Finding Pride

by Jill Sanders

  One of the elderly women sat at the piano as another song began playing. There was more singing, dancing, and clapping than Megan had ever witnessed. People she didn’t know had come to celebrate her brother’s life. It brought a slight smile to her lips and tears to her eyes knowing that so many people cared. Before she knew it, she was being pulled into a dance with Father Michael.

  What seemed like hours later, she walked back into the kitchen. The only remaining people in the house were a few churchwomen chatting as they cleaned the kitchen. Iian and Todd were still somewhere in the house as well, cleaning. Lacey had left a half hour earlier, heading off to work, she’d said. Before she left, Megan had overheard her scold her brothers into helping tidy the place up.

  Looking to avoid more conversation, she headed back to the living room. Iian was there clearing off the coffee table. He looked up and gave her a smile.

  “Come and sit down,” he said, patting the couch. It looked so inviting that she was drawn to it. “I’ll get the fire going again before I head off to work,” he said, signing along. She liked to watch his hands move. She would have to pick up some basic words so she didn’t feel left out.

  After stoking the fire, he turned back to her. She signed to him, “Thank you.” She’d seen Lacey using the motion earlier. His eyebrows shot up and he gave her an “I’m impressed” look.

  He walked over and sat next to her. It was easy to talk to him. For some reason, he made her feel at ease. No other man had done that to her except for Matt. Derek had, at first, but she had never truly trusted him. She was starting to relax into an easy conversation with Iian when the hair on the back of her neck stood up.

  ********

  Todd had listened to their conversation from the hallway. As little brother’s go, Iian was pretty cool. He remembered the day that his dad had brought him home. Todd had just turned ten and he remembered thinking that he had gotten a little brother for his birthday. But there had been a price; they had lost his stepmother in the process.

  Lacey and Iian’s mother had been like a mother to him. She’d been very young when she’d married his dad. His real mother had left shortly after his second birthday, and he had only seen her once since then, at his father’s funeral. He knew she was only hanging around to see if she had been left anything.

  But now as Iian and Megan’s conversation continued, a knot formed in his stomach. It made him uneasy, and he stepped inside the doorway. Her hair clip had loosened over the hours, which gave him a view of her long, slender neck. And what a lovely neck it was.

  Just then, however, her back straightened and her whole appearance changed. Only a minute ago she was on the verge of sliding down the couch. Now, her back was straight and her hands were gripped together in her lap. She looked ready to jump out of her skin. She turned her head slightly towards him, and his eyes went to his brother.

  Iian signed to him, “You’re going to scare her.”

  Again he thought, What kind of an ogre am I if my family has to constantly warn me not to scare her?

  He signed back, not looking in her direction, “Don’t you have to be at work?” When Iian threw up his hands in frustration and quickly signed his favorite dirty phrase, Todd gave his brother a lopsided grin and chuckled.

  ********

  Megan saw that grin, and her heart skipped a beat. Seeing his face transform, she quickly lost the uneasy feeling she’d had a minute ago. As she started to relax against the couch, she took a soothing breath and almost melted into the warmth and softness.

  “You shouldn’t go barefoot in the house this time of year,” Todd said gently, walking to the fire and adding another log. Then he moved over and handed her the quilt off the back of a chair.

  “I’m sorry.” She looked down at her feet. She hadn’t even realized that she’d taken off her black heels. It must have been a while ago, because her feet were freezing and they felt like they’d been that way for quite some time. Quickly tucking the quilt around her legs, she said, “Thanks,” and tried to smile back at him.

  Iian looked between the two of them and shook his head. “I have to leave now. Good night, Megan,” he said and signed along. She signed the movements for “Good night” back to him.

  He leaned down and gave her a small kiss on the cheek, and she jumped a little at the touch. Megan reminder herself that it was just like what Matt used to do, so she gave it no other thought. However, when she met Todd’s eyes, she could see something else cross his face. When Todd followed his brother out the door without saying a word, she settled back down to watch the flames.

  “Good night, dear,” she heard from behind her, causing her to jump. She had forgotten about the ladies from the kitchen. They shuffled into the room and quickly headed towards the front door. Megan moved to get to her feet.

  “No, don’t get up, we can see ourselves out. You’ve had a tiring day. After you get yourself settled in, we’ll come for a nice long visit,” a younger woman about Megan’s age said.

  Megan thought her name was Laura. She knew the woman was married with several kids who had all been taken home earlier by the woman’s husband. Then there was Sue and Diana. They each had two children and seemed very nice. Megan had enjoyed seeing all the kids earlier. They had brightened her dark mood.

  “You are well stocked with leftovers in the fridge, and we’ve cleaned and cleared everything. Have a restful evening. We do hope you’ll be staying in Pride for good.” Then the trio disappeared down the hallway, heading out the front door.

  After she heard the door click shut, the same questions kept playing over and over in her head. She’d been asked numerous times that evening if she would be living in Pride now. Was she staying in town? Did she know that answer herself? She’d just settled back down and was enjoying the warmth as it spread throughout her body when she heard the floorboard creek behind her.

  She was up in a flash, her body tensed, and all her sore muscles screaming. Todd stood right inside the doorway.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, holding up his hands. “I left my keys, there.” He pointed to them. “On the table.”

  She blushed and, feeling like a fool, let her shoulders relax little by little. She could feel the tension leave her body, leaving behind a tingling trail. Her breath was coming faster than she wanted, so she deliberately took a deep breath and released it slowly through her nose. She found it hard to look at his eyes and chose instead to look at his hands, which were raised, palms up.

  “I’m sorry, I’m a little tired,” she said, never once taking her eyes from his hands. “New place, you know, new house and all.”

  He walked slowly towards her. “Megan, you don’t have to explain anything to me. No one will harm you here,” he said softly. “I’ll lock the door behind me.” He grabbed his keys, turned, and was gone.

  She stood there looking at the empty doorway for a few minutes. Finally, she turned and shut the glass fireplace doors on the now dying fire. Taking the quilt with her, she began the climb to the second floor.

  At the top of the stairs, she noticed there were two smaller bedrooms with a bath in between them. They each had queen beds, dressers, and small night tables. At the end of the hall was the master bedroom, which was as big as the other two rooms put together. It faced the back of the house and had lovely French doors that led to a deck. It was too dark outside to see how big the deck was, but she thought it was fairly large. Leaning her head against the glass doors, she could hear the rain.

  The room itself was very comfortable and had a four-poster, king-size bed in the middle. There was a small writing desk off to one corner and two small night tables. One had a brightly lit alarm clock on it and the other held a plain white lamp. A picture of Megan and Matt sat next to the lamp. She walked over and picked it up.

  She remembered the picture well; it had been taken on her wedding day. Matt had his arm around her waist, and they were both smiling. She remembered feeling on top of the world that day. She could s
ee in his eyes that he’d been proud of her. Matt hadn’t really had a chance to get to know Derek very well. She realized now that Derek had probably kept his distance on purpose.

  She set the picture down and walked over to the door that was next to the fireplace. There was a bathroom with an oversized garden tub and a stand-alone shower. She wouldn’t be able to use the shower for another few weeks due to her cast, so she leaned over the tub and started to fill it with warm water.

  The fireplace was set into the wall opposite the tub, warming both rooms at once. She found some bubble soap in the cupboard by the mirror and poured a little into the tub.

  Leaving the tub to fill, she headed back into the bedroom. She went into the walk-in closet and walked through, touching her brother’s shirts. Seeing one she remembered him wearing all the time, she took it off the hanger, pulled it up to her face, and breathed in her brother’s smell. Her knees went weak, and she sank down to the floor of the closet and cried.

  Chapter Three

  The next day, Megan woke to birds singing. She hadn’t slept straight through a night without fear in years. She felt like jumping out of bed until the memories came flooding back. There was a dull ache where her brother used to be, and a shooting pain running up her back and down her arm. But the sun was coming in through the curtains that covered the windows, and she could hear the birds singing outside.

  Stretching her good arm above her head, she sat up and rolled her shoulders, trying to relax her bruised muscles. She tried to pull her tangled hair into a simple ponytail. She’d been tempted to chop it all off until she could use both arms again, but she supposed she was vain and wanted to keep it long. Walking over to the French doors, she moved the drapes aside and gasped at the view. She fumbled with the door locks then threw open the doors. She took in a deep breath of fresh air; she could smell a hint of lingering rain and grassy meadows.

  “Oh, Matthew, it’s beautiful,” she whispered.

  It was February in Oregon, so the air held a chill, but she could see the sun behind a thin layer of fog, which was quickly disappearing. The fields behind the house were so green it almost hurt her eyes. Stepping out on the deck, she saw that it covered the entire side of the house. There were stairs leading down to the backyard, and she could see birds perched on the huge old tree that shaded the back of the house.

  She loved the sound of them and smiled as they flew from tree branch to tree branch. She thought about getting some birdseed when she went into town for supplies. She could just make out the ocean, which peeked through the thick trees at the edge of the field next to the barn. A brown garage and an even bigger red and white barn stood off to the side of the house. The garage looked like it was in need of a fresh coat of paint. Through the open doors, she could see a black Jeep. The barn looked like it could use some repair as well, but for the most part, both were in fairly good shape.

  Turning back into the room, she glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It couldn’t be eleven o’clock! She was sure it had been around midnight when she’d finally crawled into bed and gone to sleep. She hadn’t slept this much in a long time.

  Walking over to her suitcase, she pulled out an old pair of jeans and put them on. She started to pull out one of her shirts, but changed her mind and instead walked over to the closet and pulled out one of Matt’s favorite shirts. She put it on over her tank top. It was soft and smelled of her brother. She pulled on a pair of her brother’s thick, wool socks, quickly made the bed, and went downstairs.

  When she reached the bottom step, she stopped and listened. The place felt cold and empty, and she realized that she hadn’t lived in a house since her parents’ death. They had always rented apartments, never houses. Then when she had moved out on her own, she’d lived in the college dorms until she’d purchased a small townhouse with Derek.

  This was a house. A very large house. There was even a chandelier in the main entryway, hanging from the top floor over the twisted staircase. The windows on either side of the door let in plenty of sunlight, which made the entryway bright and cheerful.

  Turning to the left, she looked into what she thought was her brother’s study. The blinds were closed in the room, so she reached for a light switch. There was an oak desk that sat in the middle of the room and she noticed that it was clean, with not a piece of paper out of place.

  The floors throughout the entry and office were a light oak. They shined and she could tell that they were well maintained. An ornamental rug covered most of the office floor, making it feel warm and cozy. A dark leather couch sat next to a small fireplace with bookcases on either side of it. All of the shelves were neatly stacked with books. There was a bay window in the opposite wall with a cushioned window seat covered by small pillows. There wasn’t a thing out of place in the room and it reminded her so little of Matt.

  She’d really been in too much of a daze yesterday to have given the house and rooms any thought. Would she stay here? Would she sell the place? At this point, she didn’t even want to think about it.

  Heading back down the hall, she passed a formal dining room with a maple table and twelve chairs; they had been filled with people she hardly knew only last night.

  At the end of the hallway was a wide door. She pushed it open and stepped into the kitchen. It was as tidy as the rest of the house. It looked bright and cheery today with white curtains hanging over the windows that overlooked the backyard. The room was beautiful. There was an oversized white oven that filled one wall, and brass pots hung from hooks over a marble island. Fresh flowers had been placed on the table. Again, the place looked cleaner than she knew Matt had probably ever kept it thanks to the churchwomen who had worked hard last night.

  Back down the hallway was a large sitting room with a couple of comfortable looking chairs and a cozy couch. The back wall was covered with more bookcases and a stone fireplace. Books covered the shelves from ceiling to floor, some sitting in front of others, stacked in disarray. The small standing piano stood against the wall. Her brother had learned to play at a young age and had always tried to teach her. Tried, but never really succeeded.

  Her brother had always loved books, sometimes reading for hours with no breaks. This was the room her brother had spent most of his time in, and she could imagine him sitting in front of the fire with a book. Walking over to the shelves, she picked a book at random and sat down to a quiet house.

  It wasn’t long before she heard a knock at the door, which almost caused her to drop her book. Shaking a little, she started to get up from her comfortable spot when she heard keys rattling and the front door opening.

  “Megan, it’s Lacey,” she heard through the haze of her mind. Still shaking, she quickly took deep calming breaths and called out, “I’m back here.”

  Sitting again, she continued to slow her breathing so that when Lacey appeared in the doorway, the shaking had gone and her breath was under control.

  Lacey was dressed in what Megan assumed was her uniform for work. The fitted black pants were pressed, and she wore a red and white striped shirt that had a nametag on her lapel. She carried a pan covered with tinfoil. Megan’s mouth started to water when the smells reached her. She realized that she was starving.

  “I hope you don’t mind; Matt gave us all keys. I stopped by earlier but didn’t think you were awake yet. I hope you slept well. I wanted to bring over some hot cinnamon rolls, one of my specialties, before I headed out to work. I brought over all the rolls I could sneak away from my brothers.” Lacey smiled as she nodded for Megan to follow her back to the kitchen. “Do you know that Iian can eat a dozen of these in one sitting?” She laughed. “How he can do that and look like he does is a mystery to me.”

  Megan chuckled and followed her into the kitchen. Noticing the book that Megan was carrying, Lacey chimed in, “I know your brother has a vast collection of books, but if you get bored and want to get outside, you might want to take a look at the cabins.”

  “Cabins?” Megan sat down,
placing the book on the table.

  Lacey nodded her head. “There are five of them. Your brother wanted to start renting them out, like a bed-and-breakfast. They sit on the same path that takes you down to the beach.” As Lacey pulled out a plate, she pointed out the kitchen window. “That path there. I know Matt, Iian, and Todd did a lot of work on the cabins, but I don’t think they finished everything. The keys are on the hook right inside that cupboard.” She pointed and then started scooping a very large cinnamon roll onto a plate. “I know you’re still unsure whether you want to stay here, but take a look, take a walk, and maybe it will help you make the decision.”

  Handing Megan the plate, Lacey took a plate for herself and sat down next to her at the table. Lacey had an uncanny way of saying what Megan was feeling. She’d been staying inside, avoiding decisions. Maybe a walk is what she needed. Megan took a bit of the sweet, warm rolls.

  “There should be a law against these.” Megan smiled over at Lacey. “I think I could eat a dozen of them myself. But don’t expect me to stay thin.”

  Lacey smiled. “Why do you think I brought them over here? So I wouldn’t be tempted to eat them all myself.” They both laughed.

  After Lacey left, Megan dug some walking shoes out of her suitcase and grabbed a heavy coat from her brother’s closet. Setting out with the keys in her pocket, she walked down the winding path that Lacey had pointed out.

  Wildflowers and tall grass grew along the path, which was covered with small round pebbles. Even in the cold, the flowers were flourishing. It took her less than five minutes to wind around the trail and come to the clearing that housed the first cabin.

  It was small and had a wooden porch and a bright blue door with the number one on it. Taking her keys out, she used the blue key with that number on it. Matt had always liked bright colors.

  The place smelled of fresh paint and varnish. The empty rooms echoed with each footstep she took. It was very clean and fresh looking, and she could see the potential that it held. The walls were painted a warm honey color that accentuated the oak of the floors and the trim. The windows were huge and gleamed in the sunlight.