Attached to You

by Lindsay Paige

  Her smile disappears. “Dad said he couldn’t stand the negativity coming from them. I guess this gives me the opportunity to finish reading them.”

  “You want to?” Why would she want to do that? She knows there’s nothing good to be found within the pages of those notebooks.

  Deanna nods. “I feel like there’s a reason they’re back with me. Maybe she’ll surprise me.”

  “Darlin’, your dad couldn’t even stand them. I doubt she’ll surprise you.”

  She glares, not saying anything else. Probably because she knows I’m right. We don’t talk anymore, but her eyes keep sliding over to those notebooks in the living room. She’ll be at my house, crying, within hours of reading them. I’d bet money on it. When we finish eating, I stand, walk over to her, and kiss the top of her head since she decides not to look up at me. I don’t know what the fuck I did to her.

  “Want my advice?” I don’t wait for an answer. “Focus on work. When things go to shit, you can always count on your job. Call me if you need me.”

  I’m halfway to the door when she asks, “Is that what you do? What you will do?”

  “What?” I turn to face her. I’m not entirely sure what she’s asking.

  “If we start having problems, are you going to dismiss us and focus on work instead?”

  My mouth opens, closes, and opens again. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Yes, it is. Focus on work means ignoring what’s wrong and paying attention to only your job. So I’m prepared, is that what you’re going to do? Because that doesn’t fix anything. The problems will still be there at the end of the day.”

  I cross the room, take her hand, and tug her to stand. Deanna avoids my eyes, deciding to stare at my chest instead. She’s all over the fucking place today. The last thing she needs to worry about is us. Grabbing her chin, I force her to look at me. “If we have issues, we’ll handle them. I won’t pick my job over you, Deanna.”

  She nods, yet she doesn’t look like she believes me. Where is this sudden mistrust coming from? Or has she always mistrusted me and this is the first time she’s showing it?

  “I mean it, and I need you to believe it.”

  “I hear you, Brayden.” And I hear what she doesn’t say. Deanna kisses me before gently pushing me away. “I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for dinner and for bringing Otis back.”

  There’s no point in replying. I simply leave and hope she gets out of this mood. My mind starts thinking of ways I can prove I’m committed because I’ve obviously done a bad job in showing it.

  “Ladies and gentlemen! Captain Hook has returned!” Marco shouts the moment I step into the room.

  “There aren’t any ladies in here, dumbass,” I say over the slaps on my shoulder and the “Good to have you back” comments. Marco shrugs with a smile. “Thanks, guys.” This is my first day back with everyone, and I’m more than ready to get things going. Once the commotion calms down, I find EJ. I thought about finding Collin and Cal to see how things went on the road trip with Collin and his anxiety, but I doubt they want me checking in.

  “Hey, man,” EJ says. “Feeling good?”

  “Of course. What’s up with Raelynn calling you Elias?”

  He shrugs. “That’s what she prefers. I told her as long as it wasn’t Elias James, which is what my mom calls me, I don’t care. Why?”

  “It’s kinda freaky is all.”

  He laughs, thinking I’m crazy, I’m sure.

  I’m shocked when the twins make a point to come over and give me a shoulder slap. “Glad to have you back, Hook,” they say simultaneously, which is fucking creepy, to be honest.

  I run a hand through my hair. “Yeah, thanks. I’m sure I was sorely missed,” I joke.

  “Trust us, you were,” they say together again.

  “Okay, cut that shit out. You’re freaking me out.”

  They laugh and wander back to their lockers. I glance at EJ. “When did they start doing that?”

  “When we were in Ottawa. They enjoy giving everyone the fucking heebie jeebies. It’s even creepier that they can do it on the fly like that.”

  He isn’t joking.

  Game day skate feels so good. I’ve progressed into my routine without any problems, but knowing there’s a game tonight sends my adrenaline running high. Aside from wanting to get back to work, I need the distraction. Things still aren’t quite right with Deanna. I haven’t seen her since I went over there Saturday. She keeps saying she’s too busy with work. That bullshit ends tonight because I’m going over there after the game. If she doesn’t show up, that is. I invited her, but she gave a noncommittal response.

  What in the hell am I doing? We’re walking out of the tunnel for the game. Deanna should not be on my mind. The crowd roars when they see us, and I allow myself one last thought of her.

  Is Deanna one of the thousands cheering for us?

  ***

  Brayden wins the first face-off of the night. Watching it on TV while I shovel ice cream in my mouth makes me wish I had actually gone to the game. For two hours, I had decided to go. And then, I changed my mind. What changed? I finally talked to Rose.

  “Working together was ruining our friendship,” she said.

  Somehow, her quitting on me with no notice helped keep our friendship together. I think she’s lying. When I asked if she had another job already, she said yes. Which makes me wonder if she started her plan to leave after our chat, after I thought things were better, and obviously they weren’t. Friendship-wise, she acts like we’re all fine and good. She wanted to chit-chat about Brayden. She told me how she broke up with her boyfriend. When she asked if I’d set her up with Zane, since he seemed like a good guy, I told her no.

  That pissed her off and she hung up.

  If Zane deserves better than me, then he also deserves better than Rose. No way would I ever consider setting him up with one of my friends. That’d be weird, I think. With a sigh, I drag my attention back to the screen.

  I still don’t understand this game. Right now, the Rebels are on a power play, it seems. The other team has their four players in a loose square formation in front of their goalie, while our players are on the outer edges, passing the puck to one another. I can’t see all the names and numbers, so I’m not sure if Brayden is out there or not. I’ll have to wait to see if one of the announcers says his name.

  One Rebel passes the puck to another one. This guy is the farthest from the net, yet he rears his stick back and sends the puck past all of those players and their goalie. None of whom are able to stop it or defer it. It sails through the air until it hits the back of the net.

  The thunderous cheers of the spectators are almost louder than the goal horn. Who knew North Carolina housed so many hockey fans? There are only a few gaps of three or four rows of empty seats throughout what I can see of the arena. I wonder if it’s like that all the time. I didn’t pay attention before.

  Cameras zoom in on the celebrating Rebels. Yep. Brayden is on the ice. He’s the only one not smiling. Well, he does have that faint, corners-are-barely-tipped-up kind of smile. I jab my spoon into my butter pecan ice cream and dig out a big spoonful. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what Maryann said about his past relationship. Why I’m worrying about it, I don’t know. It has nothing to do with us. On the surface, at least.

  Brayden says he’s committed; I should be happy! Yet I worry that we’re both fooling ourselves here. I was firmly against relationships, but here I am because I feel like Brayden could be a guy who doesn’t make me settle. Shouldn’t it be easier than this? Why do I have doubts? My eyes flick to Mom’s notebooks. Reading them has only reminded me of every last bad decision I’ve ever made. I haven’t even gotten to the most recent ones yet.

  How do I know Brayden is a good decision? How do I know I’m capable of such a thing? I just want some space to clear my head without Brayden clouding my judgment. I reach for the remote to change the channel when the announcers start talking about a breakaw
ay. What stops me is they mention Brayden’s name. He skates down the ice, releases his shot, and scores.

  My stupid heart warms with excitement for him. Maybe I can watch a little more. The regret over not going causes me to eat more ice cream. What if he goes up to the box? He’ll turn stiff because it’ll be an uncomfortable situation since I’m not there. Why am I worrying about Brayden? He can handle himself.

  Otis jumps off the couch and walks to the door. That’s my cue to walk him. While we’re outside, exciting stuff happened with the game. Someone on the enemy team scored, but so did a Rebel. I don’t know which came first or who scored the Rebels goal. That brings the score to three-one in favor of the Rebels. There are two guys on the ice now with the last name Kessy. One jersey has “Co. Kessy” and the other has “Ca. Kessy.” It’s kind of weird to see people you’ve met or know on TV. The twins are difficult for me to keep up with. I barely saw their jerseys long enough to see their names. Plus, they keep weaving in and out of any traffic that’s around them. How does anyone keep up with them?

  They regularly make passes without looking at each other. I get invested in the game, but not for Brayden. I’m fascinated by the Kessy twins. Sometimes, I wouldn’t think that one knows where the other is, yet they make a flawless pass, one of which leads to a goal in the third period. I can’t tell if they’re actually faster than some of the other guys on the ice, or if that’s just me since I can barely keep up with what’s happening anyway. Man, if I were the Rebels, I’d be showing off those twins and gathering all the attention they could get. Then again, maybe they already are and I don’t know it because I’m not a serious follower.

  When the game ends, I put away my nearly empty carton of ice cream. I shower, taking my time as if I have all of it in the world. I slip on a pair of panties and search for a tank top. It’s honestly a bit too cold to wear one, but even in the colder months, I can wake up sweating. Let me wake up with a slight chill and not wanting to get out of bed because it’s even colder outside of my blankets instead. That’s my motto. I don’t want to wake up hot at this point, and it’s basically December.

  There’s a banging on my door. Otis runs out of the room, nearly knocking me into my dresser. I grab my robe from my bed where I tossed it, slip into it as I walk to the door where Otis viciously barks at whomever is on the other side.

  “Calm down, Otis. Quiet. Sit,” I order. His barks turn into a low growl while I peer through the peephole.

  Brayden.

  I open the door and step aside for Otis to charge forward. He attacks Brayden by licking his hand.

  “Hey, boy,” he says, rubbing his head while he wiggles his body from excitement. Does Otis ever wiggle that much when he sees me? Maybe he loves Brayden more. He should. He’s in a suit again and I almost want to shake my head at how ridiculously hot he looks.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask, one hand on the door, the other propped on my hip.

  Brayden lifts his head to look at me. His eyes scour my appearance, which reminds me that I’m wearing my robe and panties. I pull it closed to shield myself from his ravenous eyes as he steps into my house and closes the door without answering my question.

  “Take the robe off.”

  I frown. He thinks he can come over without notice after I ditched his game, not tell me why he’s here, and then order me to undress? No. I’m not interested in that tonight.

  He reaches out to rub strands of my wet hair between two of his fingers. “It’ll be worth it.”

  Of course it will. When is it not? Brayden doesn’t wait for an answer. He steps forward until he’s so completely invading my space that he eliminates it. He is my space now. My breathing hitches, those damn lungs are always traitors, and my hands move to rest on his stomach. I need something to hold onto, something to steady me. He’s all I have right now.

  Brayden’s eyes fall to the long line of skin, three inches wide, now exposed. He grips each side of the robe, his hands just underneath my breasts. My heart hammers in my chest as I wait to see what he’ll do. Slowly, his eyes hit mine. It’s like a punch to the gut that steals my breath for a moment.

  “I need to get something out of the way before we go to your bedroom.” I nod; it’s about the only thing I can do. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I don’t like it.” The world stills at his words. Is he fed up with me once and for all? Is he fucking me one last time and then leaving for good? “Whatever you need to do to get your shit together, do it. I really want to have patience, and I’m trying here, but this is driving me crazy. Either you’ll talk to me, or you get your shit together sooner rather than later. Understood?”

  “Sure.”

  “I don’t want a sure, darlin’. I want a definite yes.” His hands move underneath the robe to grab my waist.

  “Yes, Brayden.”

  He picks me up, my legs and arms wrap around him, and he kisses me immediately. I wanted to resist this? I’m an idiot. His kiss dominates my thoughts. My senses hone in on Brayden. The heat coming from his body, how hard his hands grip my waist, every move of his mouth and his tongue, and every nip and bite he does. Landing on the bed is like ramming into a door because I was so distracted by his mouth that I didn’t pay attention to anything else.

  Brayden quickly removes my panties. He kisses me again, his hands roam all over my body for a moment before I only feel the brief touch of his knuckles as he undoes his tie. I try to help with undressing him, but he slaps my hands away. My heart nearly catapults out of my chest when his tie slides off, tickles my skin, and then, without even looking, he ties my wrists together over my head. I can’t budge them at all. This isn’t the first time he’s done this to someone. I don’t know if that thrills me or terrifies me a little.

  He pulls away for a moment to pull something out of his pocket. A blindfold. An actual blindfold! He owns a blindfold! I can’t even acknowledge how he obviously came prepared. My breathing shallows as he covers my eyes. I’ve never been with anyone who actually tied me up and blindfolded me. One guy talked about it, but he never did it.

  The heat of Brayden’s body disappears, but I can hear the sounds of fabric sliding against fabric as he undresses. Then, I hear footsteps, but they’re going away, not coming closer.

  “Brayden?”

  “Still here,” he says from across the room, though I don’t know what he’s doing over there. What is he doing?

  “I haven’t ever done this before,” I find myself saying, my nerves getting the best of me. There’s mostly excitement, and there’s a lot of trust because it’s Brayden, but I can’t exactly get rid of all the nerves.

  His footsteps come closer and then his hands are on my body. He lifts me further up the bed, which dips as he then climbs on. I think he’s hovering over me. A soft kiss graces the spot between my breasts. “Want me to remove them?”

  “No.”

  “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes.”

  Another kiss. “That’s the point I want you to remember.” As his lips find mine and his hands grab my breasts, I have a feeling he isn’t talking about my trust in him in the bedroom.

  I wake in the morning with a smile on my face, stretching as if that could clear away all of the soreness in my body. During my stretch, my feet bump into Otis, who makes a noise like he’s annoyed, and then I bump into Brayden.

  “That’s one hell of a smile to wake up with,” he grumbles.

  I lean over and kiss him. “Thanks to you.”

  He grins. “You seem normal again. If I’d known that was all you needed, I would’ve done it sooner.”

  I laugh, but don’t say anything. We’ll see how I feel once the high of sex wears off. I almost feel brave enough to ask him if he actually sees some kind of future for us or not.

  Almost.

  “I watched your game last night.”

  His smile stays in place. “You did?”

  “You don’t believe me? I did! You scored. So did some other people.” At this,
he laughs. “Those twins are something else, too. That pass and that goal in the third?” I shake my head in amazement, which leads to Brayden laughing harder.

  “I can’t believe you watched.”

  “Why? You wanted me to come to do the same thing.”

  “It just sounds like you got invested.”

  “I did. Those twins did it for me.”

  His smile leaves. “That is not a sentence I need to hear you say.”

  This time it’s me laughing. “Just being honest with you. Is it me or are they really good? You’re the only one who knows hockey between the two of us.”

  “They’re good. They’re also little assholes. They’ve started talking at the same time; freaks me out.” I laugh harder until Brayden kisses my neck. “I leave later today for a road trip.”

  “How long will you be gone?”

  “Come back late Saturday night. There’s a game Sunday, so might not see you until Monday, but I’ll try.”

  “Okay.” This is perfect timing. He’ll be gone for a few days, I’ll get some much-needed space, and I’ll have my shit together by the time he gets back as requested. This feeling of optimism stays with me as he kisses me goodbye and I get ready for work. I can do this. I can almost hear Rose in my mind, telling me not to fuck this up.

  Life has other plans for me.

  Brayden comes into the shop around eleven with a container of food. “I cooked you lunch.”

  “Really? Thanks.”

  “I need payment.” He folds his arms on the counter and leans forward with a grin.

  “Is that the only reason why you came?” I tease.

  He nods seriously, causing me to laugh, but I lean over to give him the goodbye kiss he’s looking forward to. He takes more than I bargained for and I’m almost embarrassed that he’s kissing me like this in front of customers when he pulls away. “I’ll see you Sunday once I get back,” he promises.

  A dreamy sigh escapes me as I watch him leave. A snort snaps me out of it. I glance around the store and see a woman whose eyes keep flicking back and forth between me and the elderly lady she’s with.