing emotional currents that he had no idea how to deal with. It wasn’t just to do with the baby, either. It had been a big mistake to kiss Maggie again. That had been lurking in the back of his mind for the last few weeks as well. Haunting his dreams and interfering with his focus too frequently to be acceptable. The softness of her lips. The warmth and smell and taste of her...
It was impossible to remember that kiss and not have his mind open a door that let his thoughts sneak off into the memories of what it had been like to kiss Maggie Lewis a lot more thoroughly. To feel the shape of her body beneath his hands and his lips. To be able to laugh, even, as sexual play led to the kind of release that had been a complete revelation for Joe.
He shouldn’t be thinking about it at all but he couldn’t really identify those feelings that were being stirred up and therefore had no idea how to fix his confusion. It didn’t help that there was so much more he had to think about now that his future was moving in a direction he hadn’t wanted to consider. The future that featured himself as a father.
It wasn’t just that he was missing the sex. If that was all there was to it, it would have been easy enough in the last few weeks to have reconnected with an old girlfriend, perhaps, or find someone new. Instinct was still telling him, very firmly, that that kind of hook-up would not solve anything, no matter how good the sex might be. If anything, it would probably make it harder to sort out what was going on in his head, which was quite confusing enough already.
And maybe Maggie was feeling the same kind of confusion. Maybe that was why she seemed to have been deliberately avoiding spending any time alone with him ever since that house viewing. Was she missing him in anything like the same way he was missing her?
At least it was always possible to shut off any of those thoughts when he was actually involved in any kind of patient care but times like this, out of work hours or on station between missions, it seemed impossible to stop his thought processes getting hijacked. What he should be thinking about right now was making sure he had everything available in his kit that might be needed on the next critical case they were called to. He put more effort into focussing.
‘Do we need any laryngeal mask airways?’ Tom called, from the other side of the storage room.
‘Yes. Grab a size four and five.’ It was always good to have extras of the sizes they used the most often.
Tom handed him the airway devices. ‘Any
thing else?’
‘I think we’re done. Let’s see if we can get a coffee upstairs before we get another call.’
Both men paused as they walked past the windows that overlooked the helipad. Andy and Nick were still busy cleaning the chopper after the last mission they’d been on that had involved a fair bit of bodily fluids getting splashed around. Dark grey clouds were gathering in the sky above and a few raindrops pelted the windows and trickled down the glass.
‘We’re going to get some more accidents with this weather front coming in,’ Tom said. ‘The wind was bad enough without adding in the rain.’
‘We did good at the last one,’ Joe reminded him. ‘I didn’t think we’d get her into ED alive. That was a nasty smash. Vans can be hard to control in a high wind.’
Tom nodded slowly. ‘They’re the best jobs,’ he said quietly. ‘When you know for sure that the time saved and what we can offer in the way of pre-hospital medicine is what really made the difference between life and death. That some police officer isn’t on his way to knock on someone’s door and deliver the news that life, as they know it, is over.’
Wow... Tom really could get serious at times. Joe couldn’t think of anything to say as they carried on into the staffroom to be greeted by a cheerful voice.
‘You boys are just in time. My banana cake got cool enough to ice while you were out. And I’ve put some whipped cream in the middle. Sit yourselves down for five minutes.’
‘It’s you who should be sitting down for five minutes, Shirley. You never stop.’
‘I feel better than I have in years.’ Shirley was beaming as she set plates with large wedges of cake on them in front of Joe and Tom. ‘Twenty years younger, in fact. Have you seen Maggie anywhere? She loves my banana cake.’
‘It’s her day off,’ Joe told her. ‘I think she was going up the coast to visit her parents.’
‘Is she going to move back home?’ Shirley asked. ‘When that baby arrives?’
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