Finding Pride

by Jill Sanders

  “I thought that too, but things just happened and…I’m not sorry. I love her. Actually, I think I’ve loved her for a long time. I know that sounds funny, but there you have it.” He shrugged.

  “You’re serious?” Lacey stopped and thought a minute, while they sat on the steps. “How does she feel?”

  “I’m not sure. Lacey, I know things are moving fast, but I’m tired of waiting. I know she’s the one; I knew the first time I saw her.” He looked into his sister’s eyes and saw the understanding.

  “Here’s some advice. You may know it, but Megan needs time to understand it. Think of what she’s coming from. Give her time to adjust.” Lacey stood and gave him a quick kiss and hug.

  Chapter Twelve

  The next day was a busy one. The men had started installing the appliances before sunrise. Megan had them install all the appliances before they got started on the hot tub. There was problem after problem. First, the electricity for the honeymoon cabin had been wired wrong for the microwave. Then, when the electrician was wiring up for the hot tub, the breaker in the main house flipped, delaying the installation for the hot tub for an hour while he made another run to town to get a forty-amp breaker instead of a thirty.

  By the time Megan headed up to get ready to go to Todd’s, she had a full-blown headache.

  But all the appliances were now installed, and they looked really good. The workers had filled up the hot tub and set the temperature to a toasty one hundred degrees. By tomorrow night, she’d be relaxing in it.

  Matt had picked out oversized garden tubs, new toilets, and sinks for the cabin bathrooms, as well as stainless steel kitchen sinks and refrigerators. Things were definitely coming together.

  She could have the furniture delivered early next week after she finished staining and sealing the floors, which she planned on doing after her cast was removed. She’d called the doctor and set an appointment to have it removed first thing in the morning.

  But what had really capped the day off was the call from her lawyer about Derek. He said they were transferring him to a minimum-security facility at the end of the next month to await his trial, which had been moved back for the third time. Now it was set to take place in just under two months. He assured her this was a standard procedure and the trial would go smoothly.

  She’d lived almost a year without Derek in her life full time, yet somehow she felt she’d never really be rid of his influence.

  She had lain awake last night remembering the time spent with Todd and how different this was from any other relationship she’d ever had. She knew things couldn’t get serious between them; she wasn’t ready for that. But she would take what time she could with him and enjoy it.

  Now she drove down the road to his house, looking forward to seeing him again. The road turned and then came into a clearing, where she stopped her car. Ahead of her was the house, though “manor” more accurately described it.

  It was a huge stone two-story house with about twenty windows on the front. Lights came from about half of the lower windows. She’d been over here twice before, but the house looked bigger each time. The circular driveway went right up to the front door. Todd’s and Lacey’s cars sat out front. Megan pulled up beside them and parked.

  When she got out of the Jeep, Bernard, Lacey’s yellow lab, walked over and sniffed her feet. She’d seen him around several times before. He liked to hang out down by the beach or over by the pond. Megan bent and scratched him between the ears.

  “What a fierce guard dog you are, Bernard,” she whispered to him. He looked up at her and licked her hand, and she could have sworn he smiled back at her.

  When she rang the doorbell, Bernard let out a loud bark, causing Megan to jump, and then he promptly sat at her feet.

  Later that evening, everyone gathered on the patio out back. While Iian and Todd playfully argued over how to cook the steaks, Lacey chatted with her as they drank iced tea, and Bernard lay at her feet. The steaks, cooked to perfection, were served with grilled vegetables and grilled garlic bread.

  After dinner, everyone sat around the fire in the living room, laughing and telling tales. Megan had never felt so much a part of something in her entire life. While they were chatting about food ideas for the bed-and-breakfast, the phone rang, and Lacey sprang up to answered it.

  “Todd, it’s that detective friend of yours from New York,” Lacey called from the kitchen. Todd glanced at Megan with a guilty look and then went in to take the call.

  The room was silent as he talked in the other room. She couldn’t overhear anything, but she could feel the tension in the room.

  Abruptly, she stood. “I’d better be going. It’s been a long day.”

  Lacey walked her to the door. “I’m sure Todd will be off the phone in a minute.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll just…” Whatever she wanted to say died away as Todd came out of the kitchen. When he saw she had her hand on the doorknob, her coat in hand, he walked over to her.

  “Are you leaving?” he asked, helping her with her coat.

  “Yes,” Megan said, pulling away from his touch.

  He looked between Lacey and Megan, then gently took her arm and walked her outside. “What’s this all about?” he asked when they were a safe distance from the house.

  “Why do you need a detective in New York?” Megan asked in a harsh tone. All of a sudden, she felt chilled. Her light jacket seemed to let all the warmth from her body escape.

  “He was checking up on a few loose ends,” Todd said, trying to reach for her again. Megan jerked away so fast she almost stumbled.

  “Does it have anything to do with me?” she bit out.

  “Yes,” was all he said.

  “Good night.” She stalked to her car.

  She would have made it, but Todd was too fast. He grabbed her by the shoulders and spun her around. “What is this all about? I hired someone to check up on your ex-husband. Not you.”

  “You’re hurting me,” Megan whispered and looked down at his hands, which were flexing on her shoulders. She didn’t mean physically but didn’t want to explain her emotional pain just then. “How could you?” she asked quietly.

  Todd released her shoulders and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I wanted to make sure he was put away.”

  “I don’t need a protector, Todd. I can look out for myself. I don’t need someone to check up on me. God!” she said, throwing up her hand. “This is why I never told Matt anything. I’m not looking for a knight to come charging in and make everything bad disappear.” Megan began rubbing her hands together.

  “I won’t apologize for wanting to make sure you’re safe, Megan,” Todd said in a low voice.

  “I can take care of myself, Todd,” she said again, but it came out as a whisper.

  “Yes, I can see that. You’ve done a smashing job so far.” The sarcasm rolled off him, hitting her full force.

  Megan took a breath to recover the blow.

  “I don’t like people going behind my back. I don’t need someone else running my life,” she said and got into her car.

  ********

  Todd let her go. He knew he’d overstepped his bounds, but he was only trying to protect her. Couldn’t she see that? She was small and he hadn’t meant to hurt her. He’d instantly regretted his words but felt they needed to be said. After all, if someone had been there to help her before, he was sure she wouldn’t have had to go through so much pain.

  He was in a sour mood now and knew it would be a long time before he could settle down, so he stalked to the barn to see Chester.

  ********

  As Megan drove home, her temper didn’t improve. She kept running what he’d said over and over in her mind. Why did people always treat her like she was some helpless child? When her coworkers had learned she was having marital problems, they’d all treated her like she was some ignorant child who couldn’t tie her own shoes. She kept her life private; that was the way she liked it. If someone wante
d to know something about her, all they had to do was ask. That way, she could give them the answer she wanted them to hear.

  Why did Todd want to control her like this? She wanted to start a new life, and that meant not being controlled by anyone. By the time she got home and slammed the front door, she’d talked herself into a terrible frenzy. She paced around the house, mumbling to herself.

  An hour later, she still couldn’t quite settle down. She sat at her desk to work on some paperwork she’d been putting off, but she couldn’t focus. Her mind kept replaying little things Derek had done, like checking up on her every move or calling her while she was driving and staying on the phone until he knew she was in her office, just to make sure she didn’t stop anywhere for a quick affair. Sometimes he would call her office and demand to speak to her, accusing her of having an in-office affair if she was unavailable to talk.

  She was so preoccupied by running through the memories that by the time she looked up from the computer, it was four o’clock in the morning. Her eyes were dry and scratchy and her neck hurt. Leaving the computer running, she walked upstairs, collapsed into bed with her clothes on, and fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow.

  When she woke, it was to pounding. She blinked and sat up, then realized it was someone at the front door.

  After stumbling out of bed, she headed down the stairs. When she reached the bottom, she heard Todd calling her name over and over. She opened the door just as he was going to pound again.

  He barged in and, looking around, demanded, “Are you all right? Are you hurt? What’s happened?”

  “What?” She ran a hand through her hair, trying to get her bearings. “What are you talking about?”

  Todd took a step back. “I’ve been knocking on your door for about five minutes. I was about to run home and get my set of keys or break down the door.”

  She knew her hair was a mess and her eyes probably had purple lines under them. She’d even slept in the clothes she’d worn last night.

  “What are you doing here, Todd?” She leaned against the door.

  “Your doctor’s appointment. You do want to get that cast removed today, right?”

  “Oh, yes.” She perked up a little. “Let me go freshen up.” She quickly disappeared upstairs.

  When Megan came back down five minutes later, she had on a clean pair of slacks and a blue blouse, and her hair hung in a long, straight ponytail. She was looking forward to being able to do more with it once her cast was removed.

  When she walked into her office, she stopped short. When she’d left her office last night, papers had been piled all over the desk and the computer screen had still been on. Now, however, Todd sat behind the desk looking over the paperwork. He had all the bills in a neat stack and the desk was clean of clutter. All the hurt and anger from the night before surfaced again.

  A memory flashed in her mind of Derek sitting behind a desk, handing her twenty dollars for gas and lunch. He’d never allowed her access to any of her money.

  “What are you doing?” she asked, walking into the room while trying to control the shaking in her hands.

  Todd looked up. When he started to speak, Megan picked up the stack of papers.

  “Don’t,” she said, and then tossed them in the air, letting them float down all over the desk and floor.

  Todd’s mouth dropped open, and he blinked at her. “I can drive myself to the damn doctor,” she said and walked out.

  ********

  Todd sat behind the desk for another thirty seconds before his mind went into action. He caught her at the front door. Placing his hand on the door over her shoulder, he kept her from storming out.

  “Megan, I’m sorry,” he said to her back. “I shouldn’t have interfered. I’m used to coming and going, and well…there’s no excuse for my rudeness.” He reached down and lightly took her hand, turning her around. “Please, let’s not fight.” He ran a finger down her cheek. “I only wanted to help.”

  “I’m used to everyone treating me like a child. I can do my own finances and clean up after myself. I can take care of myself. I don’t want to be controlled or treated that way again. Can you understand?” she said, pulling her hand away.

  “It won’t happen again. Trust me, I know you’re not a child.” He smiled down at her.

  “I—I need some time. I thought I was ready for this. But I don’t know what I want now.” She looked back up at him. “Can you give me some time to sort things out?”

  He hesitated. “Are you sorry, then?”

  “No!” she said a little too urgently. “I think I just need some time…” She drifted off.

  “Time?” Todd saw something other than fear in her eyes. He knew he was rushing things with her, but he wanted her in his life for good. But he didn’t want to scare her off. If he truly wanted her in his life, then he could be patient. “Sure, come on, let’s get this cast off. We’re running a little late, and Dr. Stevens is a stickler about punctuality.”

  She nodded. He helped her into her jacket, and they set off.

  ********

  It was a cool spring morning, and she could smell moisture in the air. She’d learned it meant it would be a wet evening. Her arm hurt whenever it rained, as did all the other bones that had been broken. She thought about taking some Tylenol when she got home.

  She really did enjoy the feel of a small town. She’d always lived in the city, and this was completely different from anything she’d experienced before.

  Every time she went to town, she met new people, talking for hours at a time. Getting to know the history of the town and the people was nice. As they drove down the two-lane street that went straight into the center of town, almost everyone stopped and waved.

  Several of the church ladies gathered outside the market. Megan waved, and they all stopped talking and waved back. When they drove by, she could see their heads coming together in fast gossip.

  Megan looked over at Todd and realized it would be all over town that they were going somewhere together. She was sure that when they got out of the car at the other end of the block, she could hear their names on the wind, and she glanced back over towards the bunch. The women’s heads quickly turned away, back to a huddle.

  “Don’t mind them.” He took her arm and led her up the stairs. “Small towns have big mouths.”

  Dr. Stevens was a short, thin man who looked at least a hundred and three. When Megan first came into his office, she expected a secretary or at least a waiting room. Instead, they entered into a hallway and immediately to the right was a small office. Todd knocked on the open door and walked right in.

  “Todd, my boy, come in, come in. This must be Megan,” he said, standing up and holding out his left hand for a quick shake. He had thick gray hair and thin-rimmed glasses that slipped off his straight nose. “Well, come on back, my dear. Todd, you can wait here.” He pointed to an old blue couch. Todd smiled and gladly sat down.

  Dr. Stevens showed her down the hall to the first dressing room. “You have a seat in here.” He patted the table. She hopped up on it, letting her legs swing. She felt like a small child all over again. She’d had plenty of trips to the doctor after her parents’ death, and plenty of hospital visits due to Derek. Doctors and hospitals always made her nervous. She didn’t like explaining things, and doctors and nurses tended to ask a lot of questions.

  “I hear we’re taking this thing off today,” he said, looking at the cast. “Shouldn’t be too bad. Anything else? How are you physically? When was your last exam?” he asked, pulling out a chart and sitting at the small table.

  “Oh, well. I had a complete physical before I left Boston. I’m feeling fine, just the cast.”

  He wrote a few things down in the folder. “Because you can’t fill out these forms here, I’ll do it for you. Will you be living here, then?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder.

  “Um, yes,” she said, softly.

  “Good, good. Who was your doctor in Boston?”
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  Megan listed off the doctor who had last examined her, handed over her insurance card, and finished answering basic questions. She noted that not once did the old man ask how she had broken her arm or any other personal questions. She liked him for that.

  ********

  Todd sat in Dr. Steven’s office and looked around. The site was very familiar, as was the smell. It had been a while since he’d needed to sit here.

  He remembered waiting for Sara during one of her many exams and thinking their kids would grow up being treated in this same office. Dr. Stevens would still be behind his desk.

  As the sadness grew, a faint hope came into view. Megan walked in the door holding her right arm, which was bare, cleaned, and looking smaller and paler than the other one. She had a smile on her face and a sucker in her mouth.

  “I always wanted a doctor who gave out suckers. You don’t get that in the city,” she said, twirling the sucker and smiling at Dr. Stevens, who walked in and sat back at his desk.

  “I know you had an exam in Boston, but when your paperwork gets here, I’d like to see you again,” he said, writing something down in her file. “Now take it easy, no heavy lifting with that arm. You might want to take some aspirin when you get home for any pain. I’ll give you a call when your files come in. Still using Matt’s number?” When Megan nodded, he continued. “Good, we’ll see you then.”

  Then he looked over at Todd. “Todd, my boy, I was going through my files, and it appears you need to renew your tetanus shot. Would you like to take care of that today?”

  The color drained from his face at the thought of getting a shot. “Um,” he started to say.

  Before he could answer, Dr. Stevens said, “Good. Come on back.” Then he disappeared through the door again.

  “Like I said, good doctor,” Todd mumbled, walking out the door with his head held low and Megan laughing at his back.

  ********

  Spring was finally in full swing, and the next days were relatively busy. Every time she turned around, it seemed there was someone stopping by.